


Something so Wrong that Feels so Right

by a1_kitkat



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Aftermath, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amusement Parks, Anal Sex, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blackmail, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Butt Plugs, Canonical Character Death, Coffee, Crossdressing, Daddy Kink, Dating, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Dubious Consent, Feels, Forehead Kisses, Gentle Kissing, Hand Jobs, Holidays, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Infidelity, M/M, Original Character(s), POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Pancakes, Past Child Abuse, Phone Sex, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romantic Getaway, Sex Toys, Sex Worker Alex Manes, Sexual Assault, Spanking, Stalking, Stripper Alex Manes, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Stripping, Tenderness, Topping from the Bottom, Vibrators, sleazy landlord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:48:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 73
Words: 135,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25500097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: The summer after graduation, Alex Manes left Roswell without a trace; the last person he expected to find him, working at a seedy gay strip club, was Jim Valenti. A line crossed, they embark on an illicit affair as they fall helplessly in love... They know it's wrong; Alex, a teenager, and Jim, a married man but their feelings and attraction can't be ignored.They know it won't last, that the consequences of being caught would ruin many lives but their relationship only becomes more and more complicated until it's too late to stop, too late to not get hurt.(AKA: Stripper!Alex AU)
Relationships: Alex Manes/Jim Valenti, Alex Manes/Original Male Character(s), Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 277
Kudos: 29
Collections: Alex Manes & Jim Valenti





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know WHERE to begin with the tags and the warnings and the READ AT YOUR OWN RISK on this fic...
> 
> I'm going to do my absolute best to WARN all appropriate TRIGGERS for this. There will be warnings at the beginning of each POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING chapter and at the end of the previous chapter. I did my best not to be overly graphic but I understand that sometimes less can be more and by being vague it can still be potentially triggering.
> 
> The following subjects/themes/content will be addressed in this fic:  
> * Infidelity (the entire plot is based upon a married man having an affair with an eighteen-year old)  
> * Mentions of Past Child Abuse (Canon)  
> * Sexual Assault  
> * Dubious Consent  
> * Age-Difference (10+ Age gap between consenting sexual partners)  
> * Daddykink  
> * Spanking  
> * Attempted Sexual Assault  
> ***************************************************************************
> 
> The plot of this fic revolves around an eighteen-year-old Alex working as a stripper in a club then entering into a sexual relationship with married forty-year-old Jim Valenti. If this is not something you're okay with, please don't read!  
> *  
> There are several instances of consensual spanking and daddy talk/kink. These are mild-ish for the most part although there is one entire dedicated to a graphic sexual encounter. This chapter will have a warning at the beginning to ensure those who don't want to read, can skip over it and enjoy the rest of the story However there will be little snippets throughout where 'daddy' is said, these may not all be individually tagged at the beginning of each chapter but just be forewarned it's there.  
> *  
> One instance of dub-con which is rather graphic will also be tagged/warned in the notes of the chapter.  
> *  
> This fic also relies on alternating character POV's. Chapter one is from Jim's POV, Chapter two is Alex's. The fic continues in this manner with the exception of *one* chapter that is neither and the epilogue which is from another character entirely.  
> *  
> Also, there's use of several Spanish terms of endearment, I got these from google so if any feel off then I apologize.  
> *  
> Extra Note - an FYI - For my headcanon Visual Reference of Jim Valenti, I have selected 42-year-old Jay Hernandez (he can totes pass for Kyle’s dad, right?)  
> ***************************************************************************

Roswell had always been a place shrouded in mystery and conspiracy theories; when the class of 2008 graduated, there was a lingering sadness in the wake of the recent tragedy in town. Jim Valenti had grown up knowing of the weird and dangerous history of the town so when Alex Manes disappeared without a trace, he was worried.

He’d approached Jesse to ask the whereabouts of his youngest son but his once close friend had brushed off his concerns for Alex, stating it was none of his business what had happened to him. That wasn’t good enough for Jim, he’d made a promise to Alex’s mother to watch over him and he wasn’t about to break that promise.

Jim tried to use his contacts to find him but at barely eighteen years old, Alex didn’t exactly leave a paper trail. None of his former classmates had heard from him or known where he’d gone. He’d even reached out to Alex’s brothers, but was given the same almost rehearsed response Jesse had given him.

The last few times he’d seen Alex, he’d been in the back of Michael Guerin’s pickup truck, making out with the alien boy but even Michael had gone off the rails and Jim had begun to wonder if Alex had gotten too close to the truth and hence been “taken care of”.

Losing Rosa had him on high alert especially given that two other girls were murdered alongside her. Jim couldn’t bear the idea of Alex suffering the same fate as them.

Four months passed but he refused to give up; he needed to know Alex was okay.

He’d known for years of Jesse’s violent streak and a part of him secretly feared he’d done something terrible to his own child. Between Jesse Manes and the aliens, Alex _may_ have been in a lot more danger than Jim had realised.

Two days before his birthday, Jim received a letter at the station. There was no return address but it was postmarked to a town a few hours away in Texas. He’d taken the letter into his office and closed the door. Jim didn’t know anyone in that part of Texas so his heart was racing as he tore the envelope open and a card fell onto the desk.

Frowning to himself, he picked it up and smiled at the picture on the front. He opened the card and immediately recognised the handwriting.

He immediately felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest; _Alex was okay_. The short yet sweet note was almost enough to put his mind completely at ease while his finger carefully traced the words at the bottom. 

_'Love, Alex.'_

Jim held the card, like it was Alex himself, to his chest and sighed with relief before he carefully slid it back into the envelope then tucked it away in the drawer. He was happy and content knowing that Alex was alive and well and had even remembered _his_ birthday.

Time passed but every so often he’d pull the card from his desk and just look at it. Whenever Kyle called or texted, Jim wondered what Alex was up to; he’d become very protective of the boy and hated to think he was struggling on his own but fate intervened; a work emergency that required someone to travel to Texas, and Jim was quick to volunteer. His wife, Michelle, offered to accompany him but he wanted to go alone.

He may have failed Rosa as a parent but he could still help Alex if he needed it.

So, he hopped in his car and headed for Lubbock in Texas. The job only took two days but he didn’t head straight home, instead he took the main road up to Amarillo.

Jim was half an hour from town when he started to have doubts. Amarillo had a population of almost two hundred thousand people; it wasn’t like he’d actually be able to find one person in thousands but he continued on anyway. He couldn’t shake the image of Alex, alone and trembling on a street corner. He didn’t want to envision a homeless Alex Manes because it made his stomach churn but he drove the streets anyway, looking for him.

He _knew_ it was crazy. Alex wasn’t a child anymore, he was a bright, brave, mature, capable young man. He wasn’t the boy Jim had cared for after a particularly harsh beating from Jesse.

In a perfect world, Alex would be in college, building a life for himself and a future far away from Jesse Manes.

Jim pulled the car over, considered his options now. It was getting late, too late to drive back to Roswell but he’d texted Michelle that he’d had to stay another night anyway. He was several hours from home, from anyone who knew him. He could do whatever he wanted; Jim wasn’t used to that kind of freedom.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. His hand was shaking as he dared to send a single text to a former old co-worker.

‘I’m in Texas,’ was all Jim typed. He waited, waited, waited until a single reply came through.

‘Finally. You need the address?’

His heart was racing as he considered this. A part of him knew it was wrong, could possibly cost him his job if he got caught… Would definitely ruin his already fragile marriage… but when would he ever get the opportunity to do this again? 

‘Yes,’ he finally texted back.

Jim shoved his phone back into his pocket then went looking for a hotel. He ignored the vibration of a text coming through as he focused on doing the sensible thing instead but once he’d found reasonable lodgings for the night and was sat on the bed, staring at the floor, he pulled his phone out and read the message.

GPS coordinates that were within walking distance of his hotel. Jim took that as a sign that he was meant to go. Dressing in what he hoped was inconspicuous clothing, he headed out and followed the directions until he found himself in an alley between two derelict buildings. A single bouncer was leaning against a door.

He stopped in his tracks as the bouncer eyed him.

“Age?” He asked Jim.

“What?” He choked nervously.

The beefy guy looked him over, stated there was an age _minimum_ to get inside. He blanked.

“You think _I_ look under forty?” Jim coughed.

The beefy bouncer laughed and Jim reached for his ID. The bouncer eyed it then knocked on the door. It opened and Jim nervously stepped inside. The door closed behind him and another bouncer was waiting to greet him. He barked there was a fee so Jim handed the money over to him before being led down a narrow staircase.

Jim Valenti had always been a small-town man with small town values. He’d never been to a strip club before and a part of him was already regretting his decision to come to one now. He’d already paid an exorbitant amount to get inside so he wasn’t about to run away but maybe, just maybe, this had been a mistake.

One drink was all he needed then he’d leave.

He moved to the bar, trying not to look at the scantily dressed young man on the stage, ordered a lemonade then moved back towards a darkened corner. Here he stumbled upon a man older than himself with a young man who didn’t appear old enough to even be in this club.

This was _wrong_. He knew he shouldn’t be here and that he _needed_ to leave. Jim looked down at his barely touched drink then slowly started to head towards the door.

He was almost there when the music changed and every patron in the club turned their attention to the main stage. Another young man had taken to the stage and he’d already captivated _everyone_ in the room. Jim peered up the young man and his breath immediately caught in his throat, his heart stopped, he couldn't even _think_.

Standing before the crowd in tight leather pants and an open vest was Alex Manes.


	2. Chapter 2

The light shone brightly through the dirty window and Alex groaned loudly to himself as he pulled the pillow over his head. He really needed to buy some curtains but they were an unnecessary expense and he couldn’t afford to throw his money away. His current job paid well enough but he didn’t want to stay here forever. Right now, it was a means to an end, he needed the money so he could get the heck outta dodge.

His alarm began to ring loudly next to his ear so he turned it off and reluctantly pulled himself out of bed and into the shower. There was no hot water, as usual, but he didn’t want to get into yet another argument with his sleazy landlord. Cold water was better than no water.

Alex showered very quickly before he had a chance to freeze his arse off then he ate a fistful of dry cereal for breakfast. He needed supplies so he was going to have to go out soon.

He sank back down on the bed instead and picked up his guitar. Holding the neck in one hand, Alex gently ran his fingers along the base. The guitar was one of the only personal belongings he’d brought with him and had been the last thing he’d been forced to sell to make ends meet. After finally securing a paying job, the first thing he’d done was buy the guitar back and he cherished having it in his arms again every day. Alex took a moment to check it was still in tune before strumming for a few minutes. When times were tough, when his father was in a particularly bad or violent mood, Alex had always had his music to escape his life. He didn’t ever want to lose that again.

Alex softly hummed to himself as he strummed the familiar notes. Tears began to form in his eyes but he blinked them back; this was his temporary life right now. His studio apartment was tiny and filthy but it was _his_. He was free to come and go as he pleased, and didn't have to answer to anyone or fear his father coming into his room in the middle of night to beat the living daylights out of him. As long as he showed up to work on time and performed his job to the best of his ability, the rest of his time was his and he didn’t like to waste any of it.

He finally relented, grabbed a thin jacket and headed out. Caught the bus to the supermarket to purchase the bare minimum essentials plus some more nail polish and eyeliner. He headed back to his studio, sneaking up the fire escape to avoid his landlord and in through the unlocked window. Alex put the meagre purchases away then took a nap to rest up for the evening.

Following the familiar routine, he showered again, still no hot water, then tidied up his nail polish. He headed off to work, never taking the same route two days in a row, and slipped in the employee entrance. One of the few perks of working here and evenings meant dinner was included so Alex always took advantage but was careful not to eat too much. In this line of work, he needed to maintain a certain physique.

Backstage, he sat down at his station and began to apply his makeup. Sitting at the station next to his was another performer, Tyrone, who was cooing over a large vase of flowers and clutching a note in his hands.

“Another secret admirer, Ty?” Alex asked him with a smile.

“Just my sugar daddy,” Ty replied as he held up a box of chocolates, offering one to Alex.

“Oh? The one with the limp or the one with the lazy eye?”

“Ha, ha!”

“You know I’m just teasing you.”

“And you know I only have _one_.”

“Is he taking you out after work?”

“No, he can’t make it tonight.”

“Hence the gifts?”

“So, when are you going to yourself one?”

“One?”

“ _A sugar daddy,_ Alex!”

Alex simply chuckled as he reached for another chocolate.

“I’m just here for the cash, Ty,” Alex stated. “I don’t need some handsy old guy feeling me up outside of work hours… besides, my landlord would do that for free.”

“Sometimes it’s nice to have someone waiting in your bed when you get off…”

“Ty,” Alex sighed. “I had someone, once, but it didn’t work out…” he took another chocolate. “I’m fine on my own…”

“So, you’re an ageist?”

“What?”

“You discriminate against older men.”

“Would I work _here_ if that was the case?” 

“Alex, turn on the charm and shake that sexy ass of yours,” Tyrone said to him. “And men will throw more money at you than you’ll know what to do with.”

Alex was reaching for another chocolate but he paused and retracted his hand. He didn’t want to ‘pimp himself out’ like that but perhaps it would be a good way to sock aside even more money. The more he could save, the longer he could stay afloat elsewhere. He still wasn’t sure where he planned to go, he just knew he would never go back to Roswell.

He sought his stage costume and changed into it while Tyrone continued to fawn over his flowers. Another of their fellow performers joined them backstage, pulling dollar bills from his underwear as he sank down in a vacant seat.

“We’ve got a horny crowd tonight, boys,” Scotty said to them while counting the cash in his hand. “There’s a retirement party or something and they’re just throwing cash around.”

“There ya go, Alex!” Ty joked. “A _retirement party_! Find a guy who’s about to croak; maybe you can show him a _real_ good time before he-”

“Ty!” Alex gasped. “I’m _not_ going to chase a guy with one foot already in the grave.”

“Age adds experience,” Scotty added.

“Stop it!” Alex said, chuckling to himself. “You two are as bad as each other!”

He climbed to his feet, reached for his vest and pulled it on. Leaving it open to reveal his naked chest, he reached up and squeezed his nipples as he headed towards the stage door. The lights went down and he stepped out.

The spotlight came on above him and Alex stepped up to the pole. All eyes were on him as he sexily sashayed around the stage. The older men in the crowds were cheering for him. Their cries grew louder and more enthusiastic as he moved his body in time with the music. The song lasted little more than three minutes but for those three minutes he was the centre of attention and he’d never felt such confidence, had never felt so sexy or desirable. 

It was a strange sensation but one he was quickly learning he couldn’t live without. When he was on that stage, he never wanted to leave it but once he stepped off and back to the harsh reality, all he wanted to do was run and hide.

Backstage, he was still the nervous teen whose father’s voice haunted him… telling him he was an embarrassment and should be ashamed of himself… But on that stage, in front of that crowd, men cheered for him and worshipped him, threw money at him while lusting after him…. _And he loved it_.

What the heck was wrong with him? 


	3. Chapter 3

Jim stayed, watching, transfixed by Alex’s performance; the way he moved around the stage, under the spotlight, to the cheers of leering men. He immediately felt jealous and had to check himself. No, it wasn’t _jealousy_ he told himself it couldn’t be. He was merely being protective of the boy he’d watched grow into the man he now saw on that stage.

He stood perfectly still, watching every gesture, every wink, every wriggle of his hips… hips that were clad in very tight leather pants. They left nothing to the imagination and his breath caught in his throat; Alex Manes was all grown up and he was the most beautiful thing Jim had ever seen.

The song came to an end and Alex disappeared from the stage. The crowd immediately began to boo and hiss while others cried for an encore but Jim had to leave, had to get away as quickly as he could but damn if he wasn’t thirsty now. He downed his drink in a few mouthfuls then placed his empty glass on a nearby table and hurried to the exit, up the stairs and out into the open air of the dank alley.

Jim stumbled along the alley and onto the street, welcoming the night air and taking slow deep breaths. He focused on placing one foot in front of the other, making his way back to his hotel. His mind and his thoughts were back in the club with Alex. He’d heard stories of that club; the entertainment was barely legal and patrons had to be of a certain age to enjoy said entertainment. He _trusted_ Alex was safe enough and well taken care of but he didn’t trust the men who were even older than him leering at the younger man.

He shoved through the door of his hotel room and collapsed upon the bed in a confused heap. When he closed his eyes, all he could see was Alex sexily dancing to the music and he could feel his body reacting in all the wrong ways. Jim hated himself for even _thinking_ about Alex in that way but damn he’d truly taken Jim’s breath away.

He climbed to his feet and threw himself under a cold shower to ease the inappropriate thoughts and the effects on his body. He lay awake in bed, watching as the sun came shining through the faded curtains, trying not to think about Alex despite his thoughts all night being about him. Jim was so very curious as to how Alex had ended up here, working somewhere like that. He knew it should be enough to just know Alex was safe and okay.

Jim could return to Roswell and not have to worry about Alex ever again.

*

It had been a good idea, in theory, but not practically. Now that Jim had had a glimpse of the life Alex was living; he still worried about him, thought about him, dreamed about him. He knew it was _wrong_ ; this was _Alex_ he was dreaming about but no matter how much he tried not to think about him, how hard he tried to show love and affection to his own wife, his mind always strayed back to Alex in the vest and leather pants.

He agonised over what to do for weeks. Jim even considered therapy but feared telling another soul that he was secretly lusting after a teenage boy. No, a _younger man_. Alex was eighteen, nearly nineteen so almost a twenty-year-old, right?

He thought about accidentally on purpose letting Michael Guerin know. As messed up as the boy was, surely, _he_ wouldn’t approve of Alex degrading himself in such a way. Michael would swoop in and bring Alex back to town… back to Roswell, back to aliens and murder and cover-ups. No, Alex was safer in Texas.

He even considered telling Jesse Manes that his youngest son was working as a stripper but he feared even worse consequences for that. Jesse was a dangerous man and Jim wouldn’t put it past him to orchestrate an accident so Alex’s activities wouldn’t bring shame to the Manes family.

Fortune smiled upon Jim again with another overnight assignment in Texas. He did hesitate this time because he knew if he was that close again then he’d be tempted to go back. The call came directly from the Lubbock Sheriff’s office, requesting Jim personally and he knew he had to go. But the entire time he was there, all he could think about was Alex and how he was barely two hours away from his current location. So once again, his assignment over, Jim headed for Amarillo instead of Roswell. Back to the same hotel then trudged the same path to the same seedy bouncer.

Jim was slightly more confident this time and handed the entry fee over without hesitation. He walked confidently down the dimly lit stairs and straight to the bar where he ordered a drink. It wasn’t until he was sitting in a dark corner with an unobstructed view of the stage that he started to rationalise everything. Alex might not even work here anymore or maybe not be working tonight. Jim could stay here for hours and maybe not even see Alex.

A shot of longing cut right through him.

He looked down at the beer on the table and froze. ‘Oh God’ he knew he shouldn’t be drinking; shouldn’t even be here yet here he was. Jim pushed the untouched glass aside. He wasn't going to drink it. Half the men in here weren’t drinking but they _were_ trying to stuff dollar bills into the waistbands of other young men’s underwear. He kept his eyes alert for any sign of Alex but he definitely wasn’t a member of the wait staff, probably because he wasn’t old enough to be serving alcohol.

A young man sauntered up to Jim’s table and playfully cocked his brow at the untouched beer. He didn’t feel like he was being judged so he told the truth, that he was an alcoholic who just ordered it to pretend he fitted in here. To his surprise the younger man chuckled and slid an arm around his shoulder. He leaned close to Jim; his breath hot against his ear as he whispered to him.

‘It’s okay, daddy, I’ll take care of you.’

The young man then placed a playful kiss to Jim’s forehead before skipping away. The kid actually _skipped_ his way across the club. Jim was absolutely dumbfounded but the boy returned a moment later and handed him a glass of orange juice. Jim thanked him then passed him a five-dollar bill.

He watched as the boy picked up his beer and disappeared with it. The part of him that was a cop wanted to chase after the young man since he was absolutely certain the boy was underage. He knew Alex wasn’t old enough to be in a bar but some of these boys didn’t even look old enough to consent to things that were rumoured to go on in places like this.

The lights dimmed and a hush fell over the crowd before a younger man in ass-less chaps took to the stage. The men began to whistle and cheer but the longer Jim watched him flaunt about, he couldn’t help thinking of how he’d ended up here. Did his parents know he was doing this? Had all of these young men suffered the way Alex had? Did they all have abusive fathers? Were they kicked out of their homes, disowned by their families just for being gay? Were all of these young men even gay? Queer? Perhaps it was just a means to an end... The crowd were very generous tippers. 

He heard a low moan at the table beside his and turned his head away from the stage to see the young man who’d brought him the juice sitting in the gentleman’s lap. The club was dark but he could see enough from the way the boy moaned and the movement of the man’s hand between the young man’s legs. 

While the boy in the chaps danced on stage, the young wait staff were being felt up. He hoped no one in this seedy place had dared to touch Alex in such a way. If he learned any of them _had,_ he’d arrest them on the spot.

But the young man slid off the man’s lap and Jim watched as he stuffed a wad of notes into his pocket. He was appalled but also disgusted at himself for even being here. The longer he stayed, the more he hoped Alex was long gone. The mere thought of never seeing him again was painful but it was better than envisioning Alex being molested for profit.

The lights grew slightly brighter but as time passed, he saw more and more men older than himself making lewd remarks at men who looked younger than Alex. They all took it in their stride. One boy even dared to show his naked buttocks after telling another patron to ‘kiss my ass’. Jim was shocked when the man actually did it.

The ones who approached him were polite, friendly, and _young_. He felt like a dirty old man. He’d been in the club for almost an hour and felt like he needed a shower to wash away the seedy things he’d seen. The place hadn’t been this bad last time, had it? He didn’t think so. He never would’ve left Alex here if it had been but then it wasn’t like he’d have been able to kidnap him or anything.

He pushed the empty glass aside, picked up his hat and got to his feet. Jim started towards the door and, just like last time, the spotlight came up and Alex appeared on the stage. A vision of true beauty in the shortest shorts Jim had ever seen and in his hand was a microphone. The second Alex’s beautiful voice began to serenade him, Jim was a goner.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex preferred the early shift or even the daytime hours but the crowds and the tips were better during the later hours. For clientele of a certain age, they still had stamina to wolf whistle and cheer well into the early hours of the morning. The club itself, while questionable in nature, gave off very seedy vibes but Alex had never once felt unsafe working there. The patrons were generally harmless, mostly because they knew the places very existence and them being there was enough to land them in serious trouble.

It wasn’t an ideal place to work but Alex needed the money and the tips alone were worth it. Yes, it was essentially a strip club but the most Alex had _had_ to strip down to was his underwear. Between the hours of midnight and 2-am, he could choose to bare more but hadn’t yet. For a seedy place, the people in charge were quite reasonable or so he was led to believe. There was a rotation among the young entertainers so Alex never knew who he’d be scheduled to work with on any given night but some of his fellow performers were much more promiscuous and unabashed than Alex. As long as one of _them_ was willing to take more off, Alex was fine with it.

He had a freedom to choreograph his own routines and choose his own wardrobe too but he often allowed the others to help him with that. Alex may be musically inclined but he wasn’t gifted in the art of dance; not that any of the horny men in the crowd minded. As long as he wriggled his hips and pouted his lips enough, they lapped it up.

It had been his idea to bring his musical talents to the stage. He’d been working there a few months before he brought it up and was given the green light. Alex wasn’t brave enough to sing any of his own, original material but he enjoyed preparing new arrangements of popular songs, especially older ones the patrons would know.

He’d been nervous the first time he took to the stage with his microphone but by the end of the song they were screaming for more while throwing wads of money at him.

He was sitting backstage just before two in the morning, waiting for the last of the drunken men to be escorted from the premises and watching Tyrone swoon over another love letter. He was genuinely happy for his co-worker who was radiating so much happiness.

“Good news?” Alex couldn’t resist asking.

“It’s a key to his hotel room,” Ty gushed. “And I’ve got the entire weekend off.”

“Isn’t the point of a rich sugar daddy that they pay you not to work?” Bailey asked as he sat on the desk in front of Alex.

“For this guy, I work my fingers to the bone,” Ty insisted.

Both Alex and Bailey giggled.

“How about you?” Alex casually asked him. “You got a piece on the side?”

“My boyfriend is only a year older than me, thank you very much. He’s at West Texas A&M, I’m helping him pay his tuition.”

Alex immediately felt a cold unease wash over him as he struggled to think of a response.

“Nice,” he coughed.

“It’s a bitch because I’m here at night and he’s studying all day but it’ll be worth it once he graduates; at least the holidays are right around the corner. He can’t get enough of my candy cane.”

Ty’s phone buzzed and he squealed with delight, grabbed his stuff, yelled goodbye then vanished. Alex picked up a makeup wipe, his hand shaking, and began to remove his eyeliner.

“I, uh, didn’t know you had a boyfriend,” Alex said, not looking at Bailey.

“Yeah, I didn’t tell you,” he said with a shrug. “But it’s not like you asked.”

“You never gave me reason to think otherwise.”

He scrunched up the wipe and angrily threw it in the bin. Bailey reached for his hand but Alex smacked it away.

“Hey, chill, it was just a blowjob,” he reasoned.

“I’m angry you didn’t say something then,” Alex argued, still irritated. 

“Would it have made a difference? Would you have told me to stop?”

“If I had known, I never would have let you _start._ ”

“And that’s why I didn’t say anything,” Bailey laughed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such a prude,” he hissed. “We all get each other off around here. You weren’t complaining on Thanksgiving when you fucked Justin on this very desk.”

Alex got to his feet and stared into his eyes.

“ _Justin_ doesn’t have a boyfriend,” Alex hissed, unable to hold his anger.

“Look around, Alex, nearly every guy who ogles us on stage is married. The guy I gave a lap dance to tonight has twin sons my age.”

“That’s not the point.” Alex said, shaking his head.

“Lighten up, okay? There’s nothing wrong with just having a good time.”

Bailey hopped off the table and sauntered past Alex who simply let him walk away. They’d just have to agree to disagree on that but Alex swore in that moment never to be someone else’s piece on the side. He grabbed his bag and pulled his jacket on then trudged home, alone. It was almost three am when he crawled into his bed but wasn’t tired enough to sleep. Alex reached for his guitar and just held it in his hands. 

This was only temporary; he’d told himself that many times but did he still believe it? He’d been here for months, had stocked away some money but not enough to sustain himself long term just yet. Maybe Tyrone was right and he should find himself a sugar daddy but that wasn’t Alex’s way. He might as well start turning tricks on the side.

Alex placed the guitar aside and lay down in the dark; alone. He hated himself for wishing he wasn’t alone but this was his life right now and he’d make it through, somehow. 

It would be worth it in the end, he just had to keep telling himself that while resisting the urge to knock on his landlord’s door and seek comfort in his sleazy arms. He really didn’t want that but maybe his co-workers were right.

He didn’t have to be a prude but he didn’t have to sacrifice his morals either.

He reached under the bed, pulled out the guitar _again_ but this time he reached into the case itself and pulled out a photo of his mother. If she could see him now… he sighed and blinked back tears. She could never know this was his life now but maybe one day he’d make her proud. 

He gently touched the image of her face as tears filled his eyes. Maybe he should visit her for Christmas or New Year’s… or not. If he went to see her, she may ask what he was doing these days and that wasn’t something he could tell her. He just hoped her Christmas would be better than his.


	5. Chapter 5

Seeing Alex singing on that stage ignited a feeling within him that he hadn’t felt in years but he’d been too nervous, too ashamed, too embarrassed to approach him. Jim had stayed long enough to see Alex take the stage a second time before he hightailed it out of there. 

Upon his return to Roswell, he still couldn’t shake the memory of seeing Alex upon the stage, under the spotlight, seductively singing a beautiful song to serenade the crowd. 

At night, he’d lie awake in bed, thinking about Alex and once again hoping he was okay. Knowing he had a job and was essentially worshipped for his talent and beauty didn’t exactly make him feel better. He knew how rowdy those places could get, how easily people could get hurt. Jim knew he never should have left Alex there, should’ve brought him back to Roswell where he could watch over him.

A week later, Jim was back in his car, driving the three hours from Roswell to Amarillo. He’d told Michelle he was going to his cabin but deep down he felt she knew he was lying. Jim had gotten so used to lying to his wife over the years that it was like second nature to him. She never even questioned him.

He ordered a juice and sat down in the far corner, watching and waiting. Jim sat at the table for close to three hours but didn’t see Alex at all. Disappointed, he left and spent the night alone in his hotel room. In the morning, he decided to try again; he texted Michelle and apologised, saying he had to stay another night. Back he went, telling himself he just needed to _see_ him to know that Alex was okay but as soon as he stepped into the club and saw a young man sitting in an older gentleman’s lap, his stomach dropped.

Jim couldn’t stand the idea of Alex doing something like that but he’d not seen him walking through the crowds either. The only time he saw Alex was when he was up on the stage and when Alex did appear, he was like a shining beacon that was calling to Jim. He didn’t dare move closer though from fear of being seen. He wanted to know Alex was okay but he didn’t want Alex to know he was here. The last thing he wanted was for Alex to think he was spying on him for Jesse.

When a drunk patron climbed onto the stage and reached for Alex, Jim felt his own hand slide to his waist in search of his gun but he wasn’t carrying it tonight. To his surprise, Alex turned on the charm and managed to distract the man until security was able to pull him back into his seat with a warning.

Jim told himself Alex was fine; a bright and capable young man but less than two weeks later, he was back in his usual table, watching Alex on the stage.

It was wrong and he knew it; he _hated_ himself for coming here, lying to himself and saying it was because he had Alex’s best interests at heart. If he really wanted what was best for Alex, he’d make him come home or worse, he’d tell Jesse Manes who’d storm the place and have it shut down… but that would likely mean even more trouble for Alex and Jim didn’t want to see any harm come to him.

He continued this pattern for several more weeks. When he was in the club, eyes on Alex, he told himself he was just looking out for him but once he was home again, his thoughts were always on Alex.

At night he’d lie awake, alone in the guest bedroom, and think about Alex. Sometimes he’d even dream about him, the way he was dressed under the spotlight, dancing so seductively around that pole until he awoke with one of his own. Tears of guilt and shame filled his eyes as he reached down to relieve himself of the burden between his legs.

He closed his eyes and pictured Alex in those leather pants until the image shifted to more recently when Alex had been dressed in an elf costume while another young man in a Santa suit spanked him. Santa had made quite the show of lowering Alex’s pants to expose his naked ass before spanking him, making Alex moan to the gratification of the other men in the club. Jim’s dick had swelled the second he’d seen Alex’s outfit but he’d come in his pants the moment Alex had started moaning. He’d immediately fled the club in a mix of shame and embarrassment.

Now he was alone in bed with just the memory to sustain him. He tried to blink back the tears; it was wrong to do this. He shouldn’t be touching himself while thinking of _Alex_ but he reasoned things were different now. Jim could see Alex for the man he’d grown into, not the little boy who refused to cry after falling from a tree and skinning his knee.

Jim came all over his hand and in his pants but he simply rolled onto his side, buried his face in his pillow and hoped his tears would subside quickly; they didn’t.

*

He apologized profusely to Michelle for having to leave town on Valentine’s day. Jim was certain she was already suspicious, believing him to be having yet another affair but she didn’t say a word and he did admire that about her. Before he left, he took her hand and looked into her eyes. He promised her he’d be home soon, that she was the only woman he loved. He didn’t even feel guilty because it wasn’t a lie. She _was_ the only woman in his life right now even if they hadn’t shared a bed in months… 

Jim drove straight to his usual hotel and tried to book a room but it was Valentine’s day so he was out of luck. Shocked that even a seedy place like that would be booked solid, he drove around town looking for anywhere to stay until he had to admit defeat. He drove a few blocks from the club and parked then walked there. Maybe he could stay till closing then sleep for an hour or two in his car before driving back? It was his only option so he paid the entry fee and made his way inside.

He’d never seen the place so crowded, men were everywhere and as he looked around, he couldn’t help shrinking in on himself, wanting to be inconspicuous. Some of the men here were possibly twice his age, the way they were leering at the scantily dressed men made his skin crawl.

Yet here was here too, doing exactly the same thing. No, not the exact thing because he was here to check on Alex.

Jim was lying to himself and he knew it but he couldn’t admit it. He ordered his usual, hating that he was here enough to have a usual drink order. Some of the regulars nodded to him and his stomach churned again. He shouldn’t be here; he needed to see Alex one last time then he could leave and never come back. Jim took a step back and accidentally knocked into a young man dressed as cupid. His stomach lurched again and he hastily apologized while the boy offered him a lap dance. Jim shook his head and hurried through the drunk crowd, past an actual cage with another young man dancing seductively inside it then he somehow suddenly found himself flush against the main stage, looking up at the young man dancing to the music.

Maybe Alex didn’t work here anymore? A part of him wanted that to be true but the crowd let out a roar of excitement as two more men took to the stage and when Jim’s eyes set upon Alex, everything else slipped away.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER WARNING!  
> The last paragraph of this chapter is a minor(?) form of assault  
> **************************************************************************

Alex had been warned about the Valentine’s crowds and he’d begged for the night off but the bosses had insisted it was all hands-on deck. Ty even told him it was worth the discomfort for the tips alone but Alex had tried very hard to hold on to _some_ of his morals. He was working in a strip club after all, one that catered to older gentlemen by providing barely legal aged entertainment. At eighteen, Alex could consent to sex but he legally wasn’t old enough to even visit place like this... yet he was here, wearing very tight clothing and exciting dirty old men. Not that they were _all_ dirty and perverted; some were genuinely nice and were even respectful of the ‘look but don’t touch’ rules.

Of course, there were other rules that did allow some of the men to touch but that mostly applied to the waitstaff, most of whom were over twenty-one. Alex’s age prevented him from working the floor or serving alcohol which he was grateful for. After months of working here, he was still unfamiliar with a lot of the weird and likely illegal rules of an establishment such as this.

There was a rumoured secret room where the older staff gave private lap dances to the extremely wealthy patrons but Alex had never seen anyone come or go from any secret room so he wrote it off as pure rumour although the point of a secret room _was_ that it was secret.

He arrived earlier than usual and was shocked to find the club already near capacity. One of the bar staff told him some customers would come early to get their rocks off before stumbling home to their wives. Alex still struggled to wrap his head around that fact. He knew it was going to be a long one but still he hoped the place would clear out early. Maybe he’d ask Jackson out for a bite to eat after shift. 

Alex was viewing his clothing choices for the evening, silently hoping he wouldn’t be forced into an oversized diaper and be encouraged to pretend to shoot customers with a flimsy bow and arrow.

“Alex?” Stevie called to him and he turned around, almost afraid to see what he was wearing.

He was relieved to see him in his usual getup which mostly consisted of too much body glitter.

“Hey, what, uh, what's wrong?”

Alex moved away from his wardrobe selection and gave his complete attention to Stevie who appeared a little nervous.

“So, uh, the boss made a request,” Stevie looked around, making sure no one could overhear them.

“What kind of request?”

“Well, uh, something special, like, uh, like we did for Christmas?”

Alex immediately began to blush. In the lead up to the Christmas season he’d found himself in an elf costume sharing the stage and spotlight with Stevie who dressed as Santa.

“No!” Alex hissed.

“Come on, Alex.”

“No, last time you left a fucking bruise on my ass from all that spanking.”

“Look, you either wear this,” he held up a pair of red short shorts “and get up on that stage _with me_ for some fun or Davey wants you in the cage.”

“The… the _cage_?” Alex’s voice shook.

The cage wasn’t something that got used often but it was just that, a cage. Whoever was scheduled to work on such an evening would draw straws and the one who lost was locked in the cage. Alex hadn’t had the… pleasure… yet and hoped to never have to. It was absolutely safe but was almost certainly guaranteed that whoever was in there would be naked by the end of the night. Alex swallowed nervously then reached out and snatched the shorts from Stevie’s hand.

“So, what do you have in mind?” He asked.

*

The shorts were short and tight and Alex could barely move in them but when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, he knew his appearance would send the patrons into a frenzy. He was already seeing dollar signs in Stevie’s eyes and tried to tell himself the same.

It wasn’t the first time he’d questioned his decision to work here nor was it the first time he felt ashamed. Alex told himself that when he got back to his studio, he’d count his savings and maybe he’d skip town. He _really_ couldn’t keep this up much longer.

Stevie pulled the curtain open and Alex followed him onto the stage where Bailey was just finishing his routine. He watched as Stevie made a beeline for Bailey and they began to grind against each other. The men started to holler and cheer as both Stevie and Bailey reached a hand each towards Alex. He started to dance towards them but stumbled when a patron grabbed his ankle. Alex managed to shake him off but immediately threw himself at his fellow performers. Stevie could see Alex was rattled so he kissed him.

It was the perfect distraction but took a moment for Alex to reciprocate. Bailey was quick to join in and began kissing Alex’s neck for reassurance. It wasn’t much but Alex was grateful for their attempts to soothe him. He returned Stevie’s kiss while reaching for Bailey, sliding his arm around his waist as the three of them slowly gyrated against each other for several moments.

Alex managed to drown out the catcalls by losing himself in Stevie’s kisses. Bailey’s firm, muscular body pressing into his was nice too. He felt Bailey’s fingers attempting to slide into his red shorts but didn’t know how to tell him to stop without causing a scene. Instinctively, he tried to swat his hand away only for the crowd to boo and hiss in disappointment.

Stevie broke the kiss but yanked Alex towards him, away from Bailey. He placed Alex front and centre then stood behind him, placing kisses to his neck and earlobe. Alex felt like a lamb being offered to the slaughter and he closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see it. The crowd was cheering now; enjoying what _they_ were seeing. The sound used to excite him, when _he_ was commanding the stage but he felt like a puppet right now and his stomach continued to lurch.

He opened his eyes to see so many pairs of leering eyes staring back at him. They all began to blur together as tears brimmed in his orbs. Stevie yanked him back around so Alex wasn’t seeing the crowd and kissed him again. This was his life for now, he needed to embrace it and not be afraid. Alex steeled himself and took some initiate. He wrapped his arms around Stevie and returned his kiss as enthusiastically as he dared, pressing their bodies together and trying not to listen to the cheers of the crowd, distracting himself too much to realize what Bailey was doing.

It happened so quickly that Alex wasn’t even sure _how_ it did. He’d been kissing Stevie then Bailey’s hands were on him, shoving his red shorts below his knees to reveal his naked ass. Alex stepped back in surprise and reached down to cover himself as Bailey shoved him, hard. He stumbled off the stage and fell into the horny crowd below.


	7. Chapter 7

Years of working as the town Sheriff had given Jim impeccable senses and a keen eye, often able to sense danger before it happened. Despite being very distracted by the display unfolding on the stage, Jim was still able to read Alex’s discomfort. He instinctively moved forward as the other young man shoved Alex forward, sending him into the crowd.

There was a surge within the masses but Jim’s protective streak kicked in and he flung himself into the crowd. He reached Alex and pulled him into his arms while reaching for his gun. Jim turned the gun on the crowd and told them to stay back. To their credit, and his surprise, they did. He insisted he was a cop which caused many of them to take a step back.

“Sir, calm down, please?”

A voice called louder than the others and Jim looked around to see a very well-dressed man cautiously approaching him. He didn’t lower the gun but could see others reaching for theirs.

“Sir, please lower your weapon,” the man said again. “This is _my_ club and we do not tolerate violence here.”

“I saw them,” Jim nodded towards several of the men. “They were touching him and-”

“Sir?”

Jim lowered his weapon and slipped it back under his jacket. He looked down and Alex was clutching his arm, clinging to him, face buried in his neck. He was clearly in shock. Jim climbed to his feet; Alex cradled in his arms then he started towards the man who claimed to own the club. Alex hadn’t once looked up but Jim walked determinedly behind the owner and through a black curtain into a dark hallway. The man opened a door and Jim carried the shaken Alex into the room.

“The kids call me Davey,” the guy said, extending his hand to Jim. “And I appreciate what you did out there, protecting my boy like that.”

Jim finally released Alex, who was staring at the floor.

“You, uh, said you’re a cop?” Davey pressed.

“I’m not here to cause trouble,” Jim replied.

“Just here to get your rocks off?”

“Something like that,”

The lighting in the room was terrible, an eerie type of mood lighting that made the place seem even seedier than it clearly was.

“Well, you did me a favour out there,” Davey said. “So how can I repay you?”

“What?”

“You’re here often; you obviously meant it that you don’t want any trouble. Guessing you don’t want this place to close any more than I do. So, tell me what I can do for you.”

Jim’s eyes shifted to Alex who was clearly still in shock.

“Give me fifteen minutes alone with the boy,” he nodded towards Alex. Davey appeared to hesitate. “You got cameras in here, right? I swear I ain’t gonna hurt him… just make sure he’s okay.”

“If you’re gonna make him an informant-”

“I just wanna be sure he’s alright; the kid’s clearly in shock.”

“Fine, fifteen minutes but I’ll be right outside that door.”

Jim nodded in understanding then waited until Davey had left, heard the door close behind him. He turned to look at Alex.

“Alex?” Jim started very carefully.

He moved towards him and sank down on the couch beside him.

“Alex?” He whispered. “It’s okay,”

Alex was shaking his head, body trembling.

“Alex, it’s me, Jim… Listen to my voice, okay? It’s Jim Valenti.”

He waited, watching as Alex slowly looked up and their eyes met. Jim could just see the tears in Alex’s terrified eyes. It took a moment before there was any acknowledgement on his behalf and Alex immediately wrapped his arms around himself, attempting to cover his very naked body.

“Sheriff?” Alex gasped. “What are… how did… I… I can explain.”

“It’s alright, Alex,” he whispered. “You don’t have to say anything.”

Jim reached up and removed his own jacket then he held it up, offering the garment to Alex who accepted it and draped it around his shoulders.

“If you’re here to take me back to Roswell,” Alex said.

“No, I… I came looking for you after you sent me that birthday card,” Jim explained. “It wasn’t until I got here that I realized I’d never find you,” he paused, hesitating. “You’re doing a good job of staying off the grid.”

“Please don’t tell my dad.”

Jim could hear the shame in his voice and it cut right through him.

“Oh Alex,” he whispered. “I would _never_ tell Jesse about this and not just because I’d never be able to explain what _I_ was doing here,”

“What are you doing here?”

“I told you, I was looking for you,”

“So, you followed me to work?”

He cleared his throat as he shifted uncomfortably under Alex’s confused expression.

“No,” he wasn’t lying. “I, uh…” he coughed. “I, uh, came here… for me.”

“What?” Alex frowned.

“Once I accepted that I’d never find a lone person in this town, I uh, I wasn’t ready to go home and I’d heard through a… a friend… about this place so I came here to… to…”

Jim trailed off as he realized _exactly_ what he was admitting to Alex who was still looking at him with a mixed expression on his face. His own heart was racing as he gazed at Alex; his hands were still shaking and in the blink of an eye, Alex wasn’t the sexy, confident man who’d serenaded the crowd just weeks ago, he was the young man who’d shown up on his doorstep in the middle of the night after a severe beating from Jesse.

He moved closer and extended his arm, expecting Alex to move away but the younger man immediately folded himself into Jim’s embrace and buried his face in his chest. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his other arm around him, holding him close.

“I came to… to watch them dance,” Jim confessed. “And then I saw you…”

“Sheriff Valenti-”

“You were so confident and… beautiful… and I… I couldn’t leave… I just stayed and watched you…” he paused. “I’m sorry if that was… invading your privacy but… I needed to know that you were okay, that you were safe…”

“Sheriff-”

“And this place is so _wrong_ ; you shouldn’t be working here, Alex,”

“Davey said… said you were here often…” Alex stammered. “Is that true?”

“Yeah,” Jim admitted.

“Why?”

“For you,”

He felt Alex visibly stiffen in his arms so he carefully released him. Jim pulled away from Alex to give him space but the younger man was still frowning at him.

“For me…” he repeated. “You… You _are_ here to drag me back home!”

“What? No,” Jim insisted, trying to calm Alex down.

“Then… why?”

Jim looked away, couldn’t bear the thought of looking into Alex’s eyes and admitting his shameful truth.

“Because I saw you on that stage and…” he looked down at his own hands which were now shaking. “And you… you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen,” he closed his eyes “so I kept coming back just so I could see you,”

“And tonight? You… saved me from being… manhandled by that crowd.”

“Did any of them…” Jim felt the anger rising inside of him as he opened his eyes and looked at Alex. “Were you hurt?”

“No,” Alex replied. “You were fast and got to me before anyone else could… thank you for catching me,”

“I was scared for you, Alex, what are you doing here?”

“It’s a job, Sheriff, and it pays pretty good.”

“If you got caught-”

“This place is generally okay but I need the money. I’m saving every penny I can to get out of here… but… there’s also this part of me that actually _likes_ it.”

“What?”

“I’ve never felt… desirable before,” he swallowed, not looking at Jim. “Being on that stage, it’s a rush unlike anything I’ve ever felt.”

Jim started to reach for him but the door opened and Davey stepped back into the room with one of the bouncers. He immediately retracted his hand but didn’t take his eyes off Alex.

“Again, thank you for your quick thinking tonight,” Davey said to Jim who nodded and climbed to his feet.

Davey’s eyes flickered between Jim and Alex; he was frowning.

“Normally when one of my boys is with a client in here, they leave with substantially _less_ clothing on, not more.”

Alex immediately began to remove Jim’s jacket.

“You’re done for the night, Alex,” Davey said to him. “Vance here is gonna take you home.”

“I can take him,” Jim quickly offered.

Davey laughed at the absurdity of his offer.

“You had your fifteen minutes; I ain’t letting you leave here with him,” he told Jim.

“No, it’s okay,” Alex spoke up. “I want to go with him.”

“Whatever he’s offering you-” Vance started but Alex cut him off.

“It’s alright, he’s, uh, friends with my dad. I know him, okay? I trust him.”

Alex turned and smiled at Jim.

“Oh, uh, here,” Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. He handed over a photo of himself and Jesse Manes at his hunting cabin with both Kyle and Alex. Davey squinted in the dim light but seemed to believe him.

“If you’re sure?” He said to Alex.

“I am,” Alex insisted, nodding his head.

Jim didn’t know what to say, just waited for them to give the photo back and he slipped it back inside his wallet then Alex reached for his hand.

  
  



	8. Chapter 8

He was still shaken as he extended his hand and took hold of Jim’s. Alex turned to smile nervously at both Davey and Vance; he’d never had much to do with either of them, not after his first few weeks here; he was grateful to have a job but knew to just keep his head down and do as he was told. Right now, he just wanted to go home and Davey was going to let him. Vance took the lead and guided Alex down the back corridor. He tightened his hold on Jim’s hand for no other reason than wanting to be sure he was still there.

He was nervous about being alone with the sheriff again, scared of having to admit how he’d ended up here or for confessing that he actually liked it. They reached the backstage dressing room and Alex froze when he saw Bailey casually sprawled on the couch. Jim’s hand slipped from his but before Alex could stop him, Jim had yanked Bailey to his feet and shoved him against the wall.

“How dare you assault Alex like that?” Jim hissed as he pulled Bailey into a choke-hold.

“That’s it, old man, I like it rough,” Bailey teased.

“Sheriff, stop!” Alex called as he tried to pry Jim’s hands from Bailey. “Don’t hurt him,”

To his surprise, Jim immediately released him and Bailey sank to the ground, coughing and gasping for breath.

“If you ever do anything like that to him again, you _will_ regret it,” Jim spat at him.

“Calm down, old man, the little slut _likes_ it.”

Alex heard the words but was quicker to react and he threw himself between Jim and Bailey, he wrapped his arms around Jim and repeatedly insisted he not engage because it wasn’t worth it. He held tight to Jim, burying his face in the man’s chest, begging him to back down but with Alex’s body between him and his target, Jim had no choice but to focus his attention on Alex.

Bodies pressed together Alex’s heart began to race. It had been years since he hugged Jim Valenti but he didn’t want to pull away. Long after he heard Bailey mutter something and leave the room, Alex was still clinging to Jim but now he could feel the man’s arms holding him too. It took all his strength to hold back the tears he wanted to shed.

“We should go,” he heard Jim say to him and Alex reluctantly agreed, slowly extracted himself from the embrace and turned away. He moved towards his station and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, wearing those red shorts and Jim’s jacket. He sure was a sight!

Alex grabbed his clothes, excused himself and hurried away to get changed. He yanked the shorts off and tossed them away, praying he’d never have to wear them again. In his mind he kept replaying the moment he was shoved into the crowd, the many pairs of hands all grabbing for him until _one_ person came to his rescue.

He angrily blinked back his tears and headed back to Jim, still wearing the man’s leather jacket. He didn’t know what to say now they were alone together but Jim smiled a warm smile and all Alex wanted to do was throw himself back into his arms. No, that wasn’t right. He was just happy to see a familiar and friendly face. The Sheriff had pulled him from the crowd and protected him, he felt safe with him, like he always had. It was the feeling of familiarity that he was drawn to, not the man himself, right?

“Are you, uh, ready to go?” Jim asked him.

He held his hand out to Alex before realizing that was maybe wrong and he slowly retracted it but Alex stepped forward and took his hand in his. The surge of safety that shot through him was exactly what he craved and he smiled at Jim.

“Are you hungry? I could go for a coffee and maybe some pancakes” Alex suggested.

“My car is a few blocks from here”

Alex smiled as Jim’s hand squeezed his and he turned to lead him out the back way to avoid all the crowds. Vance was waiting by the exit and folded his arms across his chest.

“I’m just taking the boy for a bite to eat then dropping him home,” Jim insisted.

“I’ll be back for my next shift, Vance, I promise,” Alex added.

The beefy man looked at them both, saw the way Alex was holding Jim’s hand in both of his and he nodded then stepped aside. But even he couldn’t see how much it had hurt Alex hearing Jim refer to him as ‘the boy’. Vance opened the door and they left together, Jim leading the way to his car, Alex’s heart already breaking and he didn’t even know why.

They started down the street, heading for Jim’s car but Alex stopped and started to tug on his arm. He diverted course and they walked another block to a 24-hour diner. Alex opened the door and Jim followed him inside, over to a table and he picked up a menu. Neither of them had said a word since leaving the club; Alex wasn’t sure why Jim wasn’t speaking to him especially since the older man hadn’t let go of his hand the entire time.

Now they were both reading over the menu. Well, Jim was. Alex was looking at him from behind his; the server came over and asked Alex if he’d like his usual and he nodded. Mitch’s eyes darted between the two and while Jim was making his decision, Mitch leaned over and asked Alex if he was okay, did he need help? Alex simply smiled then politely introduced the two.

Mitch took their orders then walked away and an awkward silence engulfed them.

Alex couldn’t help feeling the older man was judging him, disappointed in him for being here and working in a place like that… but Jim had said he’d stumbled upon him by chance, so Jim had come to the club for _other_ reasons.

“Why are you here?” Alex finally asked him.

“You asked if I was hungry,” Jim replied.

“I mean… _here_ … in Amarillo.”

“Alex-”

“It’s Valentine's day; why aren’t you at home?”

“It’s a work thing; I’ve been consulting on cases here in Texas and I… I don’t get to pick and choose the dates they send for me.”

Mitch returned with their drinks and Alex immediately cupped his hands around the mug, absorbing the warmth and looking at the liquid instead of at Jim.

“And you’re really not here to make me go back?” Alex softly asked.

“It’s not my place to tell you what you can and can’t do,” Jim said. “I’m not your father.”

“Thank God” Alex muttered.

He looked up and saw the way Jim was looking at him.

“I, uh, I just meant…” he paused. “If tonight had happened in front of _him_. Could you imagine the look on his face?” Alex raised the mug to his lips. “He probably would’ve left me to the wolves.”

“Has that ever happened before?”

Alex noticed the way Jim’s knuckles turned white around the mug in his hands.

“No, not really,” Alex tried to sound casual. “I mean, we muck about on stage with each other all the time but they wanted something… _special_ for tonight,”

“Special?” Jim repeated.

“You know, something to remember… and you definitely gave them that.”

“Alex-”

“It was that or the cage, okay?” Alex hastily whispered. “I mean, I wasn’t expecting _that_ exactly but we’ve kissed on stage and you know? Teasing and stuff but no one has ever pushed me into the crowd.”

“Why do you think he did it?”

“The rush, I guess.”

“So, what’s the cage? Or do I not want to know?”

Alex averted his eyes, stared into his coffee cup.

“Like a… a go-go dancer? They lock you in and see how long you last,” he explained. “I mean, it’s totally safe because you’re locked in, they can’t actually touch you but some of them really try.”

He didn’t look up and Jim didn’t speak again but they were interrupted by the arrival of their food. Alex was starving so he pushed his coffee aside, grabbed the cutlery and immediately began shovelling food into his mouth.


	9. Chapter 9

Jim’s stomach was in knots with every word Alex said. It was taking all of his self-control not to shove him into his car and drive him straight home to Roswell but he couldn’t do that. Alex was an adult and he didn’t deserve being trapped back under the same roof as Jesse Manes… and if Jesse found out Alex had been working as a stripper, Jim feared he’d never see Alex again.

He couldn’t touch his food but Alex was happily shoving mouthfuls of pancake down his throat. It reminded him of the time Alex and Kyle had tried to see who could fit the most marshmallows into their mouth at once. Kyle had nearly choked and Jesse had given him the Heimlich then backhanded Alex for his ‘stupidity’... But Alex wasn’t that little boy anymore. He was an adult and Jim needed to treat him like one.

He continued sipping his coffee, just observing Alex who finally started talking again.

“The pancakes here are _so_ good,” Alex stated. He looked up and Jim could see a thin layer of chocolate syrup stuck to Alex’s upper lip. His finger twitched as he longed to reach over and wipe his lip.

“Not that I come here too often,” he continued. “There’s actually a buffet at the club; if we’re working the night shift, we can eat there so I usually do because technically it’s free.”

“Are you that hard up for money?”

“What? Oh, no! I just… I’m trying to save as much as I can so I can leave.”

“And go where?”

“I don’t know yet; that’s why I need as much cash as possible. When I left home, I didn’t have a real lot which is why I only made it this far. I got on the cheapest bus out of town and as long as I crossed the state line I didn’t care where I ended up,” he paused. “I don’t know; maybe I stayed close in case I wanted to run back home in defeat… I’m sure Mimi would want to take me in but dad would _never_ allow it. You know he expected me to enlist?”

“Yeah; Alex, he’s wanted you to enlist since the day you were born.”

Alex’s tongue grazed his lip, wiping the syrup away and Jim shifted almost uncomfortably in his seat. He hoped Alex wouldn’t do that again while secretly wanting him to.

“How did you end up working _there_?” Jim asked.

“Right place, right time I guess,” Alex admitted with a shrug. “I stayed in a hotel at first, really cheap, seedy… but it didn’t take long for me to start running low on funds and I had to make ends meet… So, I sold my guitar.”

“Alex!”

“I got it back,” he insisted. “As soon as I could afford it, I went back for it… but I was sleeping in the park when a guy thought I was there turning tricks and… look, I’m not proud to admit that I considered it… the guy was Davey; when I told him I was just living rough, he brought me here, fed me then offered me a job. I thought there had to be a catch but he was completely honest and upfront… told me the risks he was taking but also how lucrative it was. He let me crash there for a few nights too but as soon as I got some money, I got my guitar back and found a really, really cheap place to live. It’s a dive but it’s _mine._ ”

“And you’re really okay?”

“For now,”

Alex smiled at him and Jim wanted to reach for his hand but he held himself back. A silence fell over them as neither knew what to say next. Jim decided to take the plunge.

“So, uh are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room?” He asked.

“What elephant?” Alex frowned before his eyes landed on Jim’s untouched plate of food. “Are you going to eat that?”

Jim shook his head and pushed the plate across the table to Alex. He’d honestly lost most of his appetite after hearing Alex’s story; he didn’t want to imagine him in ' _the cage_ ' either.

“Alex, I found you by accident,” Jim lowered his voice. “Because _I_ was visiting the club for…”

“For personal reasons, I get it,” Alex replied.

“Do you?”

“Sheriff-”

“I’m just a…” he dropped his voice even lower as he averted his eyes away from Alex. “A dirty old man looking at half naked young men,”

“No; you’re _not_!”

Alex reached over and grabbed hold of his hand. He wasn’t expecting the sudden contact and he peered up, into Alex’s sincere eyes.

“You’re _nothing_ like them,” Alex insisted. “Or you would’ve been there with them, trying to grope me but you protected me… kept them away from me…” Alex’s eyes teared up. “I don’t know what they would’ve done if you hadn’t been there,”

“Oh, Alex,” Jim squeezed his hand. “I never would have forgiven myself if you’d gotten hurt.”

Mitch returned and offered to top up Jim’s coffee. He instinctively pulled his hand away from Alex’s, not liking the way the waiter was looking at him, almost suspiciously. He pushed the mug towards him, Mitch filled it up then turned away. He turned back to Alex who was now feasting on Jim’s pancakes.

“So, it doesn’t… bother you… that I was there?” Jim asked him. “That I’ve been visiting a lot?”

“Well, I guess it would’ve been nice to know you were worried about me, checking up on me… my dad doesn’t give a damn what’s happened to me,”

“I was concerned; you left so suddenly and I was afraid Jesse may have done something to you but then I got your card and at least knew you were alive.”

“Alive? You thought my dad would wait this long to do me in?”

“I don’t know, maybe accidentally? He is a trained officer after all.”

“So, when did you find me?” 

“November?”

“You’ve been coming here that long?”

Jim shifted in the seat and snatched up his coffee, taking a sip to avoid answering that yes, he had been coming at the very memory for months.

“I was here around Christmas too,” Jim shifted the conversation. “And saw you dressed as an elf; it got me wondering what themed outfit you’d be in today.”

“I heard a rumour I’m gonna be a leprechaun for St. Patrick’s Day.”

He didn’t know if Alex was joking or not.

“And, uh, Mrs Valenti is okay with you being in a place like that?” Alex asked, curiously.

“She doesn’t know,” Jim admitted. “We’re, uh, in a holding pattern.”

“What?”

“We said once Kyle left for college, we’d look into getting a divorce.”

“Divorce?”

Alex’s voice was louder than he expected and Jim could see the genuine shock on his face.

“It’s been on the cards a long time,” Jim added. “I haven’t always been faithful,” he paused. “Would a happily married man be hanging out in an underground strip club?”

“Does Kyle know? About the divorce?”

“No; we never let on in front of him but since he left, neither of us have brought it up. I think it makes it real if we start talking lawyers and we’ve been together so long; I don’t know how to be without her.”

“You love her.”

“Of course I do, but I always knew there was something missing and I feel like I’m never going to find it.”

“I was always so jealous of Kyle,” Alex confessed. “Having parents who lived together, loved each other, loved him.”

Jim didn’t know how to respond but despite the two cups of coffee, he felt himself yawning and hastily apologized to Alex who merely smiled and waved Mitch over. He asked for the bill and Jim immediately reached for his wallet, Alex tried to protest but Jim insisted.

He left a generous tip then held the door open for Alex, wishing he could think of something positive to say to him. He’d always tried to show Alex that him and Michelle had cared about him but knowing he’d never felt love from Jesse… it wasn’t exactly surprising but a parent should love their child unconditionally.

They retraced their steps then travelled a few more blocks until they found his car. Jim opened the door for Alex before slipping behind the wheel. He could head home, take Alex away from this place but he knew Alex wouldn’t allow it. Jim asked for directions and followed them until he was told to pull over. Alex thanked him and started to get out so Jim immediately followed.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked him.

“I told your boss I’d make sure you got home safely,” he explained.

“And you did so, uh, you can you know, go now?”

“Why don’t you want me to see where you live?”

Alex sighed and shrugged his shoulders in defeat

“Okay,” he said.

  
  



	10. Chapter 10

Alex waited while Jim locked the car then he drew a breath and started down the side alley of the building. He paused then leapt up, reaching for the ladder of the fire escape but missed. He tried again and grabbed the ladder, lost his grip and promptly fell. Fortunately, Jim had hurried just close enough to catch him before he hit the ground.

“Alex!” He hissed in shock. “What the heck are you doing?”

“I always leave the window unlocked,” he explained. “To avoid the front door.”

“Why?”

“My landlord is kinda… sleazy…”

“Alex!”

“I can handle it; it’s just easier to steer clear… he has this weird sixth sense that he _knows_ when it’s me and he propositions me every time I come and go,”

He kept his tone light-hearted as Jim carefully put him down. Was it his imagination or did seem irritated by this? Alex watched as the older man reached over and adjusted his gun so it was clearly visible.

“Come on, we’re going in the front,” Jim said to him.

Alex felt a nervous wave of uncertainty overwhelm him but slowly nodded his consent. When Jim reached for his hand, Alex didn’t pull away, simply began to lead him towards the front of the building. He pushed the door open and they went inside but his foot was barely on the bottom step when the door to one of the apartments opened, flooding the hall with light and his body immediately tensed before the man even said a word.

His landlord was around Jim’s age, maybe a little older but most of the tenants in the building weren’t much older than Alex. He tried to walk on but Jim was stopping him. The older man moved closer to Alex, angling just so his landlord could see his sidearm but Seb seemed fixed on the fact Alex was holding Jim’s hand.

“Oh Lexi,” he shook his head in mock disappointment. “You know I’d be so much more fun than this old guy. I’m disappointed in your taste,” he paused. “Tsk, tsk,”

“Hey Seb,” Alex replied in a deadpan tone. “Hope we didn’t wake you.”

“Maybe I should join the two of you? Make sure this old man isn’t trying to take advantage of your sweet innocence.”

Alex opened his mouth to reply but Jim stepped in front of him, flashing his gun again.

“You’re packing?” Seb’s eyes narrowed as his lips curled into a knowing smirk. “Mine’s bigger.”

“Some of us prefer quality over quantity,” Alex said.

“Alex,” Jim started to say.

“It’s okay, _Sheriff,_ ” he replied with a smile.

Seb’s eyes narrowed again as they shifted from Alex to Jim and back again. Sensing trouble, Alex turned and threw his arms around Jim’s neck. He leaned close and he kissed him firmly upon his mouth. Thankfully Jim was quick on his feet, wrapped his arms around Alex and returned the embrace. Lips parted, Alex slipped his tongue into the confines of Jim’s mouth and lost himself completely.

A moment later they both heard the door close. When they eventually parted, Seb was gone. He sighed with relief then tugged on Jim’s arm, pulling him up the multiple flights of stairs until he reached the door of his apartment. He didn’t say a word about what he’d just done though his lips were tingling and he swore he could still feel Jim’s hands on his waist.

He found his key, not looking at Jim while he blushed furiously then pushed the door open, his heart pounding nervously as he welcomed Jim into his home. Thankfully he kept the place relatively tidy so he wasn’t entirely embarrassed… not about that anyway.

Alex turned the light on then just stood there, watching as Jim looked around but carefully avoiding the man’s eyes.

“It’s not much to look at,” Alex said, looking down at his feet. “But it’s mine and it’s home… for now.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets; the pockets of the jacket he was still wearing. Jim’s jacket. Alex lowered his head and inhaled the scent on the collar, so uniquely Jim.

“I uh, should probably go,” Jim said. Alex finally looked up at him. “I wanted to be sure you got home safe and sound. Hopefully after that little display, he won’t bother you as much anymore,”

“I’m happy to let him think my sugar daddy is packing,” Alex stated.

Jim immediately began to cough, he tried to mask his shock.

“Lots of guys at work have sugar daddy’s,” Alex explained. “I mean, _I don’t_!” He hurried to add. “They keep telling me to get one but you know I do have _some_ morals,”

Jim swallowed and nodded, unable to speak.

“Besides, they sound like a lot of work,” Alex added.

“Are you _sure_ you should be working there?” Jim blurted. “I mean… stripping? Sugar daddy’s? I hate the idea of someone putting you in a cage”

Alex moved across the room and reached for Jim’s hand, looked into his worried eyes.

“I can handle it, Sheriff,” Alex said to him. “I mean, yeah the place is… dodgy but Davey is a good guy and he’d never make me do something I wasn’t comfortable with. You know me, I’m not a pushover… I’m not a child anymore.”

“No, you’re not,” Jim agreed as he placed his hand over Alex’s.

“Hey, do, uh, you mind staying while I have a shower?” Alex asked. “I hate to ask but I wouldn’t put it past Seb to barge in the second he sees you leave.”

Jim’s jaw dropped and Alex swore it had only happened once. He still agreed and Alex removed the jacket, handed it back to him.

“There’s a minimal amount of coffee if you want it,” Alex offered before making his way into the bathroom.

He stripped off his clothes and stepped into the tiny shower. For the first time since he moved in, he felt safe knowing he wasn’t alone here. He turned the water on and swore loudly at the cold water. Alex wanted to wash away the memory of being stripped and shoved into a crowd of thirsty men. He also felt he needed to erase the embarrassment of throwing himself at Jim the way he had but Seb had been watching and it had seemed like a smart idea at the time… but should he apologize?

Alex climbed out of the shower, hastily dried himself off then rummaged on the floor for any other clothes to wear. He ended up in a pair of sweats and an oversized jumper but he was shivering from the cold after a freezing shower.

He opened the door and found Jim in the kitchen with a mug of coffee.

“Th… Thanks for… For staying,” Alex said, his teeth chattering.

“Of course,” Jim replied with a smile but his expression changed to a frown. “Why are you trembling?”

“N… N… No ho… hot… water.” 

He wrapped his arms around himself but Jim was there with his jacket again. He draped it around Alex’s shoulders, much like he’d done in the club but he was still shaking. Alex closed his eyes and tried to absorb the warmth. It wasn’t enough but he wasn’t going to admit that to Jim.

“God, Alex, you’re _freezing_!” Jim gasped.

Alex didn’t know what to say but got a shock when Jim raised his arms and wrapped them around him, pulling Alex’s body to his own and holding him almost protectively in his embrace. Alex closed his eyes and nuzzled closer, enjoying the immediate warmth of Jim’s arms. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt safe like this.

“Is that better?” Jim asked him. Alex merely nodded, unable to speak as he burrowed into Jim’s firm chest. He was still shivering but not as much.

“I should get you into bed,” Jim said to him. “Under the blankets, I mean, that should warm you quicker.”

“No,” Alex mumbled. “Not yet.”

He kept his eyes closed as they stood together, Jim’s arms around Alex. He wondered if the older man could feel how fast his heart was racing as he clung to him.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered. “This is probably wildly inappropriate.”

“It’s… logical; you’re cold and I’m just trying to help.”

Alex reluctantly pulled away, a feeling of disappointment surging through him.

“No, it’s, uh, it’s late,” he said. “You don’t have to stay any longer; I’ll be okay,”

Knock! Knock!

Jim cast him a look then headed for the door. Alex didn’t try to stop him but he waited, listening to the familiar sound of Seb’s voice. He tried to hear what Jim said to him but his voice was too low and a moment later he closed the door. Jim turned and looked at Alex.

“Guess you were right about him trying to barge in…” he paused. “But, good news, he’s going to fix the hot water tomorrow morning,” he said.

“Thank you, Sheriff,” Alex smiled.

“I can come back and be here when he is… if, uh, you don’t want to be alone with him.”

“You… wouldn’t mind?”

Jim smiled a friendly smile at him.

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t mean it.” he said.

“I, uh, I’d appreciate that; thanks.”

“Well, it’s late or early depending on how you wanna call it,” he said. “So, I should probably get going.”

“Or you could…” Alex paused, nervously. “Maybe you could just stay?” 


	11. Chapter 11

Jim’s entire body tingled at Alex’s words but before he could reply, Alex coughed and immediately looked away, face flushed with embarrassment. 

“Forget about it,” he waved his hand, dismissively as though only just realizing what he was saying. “You, uh, probably have a way better hotel somewhere with actual hot water…”

“Uh,” Jim coughed as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. It was his turn to look away. In truth, he had nowhere to go. “I, uh, wasn’t going to say anything but… no, I, uh, don’t… everything was booked out when I got here; my own fault for taking an impulse trip on Valentine’s day I guess.”

“So, you were going to…?” Alex looked up and his eyes were filled with worry.

“Sleep in my car?” Jim confessed, feeling just slightly ashamed. He shrugged, tried to appear nonplussed.

“What? No!” Alex cried. “Sheriff, you _have_ to stay here.”

“I’m not sure that’s very appropriate…” he tried to put up a front, to pretend he _didn't_ want to stay.

“You _have_ to; if anything, just to get Seb off my back for a bit.”

Alex looked hopefully at Jim who immediately awkwardly looked around the small, barely furnished studio apartment.

“Where’s your couch?” He asked Alex.

“I, uh, don’t have one,” he admitted. 

“So, we’d have to…”

“Share the bed? Well… I mean, we’re both adults…”

Jim felt a surge through his entire body, the idea of sharing the bed both excited and terrified him.

“On one condition,” he said.

“I promise I won’t kiss you again; that too was for Seb’s benefit,” Alex hastened to explain.

“Uh, I was gonna ask you to stop calling me Sheriff?”

“Oh,” Alex’s face fell. “It’s just… Mr. Valenti doesn’t sound right to me.”

“I want you to call me ‘Jim’, Alex, please?”

“Uh… okay… Jim.”

It did sound strange to Jim’s ears but in a good way. It wasn’t like they were strangers and needed to be formal with each other. They’d already crossed several lines today when Jim had saved Alex from a horny mob, bought him dinner, protected him from his landlord and hugged him for warmth. Asking to be called by his first name was nothing… especially if they were about to share a bed.

“Jim?” Alex whispered.

“Yes?”

“Thank you… for… _Everything_. I keep thinking about what happened at the club and… what might have happened if you hadn’t been there. I mean, security would’ve stepped in, I know they would have but who knows what could’ve happened before they got to me.”

Jim’s hand twitched; he wanted to reach for Alex again, pull the younger man into his arms and never let him go. He wanted to tell him never to think about it again, that he wanted nothing more than to protect him but he was worried that if he touched Alex again then he _wouldn't_ let him go.

“You’re safe now, Alex,” Jim whispered. “Nothing bad will happen to you, not while I’m around.”

Alex’s lips curled into a small smile then he moved towards the front door and affixed the deadbolt.

“Now I feel even safer,” he added.

Alex moved towards the bed then paused.

“I, uh, can change the sheets while you finish your coffee,” Alex offered. “I never expect to have company over so…”

“Whatever you feel is best,”

He didn’t want to put Alex on the spot and was shocked when he immediately teared up. Jim didn’t care about what was proper anymore and he hurried over to Alex, pulled him into his arms and hugged him while the younger man sobbed into his chest.

“I don’t have another set of sheets,” he softly confessed and Jim’s heart ached.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he assured him. 

“But I swear I wash them regularly!”

“I believe you.”

Perhaps he’d underestimated just how rough Alex was living but he wanted to assure him everything was fine. He slowly pulled away and peered into Alex’s forlorn eyes. Jim smiled as kindly as possible then reached up and softly brushed the tears from his face.

“It’s alright,” Jim insisted. “You should see how disgusting some hotel linens can be.”

Alex smiled.

“I won’t be offended if you’d rather sleep on top of the sheets.” he said.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

Jim finally released Alex and took a step back. He moved into the kitchen and picked up his coffee cup. He downed the rest of the lukewarm drink then shuffled towards the bed. Heart racing, he kicked off his shoes and removed his shirt, stripping down to a singlet. Jim unbuckled his belt and lowered his pants. Was he crossing a line here? He turned around and saw Alex slide underneath the covers. Jim’s hand shook as he pulled the duvet back and climbed in. Instinctively he reached for his gun and slipped it underneath the pillow.

Alex turned off the light but the room didn’t end up as dark as Jim expected. It wasn’t as quiet as he was used to in Roswell; in the distance he swore he could hear gunshots and beside him Alex was still shivering from the cold. He squeezed his eyes closed and told himself not to reach for Alex, trembling so close to his body, he’d already touched him more times than it was appropriate. He kept his eyes closed, tried to block out everything around him, convinced he’d never fall asleep.

*

He’d always been an early riser and despite not going to bed until after 3-am, Jim was awake just before 6-am. Before even opening his eyes, he knew something was different; he wasn’t at home, wasn’t in his own bed and the body snuggled against him wasn’t his wife. Jim slowly opened his eyes, scared it was just a dream but also terrified it was actually real.

He peered down and swallowed nervously. Alex’s head was resting so comfortably on his chest and his own arm was wrapped protectively around him.

‘Shit’ he silently muttered to himself. His body was very aware of Alex’s closeness and if the younger man awoke too soon then he’d be in for a very rude awakening. Jim held his breath as he ever so slowly began to extract himself from Alex. Every voice in his head was telling him to stay and savour it but he couldn’t do that. Alex looked so peaceful, so beautiful. He wanted to lean over and press a gentle kiss to his forehead but he couldn’t do that either. It was wrong; so _very_ wrong…

Jim carefully slipped off the bed and reached for his pants, quietly slipped them on then grabbed his shoes and his shirt. He almost humorously tiptoed to the door and slipped into the hallway. He pulled his clothes on then very stealthily sneaked by the landlord's door. Jim walked down the block to a small convenience store and deli and purchased some basic necessities. On his way back he stopped by his car and grabbed his overnight bag.

The main door of the building was broken so he had no trouble getting back inside and up to Alex’s place. He immediately regretted leaving his door unlocked while he was out but it was too early and he hadn’t been gone long.

Once back inside he checked to make sure Alex was still sleeping then he removed his shoes and went into the tiny kitchen.

Alex had the very basics so within minutes Jim had the bacon cooking and the eggs frying but it was the smell of coffee that roused Alex from his sleep. He sat up and looked around in utter confusion but his face broke into a smile when he saw Jim.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Jim greeted him.

Alex padded across the floor and leaned against the counter top.

“Coffee?” Jim held up one of the disposable cups and Alex smiled as he took it.

“No one’s ever bought me coffee in the morning before,” Alex stated. “Or cooked me breakfast.”

“You have literally nothing to eat in the fridge or the cupboards. You’re not going to starve on my watch.”

“Thank you, Sh… Jim,” Alex smiled. “For staying, for worrying about me,” he paused. “But I really am okay.”

“I can see that but I care about you, Alex, so I’m allowed to worry.”

Alex sipped his coffee while Jim busied himself cooking up a delicious breakfast. He served it up and they sat opposite each other at the tiny kitchen table. Alex asked after Kyle and the conversation flowed smoothly until there was a knock at the door. Before Alex could get up, the door opened and Seb burst into the apartment with a tool-belt around his waist. His eyes locked with Jim’s and immediately darkened.

“Oh, _you're_ still here” he muttered before his gaze shifted to the unmade bed. The wheels in his head were churning as though trying to calculate what had happened between the two men during the night.

“Jim took _real_ good care of me last night,” Alex said to Seb while smiling at Jim.

His heart fluttered at the way Alex was gazing at him. He knew it was just a show for the other man, just like their kiss in the hall. Wanting to sell it, Jim reached for Alex’s hand and brought it to his lips, teasingly kissing his palm. Alex _giggled_ so Jim kissed his hand again.

Seb began to mutter under his breath as he walked past them and into the bathroom. He wasn’t sure how long the man would stay in there for but he didn’t immediately release Alex’s hand; he was thrilled that Alex didn’t attempt to pull away.

They continued eating but in a comfortable silence this time. They could hear Seb making a lot of noise in the bathroom and both exchanged pointed looks. Jim took their empty plates and placed them in the sink unable to rinse them due to the water issue but as soon as they heard Seb collecting up his tools, Jim scooped Alex up and set him upon the counter. The younger man immediately parted his legs and pulled Jim between them so the intimate exchange would be the first thing Seb saw. Alex sold it by leaning into Jim and pressing a kiss to his neck.

“Water’s fixed,” Seb coughed.

“I trust it won’t be an issue again,” Jim said to him. Their eyes locked; Seb appeared weirdly over-jealous so Jim smirked to himself. Seb huffed an unintelligible response then left.

Jim respectfully moved away from Alex and over to the sink to begin washing up. He was very aware of the younger man’s eyes on him while he worked. He pressed closer to the sink, wishing his excitement away. Once everything was clean and put away, Jim knew he couldn’t stay. He hoped Alex would ask him to but he didn’t.

Alex promised Jim he was okay and he wanted to believe him but it took all his strength and resolve not to kiss him goodbye. He grabbed his bag and his gun before walking out the door. Putting one foot in front of the other was hard, leaving Alex was even harder. He pushed open the main door and stepped out onto the street but had barely gone far when he heard his name.

Jim looked up to see Alex peering over the rail of the fire escape.

“Jim?” Alex called, waving. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

Without thinking, Jim blew him a kiss before slowly walking away.


	12. Chapter 12

He’d left his jacket behind; Alex wasn’t sure if Jim had done so on purpose or if it’d been a genuine accident. Either way, it became Alex’s gain as he took to wearing it everywhere over the next few days. He told himself it was because Jim’s jacket was warmer than the one he owned but wearing it just felt like being constantly engulfed in his arms. It smelt like him too, not in a bad way but a comforting one.

Alex hurried down the stairs and past Seb’s door but it opened and the man appeared as usual. His eyes scanned the jacket and he folded his arms across his chest.

“Haven’t seen your old man around,” Seb pressed.

“Uh, yeah, busy… working… life of a cop, you know?” Alex said as he pulled the jacket around himself like armour.

“You can do better,”

“Sebastian!”

“Come on, Alex, these old perverts are all the same; they prey on you young ‘uns and reel you in, keep you for a couple years then trade you in for someone younger. The older they get, the younger they want their toys.”

“He’s not like that.”

Alex could feel himself getting annoyed but wasn’t sure why he didn’t just tell the truth. Seb seemed genuinely bothered by thinking something sexual had happened between Alex and Jim.

“You all say that,” he added. “But they all end up the same.”

“Well, how are you any better?” Alex pushed. “Always offering to cut my rent in half if I-”

“That’s different; we _both_ benefit from that.”

Alex sighed.

“I have to get to work.”

He hightailed it out of there before Sebastian could start on something else. Alex made his way to the club and found Ty rummaging through his wardrobe.

“He’s coming to see me tonight!” Ty declared. Alex didn’t have to ask who _he_ was because he already knew.

“I have to do something extra special just for him,”

Alex listened to him ramble for some time though his own thoughts shifted to Jim as he realized he never asked him just how many times he’d been here. Davey had called him a regular so Jim had obviously visited regularly. There were so many questions he hadn’t bothered to ask and was regretting it now.

He removed Jim’s jacket and draped it over the back of his chair.

“Nice jacket,” Clive called over his shoulder. “Where did you get that kind of cash?”

“It uh it's not mine,” Alex confessed. “It belongs to a friend.”

“Ohhhh; what kind of friend?”

Ty’s ears perked up and he spun around to look hopefully at Alex.

“The sugar daddy kind?” He asked.

“Can we stop using that term?” Alex said.

“There’s no shame in-” Clive started but Alex cut him off.

“I know, but that’s not for me and he really is just a friend from back home. He was worried and came looking for me.”

“Well, none of _my_ friends ever bothered to find me.”

“I’m sorry… but I doubt he’ll be back.”

“An expensive jacket like that? He’ll be back for it.”

Alex looked away, his eyes trailing over the aforementioned jacket. It didn’t _look_ expensive to him but the Valenti family had never exactly acted like they were rolling in disposable income. Sure, they’d gifted Kyle a car as a graduation present but that had been a logistical decision. Hadn’t it?

Ty moved closer and placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

“Ignore him,” he whispered. “He’s just jealous.”

“Jealous?”

He shook his head then waited until Clive had moved on.

“We heard about your attempt to stage dive on Valentine’s,” Ty said. “And your knight in shining armour.”

“It wasn’t-”

“Clive’s been dreaming of being swept off his feet since the day he started here.”

“It really wasn’t like that; he’s just a friend of my father’s.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“You’d better hope he doesn’t come back then Alex. Never cross that line with someone so close to home. Find yourself someone else.”

“First you tell me to get a sugar daddy then I connect with a friend and you’re telling me to stop?” Alex frowned. “Whatever I do outside of this club is no one’s business but mine.”

Alex turned on his heel and stormed off; he didn’t know why he felt so upset.

*

He continued to wear Jim’s jacket to and from work even occasionally around his studio when it was very chilly and the window wouldn’t close properly. He was trying to sneak inside when Seb’s door opened and he grinned widely at Alex who wasn’t in the mood to deal with him right now.

“You got mail,” Seb told him almost suspiciously. 

“What?” Alex frowned. “Junk mail?”

“Nope; it’s a package with no return address.”

“Oh?

“How about you gimmie a little kiss and I’ll give it to you?”

“How about I kick you in the balls and we call it even?”

Seb’s eyes narrowed, clearly trying to decide if that was something Alex would actually do. He reached inside then used his foot to kick a box into the hallway. 

“Maybe we can try the kiss another time; when you’re feeling more generous,” he suggested.

Alex didn’t say anything as he knelt down and scooped up the box. It was heavier than he expected but cautiously carried it up to his place. Once inside he deposited it on the table then grabbed a knife to tear into the packaging. The postmark was from Lubbock, Texas. He didn’t know anyone who lived there.

He opened the box and found a small envelope which he carefully opened.

‘Hope these help, call me if you need anything else, - Jim’

Underneath that was his cell phone number. Alex’s heart skipped a beat; Jim still wanted to watch out for him.

The first item he saw was a pack of marshmallows. Beneath those were a few protein bars, a first aid kit and at the bottom of the box was a set of brand-new sheets. He immediately teared up. Jim had clearly had no idea what to send but had wanted to show he cared and he’d remembered how upset Alex had been when he’d admitted to only having one set of sheets.

He reached for his burner phone and immediately typed in Jim’s number but quickly came to his senses. What if Jim’s phone wasn’t safe to text? Maybe there was a chance Michelle or even Jesse could get their hands on it then they would know… they too could come looking for him… but he couldn’t not say thank you.

Alex sank down in the chair and tore open one of the protein bars. It tasted disgusting but he appreciated the sentiment and he was hungry. 

He wanted to call Jim, he wanted to hear his voice and maybe ask if he’d meant to leave his jacket behind. If he hadn’t then maybe he’d have to come collect it and then he could see him again. Alex hadn’t realized how much he missed his friends back home, even if they had all left town; Maria and Mimi were still there… but he couldn’t go back. Roswell wasn’t his home anymore; his future wasn’t there but it wasn’t _here_ either. 

Surely there was no harm in not severing _every_ tie to Roswell just yet. He hoped Jim would visit at least one more time but maybe all he needed to do was send one simple text.

Alex moved over to the bed and sank down on the mattress, phone in one hand and Jim’s note in the other. He didn’t know what to say.

‘Hey’ sounded too casual but ‘thanks’ wasn’t the best way to start a conversation either especially if Michelle happened to see the message. He knew he shouldn’t be so nervous. There was no harm in texting a married man, right? Plus, Jim had said they were on the brink of divorce.

Why hadn’t Alex pressed for more information? Jim had been opening up to him and Alex had dismissed him.

He typed a text then deleted it.

‘Thanks for looking out for me, Sheriff,” he typed.

Should he call him Jim or keep it casual? Why was he stressing over this?

He pressed send then put the phone down, reached for Jim’s jacket and hugged it to him, inhaling the remaining traces of his unique scent.


	13. Chapter 13

He’d never sent a care package before but Michelle had been packing one to send to Kyle in Michigan which was what gave him the idea. Jim didn’t know what to send without seeming like he was trying to dictate what Alex needed but the one thing he remembered was the way Alex had teared up at not having a second set of sheets.

There were so many little things that he never thought about because his wife was one of the sweetest yet toughest women he’d ever met. He never thought about how often she washed their sheets (especially now they tended to sleep in separate beds). Jim had never bought fabric softener or even washing up detergent; he’d never sewn a button. Were these things Alex had to do now?

Why hadn’t he thought to _ask_? Alex had told him not to be a stranger so he obviously wanted Jim to come visit him again but should he?

He decided it was probably best to stay away especially after what had gone down. He often found himself replaying the kiss over and over in his mind. Jim knew Alex hadn’t meant anything by it, it was just to make the landlord think there was something going on between them… He never should’ve agreed to share a bed with him either because that was another memory that wouldn’t leave him alone, waking up with Alex’s body pressed against his, Alex’s head resting on his chest. His own cock had been standing to attention to the point if Alex had seen it, Jim would’ve been mortified.

He remembered how easily Alex had allowed him to pick him up. Again, it was all a show for Seb but Alex’s lips on Jim’s neck had felt so soft and gentle.

He should’ve apologized; he knew that now. It had been wrong not to clear the air and acknowledge their actions towards each other had all been an act.

Jim found himself rummaging in the hall closet, so many things in here that he’d never seen before but on the very top shelf was a collection of unopened sheets. Kyle had taken some with him to college but the rest remained here, forgotten. 

Once he had enough items to warrant it, he had to track down Alex’s address by using a street directory. On his next trip to Lubbock, he posted the box to Alex. He spent almost an hour trying to compose a letter but, in the end, he kept it short and to the point. Jim added his cell phone number at the last minute then immediately second guessed himself. Alex knew he could reach Jim at the Sheriff’s station, was he pushing it by giving him his direct number?

As he walked out of the post office, he felt another wave of panic overcome him. What if he _had_ overstepped and Alex didn’t contact him? He tried not to think about that but unfortunately for him, all he could think about was Alex and how much he wished to be holding him again.

*

It was mid-morning, still too early for lunch but well after his coffee break. Jim was sitting behind the desk in his office, opposite him was Max Evans who’d only been working with the department for a few months. He was a relatively good kid who was clearly trying to atone. Jim hadn’t wanted to give him a chance but on paper Max was the perfect candidate for the job.

Jim was trying to think of any reason at all to fail Max’s probationary evaluation when his phone buzzed. He knew he should ignore it but reached down to open the drawer. Jim saw the ‘1 new message’ written on the screen and he immediately dismissed Max. He practically pushed him from the office before he closed the door behind him.

His hand was shaking as he pressed the button to open the message. It was from a number he didn’t recognize and his heart skipped a beat. The message was short and to the point; informal and almost cold. His heart sank.

“Anytime,” Jim wrote back. “Happy to help”

He sent the reply then waited one minute, three minutes, five minutes. Was that the end of their exchange? Sure, he had Alex’s number now but was that so he could contact him in future? Had he overstepped but Alex wasn’t comfortable enough to tell him to back off?

He stared at his phone, waiting for another text.

‘I appreciate it’ Alex texted and Jim sighed with relief.

Jim’s finger hovered over the call button. His eyes flicked towards the closed door and he moved closer, peered out through the blinds at Max. The kid was Alex’s age but didn’t act like it. He pressed the call button and listened to the sound of the phone ringing. One ring, two rings, three rings. He began to panic; was Alex not going to answer? Should he hang up?

“Jim?”

Alex’s voice was soft, gentle, almost breathless.

“I’m sorry, did I get you at a bad time?” He heard the guilt in his voice, covering his face with his hand.

“N… No,” Alex whispered. “I, uh, I…”

“You got the care package then?”

“I did; thank… thank you,”

“Uh I didn’t want to overstep.”

“You… you didn’t,”

Jim paused, pressed the phone closer to his ear, trying to listen to Alex’s voice. It sounded _off_ but he couldn’t put his finger on why.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked him. “You sound… tired?”

“Just lonely,” Alex replied. “I mean, I uh no, I’m just… it’s been a rough few days at work”

“Oh? Rough?”

“I meant... busy… But I have a few days off so…”

“Plans?”

“Thinking of choreographing a new routine; maybe designing a new costume.”

“Any ideas?”

“Not yet; Davey says the sluttier the better so…”

“Can’t wait to see it,” Jim was already envisioning it in his mind but realized a moment too late what he’d said. “I mean, uh, see what you come up with and uh I’m sure it’ll look great… not that I uh… That is… Uh…”

Alex’s laugh sounded so beautiful; light and gentle. It made Jim’s heart flutter and he hated himself for it. Again, he peered through the blinds at Max who was now chewing on a pen and he held back a sigh. It wasn’t _right_ ; he shouldn’t be thinking about Alex in that way.

“I just meant that,” he coughed to clear his throat and turned away from the door, to stop looking at Max. “You’re very… creative.”

“Thanks Jim,” Alex said, still chuckling. “But, uh, you’ll let me know what you think right? I mean, that is… you are, uh, going to come see me, yeah?”

He didn’t know how to respond, didn’t want to appear too eager at the idea of watching Alex at work even if the very image was making his heart flutter and his cock stir.

“Oh, I uh, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea,” he tried to be reasonable. “I mean, you don’t want a… a dirty old man like me hanging around.”

Jim closed his eyes, his words hitting too close to home.

“I’m used to men watching me dance,” Alex said to him. “Makes me feel like a…” his voice hitched a fraction. “A _naughty boy_ ,” Alex giggled, playfully.

Jim gnawed on his bottom lip to stop himself reacting.

“Did I say something wrong?” Alex sounded worried and Jim immediately felt that he’d let him down by not saying anything…. but the things he _wanted_ to say were wrong; _so wrong_.

“No, it’s not you, Alex,” Jim assured him as he reached up and loosened his tie. All this talk of Alex feeling like a naughty boy just made him think of Alex dressed as that elf and being spanked by Santa. “I just…” he dropped his voice even lower. “Everything I want to say to you sounds wildly inappropriate,”

“Say it anyway,” Alex’s breathless voice caused him to swallow nervously. “Please, Jim?”

“I shouldn’t,” he whispered.

“Please?”

He closed his eyes, listening to the breathless sounds Alex was making and he froze. Was he…? Was Alex doing what he thought he was doing? No; he couldn’t be… wouldn’t be. Would he?

“Jim?” Alex softly gasped.

Tears immediately filled his eyes and he swallowed hard. He knew what he wanted to say but it was crazy, ridiculous, _wrong_. It was so very wrong to say it to Alex of all people but he was asking him, begging him to say it.

“ _I like to get rough with naughty boys,_ ” Jim whispered. “Teach them a lesson by… putting them over my knee and… _Spanking_ them.”

“Uh.”

Alex’s tiny gasp was beautiful and Jim’s hand moved to touch himself.


	14. Chapter 14

Despite months of working as a stripper, being leered at and catcalled, bordering on being groped and felt up by complete strangers, Alex had never felt more ashamed or humiliated as he lie on the bed in his apartment, hugging Jim’s jacket to his naked chest and covered in a pool of his own cum. His heart was racing, eyes filling with tears as he grabbed his cell phone from where it was lodged between his shoulder and his ear. He ended the call, turned the phone off and threw it across the room. Alex heard it land and briefly wondered if he’d broken it but he couldn’t worry about that right now.

His hands were shaking as he very slowly sat up and he allowed the jacket to fall onto the bed beside him. What had he done? How had he allowed _that_ to happen? What had he been thinking? He tried to blink away the tears but they slowly began to trickle down his cheeks.

Alex reached up and hastily wiped them away but his tears kept falling. He stumbled to his feet, getting tangled in his pants which were around his ankles and he kicked them off as the tears stung his eyes. He continued unsteadily across to the bathroom and threw himself in the shower. The hot water didn’t help to ease his shame; the only reason he even _had_ hot water was because Jim had fought for it.

He pressed his face into the tiles as the water scorched his body. Alex welcomed the pain, the water washing the tears from his face as he tried to wipe the remnants from his cock. He continued to sob long after there was nothing physical left to wash from his body.

He turned the shower off and sank down on the wet tiled floor, leaning against the wall and hiding his face in shame. Jim had been _so good_ to him. How could he have done that?

He wasn’t even sure how it had escalated so quickly. He’d been sitting on his bed, hugging Jim’s jacket and thinking of how good he’d felt being held in the man’s strong arms then he’d slowly peeled his shirt away, to feel the jacket on his skin. It hadn’t been quite enough so he’d wriggled free of his pants and felt a thrill of excitement as his cock stirred. Alex hadn’t been with anyone in weeks and the scant fumbles hadn’t meant anything. He’d reached for his phone to text Jim a simple thank you but the second he heard the man’s voice in his ear, he hadn’t been able to stop touching himself.

How was he ever going to explain himself? How could he possibly face Jim again? There was no way Jim hadn’t known what Alex was doing. He’d practically screamed the man’s name when he came; had he ended the call in time though? He couldn’t remember; had Jim heard _everything?_ He hated himself for being so desperate. Maybe he could pack up and move? Surely Jim wouldn’t come looking for him again? Though after _that_ embarrassment he was pretty sure Jim would never want to see him ever again.

Alex stayed sobbing on the bathroom floor a long time until he finally pulled himself together thanks to Ty’s voice in his head. Ty had told him there was no shame in being attracted to an older man, nothing to be embarrassed about in pleasuring yourself. Alex was an eighteen-year-old male stripper, he often had to rub one out to release the pent-up excitement from his job. Surely this could be written off the same way?

It wasn’t even close but if he told himself it was then he could black it out.

He grabbed a towel and dried himself off then dressed in whatever clothes he could find. He definitely needed to do some washing so he collected up all his dirty laundry then headed down to the basement; having a task to focus on was a distraction he desperately needed but it didn’t help. His phone was still somewhere on the floor of his studio; he could never touch it again. He sat on top of the washing machine, trying to visualise playing his guitar and wanting to go upstairs to fetch it but not wanting to set foot in his place anytime soon. He paced the tiny room, trying not to think about what he’d done and the awkward position he’d put Jim in. Alex hated himself more than he ever thought possible.

He grabbed his wet clothes from the machine and started up the stairs. Right on cue, Seb’s door opened and he began to leer at Alex who _really_ wasn’t in the mood but at least talking to Seb was a distraction. Except Seb noticed his tear stained cheeks and asked if he was okay, his immediate question being had the cop tired of him already. Alex didn’t even justify a response; he hoisted the bag of wet clothes over his shoulder and practically ran back up the stairs. He immediately closed then bolted the door behind him so Seb wouldn’t try to follow him.

He turned around and his eyes fell on the bed; where he’d been when he… He turned away and he spied the discarded jacket. Anger boiled inside him; he could blame the jacket! He kicked the garment under his bed then moved into the bathroom to hang the clothes up to dry. He didn’t have to work for the next three nights and now he wished he _was_ because that was the distraction he really needed.

Alex grabbed his wallet and made sure his fake ID was inside, the ID he swore he’d only use for work purposes, and he climbed out the window. Down the fire escape until he reached the ground then he went looking for any place that could be tricked into selling him alcohol.

*

He’d never been drunk in his life; with a father as strict as Jesse Manes there were just some rules he knew to never try to break. It wasn’t that the opportunity never presented itself, Liz’s older sister Rosa tried on more than one occasion to get him tipsy but knowing the consequences he’d face if Jesse found him drunk or hungover… it just wasn’t worth the risk. He and Maria had sneaked the occasional shot at the Wild Pony but he’d never written himself off; until today.

Alex had been careful with his money, not spending it on luxuries or unnecessary purchases but after what he’d done, he knew this was an emergency. The store that he scored a bottle of booze from was several blocks from his place and the weather was _cold_ without Jim’s jacket but he took his time, not in any hurry to go back there yet realizing he had nowhere else to go. Maybe that was why he’d inappropriately latched onto Jim because he was familiar and reminded him of home… not that he particularly missed home.

It was no easy feat to climb up the fire escape with a glass bottle but he successfully managed to safely crawl back in his window. Too ashamed to sit on the bed, he sank down on the floor and opened the bottle. It didn’t taste great but he drank it anyway, watching as the amount of liquid in the bottle slowly dropped the more he drank until he was too tired to keep drinking and he slowly drifted off to sleep.

*

The sound of someone attempting to knock the door from its hinges was what roused him from his alcohol induced slumber. He unsteadily got to his feet and crossed the room; his brain wasn’t entirely focused as he reached up and unbolted the door. Alex opened the door and froze. 

Jim Valenti was standing before him with concern in his eyes and Alex felt another wave of embarrassment and shame wash over him but Jim carefully stepped forward as Alex moved aside to allow him into his space.

Jim closed the door behind himself then he reached out for Alex. Tears filled his eyes but he flung himself into Jim’s open arms as he sobbed and hiccuped an apology then he felt Jim’s lips against his forehead and he collapsed from exhaustion.

  
  
  



	15. Chapter 15

Jim had tried calling Alex several times after their call had abruptly cut out and upon receiving no answer, he knew he really only had one option; he needed to go to him, see him in person. He cleared his afternoon and the following day then told Michelle he had to unexpectedly go up to the cabin. It was an absolute lie but there were rare occasions where the caretaker would call him with a maintenance issue so Michelle didn’t question him or if she had doubts, she didn’t raise them with him.

It took him longer than he expected to get out of the station and home to pack an overnight bag. Too much precious time had already ticked away by the time he was on the road. He pulled over at a few rest stops and tried again to reach Alex but the longer time passed without him answering, the more worried Jim got.

The drive between New Mexico and Texas was around three and a half hours so he was quite pleased with himself that he made it in three. He’d wished he’d taken a squad car so he could’ve blared the siren but that was probably going a little too far. Jim finally reached Alex’s building and shoved his way through the broken front door. He passed Seb’s door without interruption and hurried up the stairs where he began pounding on the door.

It was a sign of how out of it Alex was that he opened the door without even asking who was there. A sense of dread flashed through him as he envisioned a scenario in which it wasn’t him knocking on the door but Seb. Alex looked up at him with a lost, self-depreciated look in his eyes and his heart ached.

He took a step forward and Alex stepped aside to let him in. Jim pushed the door closed but his eyes stayed on Alex as he opened his arms and silently welcomed him into his embrace. Tears stained his cheeks as Alex threw himself against his chest and he wrapped his arms around him, holding him in a warm, protective embrace. He dared to press a kiss to Alex’s forehead as the younger man surrendered completely and collapsed.

Jim scooped Alex into his arms and carried him over to the bed, gently deposited him upon the mattress then set himself down beside him and continued to hold him in his arms.

Alex was mumbling to himself, his words slightly slurred as he alternated between apologizing and just whispering Jim’s name. He looked around and tried to see what he’d been drinking. The bottle was close enough for him to kick it closer with his foot. He picked it up, trying to guess how much he’d had.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered in slurred repetition but Jim simply held him tighter until Alex finally stopped speaking and sobbing.

Certain he was asleep; Jim gently lay him down then got to his feet and moved to the tiny kitchen. Once again Alex had the bare minimum and Jim sighed; he was going to have to go out and leave him but it was necessary. He searched for a key and found one, checked Alex was still sleeping then he sneaked out.

He returned barely fifteen minutes later with bottled water, aspirin and food. Alex was still sleeping but he roused him to start funnelling the bottled water in his mouth. To his credit, Alex didn’t argue or fight him, he merely did as he instructed and drank as much water as he could manage but in very small intervals.

When he was feeling more confident, Jim tried him on some of the food. He didn’t want Alex to be sick in the morning after his binge.

They still didn’t talk aside from Jim encouraging him to drink a little more or take just one more bite. He was anxious to ask questions but Alex wasn’t in the right state of mind for that so Jim watched over him well into the early hours of the morning. When Alex began to tremble, Jim held him and they both fell asleep until the alarm on Jim’s watch woke them at 6am.

He didn’t immediately release Alex but he had to in order to turn the alarm off. However, his arm was asleep from having Alex’s body pressed against his all night but Alex himself reached up and pressed the button on Jim’s watch. They were awake now; he felt Alex pulling away but couldn’t move himself just yet. He coughed to clear his throat.

“Aspirin on the table,” Jim said as Alex scooted to the foot of the bed.

Jim watched as Alex got to his feet and made the effort to reach the kitchen table. He slumped down in the chair and reached for the water and aspirin.

“How are you feeling?” Jim asked as he sat up.

“Like I went ten rounds with my dad,” Alex muttered.

“Bet your head’s killing you,”

Alex’s hand was shaking as he fought to remove the aspirin from its packaging. Swallowing the tablets and water seemed a challenge too but he managed it.

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” he muttered more to himself.

“A teenage boy living alone with a fake ID; I’m surprised it took you this long.”

“See it at work all the time; guys who can’t hold their liquor and I swore to never be like that,” Alex sighed. “Plus, it’s an… unnecessary expense.”

“Uh, be thankful you barely managed a third of the bottle?”

“I also make dumb decisions when I drink,”

“Don’t we all?” Jim paused. “I mean, I’ve done the ten steps… what, three times now? And I… almost fell off the wagon recently.”

Alex looked up in surprise.

“At your club,” Jim explained. “But I didn’t drink it; I _almost_ did… stopped myself though.”

“Good; you’ve been so strong for so long.”

Alex continued sipping the water while Jim awkwardly sat alone on the bed. This was _weird_. right? He didn’t know if he should ask.

“Are you up for breakfast?” Jim asked.

“Where does Mrs. Valenti think you are?” Alex suddenly blurted.

“At the hunting cabin, told her it was an emergency,”

“An emergency,” Alex repeated.

Jim took a deep breath; in his mind he could hear those beautiful breathless cries coming from Alex’s lips. This wasn’t how he wanted to talk about that but they had to clear the air and Alex had opened the channel.

“I was… worried about you,” he started very carefully. “I… heard you… on the phone and I, uh, said some things that were _very, very_ inappropriate but we got cut off then when I tried repeatedly to call you back, you never answered.”

“And so, you jumped in your car and came running?” Alex said. “After you… heard what you heard?”

“Yes.”

Alex cautiously looked up at Jim.

“I _had_ to come here and apologize,” Jim continued. “To… clear the air about how… wildly tasteless and improperly I behaved,”

“ _You_ behaved?” Alex gasped; shock evident on his face.

“Alex, I… haven’t stopped thinking about you since I left here that day… and… those thoughts of mine _aren’t_ the kind I should be having about a teenage boy,”

“Jim-”

“Ever since I saw you dancing on that stage… I… I’ve dreamt of you dancing for me and me alone… and it’s _wrong_ and immoral but I can’t shake it… And… when I heard your voice on the phone… I felt it in my heart, what you were… doing to yourself and…” he looked down at his hands in shame. “I hated that I wasn’t there… here… to see you,” he lowered his voice. “To watch you,”

“Jim-”

“When the phone went dead and I couldn’t reach you, I was afraid you’d been embarrassed by your behaviour and I had to come see you; tell you it’s okay and you don’t have to be embarrassed… but I was too late and you were drunk,”

“Jim, I wasn’t just embarrassed… I was horrified and mortified and ashamed that I dared to cross that line… I’d been living in that jacket you left behind and every time I wore it, it felt like I was back in your arms and I felt… safe; _you_ make me feel safe and… other things I’ve never felt before,”

“And it’s _wrong_.” 

“You’re married,”

“You’re only eighteen,”

“When I opened the door last night and saw it was you,” Alex whispered. “I suddenly wished I hadn’t been drinking because... when I saw the way you were looking at me… All I wanted was for you to kiss me,”

“You were drunk, I was worried,” Jim replied.

“And you stayed, to watch over me and… and take care of me,”

Alex climbed to his feet and moved across the room, back towards the bed as Jim slid along the mattress until he was sitting on the edge with his feet on the floor. Alex came very close; the tips of their toes were practically touching. Jim looked up at Alex but when the younger man leaned closer, he raised his hand and placed it upon Alex’s chest to stop him.

“Not like _this_ , Alex,” Jim whispered. “Not while you’re hungover and neither of us have brushed our teeth,”

“Jim-”

“Have a shower, you’ll feel better and we’ll go for breakfast then we can talk,”

“Talk?”

“Please, Alex? You’ve had a rough night so go freshen up and you’ll feel better; trust me, talking from experience here.”

He saw the hurt in Alex’s eyes so Jim immediately reached for his hand and brought it to his lips, kissed his palm with a smile. Alex cast a small smile back at him before he turned and walked away, straight into the bathroom. He left the door open and Jim had to exercise great restraint to resist the temptation of peeking. Alex was playing with him but he wasn’t going to be baited just yet. Now wasn’t the right time… but the time would come, wouldn’t it?


	16. Chapter 16

Alex knew he was pushing things by purposely leaving the bathroom door open as he slowly stripped naked and stepped into the shower. He peered over once or twice but Jim was being respectful and not looking at him. He knew it was sweet of him but a part of him had wanted Jim to look… to _know_ that what they’d been saying without actually saying it meant they _were_ both on the same page.

Jim had said it was wrong; they’d acknowledged Jim was married and Alex was young. They _shouldn't_ want this yet they both did, didn’t they? He hadn’t said he didn’t _want_ to kiss Alex, just that he didn’t want it ‘like this’... what was that supposed to mean?

The warm water of the shower really did help and when Alex stepped into the bathroom, wrapped the towel around himself, he breathed a sigh. He vowed to never drink again.

He didn’t want to pull the same rumpled clothes he’d slept in back on and the things he’d washed the previous day were still damp so he had no choice but to move back into the main living area. Jim was in the kitchen but Alex hadn’t expected to find him in such close proximity. He watched as Jim’s eyes met with his for a moment before trailing down his naked chest. He suddenly wished he’d worked out more; his physique wasn’t terrible since he had to maintain a certain look for his job but he wasn’t anywhere near as firm and muscular as Jim. 

Alex swallowed nervously as his heart began to race. He watched Jim’s eyes as they roamed over his body, watching some of the beads of water trickling down his chest. Alex held his breath as Jim slowly reached out, his fingers so close to his skin but the older man stopped just shy of touching him. His eyes shifted back to Alex’s and their gazes locked.

His heart was still racing as he took the initiative, reached up to where the towel was tied in a knot at his waist. Eyes still focused on each other, Alex loosened the knot and allowed the towel to drop to the floor so he was standing completely naked before Jim. Maybe it was the remnants of alcohol in his system that was making him be so bold or maybe it was just that he wanted _this_ so desperately. 

Jim took a single step forward, cupped Alex’s cheek with his hand then leaned in and kissed him. The moment their lips touched, Alex felt himself swooning. _Swooning_! His knees were shaking from the excitement as he felt Jim’s arm around his waist, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. Alex parted his lips and Jim’s tongue slid into his mouth. It was intoxicating and he never wanted to pull away.

But Jim stopped and leaned back, abruptly ending their kiss. They paused as they each looked into the others eyes and Alex slowly, teasingly, licked his lips.

They crashed into each other as they both leaned forward, eager to resume their embrace. Lips crushed together, Jim’s clothed body pressed into Alex’s as he wrapped his arms around Alex’s nakedness and held him tight. His still damp body could feel the barrier of Jim’s clothes but he wasn’t certain if he should… 

Jim’s hands trailed down his back and Alex groaned into their kiss. He felt Jim’s fingers cup his naked ass, squeezing him affectionately and he was hoisted off his feet.

Alex wrapped his legs around Jim’s waist, pressing his growing hardness against his chest but a moment later he was set upon the bench. The memory of being in this very position for Seb to see them flashed through his mind as he grasped Jim’s neck, deepening their kisses and revelling in the taste and feel of Jim’s tongue mingling with his.

His naked ass on his own kitchen bench, his head spinning from too much alcohol the previous night and now he was _kissing Jim Valenti_!. He felt one of Jim’s large hands close over his cock and he whimpered into their kiss as Jim’s fingers began to stroke him.

The movements were slow and almost lazy, in tune with their kisses until Jim’s fingers slid underneath and began to massage Alex’s balls. It had been too long since anyone had touched him there and he could feel his arousal seeping through his entire body. He wasn’t going to last long at this rate but he _wanted_ it to, wanted it to last forever.

Jim’s lips left his and began to tease his neck with soft kisses and gentle nips of his teeth on his skin. Alex closed his eyes and lost himself in the sensations of everything Jim did to him. His lips, his teeth, his touch. His fingers were working him closer and closer; all Alex could do was whimper and moan while his hands clung to Jim. Fingers in his hair, others gripping his shirt so tightly in his fist.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jim’s breath was warm against his ear and Alex trembled with delight as he half-sobbed, half-moaned Jim’s name.

“It’s okay,” Jim whispered. “Come for me, _Alex_ _._ ”

His entire body shuddered as he came, Jim’s fingers worked him, milking every drop as it covered his cock, Jim’s hand, his chest and Jim’s now rumpled shirt. Alex’s body gave out and he collapsed against Jim. He was exhausted and overwhelmed and found himself sobbing in Jim’s strong arms. 

It took several minutes before Alex was able to compose himself and even longer for him to reluctantly leave Jim’s firm embrace. He slowly leaned back and his face immediately flushed with embarrassment at the mess he’d made of himself and Jim’s clothes. His gaze shifted to the older man’s face and he could see only love and admiration in his eyes. Jim reached up and cupped Alex’s cheek, brushed the tears from his face with his thumb then he tenderly kissed him.

He hadn’t felt tender affection in so long, not since… Alex pushed the thought aside and nuzzled his face against Jim’s neck, softly kissed his exposed skin.

“That was… you are _breathtaking_ ,” Jim whispered.

“I… I ruined your shirt,” Alex winced. _That_ was the first thing he thought to say? His face instantly flushed in embarrassment again.

“Hey,” Jim touched his chin and urged him to meet his gaze. “It’ll wash out.”

Jim leaned in for another kiss as he began to unbutton his shirt. Alex’s heart began to race but he was surprised when Jim stepped aside and turned the tap, filling the sink with water.

He threw his shirt into the basin and ran his hands under the water before reaching over to clean the traces of cum from Alex’s cock. He bit his lip to stop himself from making any more embarrassing sounds as Jim cleaned him up.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked almost nervously.

“I, uh, don’t think it really helped my hangover,” Alex admitted as Jim turned the running water off.

“I can take you for breakfast, yeah?”

“You can take me anywhere, Jim.”

He watched as Jim moved towards him again and wrapped his arms around him. Alex was swept off the counter and into the man’s arms where he wanted to stay all day but he knew this bubble of happiness wouldn’t last.

When Jim placed him upon the bed and asked him to get dressed, Alex felt a sting of disappointment. They’d barely gotten started and Jim was pulling away; had he not been good enough? Should he have offered to return the favour? What was he supposed to do?

“Don’t, uh, don’t suppose you’ve got anything that might fit me… you know, since my shirt is… indisposed,” Jim said with a wink.

“Uh,” Alex stammered. “I, uh, maybe?”

He got up and crossed to the tiny closet, began to rummage until he found an old faded oversized shirt. When he turned around quickly, he saw the smirk on Jim’s face and realized he’d been watching Alex’s naked behind.

“You, uh, like what you see?” Alex asked, a hint of longing in his voice.

Jim moved towards him, his hand reached out and caressed Alex’s lower back before ghosting over the skin of his cheeks.

“Very much,” Jim whispered before dropping a kiss to Alex’s shoulder. “But I also appreciate you with your clothes _on_... and I’m starving right now.”

“So, uh, pancakes?”

“Pancakes sound perfect.”


	17. Chapter 17

Alex was teasing him; he was _sure_ of it, but not enough to actually ask him or tell him to stop. Every single movement was like a seduction and Jim’s brain, body, desire couldn’t handle it. Last time they’d sat opposite each other and eaten pancakes, Jim’s eyes had lingered on Alex’s lips as he’d licked syrup or ice cream from them but things were _different_ now. Alex had been oblivious to Jim’s infatuation then but now they’d crossed a line; they’d kissed and now Jim knew what those beautiful lips tasted like. He knew what it felt like to have Alex’s body pressed against his, his thick and hard cock in his hand. Alex’s hands in his hair, his breathless cries so close to his ear.

It was taking all of his resolve to stay sitting at this table, eating a hearty breakfast and not look like he’s trying to resist reaching across the table and kissing him senseless.

Had it been a mistake to engage? Alex was eighteen years old; Jim had known him his entire life. Had watched him grow under Jesse’s ruthless hand. Jim had tried to protect him without endangering anyone but a part of him had also feared Jesse Manes. The man knew things, things he could use to destroy Jim. Engaging in a sexual relationship with Jesse Manes’ teenage son was just asking for trouble. 

He might as well put his gun in his mouth and shoot himself now… but that wasn’t what he wanted. Jim _wanted_ to be with Alex. He was a bright spark in his dark, isolated world. He couldn’t stop now even if he wanted to.

“You’re, uh, very quiet,” Alex said as he picked up the bottle of syrup and drowned his pancakes.

“So are you,” Jim replied, watching as Alex’s tongue brushed over his lips.

“Never been hungover before; it feels weird.”

“Yeah, I know… It’s a wagon I’ve fallen off a few times…”

“I, uh, told myself I’d never… Used to be terrified what dad would do if he caught me drinking or drunk. Maria and I used to sneak quick ones from the pony but never enough to actually feel anything… then Guerin started…”

Alex immediately broke off, looked down at his plate and Jim reached over to take his hand. He knew about Alex and Michael, knew what Jesse had done when he’d caught them together and he’d arrested Guerin himself on several occasions already. For a young man who wasn’t even old enough to drink, he spent a lot of time in the drunk tank at the station.

“I told him to stop, to get himself together,” Alex said as he looked up and into Jim’s eyes. “I might’ve stayed if he had,”

“Jesse never would’ve permitted it.” 

“Guerin and I were sneaking around most of the summer…”

“He still knew.”

Alex’s eyes darkened.

“Of course he did,” Alex’s hand tensed beneath Jim’s and he gently caressed his palm until he eased.

“Do you hear from Kyle much?” Alex was changing the conversation which Jim knew was for the best.

“He calls once a week; usually asking for money.”

“He’s in Michigan, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Long way from home… planning to visit?”

“He came home for Christmas; Michelle said she might go see him for his birthday.”

“That’s… Nice.”

“So…” Jim wracked his brain, trying to think of _anything_ to say. “How’s work going?”

Alex began to chuckle and the sound was beautiful. Jim smiled as he watched the twinkle in Alex’s eyes.

“We’re _really_ going to talk about work?” He asked.

“You said you were planning to design something new… new outfit, new routine?” Jim pressed. “You uh implied you’d like my opinion.”

“I… I did.”

“Personally, I was looking forward to seeing you dressed as a slutty leprechaun but I _am_ wondering what you want to be.”

“How so?”

“You can be whoever you want to be, you’re creating a persona to make men desire you.”

He saw the way Alex shifted in the seat and his heart sank as he realized Alex didn’t see himself that way. The young man was beautiful but he couldn’t see it himself.

“They want the illusion,” Alex said. 

“You’ve always worn a mask, Alex, a persona you presented as armour,” Jim added “but now is your time to find yourself, decide _what_ you want. On that stage, you’re the one thing they want but can’t have… show them what they’re missing,”

“So, am I creating a character or am I meant to be selling myself?”

“Both; neither; either; you’re the one in control, Alex, so take control… I _know_ you can.”

They both fell silent as Alex turned his attention back to his syrup covered pancakes. Jim picked up his coffee and watched him over the brim of his cup, a small smile upon his lips. 

Something brushed his leg and he froze; this place wasn’t exactly high on the cleanliness level, what if it was a rat? It happened again but just a tad higher, above his calf. He looked up and noticed Alex was _smirking_. The younger man was playing footsie with him; it was absolutely adorable.

He fixed a neutral expression on his face as he pretended not to notice what Alex was doing. He stared across the table at him as Alex dipped his finger into the syrup of his pancakes then he lifted his hand and slowly slipped his finger into his mouth. He pulled his finger out then playfully teased his fingertip with his tongue, released a very low moan which shot straight to Jim’s groin.

But he was an adult and he had restraint; he’d trailed suspicious people, staked out homes of potential break-ins, had pulled all-nighters. He was a professionally trained officer and he’d been taught discipline.

Of course, none of his training officers had looked or sounded like Alex Manes; none had been as alluring and tempting and sweet as him. How the boy was _single_ Jim would never understand but he was thankful he was.

Alex was taking his time to lick every drop of syrup from his finger but once he did, he immediately scooped up more. If it was a battle of wills Alex wanted then Jim could play his game. He waved the server over and asked for a refill on his coffee. Jim didn’t say much, simply watched as Alex tried to entice him but he’d already made up his mind.

When Alex had finished eating, he left the table to wash his hands and Jim paid the bill. They headed to the car and both climbed in but neither knew where to go.

Despite the excitement hanging over them, they were both reluctant to voice what they _really_ wanted to do.

“So, uh, what _is_ there to do for fun around here?” Jim asked. “Tourist-wise, I mean?”

“I’m, uh, I’m not sure,” Alex admitted.

“You’ve been here over six months and don’t know what there is to do?”

“There’s a Walmart like twenty minutes away; it’s where I go grocery shopping… That’s basically all I do when I’m not working,”

“That’s the best you can do? Walmart?”

Alex shrugged and averted his eyes, stared down at his hands. Jim immediately feared he’d said something wrong.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve realized,” he said with a soft smile. “What if we just take a drive?”

Alex nodded his head in agreement. They’d been on the road less than five minutes when Jim saw the signs and began to follow them, more from curiosity. He pulled off when they reached a Cadillac Ranch and Alex began to laugh. It seemed very fitting.

The place wasn’t crowded since it was still relatively early but Jim liked it better that way. He didn’t feel like he needed to be on alert for any sign of crime or danger, not that he had any jurisdiction here anyway. They walked around the installations, admiring the paint and the patterns and just enjoying each other’s company. 

For a brief time, Jim was able to not think about what it had been like to kiss Alex… how small he’d felt in his arms, how desperately he wanted to hold his hand.

He knew he could do it, could just reach over and slide his hand into Alex’s. They could easily wander around here, casually chatting and holding hands but neither of them took the initiative. Their hands brushed occasionally but that was all and Jim knew exactly what their problem was. While they wanted to be together, it was much easier behind closed doors and away from prying eyes.

They walked around for a long time then stopped at the gift shop where Jim bought a miniature Cadillac as a souvenir for Alex. He then offered to take him grocery shopping.

Jim couldn’t remember the last time he’d set foot in a Walmart but watching Alex pushing the trolley around the aisle, doing something as domestic as grocery shopping just made him, once again, want to shove Alex in the car and force him back to Roswell. He was eighteen years old, he needed to be at college or at home… not living rough under a sleazy landlord.

But Alex _was_ an adult and it wasn’t his place to drag him home. He’d said himself that Roswell wasn’t home anymore. Alex’s home was somewhere else, somewhere better, where he could spread his wings and grow into something else, someone better than small town alien-infested Roswell.

His trolley was still very empty as Alex started towards the front to pay. Jim couldn’t help sneaking a peek but Alex defended his choices by saying this was how he chose to live because he needed to save money. When Jim offered to pay, Alex’s eyes darkened for a brief moment and he, once again, feared he’d said the wrong thing.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Jim spoke sincerely. “I didn’t mean to over step.”

“I… I get it,” Alex replied, attempting a small smile. “But I’m doing this on my own and I can’t… won’t…”

“It’s not charity, I just want to be sure you’re taking care of yourself.”

“I am, really.”

Jim held back a sigh, knew he’d have to accept that Alex was too proud and too determined. 

“Okay,” Jim nodded. “Okay.”

He felt Alex’s hand on his arm and looked up to meet his eyes.

“It’s very sweet that you want to help,” Alex added as he lowered his voice and peered around to make sure no one could hear them. “But I don’t need a sugar daddy.”

He bit his lip; is that what Alex thinks this is? No, he didn’t want to _buy_ Alex’s affection, didn’t want Alex thinking that was what he wanted. He knew he should voice this but the middle of a store wasn’t the place for this conversation. He nodded, turned on his heel and told Alex he’d meet him in the car then he walked away.

Jim stared at the clock as he waited for Alex. The sound of someone knocking on the window broke his train of thought and he looked over to see Alex at the trunk of the car. He opened it, waited for him to pack his things then return the trolley. By the time Alex was sitting in the passenger seat, Jim didn’t know how to broach the subject so he drove back to Alex’s place in silence.

They unloaded the groceries and headed inside. Seb’s door opened as Alex grabbed Jim’s hand and the landlord glared at Jim. All he could do was smirk as he walked past and up the stairs. 

“How does he always know when it’s you?” Jim asked him. Alex shrugged; he was still holding Jim’s hand.

“I told you, some weird ass sixth sense of his,” he replied.

Alex had to release his hand to unlock the door. They went inside and Jim’s eyes fell on his shirt still soaking in the sink. He placed the bags on the table then went to fetch his shirt, wringing it out with his hands. Neither of them spoke as he watched Alex cross over to the one shelf in the room and place the souvenir Cadillac upon it before moving to start putting his meagre purchases away. Jim picked up one of the discarded bags and put his wet shirt inside it.

It was lunchtime; Jim wanted to ask Alex out to lunch but since he’d already paid for breakfast, he didn’t want to say the wrong thing again so he opted for the smart option.

“Guess I should head off, long drive and all,” he said.

Alex spun around and looked at him in surprise. His eyes clearly asking the question neither of them was willing to voice. Had this morning been a mistake? Were they both just going to pretend it hadn’t happened? Did they both want this or had it been a heat of the moment thing?

“You’ll, uh, want to be home before dinner,” Alex agreed. “To be with your wife,”

Why did the truth hurt so much? Yes, he _was_ married but didn’t Alex know that was mostly for show now? How could he know, Jim hadn’t specifically told him? 

“Suppose you’ll need to rest up for tonight; all that energy required for taking your clothes off in public,” Jim replied. He heard the words coming from his mouth and didn’t understand them. Why? Why was he saying these things? Why was he using that tone?

He saw the tears in Alex’s eyes, wanted so badly to hold him and tell him he hadn’t meant it. So why were his feet carrying him further away from Alex, towards the door? He reached for the doorknob but couldn’t bring himself to turn it.

Tears filled his own eyes as he stared at the closed door. He didn’t want to leave but he couldn’t stay. If he stayed, he’d wrap Alex in his arms, carry him to the bed and make love to him all afternoon. After what he’d just said, Alex would never let him touch him again and he’d have every right to tell him to go fuck himself.

“I’m sorry. Alex,” he said to the door. “I’m sorry for what I just said; I _never_ should have… I’ve never done anything like this before… I mean, I _have…_ I’m no saint, I’ve cheated on her, lied to her, broken her heart more times than I care to admit… and _you deserve better_ than that. You’re young, beautiful, talented, a true gift and you should be treated as such,”

“You think _I'm_ a gift?” 

“Alex,” he finally turned around to look at his tear stained face. 

“Then I… hope you saved your receipt so you can claim a refund,” Alex choked.

Jim stared at him, standing only meters apart and his heart ached. He didn’t want a refund, he didn’t want to return him, he just wanted to be _with_ him but they couldn’t be together. Alex was… a _young_ man and Jim _wasn't_. 

“I don’t want a refund,” he stated. “And I don’t want to be a sugar daddy… But being around you is proving harder and harder because when you smile at me, my heart races and when you touch my hand, butterflies flutter in my stomach. When your tongue flickers the way it does over your lips, I want to be kissing you; I hate standing this far apart from you! I hate the idea of you dancing half naked on a stage in a room full of men and me not being there to watch, to protect you and to cheer for you. I’m jealous of how much they get to see you,”

“But they _don't_ see me,” Alex insisted. “They look at me dancing and undressing and just see another man degrading himself for money; _you see me_ telling a story, selling a persona, and you’re the one who pulled me from a crowd of men who saw me as nothing but a piece of meat for slaughter,”

“You’re like… a forbidden fruit,” Jim whispered as he moved closer to Alex. “That I want so badly to…”

“Pluck? Taste? Squeeze?”

“Yes,”

“So… do it,” Alex said to him. “Please?”

“I can’t, Alex,” Jim replied.

“But I… I want you to,” 

Alex gripped the base of his own shirt and started to pull it off but Jim stepped forward to yank it back down into place.

“We _can't_ , Alex,” Jim’s heart broke as he stared into Alex’s eyes. He reached up and touched his cheek. “I have to leave before we cross that line again… it’s not too late to stop this before it starts,”

“But Jim-”

“I’ll come see you again soon, I promise, but we need some time apart to…”

“Would you stay if I asked you to?”

Jim took Alex’s hand in his.

“I want to be with you, Alex,” Jim explained. “But if _anyone_ found out… I’m the Sheriff and you’re a teenage boy. We need to… think about this and decide if it’s something we _both really want."_

Alex stepped back and Jim feared he’d said the wrong thing but he watched as the younger man walked to the door and opened it.

“I guess the sooner you leave, the sooner you’ll be back then,” Alex said with his back to Jim.

“Alex-” Jim started to say but stopped when Alex turned around then dropped his pants, boldly exposing himself.

He sighed as he started towards him but moved right past Alex and stepped into the hallway.

“I know you were trying to make a point there,” He said, halfheartedly waving at Alex’s half naked body “but… I thought you were more mature than that… Guess I was wrong.”

“Jim? Jim, wait, please?”

Jim pulled the door closed behind himself and walked away. He felt a churning in his stomach, he wanted to run back inside and hold Alex all afternoon but he couldn’t. He needed to set boundaries and not let his body make the decisions for him. Jim wanted to be with him but emotions had been high this morning, Alex had been drunk and hungover… had he taken advantage? That’s why he needed to put some time and distance between them.

The next time he saw Alex, he’d have better restraint and Alex would have come to his senses.

Or he’ll take Alex into his arms and kiss him until they’re both breathless.


	18. Chapter 18

Alex had cried after Jim left, standing alone in his studio with his pants around his ankles had been humiliating. He’d hoisted his pants up then waited, waited for Jim to come back but he didn’t. He stood, staring at the door for longer than he should’ve. Once he accepted Jim wasn’t coming back right then, he marched into the kitchen and grabbed the bottle he’d nursed the previous night then he climbed into his bed and drank the remainder of the bottle.

*

He awoke around midnight and crawled into the bathroom where he then proceeded to vomit his guts up. Without Jim there forcing water and food into him, the alcohol had met an empty stomach and definitely did a number on him. 

Alex then spent the rest of the night asleep on the bathroom floor, waking at random intervals to vomit some more. He’d sworn to never drink again after last night then this morning’s hangover but that had been a walk in the park compared to what he was feeling now. Jim had taken care of him, watched over him and made sure he was okay but now he was alone with a splitting headache and a vomit covered t-shirt.

This time he meant it; he was never drinking again.

**-**

He didn’t feel much better in the morning, he honestly thought he felt worse. Alex crawled into the shower, fully clothed, and turned the water on which didn’t help his headache at all. Once he was able to stand up, he undressed and cleaned himself off then he went searching for aspirin.

Standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a towel, triggered a memory. He could feel Jim’s hands on his skin, his lips on his neck, his fingers on his cock. Alex’s gaze shifted to the shelf and the Cadillac. 

They’d had such a good time together; Jim had taken him for breakfast then on an outing before going shopping… just like a normal couple or even friends but Alex had wanted Jim to stay, he’d wanted _more_ than a heat-of-the-moment hand job. When Jim had said he was leaving, he’d wanted to beg him to stay but he knew actions were louder than words. In his line of work, the bigger the gesture the more spectators noticed. 

Alex had stripped, practically offered himself to Jim and the older man had still walked away.

But he’d said he’d be back… right?

Alex wanted to believe him, wanted to believe this _thing_ they had between them wasn’t over. He wanted Jim to touch him, to kiss him, to fuck him. He wanted someone to care about him and it was clear from the way he’d held him last night that Jim _cared_. 

He walked over to the shelf and picked up the Cadillac, held it close to his chest. Alex didn’t know what was worse, that he was attracted to a _married_ man or that he was attracted to his father’s _best friend_ , Kyle Valenti’s father. 

Kyle had teased and bullied him through high school for being queer and this morning, his father had gotten Alex off with a spectacularly enjoyable orgasm. He smirked to himself and silently chuckled with delight. Maybe if their paths ever crossed again, he’d be the one with the smug smirk on his face, a knowing secret that Kyle would never find out about. He’d gotten loving parents, accepted to college in Michigan to become a doctor, admiration from Alex’s father for being a real man… and Alex had gotten severe beatings, lectures of always being a disappointment because of his perversion and a one-way ticket into the Air Force.

But he’d said ‘No’, packed a bag and gotten out of there. Now he was making it on his own, in his own place with a paying job; he was going to get out of here and make something of himself. 

He would make Jim proud.

He just really hoped he’d see him again soon.

*

His phone had stayed off all day and he didn’t once leave the apartment, aside to sit on the fire escape in the hopes the fresh air would do him good. It had been cold so he’d wrapped Jim’s jacket around himself and allowed silent tears to roll down his cheeks. Alex eventually went back inside, grabbed his phone and scrolled through the very short list of numbers saved in there.

Every name was someone from work, his landlord and Jim. He had no other friends; nothing keeping him here except for a well-paid yet questionable job. Maybe he’d saved enough and _could_ make a break for it. He had a few thousand dollars saved; it would sustain him for some time but just a few more shifts would keep him afloat even longer. He found the name he needed and pressed the call button. Ty answered on the second ring. Alex asked if he was working tonight and when he said no, they agreed to meetup.

He’d never been to Ty’s place before so wasn’t really sure what to expect. When the taxi dropped him off, he was greeted with a quaint townhouse. Alex knocked on the door, wondering what lie Ty told his roommates about his current job. He was welcomed inside by his co-worker and was shocked to discover he lived alone.

“You look like crap,” Tyrone greeted him.

“Feel like it too,” Alex confessed.

“Need a drink?”

“God No! That’s why I look and feel crap in the first place… it was a mistake… a bad mistake.”

Ty was wearing a robe over his sweatpants but no shirt and just seemed so unabashedly comfortable. He went into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of wine then handed a bottle of water to Alex.

“So, we’ve never hung out not at work before,” Ty started. “Why now?”

“I’ve lived in Texas for six months and you’re the closest thing I have to a friend,” Alex replied.

“Ouch; you _need_ to make yourself some friends!”

“It wasn’t my plan to stay; just long enough to stockpile some money to finance my _actual_ dream.”

“To make music.”

“Yeah.”

“So why are you still here?”

“The more money I save now, the less I have to worry then.”

“Okay; so, what brings you _here_ now?”

Alex uncapped the water and slowly sipped it. He wasn’t sure where to start.

“How do you afford this place?” Alex asked.

“My, uh, my actual father owns it so I pay cheap rent while he thinks I’m studying at college.”

“But you meet your uh friend, in a hotel?”

“So that he doesn’t know I have a good thing here. He doesn’t know _this_ me; he knows the version of me that he pays me to be.”

“And you don’t feel weird about misleading him?”

“Not really.”

“Don’t you love him? You’re always going crazy over the gifts he sends you.”

“I like the way he makes me feel,” he shrugged his shoulders. “He sends me gifts to show he’s thinking of me.”

Alex thought about this for a moment.

“So, you’re only with him because he’s paying you?” He asked. “Would you still see him if he stopped?”

“Alex, what’s really the problem here?”

“I know you told me to… find someone else,” Alex began.

“So… Jacket guy came back then?” Ty asked.

“Yeah, he did.”

“And?”

“We made out in my kitchen.”

“Oh, Kinky.”

“I know you’re being sarcastic but… for me, it _was…_ I know it’s _wrong_ to want to be with him but… I like the way _he_ makes me feel.”

“After one make out session? Does he have a magic tongue or something?”

“Or something… is it really that weird to hook up with him?”

“I told you, older men are great; age adds experience.”

Alex shifted almost uncomfortably.

“I, uh, don’t uh,” Alex coughed. “I didn’t even know he was… that way inclined.”

Ty gasped.

“He’s not even gay?” He asked in surprise. “You _turned_ him? _"_

“I… I don’t think it works like that but we haven’t even talked about it. Should we?”

“A guy you’ve known your entire life is suddenly into you and you never once asked if he was gay?”

“He’s married; he told me they were looking into getting a divorce now that… you know, their son is at college.”

“If you met this guy at work and he fed this exact story to you, would you be buying it?” Ty asked him. “I mean, what? Is he going to divorce his wife and run away with you?”

“Well, is _your_ guy married?”

“The difference is, he pays me not to ask questions. You have to ask yourself if he’s worth it.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re attracted to him? You _want_ to fuck him? You want him to fuck you? But you don’t want money, don’t want to be his… kept whore… but do you want him to leave his wife for you? What do _you_ want?”

He didn’t know; he didn’t want to think about Kyle and Michelle. For once in his life, he _wanted_ to be selfish and have something for himself. He wanted to feel Jim’s hands on his skin, wanted to be held safe and protected in the arms of someone who’d always been there for him. He wanted to be the one to take control, to have someone love him… someone who wasn’t ashamed of him.

“I want to be free,” Alex admitted. “But I want to be loved. I want to be in control but I want to be taken care of. I want to be with him but I don’t want to ruin his life.”

“Well, I think there’s your answer.”


	19. Chapter 19

Jim had cried silent tears as he’d walked down the stairs and out of Alex’s building; each step he took was carrying him further and further away from the younger man which he knew was for the best but that didn’t make it any easier. He knew he’d been rude to Alex but he’d had to be or he would’ve _stayed_. Jim had needed to walk away to collect himself and his thoughts. But his thoughts never strayed from Alex. The entire drive back to Roswell was spent resisting the urge to turn the car around and head back to Amarillo. Once home, he spun a lie saying everything was under control at the cabin but that he’d already arranged to drive back in a few weeks to assess the situation.

She didn’t question him. Had she caught on that he was lying to her or did she just not care? He wondered if now was the time to broach the idea of separating on a trial basis but he didn’t. This town lived on gossip and he didn’t want to be the subject everyone talked about behind his back.

He stayed on track longer than he thought he would. A week passed without any calls or texts from Alex which made him sad but he hadn’t reached out either. He knew he needed to apologize for the things he’d said but they’d both said things in the heat of the moment.

Jim couldn’t sleep; it was three in the morning and he was wide awake so he crawled out of bed and got dressed. He didn’t worry about waking Michelle since he was still sleeping in the spare room; out to the car he went then he started to drive aimlessly around the town but very little was still open. He couldn’t go to a bar but found himself in the parking lot outside Walmart. The store was basically deserted, he didn’t see another person who wasn’t staff the entire time he was there. Standing in front of questionable items, he plucked one from the shelf and eyed the box cautiously.

The only image that came to mind was of Alex; sweet, beautiful Alex… lying naked on the bed, being teased and aroused by a toy such as this. His moans echoed in Jim’s ears and he hastily put the box back then hurried away.

*

He didn’t return to Walmart after that night but over the next few days, he became aware of just how many XXX stores Roswell had and how many of the more innocent stores sold sex toys. He’d never used one on himself but the more the idea crossed his mind, the more he wanted to purchase one. Jim was too nervous to buy anything though, there were too many prying eyes in town. The one time he’d come close to selecting an appropriate one, Jesse Manes had appeared before him and he’d had to abandon the plan.

His close call with Jesse had sent him into hiding temporarily but he did start researching online. In the middle of the night, when he couldn’t sleep, he took to the computer and found himself watching a lot of porn. None of the performers were even close to being as beautiful as Alex but boy did they give him ideas.

Jim reached for his phone and opened a new text. He hadn’t contacted Alex since that day; had he left it too long? Would the younger man forgive him? He pressed the call button instead but there was no answer and Alex didn’t appear to have voicemail so he switched back to the text option.

‘I’m sorry,’ he wrote then pressed send.

He turned the computer off then went to bed. An hour later, his phone beeped as a message came through. Jim reached for the phone; his tired eyes unfocused as he saw the reply.

‘Me too,’

He sighed and smiled with relief. Jim saw the number flash on the screen and immediately hit the answer button.

“Hey,” Jim whispered.

“Hey,” Alex’s voice was just what he needed to hear.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“It’s late, you’re still awake?” Jim asked.

“Yeah, I’m walking home now.”

“Walking home? Alone? In the middle of the night?”

“I do it every night, Jim,” Alex chuckled. “I keep telling you, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“So, sue me, I’m allowed to worry okay?”

“You are?”

“I just… Just meant that… I’d worry about anyone wandering the streets alone, late at night.”

He heard Alex sigh.

“Okay,” Alex said. “I get it,”

“I mean, don’t you ever worry about me?”

“You?”

“Uh, I’m a cop… I get shot at on a regular basis?”

“I mostly just picture you in the uniform.”

“Oh? You like a man in uniform, do you?”

“Fireman, Police officer, I’m not picky… even a man in a nice suit used to get me going.”

“Used to? What changed your mind?”

“Work,” Alex admitted. “So many men come into the club dressed in classy business attire but they have the most unattractive personalities.”

Jim pressed the phone closer to his ear.

“I was, uh, thinking of coming to see you, next week,” he started, tentatively.

“Really?”

“Uh… I mean, if it’s okay with you?”

“Umm, yeah, it’s absolutely, totally okay with me.”

“Good because I, uh, think we need to talk about… uh… stuff.”

“Yeah; there’s a lot we should talk about.”

He nodded in agreement even though he knew Alex couldn’t see him.

“Hang on a sec,” Alex said. Jim waited several beats until he heard his voice again. “Sorry, I was scaling the fire escape… So now I’m home.”

“Good; I like knowing you made it home, safe and sound.”

“I’m so relieved to _be_ home too.”

“Why? Was someone following you?”

Alex laughed. Jim couldn’t help himself, couldn’t turn off the ‘cop’ side of his mind.

“You always assume the worst!” He said, chuckling. “But no… I was trying my new routine with my new stage costume and the crowd loved it but I’ve, uh, been… excited… ever since and the, uh, excitement hasn’t gone away yet so I was kinda looking forward to… taking care of it now that I’m home, you know?”

He was already picturing Alex’s hard cock and wishing he was there to assist.

“Right,” Jim swallowed nervously, his face flush from embarrassment and excitement. “Guess I should, uh, leave you to it then; don’t want to, uh, distract you from the, you know, the _task at hand_?" 

“What if I said that… hearing your voice helps?” Alex whispered.

“Helps you to…?”

“Help me, Jim, _please_?" Alex softly begged.

“Help you?” He was very confused.

“Jim, I want you to know this time… Right now, I’m lying naked on my bed while talking to you and I’m touching myself,”

“Alex-”

“Please, Jim, talk me through it.”

“I… I don’t know _how_. I’ve never… you know?”

“Close your eyes and imagine you’re here with me,” Alex said. His voice already reeling Jim in. “That I’m lying naked on the bed, right in front of you. What would you do to me?”

“Well, I… I…” Jim stammered. “I wouldn’t know what to do because I’d just be staring at you, captivated by your beauty and I’d want to be touching you, kissing you, making you beg and plead… But I’d be scared too, afraid of messing up or doing something you don’t like...”

“Please, Jim?” Alex breathed into the phone and Jim’s own cock began to stir. “Please?”

“Alex, I’ve never… I don’t know how to…”

“Your hands are bigger than mine and they feel warm on my skin; your lips are like an intoxicating drug that I can’t get enough of… And you wrap your fingers around me, lazily stroking my… and all I can do is… _Ohhhhhhhhhhhh_!"

Alex trailed off in a low moan and Jim slowly licked his lips as his own hand travelled between his legs.

“Just like the other day,” he continued. “You knew _exactly_ what to do; where to touch me, how to touch me,”

“Oh, Alex” Jim was almost breathless at the memory. “Alex, baby, what’s changed since then? I was rude and inconsiderate; you were childish and-”

“What’s _changed_?" Alex repeated. “We both have. We _both_ know we want this,” there was a brief pause then another low moan. “I miss you, _Jim_."

He loved the way Alex said his name, the arousal in his voice, heavy with want and need. Jim licked his lips and grasped himself harder. He knew what he liked, how to get himself off so all he had to do was _say_ it. Jim closed his eyes, wrapped his fingers around his cock and started stroking himself.

He relayed his actions to Alex, telling him every flick of his thumb, each thrust of his hips and Alex whimpered beautifully. It didn’t take long at all for him to hear the cries of pleasure as Alex came; the sounds emitting from his lips were almost enough to make Jim come too but he held on, trying so hard to give the illusion that he hadn’t been jerking off to Alex getting off.

But he was sure Alex knew for the younger man was still on the phone, whispering filthy promises down the line to him. All the things he wanted Jim to do to him, things _he_ wanted to do to Jim, even places he wanted them to get frisky. The very idea was thrilling, terrifying and exciting. He didn’t even know what most of the terms he was saying meant but they all sounded dirty and the idea of Alex wanting it as much as he did was almost too much to bear.

He came almost noiselessly, but he still pulled the phone closer.

“ _Alex,"_ he gasped.

“Good night, _Sheriff_ ,” Alex said to him. He could practically hear the satisfied smirk on the younger man’s face.

*

The following morning, he drove an hour out of town to ensure no one he knew would recognise him then he purchased several different types of toys, the biggest sized box of condoms he could find and a vast selection of lube. He hid the bag under several others in the trunk of the car then smuggled them into the house and stashed them underneath Kyle’s bed.

As he sat on the floor of his son's old room, trying to see if the bag could be spotted and give away his hiding spot, his mind focused on Alex, he realised just how far he’d strayed… but he didn’t care. Was it wrong to be buying things like _that_ with plans to use them on a teenage boy? No, Alex was almost nineteen now. He was a young man with a plan for his future and Jim… Jim was a concerned friend who Alex needed right now. If that friendship became _more_ then it’s just a natural progression… right?

He closed his eyes and remembered how it felt to have Alex in his arms, kissing him on the kitchen counter, hearing his cries of pleasure.

Jim was no Saint, he’d had his fair share of women over the years but none of them had made him feel as wanted, needed, desired, as Alex had. Something he’d been searching for, for so long, and he’d found it in the most unexpected of places.

Maybe he _was_ just a filthy, old man… preying on a young, confused, boy but Alex had always been wiser and more mature than most of the dumb, reckless teenagers in this town and now that he was out in the harsh, real world, he’d grown up even more. He was a man who knew what he wanted and right now, it was clear that he _wanted_ Jim.

Jim had never really been able to say no to Alex and Jesse hadn’t liked that at all. He didn’t want to imagine what the soldier would do if he ever found out how far across the line he’d strayed...


	20. Chapter 20

He looked _ridiculous_ but not quite as goofy as he’d been dressed for Christmas. Perhaps a Leprechaun wasn’t much of a step up from an Elf but at least there was no Santa wandering around, spanking him. Alex stood before the mirror, examining his reflection as the world’s tallest leprechaun. He sighed and wondered if he’d be dressed as a bunny come Easter. Why Davey insisted on themed dressing for holidays, Alex would never know but at least St Patrick's day and Valentine's day were just one-off events.

The club had really gone all out with decorations; images of four-leaf clovers, pots of gold and Irish flags plastered to the walls. He was secretly relieved that Bailey wasn’t working tonight but both Justin and Ty were.

Alex hadn’t reached out to Tyrone after that night he’d gone to his place, mostly because he was embarrassed to say he’d ignored his own logical thinking and thrown caution to the wind. He’d told him that he didn’t want to ruin Jim’s life yet had still called the man up, again, and jerked himself off over the phone, again, while talking to him. He clearly had no boundaries because all he could think about was Jim’s hands, his lips, his tongue, his chest, his arms. He just wanted to lose himself in the other man and never come back.

Now that he knew what he wanted for himself, he’d even allowed himself more confidence off stage _and_ in his routines. His newest costume and performance were more daring than any of his previous ones and the patrons were going wild for it. Alex had started this job with a ‘less is more’ approach but his co-workers were right; the less clothes you wear, the more money these men throw at you.

Alex had even asked Davey if he could go in the cage but, upon reflection, was relieved when the man had said no. At the time, all he could see was dollar signs but perhaps it wasn’t worth the groping and the fondling… because he’d heard some patrons did like to touch and fondle then touch some more. Alex really only wanted to be touched _that_ intimately by Jim.

That didn’t stop him from flashing his naked ass on stage though. The crowd especially loved it when he spanked himself until his ass was red. It surprised him how much he enjoyed that too especially given how often his father had hit him growing up. He was sure there was some weird, messed up psychological thing behind that but he pushed it aside as he listened to the cheers, urging him on.

Now he was decked out in his leprechaun costume and looked over at Justin, dressed very similarly. He was pretty cute and the painted shamrock on his cheek was a nice touch too. Justin picked up a glass and took a sip then made a face.

“I don’t know _how_ they drink that; Guinness is disgusting!” He winced and held the glass out to Alex who hesitated. “Just taste it; it’s gross.”

He shrugged and had a mouthful. It wasn’t so bad but he still put the drink down without having anymore.

“It’s not _terrible_ ,” he said “but the way the guys out there are throwing them back…” he trailed off

“Guess they’ve had more years to get used to it” Justin laughed.

“Where did you get it?”

“From Max.”

For a second, Alex panicked before remembering Max was quite a common name.

“He’s working at the bar tonight?” Alex asked.

“Yep, can get you whatever ya want but you have to be subtle.”

“I’m fine, really.”

“Just saying, with _this_ crowd, you’re gonna want something stronger than water.”

Remembering his second vow to never touch alcohol again, he moved past Justin and over to the back of the stage, watching Ty finishing his first performance of the night.

Alex had a big finish planned for his final routine of the evening, hopefully they still had cash to spare by then. All the patrons were being quite generous considering it was still relatively early in the night.

Ty left the stage and joined Alex; he was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he grabbed a towel to wipe the sweat from his brow.

“It feels like the spotlight is, like, extra bright tonight,” he sounded confused.

“Maybe they like the extra sheen of sweat?” Alex said, scrunching his nose at the idea of the extra stench of body odour.

“Yeah, Sorry about that, boys,” Davey’s voice filtered into the room before he did. “The light blew this morning and we had to make do. It’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

“My body glitter is sliding off,” Ty complained.

Alex winced at the thought then pushed through the curtain and the heat hit him almost instantly. The spotlight was bright, almost blinding him which actually made it easier for him to forget about the crowd. They could see him, his every movement but he couldn’t see them. It was oddly empowering and exhilarating as he moved around the stage.

Alex grasped the pole and swung around it _almost_ gracefully but the eyes he couldn’t see, didn’t care what he did, they cheered all the same. He hooked his leg around the pole, he’d always had weird reflexes from climbing tall objects, like trees, to get away from his brothers. One time when visiting an army base, Alex had almost climbed to the top of the flagpole which had resulted in quite the beating from his father. Jesse Manes had been furious that his son had disgraced the family while several officers had complimented his skill level.

It was definitely paying off now. He smirked to himself at the memory while gyrating his hips. 

The bright lights were definitely taking a toll and Alex could feel the sweat pooling as he slipped free of his jacket and shirt. His pants were sticking to him and he knew he wouldn’t be able to get them off without help. The routine ended and he hurried backstage where he was finally able to breathe. Ty was there, nodding in understanding. Alex peeled off his clothes which were sticking to him in all the wrong places and he grabbed a towel.

“You know they never tell you about _this_ part,” he joked.

“Seriously, what is up with that spotlight?” Ty asked.

“Maybe it’s a ploy to make them buy more drinks?”

Justin appeared with a glass of ice cubes and Ty immediately began to rub one across his forehead to cool himself down. Alex did the same and sat down at his station in nothing more than his underwear. He was definitely going to need a change of outfit for his next performance. He shoved his tips into the drawer while continuing to cool himself off with the ice cube. It wasn’t enough and he knew it. Alex ducked into the bathroom for a cold shower and on his way out passed by Ty who’d had the same idea.

Alex cooled down enough to pull on his second outfit but he wasn’t really sure if he could do that again. The lights were bright and he sat staring at the melting ice cubes. This gave him an idea and he took the ice to the stage with him.

The crowd went wild as he rubbed the melting cubes over his lips, down his neck. He tossed his shirt aside and teased both his nipples at the same time with ice cubes; he tossed his head back and moaned but was thankful the music was too loud for anyone to have heard him.

By the time of his final performance, he had an idea. He was scheduled to be last which usually meant going all out and he was definitely on board with that right now but he asked if anyone wished to join him on stage. Both Ty and Justin were curious enough and he told them his idea. They agreed, all seeing the possibilities of extra tips. 

They all took to the stage carrying a bucket each and dressed only in white shorts. The music was upbeat and they grabbed the ice cubes, grouping together to rub the melting cubes over each other's bodies. Alex silently asked permission and kissed both Ty and Justin, to the excitement of the crowd. They drew closer to their big finish;

As the song came to an end, they each picked up the buckets of water and poured them over themselves. Their white shorts clinging to them in all the right places, thin material practically see through now.

Alex was on his knees, legs parted, front and centre of the stage. His heart was racing from excitement and he saw a hand holding out a $20 tip. He moved forward, reached out to accept the bill and he turned to smile at the generous tipper only to find himself staring into the eyes of Jim Valenti.


	21. Chapter 21

He’d been to the club around Christmas and Valentine’s day plus Alex had teased that they were planning something for St. Patrick’s Day so it made sense to go for such an event. After hearing Alex would be dressed as a leprechaun, he _knew_ that was something he just had to see.

Jim had made another excuse to go to the cabin and away he went, driving in the opposite direction to see Alex instead. He had two bags in the trunk of his car; one with his clothes and necessities the other being the one he’d hidden under Kyle’s bed. For over a week now, he’d been sneaking peeks at his purchases, afraid to open them but very curious to understand how half of them worked. He’d never been the experimental type but Alex made him _want_ to try everything.

He booked a hotel room because he didn’t want to just invite himself to invade Alex’s personal space. He dropped his things off in his room before heading to the club, paid the extra high fee to get inside, then he just sat back to enjoy the show. But he couldn’t; he tried to get into the head-space of his fellow patrons who seemed to go crazy no matter who was on the stage or what they were wearing. His jaw hit the floor when one young man took the stage; he looked to only be about fifteen and several of the men around him began saying some very disturbing things.

Maybe he needed to stop coming _here_ to see Alex. He should call ahead and make sure he’s not working then organize to go somewhere G-rated with him. By the time the young man left the stage, Jim was already half out the door but he was pulled back in when he saw Alex in his leprechaun outfit.

He stayed close to the back of the room, captivated by Alex’s performance then feeling oddly empty when he left the stage. Jim then spent the rest of the evening trying to move closer. It may have been a long night but the only thing Jim remembered, paid attention to, was Alex. When he took to the stage with two other young men, his heart skipped a beat as he remembered what had happened last time. The three started kissing and he felt a strange sense of arousal _and_ jealousy but by the time the three had poured water over themselves, Jim could barely contain himself.

He grasped whatever money he could find in his pocket and held it up for Alex to take. Jim watched as Alex’s fingers curled around the note then their eyes met. He couldn’t read the expression on his face until Alex broke into a wide grin and winked at him. Jim wanted to kiss him there and then but in a place like this, that would be assault so he released his grasp on the money and took a step back. His eyes trailed over Alex’s wet body as he stood up and sauntered away.

Jim immediately turned tail and left; up the stairs and out into the alley. He tried to move past the bouncer to make his way to the exit Alex had shown him on Valentine’s day but the burly man refused to move. Jim didn’t know what to do since he hadn’t exactly made plans to meet up with Alex at a particular time or place. He was rummaging in his pocket for his phone when he heard someone call his name.

He turned around and saw Alex hurrying towards him; his hair was still wet but his jeans and sweater weren’t. Alex practically threw himself into Jim’s arms and all he could do was grasp him tightly. He was extremely surprised when Alex kissed him, his hands cupping Jim’s face. His kiss was heated, desperate and intoxicating. But it was over before it could really begin as Alex pulled away and immediately looked over Jim’s shoulder as though suddenly very self-conscious over the public display of affection he’d just enacted. Maybe he feared he’d overstepped by kissing Jim?

“You were _incredible_!” Jim whispered. “So hot and sexy.”

“And here’s me thinking you were going to be jealous,” Alex pouted.

“Jealous? Of all those old men who get to look but not touch?”

Alex reached for Jim’s hand then placed it between his legs, looking into Jim’s eyes.

“You can touch all you want,” he hissed as he moved closer, leaned in and kissed him again.

“I want,” Jim agreed. “Believe me, I want to touch every inch of you but maybe not here?”

“Not a fan of having an audience? Because I’ll tell you, you kinda get used to it.”

Jim held his tongue; first Alex pulled away because someone might see them, now he’s okay with witnesses? He held out his hand then waited for him to take it. Jim led Alex to his car but once they were sitting inside, he paused, unsure how to begin this conversation. He had no idea what was happening right now, how… strangely intimate they were acting towards each other.

“What’s wrong, Jim?” Alex nervously frowned at him.

“I, uh,” he inserted the key but didn’t start the car. “I didn’t want to be, um, presumptuous about what may or may not happen between us so I booked a room for the night,”

“Oh.”

“It’s just, last time I was here, I said some things that were out of line and I didn’t want there to be any pressure or _anything_ so it would’ve been rude of me to just invite myself to stay with you because… I think we need to talk about a few things and-”

“Was it a cheap room?” Alex cut him off. “Like one of those seedy pay by the hour places?”

“No; it’s kinda top quality,”

“Well… maybe I can come with you and we can just talk there instead?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

Jim started the car and headed for the hotel but neither of them spoke for most of the drive. He was trying to put everything he wanted to say into a coherent speech that couldn’t be misunderstood. Jim parked the car then he led Alex through the property to his room. He unlocked the door and held it open for him then placed the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the knob.

Alex moved into the room and Jim pushed the door closed, he turned around and looked at him. Standing in the middle of a plush room, hands in his pockets, hair still damp, Alex turned and smiled at him. His smile just lit up his entire face.

“Is this the part where you say I’m too young and I argue that I don’t care?” Alex started. “You tell me that you’re old enough to be my dad and I’m meant to be grossed out?”

Jim paused; that’s _exactly_ what he’d planned to say… Only in a lot more words.

“I’m just… concerned we’re going to rush into something we shouldn’t because we’re both…. Over compensating.” Jim explained.

“Overcompensating?” Alex repeated. 

He slowly nodded his head and Jim worried he’d said the wrong thing. He watched as Alex crossed the room, pulled back the curtain and looked out the window.

“Did you know you can see the Big Texan from here?” Alex asked. He was trying to change the subject so Jim moved towards him.

“Alex, please?” He whispered as he reached for his hand. “I… I definitely feel something for you; feelings I’ve been trying to ignore, trying to fight because it’s _wrong_ for me to want you. I'mold enough to be your father! You were best friends with my son.”

“I get paid to take my clothes off and entertain men _twice_ your age. I’m _not_ a child,” Alex replied. “You were always the one person who told me I didn’t have to be afraid of my feelings. That loving someone wasn’t a bad thing… That it was _okay_ to have feelings that I didn’t entirely understand,”

“I meant for someone your own age, Alex.”

“Why are you suddenly afraid, Jim?” Alex asked. “Pretend for just one second that you don’t know me and answer honestly… Did you bring me here to fuck me?”

Jim heard Alex’s words loud and clear but he was scared to answer. It was _because_ he knew him that he wanted him. He wasn’t some perverted old man, preying on younger men. He’d _never_ go to a strip club and try to chat up the entertainment, bring them to a hotel room. Maybe the hotel had been a bad idea but he hadn’t wanted to pressure Alex into inviting him to stay nor did he want to assume Alex would want him to. He didn’t know how to put this into words. He was the town sheriff and he was in a hotel room with an eighteen-year-old stripper… no, he was a grieving father keeping a watchful eye on his son’s former best friend. 

He looked into Alex’s eyes, still trying to put his feelings into words. Jim nodded his head towards the bag that was on the table, indicating for Alex to open it and look inside. He let Alex pull away from him, watched him cross the room and open the bag. Alex poured the contents onto the bed but Jim’s eyes never left Alex’s face, watched as a quick flash of mixed emotions danced behind his eyes then he swallowed. Jim knew that meant he was biting back his instinctive response, searching for the right thing to say.

Jim moved towards him, placed his hand on Alex’s shoulder. He wasn’t even sure what he was trying to say to him. Yes, I absolutely want to fuck you? I’ve thought about nothing _but_ fucking you for the past few weeks? I want to use every one of these items on you? Look, I bought a 100 pack of condoms?

He couldn’t feel any tension in Alex but he didn’t know what was happening inside the younger man’s head at the reveal of all these sex toys. Maybe he’d gone too hard too fast and Alex wasn’t ready for that yet?

Alex reached up and placed his hand on top of Jim’s, holding it for a moment before he spun around and looked at him. Their eyes bore into each other’s as Alex clutched Jim’s hand in his.

“I hope you weren’t planning on using them all at once,” Alex said.

“Uh, I um,” Jim stammered. “I…”

“I mean, you know _most_ of them need to be charged or take batteries, right?”

Jim immediately began to blush but Alex smiled at him and wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck, still holding his gaze.

“Personally, I’d rather wait until we’re a bit more familiar with what we both like before we start bringing toys into the bedroom,” Alex continued. “Because I really just want to feel you inside me tonight.”

“Yes,” Jim suddenly blurted.

“Yes?” Alex frowned in confusion.

“Yes,” he repeated. “I did bring you here to fuck you.”

“Good.”

Alex smiled up at him and Jim slid his arms around his waist, pulled him close and lost himself in Alex’s kiss.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the slow burn turns up the heat, if you're not interested in reading explicit sex between Jim and Alex, skip this chapter  
> *  
> Also, this chapter is told from neither Alex or Jim's POV but both  
> **********************************************************************

His heart was racing, body tingling with excitement as he surrendered completely to Jim’s embrace. He closed his eyes and threw himself into Jim’s arms, feet swept off the ground as he wrapped his legs around his waist but it was very short lived as Jim lowered him onto the bed.

“Owww,” Alex winced as he landed on the pile of boxes he’d thrown onto the mattress.

Jim pulled away but they both laughed. Alex immediately started batting the items away to make room for them but Jim started to collect them up to put back in the bag. He had the box of condoms in one hand and a bottle of lube in the other when Alex grabbed his wrist and told him to leave _those_ out because they would need them.

His heart leapt into his throat at the very idea especially when mixed with the way Alex was looking at him. This was _really happening_ ; they were absolutely about to do this.

He leaned over and slowly, tenderly kissed Alex.

“You’re sure about this?” Jim asked him. “It’s okay if you don’t want-”

“I want this,” Alex insisted. “I want _you_!"

They both kicked off their shoes and Jim climbed onto the bed with Alex. Arms reaching for each other, lips crushing together, bodies pressing close. Their kisses switched between gentle and tender to hot and heavy. 

Jim wanted to explore every inch of Alex’s body and the younger man was more than willing to let him. He slowly peeled away his shirt then took his time kissing and caressing his naked chest. He loved every whimper and gasp that slipped from Alex’s lips and had to keep stopping his exploration to claim his mouth in slow, deep kisses.

Alex was no shy violet either which made Jim wonder just how much experience the younger man had in carnal enjoyment. He knew Alex had been involved with the alien boy for little more than two months and he hadn’t expected him to be living like a monk while working as a stripper but what if he wasn’t what Alex was expecting?

Jim’s kisses were unlike any he’d ever felt before and Alex was reluctant to let the man pull away from him; he just wanted to keep kissing him while his firm, large hands explored Alex’s body. His cock was straining against the confines of his underwear though he’d basically been semi-hard ever since he’d left the stage. Now that Jim’s lips and hands were touching him everywhere, he had to grab the duvet to ground himself.

He wanted Jim to touch him _there_ , like last time but he didn’t want to rush him either. He wanted Jim to enjoy this in his own way and Alex was more than happy to let him go at his own pace.

Alex was oddly compliant as he lay beneath Jim. His hands made quick work of Jim’s shirt and trailed down his naked back but otherwise he simply spewed words of encouragement or made very enthusiastic moaning sounds whenever he was touched.

“Alex?” Jim whispered as he gently stroked his hand down Alex’s chest, over his abdomen then rested upon the outside of his jeans. He could feel the tenting in his pants and gave an affectionate squeeze.

Alex groaned as Jim applied pressure to his arousal and he bucked his hips, urging him to do it again.

“ _Jim_?" Alex could hear the want in his own voice.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Jim whispered. He had to ask, needed to know if Alex was having second thoughts.

He opened his eyes and looked up into the confused orbs of Jim so he reached up and cupped his cheek, smiled at him as Jim pressed a kiss to his palm.

“I’m _yours_ , Jim,” Alex whispered.

“That’s not what I asked,” Jim replied, the concern still visible in his eyes.

“I just… want this to be good for you.”

“And I want the same for you,”

Alex slipped his hand behind Jim’s neck and pulled him into another kiss, bodies pressed together with Jim’s hand still caressing him through his jeans.

“Just keep doing _that_ ,” Alex’s lips barely left Jim’s as he spoke but he bucked his hips, pushing into Jim’s touch so he’d get the message loud and clear.

Jim reached down and unzipped Alex’s pants, hastily shoved them down enough to free his hard cock. He wrapped his large hand around him as he slid his arm underneath Alex’s body. Jim rolled them both over so Alex was lying on top of him and he started working him as he claimed his lips in another series of kisses.

Alex thrust into Jim’s hand; their bodies pressed close together as he lost himself in the man’s kisses. It had been a long time since he’d been able to enjoy prolonged pleasure but his body had other ideas. He couldn’t stop, couldn’t hold on; Alex buried his face in Jim’s neck as he quietly came all over the man’s hand. He squeezed his eyes closed and hid his face; his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

“Alex,” Jim whispered softly in his ear.

Alex shook his head and nuzzled in closer. His breath ragged and warm against Jim’s skin. He pressed a kiss to the crown of his head, smiling into his hair.

“Alex,” Jim tried again.

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered. His voice was muffled against Jim’s body. “I didn’t mean to.”

Jim reached up with his other hand and brushed it through Alex’s hair before he placed his fingers to his chin and silently urged him to look up at him. When Alex finally did meet his gaze, he saw the tears in his orbs and his heart ached.

“I’m sorry,” Alex mumbled again.

He’d never felt shame like this before; even when his father had beaten him and called him sick, told him he was perverted and broken, told him he could never be fixed. Alex had never felt like he’d let someone else down. His own worthlessness hadn’t been his fault but _this_ was. He’d disappointed Jim and he couldn’t take it back, couldn’t undo it, couldn’t fix it.

“Don’t be sorry, _amor_ , if anything I’m flattered,” Jim whispered as he softly brushed his thumb across Alex’s lip. “In all my years I’ve never gotten anyone off so fast. It’s definitely a compliment.”

“Jim-,” Alex tried to argue.

“You’re young and virile: the best part is I’ve got all night to get you up again.”

His heart skipped a beat as he looked into Jim’s eyes and saw the sincerity behind his gaze.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and we’ll just start again.” He whispered.

Alex watched as Jim slid off the bed and padded over to the bathroom, heard him running water then he returned with a damp towel and cleaned him up. Alex stared at him, somewhat transfixed but once he was finished and he looked up, their eyes met and Jim smiled at him. He leaned closer and tenderly kissed him.

“Now, where were we?” Jim asked as he pulled Alex into his lap and they exchanged soft, gentle kisses.

It didn’t take long at all for them to get their rhythm back. They each took turns in taking the lead; touching and kissing each other while slowly stripping away the layers of clothing until they were both completely naked.

Jim had seen Alex’s body several times now, from his routines on stage to that morning in his kitchen but it was _different_ this time. He reacted positively and vocally to each touch of Jim’s hands or his lips. In return, Alex craved the physical contact of their bodies close together. There was never a moment when their bodies weren’t touching even if it was just the flick of a tongue on skin.

Alex recovered quickly from his embarrassment since it took almost no time at all for him to regain his excitement and arousal. A part of him wanted to _really_ explore his options but he told himself there would be plenty of time for that in the future. He wanted to take charge but he also wanted to surrender himself completely to Jim. The older man had never done this before but Alex didn’t want to show him up either, he was prepared to let Jim find his own way.

Jim wasn’t shy about asking Alex what he wanted Jim to do to him and the younger man was very receptive to everything he tried. Jim had always enjoyed foreplay; touching and kissing, getting his lover in the mood and Alex was more than willing to let him drag it out as long as he wanted. No wonder he’d spent so much time in the back of Michael’s truck; Alex _thrived_ on foreplay.

Alex had a few erogenous spots and Jim managed to find them _all_. He had a feeling the older man had committed them all to memory before the night was over because he knew the right moments to press just the right spot to make Alex cry out; sometimes incoherently, other times he screamed Jim’s name.

It was blissful torture for Alex who wasn’t used to being treated in such a caring, romantic, sexual way recently. Since Michael, his only hook-ups had been hasty, rushed encounters. He almost came a second time before Jim had even started prepping him but Jim had known, sensed it or was just ready for he eased off and gave Alex time to collect himself before they resumed their activities.

Jim loved bringing Alex to the edge but not letting him tip. He knew how to pace himself and he took his time to fully explore every inch of Alex’s skin. Jim used his tongue to map the veins on Alex’s cock, he scraped his teeth along the length and he even took both balls into his mouth to suck on. It was unlike anything he’d ever felt before and his beautiful Alex urged him on every step of the way.

Each time he thought he was going to lose control again, Jim seemed to know it was coming. He’d pull away and begin kissing Alex elsewhere, his stomach or his chest, sometimes even his lips. Alex welcomed each touch of the man’s lips on his body and found himself blinking back blissful tears.

Jim finally coated his fingers with lube and moved into position as he parted Alex’s legs. He leaned down for a kiss as he slid his index and middle finger inside. Alex groaned into his mouth, pulled him close and held him tightly as Jim’s fingers filled him, scissored him. 

“Please, Jim, please?” Alex whimpered as he bucked his hips, grinding onto Jim’s fingers.

“Please what?” Jim whispered.

“Fuck me, Jim. Please, fuck me!”

“Language, Alex.”

But the younger man playfully narrowed his eyes at Jim. He wrapped his arms around Jim and rolled them both over so _he_ was now on top.

“Screw being ‘young and virile’ as you put it,” Alex said to him. “I need you inside me, _now_ ," 

Alex grabbed the bottle of lube and poured some onto his hand. He reached behind him and grasped Jim’s cock, pumping him furiously and coating the man’s hardness. 

Jim reached up and grasped Alex’s thigh. He stared up at him, the way Alex looked as he towered over him. Chewing on his bottom lip, head thrown back, low moans emitting from his mouth.

“You’re so beautiful,” Jim said to him.

Alex looked down at him and smiled a mischievous grin.

He scooted back and lowered himself onto Jim’s cock. They both moaned in delight as Alex impaled himself, burying Jim’s cock deep inside. Jim held still, giving Alex a moment to adjust to him but the younger man awkwardly leaned down and kissed him.

“Fuck me,” Alex hissed in Jim’s ear. “Fuck me, _hard_!" 

Jim started thrusting his hips, grinding into Alex as their lips met in a deep kiss. They shifted their bodies into a more suitable position, with Alex cradled in Jim’s lap and the couple found a rhythm as Jim found Alex’s sweet spot. He thrust up again and again into the younger man, making him cry out in pure delight.

“Yes, yes, YES!” Alex cried.

“Do you like that, _amor_?” Jim whispered in his ear.

“Yes.”

Alex closed his eyes but quickly opened them when Jim’s long fingers closed around his cock, pumping him in time with his thrusts. He gnawed on his lip, wrapped his arms around Jim’s chest to ground himself as they stared into each other’s eyes. 

His face was a vision of arousal and beauty. Jim never wanted it to end; he just wanted to commit this moment to his memory. If this was the only time they’d ever be together, it was worth every second. The way Alex’s eyes were alight, his lips swollen from kisses, face flush from exertion.

“Oh, God, _Jim_!" Alex hissed. “Jim!”

“Please?” he sobbed. “Please?”

He didn’t know what Alex was asking but his voice, his tone, it was too much and Jim buried himself balls deep inside the younger man as he came. His seed spilled forth, coating Alex’s passage and this made Alex come quickly after, his cum once again streaming onto Jim’s chest. Alex fell forward and collapsed against Jim, clinging to him, buried his face in Jim’s shoulder.

“That was… wow,” Alex breathed.

“You are amazing,” Jim whispered before placing a kiss to the top of his head. He reached down and tenderly cupped Alex’s ass as he held him close.

“We’re all sticky,” Alex said.

“I don’t mind.”

“And sweaty.”

“Stop ruining this,” Jim said with a chuckle before kissing his forehead. 

“Sorry.”

Jim placed his other hand to Alex’s face.

“Stop apologizing,” Jim said to him. “I mean, _I_ should be the one saying sorry.”

“What? Why?”

“For not… you know… keeping you safe.”

“What?” Alex frowned.

He reached over and grabbed the unopened box of condoms which he held up to show him.

“I mean, it’s gonna take a long time to get through these if we don’t actually use them,” Jim said.

Alex blushed then began to giggle.

“There’s always next time,” he replied. “And the time after that and the time after that and the time after-” Jim kissed him, stopping his playful ramble.

“You’re making me tired just talking about it.”

“Keep up, old man.”

“It’s a marathon not a sprint.”

Alex laughed and kissed his lips.

“And watch who you’re calling ‘old man’ or I might put you over my knee and spank you,” Jim added.

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Alex asked with a smirk.

Jim pressed his lips to Alex’s ear and whispered ‘both’ as Alex groaned in delight. 

It was a long time before either of them fell asleep.

  
  



	23. Chapter 23

Alex wasn’t used to waking up in strange places; he’d become accustomed to his studio with its lumpy bed and the sounds of the traffic on the street below or the loud footsteps of neighbours. For a brief moment, he was confused by the silence and the very comfortable pillow; plus, slightly disappointed for the dream he’d just woken from had been incredible, his body was still showing signs of how arousing it had been.

He slowly sat up, blinked to wipe the sleep from his eyes and Alex saw Jim standing by the window with a cup of coffee in his hand, just gazing outside with a smile on his face.

“Jim?” Alex’s voice was laced with sleep so he coughed and tried again. “Jim?”

Jim turned and grinned at him which made Alex blush; he didn’t understand why.

“You’re up,” Jim greeted him.

“In more ways than one,” Alex replied with a wink.

“Oh?”

He started towards him, placed his coffee on the cabinet beside the bed then slid under the covers with Alex who immediately nuzzled closer to him. He’d never had the luxury of waking up in the morning and having his lover still there. Even his brief yet intense relationship with Michael hadn’t once allowed them to spend the entire night together.

Alex was quick to start placing kisses to Jim’s neck and chest while the man’s arms enveloped him in a warm and protective embrace. He could _definitely_ get used to this but he knew it couldn’t be; Jim lived a three-hour drive away with his wife.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jim asked before kissing the tip of Alex’s nose.

“Nothing,” he lied then instantly caved. “Just, wishing we could be like this all the time.”

“So, you really meant what you said last night?”

“I, uh, said a lot things last night, Jim.”

He felt Jim’s hand trail down his chest, squeeze his nipple and he moaned as his cock stirred. Jim’s fingers teased his skin as they moved lower and lower on his body until they wrapped around his hardness. Jim leaned in for a tender kiss which quickly deepened.

“I meant about doing this again,” Jim continued. “You were, uh, quite enthusiastic about the idea and, uh, the toys but I, um, thought maybe it was a heat of the moment thing.”

“I want to be with you, Jim.”

“It’s just… you’re young and single and beautiful and you could have any man you want; why would you choose an old fart like me?”

“And you’re married with a beautiful, loving, supportive wife. Why would you risk all that for me?”

“Michelle and I married young; small town with small minds. I was afraid to be myself so I forced myself to be someone else… I do love her, Alex, and the life I chose. To be Sheriff was my dream, having a family was my dream. And I got to have both but it also cost me a part of myself… a part that you helped bring alive.”

“All these years you were the kindest and most understanding person I knew; the way you looked out for me and tried to protect me from my dad…”

“Because years ago, I _was_ you… my father didn’t hit me but I was too scared to live my truth… Even now, I still can’t… my job, my family, my life; I’d lose it all.”

Alex reached up and cupped Jim’s face, looking into his scared eyes.

“It’s okay,” Alex whispered. “You’re not going to lose anything, Jim. I promise.”

“Alex-”

“I’m here and I’m going to be here for whatever you need.”

“All I need right now is for you to enjoy yourself.”

Alex frowned but Jim kissed him before he could ask questions. Jim’s fingers resumed their teasing and Alex moaned into Jim’s kiss but the older man pulled away, threw back the covers and dived between Alex’s legs. The moment Jim’s tongue touched his balls, Alex cried out and fisted the pillow.

He’d thought Jim had worked him over very thoroughly the night before but that was nothing compared to what his tongue did to him now. Within seconds, Alex was begging and pleading for _more_. He squeezed his eyes shut and lost himself in the sensations as Jim alternated between suckling on his balls and teasing his hard cock. It was agony but the good kind, the kind he never wanted to end.

But end it did, with Alex screaming Jim’s name quite loudly as he came long and hard, spilling down the man’s throat. When Jim crawled back up Alex’s body, he was grinning from ear to ear and looked very pleased with himself. Alex grabbed for him and pulled him into a kiss.

“I think I cricked my neck doing that,” Jim joked.

“You struggling to keep up, old man?” Alex batted his eyes at him.

“Well, I do seem to be the one doing _all_ the work.”

“What's that saying again, you’re only as old as the guy you’re feeling up?”

“That’s… not it but I appreciate the sentiment just the same,” he paused to kiss Alex. “Now come on, let’s get freshened up and go grab some breakfast.”

*

The restaurant wasn’t overly crowded though Alex spied a few patrons who appeared hungover which made him smirk. While they ate, Alex kept grinning to himself while making quite the production of sucking on everything he possibly could. First it was just his straw but then he began to make a game of it. Each time Jim would give him a ‘I know what you’re doing’ look, Alex would lick his lips or moan.

He knew he was being a little shit but he wanted to get Jim worked up for one more round. Alex knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay too long and he wanted to make the most of the little time they had before Jim had to leave.

When the server who’d been eyeing Alex all meal brought them the bill, he finally acknowledged Jim before turning back to Alex and smiling at them both.

“Haven’t seen you here before,” he said for the third time since seating them. Jim’s eyes flickered between Alex and the server. “Did you and your dad enjoy your meal?” He asked Alex with a look. 

“Uh yes, very much,” Alex replied, not looking at Jim but flashing a coy smile.

“Well, great, Uh I’m going outside, on a break, in the parking lot, but if you need any other servicing… Mary over there can help him or I’ll be back… or you might uh… I’ll uh… I’m happy to service you, personally.”

He dropped the bill on the table then wandered away, looking at Alex over his shoulder as he went. Once he was out of sight, Alex turned to Jim and softly chuckled.

“I think he wants you to follow him,” Jim stated. He picked up the bill and turned it over to show Alex the handwritten phone number. “The gall of that boy; hitting on you in front of your old man.”

“He wasn’t exactly subtle,” Alex agreed. “Or professional.”

“He’s kinda cute, isn’t he; not tempted?”

Alex shifted his chair closer to Jim’s and placed his hand under the table, on Jim’s thigh before moving it to his crotch.

“I’d rather stay here, _daddy_ ,” Alex whispered in his ear.

“Oh really?” Jim asked as he placed his hand over Alex’s. “Are you _sure_ you wouldn’t rather go somewhere else?”

“Nah,” Alex smiled. “Take me right here, fuck me on this very table.”

They both looked into each other’s eyes and immediately started laughing. He loved making Jim laugh; had always tried to make the man smile especially when Jesse was so stern and serious all the time. Jim’s smile had been a bright spark. Alex had always gravitated towards Jim during their time spent at the old hunting cabin because Jim always greeted him with a smile. People being genuinely happy to see him were few and far between. Perhaps that’s why he’d fallen into a job that brought smiles to men’s faces. _They_ were always thrilled to see him these days.

“As tempting as that sounds,” Jim said to him. “I think I’d rather have you alone.”

“You only want me for my body,” Alex whispered with a pout.

“Shall we forget the alone thing and I’ll take you someplace nice, like the arcade or to a movie? Nothing wrong with a daddy-son day out.”

Alex made a face.

“You know what, I think that’s only sexy when I say it, _daddy_ ,” he added. 

“This _is_ getting a little weird.”

“I agree; let’s get out of here.”

They left the table and headed for the exit; Jim stopped to pay while Alex went outside. Leaning against the side wall of the building was their server and his face lit up at seeing Alex. He quickly shoved his hands in his pockets but when he looked up, the young man was waving him over.

He wondered if he should go? Would Jim get jealous? He’d asked if he’d been tempted to go with him. Alex took a step towards him but stopped. No, that wasn’t what he wanted. For months he’d been making do from quickies with co-workers, random hook-ups that meant nothing. Why would he want to spend five minutes behind a trash bin in a parking lot getting some stranger off when he could be curled up in the arms of someone who actually cared about him?

The door opened behind him and Alex spun around to wait for Jim. When the other man was close enough, he reached for his hand and grasped it firmly; he smiled at Jim as he moved closer, looped his arm through his and rested his head on his shoulder while they crossed the car park. They crossed the street and headed inside the hotel. Alex looked back but the server was gone; he didn’t care. He was with Jim but now they had even less time to spend together.

“There’s still at least an hour until checkout,” Jim said to him as they stepped back into their room.

Alex moved over to the bed and plopped down upon it.

“Can we maybe just talk for a bit?” He suggested.

“Talk?”

“About _this_ ; us.”

Jim nodded and moved closer but stopped just shy of the bed. Alex grabbed his hand and pulled him down beside him.

“That guy in the parking lot,” Alex said.

“He was definitely flirting with you during breakfast,” Jim replied.

“How would you have felt if I’d gone off with him?”

“I’m a married man, twice your age. I don’t think it's my place to be jealous.”

“Maybe this is what we should’ve talked about before we… did what we did.”

“Alex-”

“I meant what I said when I… When I said I don’t want a sugar-daddy.”

“I would never treat you like that, Alex, and not just because it’s damn expensive.”

Alex actually cracked a smile, relieved he hadn’t offended Jim.

“But I don’t really want a relationship either,” Alex said. “I love seeing you and last night was amazing. I don’t regret one second of it and I… I want to do it again but do we, uh, do we need to set boundaries or something?”

“Boundaries? Alex, I’m not about to start making demands or-”

“I just meant… This is all just _fun_ right? I don’t expect you to quit your job and move into my studio but you can’t ask me to come back to Roswell either.”

Jim’s fingers curled around Alex’s, holding his hand, he looked into his eyes.

“You said yourself this was only temporary,” Jim said. “Your plan was always to move on to bigger and better things.”

“Not yet, though,”

“So, maybe we put a time limit on this; on this, on _us_ ,” Jim suggested. “See how things go until the time’s right for us to end it.”

“You mean like three months?”

“Or six; I can’t come see you as often as I’d like but we can just play it by ear.”

“Six months; okay… Halloween; that’s just over six months away.”

Alex leaned in and kissed him; one weight lifted from his chest but another now forming.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor usage of daddy kink and consensual spanking at the end of this chapter  
> **********************************************************************************

He left the bag of supplies with Alex so he didn’t have to fear anyone finding it but that also meant Alex had plenty of time to research how they all worked. He’d promised not to play with them without Jim’s supervision but he was a horny teenager. Alex asked permission to take one for a test drive and was nice or cruel enough to let Jim listen over the phone.

Since he was still sleeping in the guestroom and Alex often finished work at ungodly hours, Jim didn’t have to worry about being caught but by the third time he’d listened to Alex get himself off, Jim had gone to the nearest store and purchased the cheapest laptop he could find so they could video chat. This meant sneaking into his home office in the middle of the night but it was worth it to see Alex’s beautiful face when he came.

When he’d shown up with the laptop, Alex had tried to refuse it then Jim had explained his reasoning but Alex had then tried to give him the money for it. He’d been forced to explain he bought it in a second hand store then he relented and allowed Alex to pay half.

Heading into summer would make it easier for Jim to get away as he’d often taken weekend fishing trips over the years. He was very annoyed when he had everything set in place then Jesse had insisted on an emergency trip to Caulfield. All he could think about was the time he was losing with Alex and he texted him repeatedly promising to be there as soon as he could.

By the time he pushed through the broken door and headed up the stairs, he was exhausted. He’d had to drive Jesse back to town then immediately turn back around and drive straight to Texas. When he knocked on the door and Alex was there to greet him with a smile, everything else slipped away. He pulled Alex into a hug and just held him for a solid fifteen minutes, curled up on the bed with Alex pressed against his chest. He placed gentle kisses to his neck, cheek and lips while Alex told him about his day.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said to him. “I’m rambling.”

“No, I like just listening to you talk,” Jim replied.

“Speaking of…”

Alex carefully extracted himself from Jim’s arms, and reached for his guitar. He shifted into a more comfortable position and pulled out a piece of paper with lyrics scribbled upon it. Jim smiled to himself as Alex adjusted the strap and began to play, singing the opening verse. It was a simple melody but it sounded beautiful. Jim couldn’t resist reaching out and touching Alex’s thigh. He smiled down at Jim and his heart swelled with pride. Alex paused and Jim stretched up to kiss him.

“You wrote that?” Jim asked. “It’s beautiful.”

“It’s not finished yet,” Alex scrunched up the piece of paper.

“You’ll get there and it’ll be great.”

He was still smiling as Alex moved to put the guitar away. Jim held out a hand and pulled Alex back into his arms, kissing his temple.

“You’re falling asleep,” Alex stated.

“I’m fine,” Jim argued.

“I should’ve told you not to come.”

“No, I wanted to.”

“Yeah but I got a call like an hour ago to come to work for a couple of hours.”

Jim stifled a yawn.

“I’ll come with you,” he offered.

“Nope; you stay here and sleep,” Alex insisted. “It’s a three-hour shift. Ten till one so I won’t be long. You stay and rest up and I’ll wake you in a very special way once I get back, okay?”

Jim yawned again but nodded his head in agreement. He would’ve loved to watch Alex work but he _was_ tired.

“You promise?” Jim asked. “Promise to wake me just the way I like it?”

“Yep,” Alex leaned over and kissed him. “Now the sooner I go, the sooner I’ll be back, and Jim?”

“Hmmm?”

“Feel free to shower while I’m gone.”

He stuck his tongue out but Alex giggled, grabbed Jim’s jacket and slipped out the door. He closed his eyes but sleep evaded him so he did something he shouldn’t and went looking for the paper Alex had hidden away. It was tucked in the case with the guitar and his eyes scanned the lyrics. Jim sighed as he shook his head. The song really was beautiful and raw because it was clearly _very_ real. He didn’t have to ask who Alex had been singing about; the ‘curls blowing in the wind’ and ‘painful memories leave scars’ were rather succinct.

He returned the paper to where he found it then made his way into the bathroom. The shower was warm but not as inviting without Alex pressed against him. He wondered just how often Alex thought about Michael; a lot obviously or he wouldn’t be writing a song about him, would he?

Jim stepped out of the shower, towelled himself dry then slid naked between the covers. The lyrics of Alex’s song haunting him as he tried to fall asleep.

*

He was still awake when Alex arrived home. They were both disappointed about this as they’d each been looking forward to Alex waking Jim with his skilled tongue. Jim didn’t get up but he kissed Alex before the younger man hurried to the shower. He was surprised how quickly Alex washed up because he was climbing into bed next to him before he knew it. He rolled over and pulled Alex into his arms, kissing him deeply.

“How was work?” Jim asked.

“Tiring,” Alex said, eyes already closed. “Some of those old guys have a lot of stamina,”

“Hey!”

“Scotty was giving this guy a lap dance and he just wouldn’t let him stop. I mean they were both into it but damn if it didn’t take him like twenty minutes to get away, he did get a good tip though,”

“Has that ever happened to you?”

There was a slight pause as though Alex was hesitant to answer him. A million different scenarios passed through Jim’s mind; most were variations on the Valentine’s day incident so he pressed a kiss to Alex’s neck.

“It’s okay; you _can_ tell me,” he assured him.

“I like that you’re protective of me, Jim, but you really don’t need to hear all the shit that goes down there.” 

“All I’m hearing is that it’s bad and you _don’t_ want me to know about it.”

“It’s not that, trust me,” Alex pressed even closer and kissed Jim’s jaw, placed his hand to his chest. Jim immediately reached down and entwined their fingers. “It’s just… it’s a _bar_. People get drunk and do dumb stuff a lot but I can handle it… and if I can’t then that’s what Davey and the bouncers are for. None of them want trouble or law enforcement involved.”

He believed him but deep down he couldn’t help feeling Alex was keeping something from him especially since he immediately shifted, climbed on top of Jim and kissed him. Sex as a distraction, change of topic, of conversation. He’d used this tactic himself in the past. It was the oldest trick in the book; but when you have a naked Alex Manes in your bed, nothing else matters. He wrapped his arms around Alex and kissed him deeply.

Tired or not, he was still going to show Alex a good time.

*

Jim was, once again, awake before Alex. He lay in bed, staring up at the dirty ceiling with Alex’s body pressed flush against his. He could feel the younger man’s cock against his skin and closed his eyes as he remembered their earlier antics.

They were over a month into this _thing_ they’d agreed to and it was the happiest Jim had been in some time. Losing Rosa in such a devastating way then Kyle moving so far away, everything in his life had changed so quickly that he was struggling to find normalcy. Sleeping with the youngest son of one of his friends _wasn't_ normal but it was comforting and made him happy… made them both happy. Didn’t it?

Was he an ass-hole for instigating this? Was him being here with Alex doing them both more harm than good? Alex was here in his arms but even after months away from Roswell, he was writing songs about the Guerin boy. Did Alex think about him while they were fucking? Alex had been very amorous when he’d finished his shift, had been very eager to try something Jim hadn’t expected him to. In his twenty plus years of sexual encounters, Jim had never taken it before but Alex had definitely given it, given it his all and Jim hadn’t thought he’d enjoy it as much as he did.

Alex had pushed for something different, unexpected. Should he have known to expect it? Should he have asked Alex sooner what he did and didn’t like? What other things was Alex into that he hadn’t told Jim yet?

He slowly reached up and brushed Alex’s hair away from his face so he could see him. In less than a month Alex would be nineteen. Still a teenager but already a man whose life had been unfair. Jesse had beaten him, his mother had abandoned him, his best friend bullied him (something Jim had reprimanded Kyle for on several occasions) and his first love had spiralled out of control before his very eyes.

Jim stared at Alex’s features; his hair had steadily been growing longer which added to his beauty. His cheekbones, his nose, his lips, all came together in a perfect blend that captured Jim’s attention every time he looked at him. God, was he truly a sick twisted old man? Looking at Alex, asleep beside him, his mind melding with an image of a ten-year-old boy asleep in front of the fireplace. Jesse would kick him awake and tell him to go to bed but if Jim saw him first, he never had it in him to wake him so he’d carefully pick him up and carry him to bed.

The little boy he’d promised himself to protect had fucked him in the ass last night and Jim had begged him for more; he _was_ a sick bastard.

He retracted his hand and very carefully started to slip from bed, his legs hanging over the edge of the mattress. He started to stand but an arm slid around his waist, holding him in place; he felt Alex’s lips on his shoulder before moving to the nape of his neck. He was utterly helpless and turned to meet him halfway, kissing lazily but tenderly.

“Going somewhere, Sheriff?” Alex whispered.

“For someone so young, you sure have a huge c-” Jim started but Alex cut him off with another kiss.

“Didn’t hear any complaints last night.”

“It didn’t hurt then.”

Alex pulled away and Jim turned to see him almost shrinking back on himself, as though worried what he was going to say or do next.

“I’m sorry,” Alex mumbled and looked down in his lap.

“Oh no, _bebé,_ don’t apologize,” Jim crawled across the bed and wrapped his arms around him. “It was Incredible! _You_ were amazing. It just… I’m really feeling it now but you know it’s just something I’m gonna have to get used to.”

“Maybe you should’ve kept one of the toys too.”

“Yeah, maybe I should’ve.”

Alex slowly looked up at him with a glint in his eye and Jim licked his lips. He was becoming accustomed to _those looks_ and they usually meant something very fun was about to happen.

“You know, if I… hurt you… then maybe I should be punished,” Alex whispered in his ear. “It’s what _naughty boys_ deserve.”

“Oh?” Jim swallowed nervously.

Alex immediately draped himself across Jim’s lap, his cock pressing into him and his naked ass exposed. Jim slowly stroked his hand down Alex’s back, thrilled at the way he arched into his touch. He brushed his fingers over the small of his back then across the flesh of his pert ass.

He’d never done anything like this before; he’d _never_ hit a child but this was different, right? Alex wasn’t a child, he was a consenting adult, a willing participant… Jim retracted his hand then ' _smack_ ' . He slapped Alex’s naked ass; the younger man moaned so he did it again; and again. Each slap was met with a low moan from Alex’s lips and it sent a wave of excitement through his entire body. Jim raised his hand, slipped his index finger into his mouth to wet it. He slapped Alex again, the younger man moaned, Jim parted the cheeks and pressed his finger inside him.

Alex groaned and bucked his hips, pressed his hardening cock into Jim’s lap.

" _Jim_!" Alex cried out.

He slid his finger in further and Alex moaned again. He pulled away then slapped his cheek. He could feel his own cock stirring as he spanked Alex’s ass; the flesh turned a darker shade of pink and he leaned down to kiss the inflamed skin, lapping at it with his tongue.

“Oh God, Jim!” Alex whimpered. “Please?”

He alternated between spanking the pink flesh and kissing it: Alex was very vocal in his appreciation of both. Jim reached underneath his body and wrapped his fingers around Alex’s weeping cock, stroking him while continuing to spank him. _Smack! Smack! Smack!_

“Jim,” Alex sobbed. “I… I’m gonna…”

“No,” Jim whispered. “Not yet; _naughty boys aren't allowed to come until I say so_."

“Please? Please, Jim?” Alex whimpered. " _Please_?"

“The more you ask, the longer you’ll have to wait,”

He ceased his movements but Alex wriggled in his lap, pushing himself into Jim’s fist. It was a sight to behold but he pressed his finger back into place and his body reacted to the way Alex moved against him. He arched his back again and bucked his hips, grinding into Jim’s fist while the older man continued to spank him.

“Are you ready?” Jim whispered.

“Yes,” Alex murmured.

“Hold on, just a little longer,”

“Please, Jim? Please?”

Jim leaned down and kissed Alex’s lips.

“Let go, _cariño,_ ” Jim whispered. “Come for me.”

Alex’s entire body shook as he surrendered to his orgasm; he came all over Jim’s hand and collapsed in a spent heap but Jim immediately rolled him onto his back. Alex grinned up at him like a cat who caught the canary. He held his gaze while panting for breath.

“We should do that more often,” Alex chimed.

“There’s a lot we should do more often,” Jim agreed as he leaned down for another kiss. “You held on well; I’m _very proud_ of you.”

Jim loved the way Alex blushed when he was praised. Who was he kidding? He loved _everything_ about Alex Manes.

  
  



	25. Chapter 25

Alex was exhausted but in a good way. It was an effort to climb off the bed and go wash up but the activity and the payoff were definitely worth it. After he’d showered, with Jim, and dressed, he asked him to breakfast and they went to their usual place for pancakes. He was going to have to watch himself if he ate them too often; he couldn't afford to gain weight in his line of work.

They enjoyed a nice meal which Alex insisted on paying for then Jim asked him to a movie. He definitely did a double take; was he asking him on a date? Either way, Alex was quick to say yes. The cinema was deserted and they were the only two patrons watching the movie. Which meant Alex wanted to have some _fun_ but he didn’t want to press his luck. He’d wondered if he’d put Jim on the spot earlier and now he told himself to hold back.

For the first fifteen minutes or so, he wanted to hold Jim’s hand but knew he shouldn’t. He’d specifically stated he didn’t want a relationship and going to a movie was definitely date material… but it was also something friends did so maybe Jim was just trying to be friendly… or he was using _this_ as a way of thanking Alex for all the sex they were having. Alex had also insisted he didn’t want a sugar daddy to pay for things on his behalf but then he’d crawled into Jim’s lap and asked him for a spanking.

Were they both on the same page here or were they reading completely different books?

Alex tried to focus on the movie but he couldn’t even remember what it was called or who was even in it. All he could think about was Jim sitting beside him, munching on popcorn. He started eating the popcorn too just for the distraction but eventually Jim put it aside and reached for Alex’s hand. Once their fingers were entwined, he was finally able to settle and watch the rest of the movie.

He promptly fell asleep.

Alex awoke to find himself resting uncomfortably on Jim’s shoulder. He sat up and looked around, lights were still down but the credits were rolling. He was horrified and tried to stammer an apology while covering a yawn. Jim merely smiled at him and kissed his cheek. Blushing from embarrassment Alex got to his feet and they left the cinema, Jim’s hand resting very casually on the small of Alex’s back. It was surprisingly comforting and his hand stayed there as they walked back to his car.

“So, can I drive you home?” Jim asked him.

“Sure, I’d like that,” Alex replied.

But the closer they got to Alex’s place, the sadder he became because he didn’t want their time together to come to an end. Jim had arrived late then Alex had gone to work and they’d wasted the morning in a movie theatre. He wasn’t ready for Jim to leave yet.

Alex made to hook the fire escape but Jim stopped him, told him they should go in the front door; he clearly wanted to catch Sebastian’s attention. Once again, Alex was passing the man’s door when it suddenly opened and Seb’s face appeared, leering at him. He was used to it but sometimes it was exhausting. Fortunately, Jim was there to scoop him into his arms and sweep him right past his sleazy landlord. Alex wrapped his arms around Jim’s broad shoulders and his legs around his waist, kissing him very deeply. It was meant for Seb’s benefit but he quickly forgot about him as he lost himself in their embrace. He moaned very loudly as he bucked his hips, putting on as much a show as he could until he heard Seb’s door slam shut.

But even once they didn’t have an audience anymore, Alex didn’t break the embrace. To his credit, Jim made it up the stairs while still kissing him. He stumbled a few times but not enough to break the kiss. Alex reached for his key and got it from his pocket but had to pull away in order to open the door.

He stepped inside but Jim didn’t cross the threshold.

“Jim?” Alex frowned.

“I can’t,” he sighed. “If I go in, I won’t want to leave and we both know I have to,”

“Yeah,” his face fell, heart aching. “I know,”

“But the weather’s picking up so that means I can come more often… Can’t see Michelle suddenly wanting to come ‘fishing’ with me so…”

“Wait, your fishing trips were cover stories?”

“Not always”

“Just how many affairs have you had?”

He realized as he was saying it that it was definitely the wrong thing to say. Alex saw Jim’s face fall and he hated himself; immediately reached for him while apologizing but the other man took a step back and held up his hand to stop him coming closer.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” Alex started but was cut off.

“Just, believe me, you don’t want to know,” Jim’s eyes filled with tears as he turned away.

Alex tried again and grabbed his arm. He reached up with his other hand and touched his cheek, looked into his eyes.

“It’s okay,” he said to him. “It’s none of my business and I promise I’ll never ask again,”

“I’m not... proud of my indiscretions, Alex,”

“Am I one of them? One you’re not proud of?”

Jim sighed as he pulled Alex into his arms. He fell so easily into Jim’s embrace. His heart was racing, tears in his own eyes. He’d just done it again, put his foot in his mouth by putting Jim on the spot. He shouldn’t have asked but was afraid to hear his answer.

“I will _always_ be proud of you, Alex,” Jim whispered. 

He felt the man’s lips on his forehead and squeezed his eyes closed to hold back tears. He wrapped his arms around Jim, buried his face in his chest and just allowed himself to be held. The fingers in his hair were soothing, so was the touch of Jim’s hand on his lower back.

“Don’t go,” Alex sobbed into his chest. “Please? Stay with me just a little longer?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry but you know I can’t”

“Will you call me when you get home?”

“I’ll definitely try”

Alex slowly looked up to meet his gaze.

“It’ll be worth your while,” he whispered. 

“Alex-”

“Might want to make it a video chat so you can watch me,”

“Oh? You mean with the…?”

“Yes,” he hissed. “It’s so much… more fun when I know you’re watching me,”

Jim cupped Alex’s face in his hands and softly kissed his lips. He lingered, not wanting to let the older man go.

“I’ll be back soon, I promise,” Jim insisted.

He nodded in understanding but still didn’t let Jim go, they continued to exchange tender kisses in the doorway of Alex’s place. When they finally parted, Jim reluctantly walked away. Alex stepped into his room and closed the door then immediately hurried to the fire escape. He leaned over the side then waited. 

Several moments passed before he spotted Jim down below. He didn’t have to say a word, Jim just instinctively looked up and waved to him before blowing a kiss. Alex climbed back through the window then walked over to his shelf with the miniature Cadillac. He placed the ticket stub from the movie underneath the little car and smiled to himself, his heart fluttering in a strange way.

What was wrong with him? Had the movie today been a _date_? Jim wasn’t his boyfriend, he couldn’t be; he was married! Alex was just his piece on the side, his dirty little secret… No, that wasn’t fair. Jim was the town Sheriff and he was friends with Alex’s father, had grown up with him, gone to school with him. Alex and Jim’s involvement with each other _had_ to be a secret. No one would understand what they meant to each other… mostly because Alex didn’t entirely understand it either. He’d sworn to _never_ be someone’s ‘piece on the side’ but this was different, wasn’t it?

He was attracted to Jim, he loved spending time with him, he loved being held and touched and kissed by him. He enjoyed the way he felt when he was naked in the man’s arms and when Jim let him take control, surrendered _to_ him. They had a very different dynamic; one he’d never experienced before and he loved it.

But he loved Jim too.

He _loved_ him.

Alex had always loved Jim; growing up, his own father had been a nightmare but Jim Valenti had been there for him in ways Jesse hadn’t. His father never failed to raise a stern hand with him and had even taken a hammer to Michael for trying to protect him. Alex had suffered many times at Jesse’s hand and each time, Jim had been the one to pick him back up and tell him it would be okay.

He loved Jim;

But maybe he needed to stop this before they fell in too deep to come back from. Jesse had used violence to scare Michael away but Jim was an adult, he had a job and a family and a reputation. If Jesse ever found out about them…

But Jim knew that. Knew how dangerous it was for them to be together and he was _willing_ to take that risk for him. Alex feared he wasn’t worth it.

He sought his secret hiding place and pulled out his lock box to count up his money. He had a decent amount stashed away; he could make a break for it now and free them both of this ticking time bomb but they’d also agreed to a limit on their time spent together. They were almost two months into the six-month arrangement. It would be wrong to leave now. He didn’t think he could anyway, not without saying goodbye and deep down, Alex feared he could never say it to him.


	26. Chapter 26

Alex was a tease, an absolute fucking tease and Jim loved him for it. When he couldn’t get away, and wasn't able to make a six-hour round trip to Amarillo to see him, Alex understood and he made the most of the plethora of toys Jim had left him.

During the day when he was at work, he’d receive random photo messages, that it pained him to have to delete, of various toys and hints of what Alex was doing with them. One morning in particular, he opened a text with an image of a butt plug which Alex assured him he’d be wearing all day. It took all his restraint to not jump in his car and drive straight to him, to have the honour of removing it then making love to Alex all night long.

He came home from work one night to find Jesse Manes sitting at the dinner table with Michelle and he immediately had to put on his brave face. He had no idea why Jesse was there but knew it couldn’t be good. He weaved a cover story so intricate that of course Michelle absolutely agreed to them going to the hunting cabin but deep down, Jim was terrified.

Jesse had either found out about him and Alex or the soldier required his help at Caulfield again. Neither option was very appealing to him but he had to agree. Michelle finally left them alone and Jesse launched into a spiel about Caulfield. There was no time for him to feel relief because Jesse had just hijacked his weekend plans.

They carpooled, much to Jim’s annoyance. He would’ve loved to go straight to Alex from the prison especially since the younger man was the only shining light in his life right now and spending time with these poor locked up aliens weighed heavily on his conscience. He’d sworn to, one day when Alex and Kyle were older, tell them the truth in the hopes to possibly bring Jesse down from inside Project Shepherd… But they were still a long way from that and Jesse had other sons who’d likely believe he was on the right side of this battle.

Jesse was behind the wheel, Jim stared out the passenger window but each time the other man tried to speak to him, all Jim could think about was Alex. He was bragging about his son Gregory and his current Naval assignment but Jim’s thoughts remained on Alex. Here was Jesse, talking up the achievements of his other sons and how proud he was of them following his example, choosing a respected career.

Alex had more talent than the other three Manes’ boys combined. It took dedication and skill to hold himself the way he did on that pole. He could have an entire room of men at his mercy with just the cock of his eyebrow, a wriggle of his hips. Jesse had no idea the power his youngest son possessed.

He sat in the car; hand clenched into a fist as he side-eyed Jesse while silently smirking to himself. The more he rambled about his three _other_ sons, the more Jim wanted to scream at him but he couldn’t. He simply couldn’t show his hand; as much as he wanted to shout in the man’s face about all the times he’d fucked his son and how often he rode Alex’s cock, he couldn’t say a word. But he could think about it; every time he handed something to Jesse and the one time the man stumbled and Jim instinctively helped him up. In his mind, he pictured all those special places his fingers had been and he’d gloat to himself. Pressing his finger a little too hard into Jesse’s arm and knowing how when he positioned his digit just right, he could make Alex moan, scream, come.

If Jesse suspected something was off with him, he never said but when he finally returned home, exhausted and heartbroken over seeing so many trapped souls that he was still unable to help just yet, Michelle was waiting up for him.

There was a strange serene calmness about her as she sat at the table with a cup of coffee, flicking casually through a magazine. He approached cautiously and placed a kiss to the crown of her head.

“You’re a good man, Jim,” she said to him and he immediately froze. “I know Jesse isn’t an easy man to get along with but the important thing is you try; you’ve always tried.”

He sank down in the chair opposite and reached for her hand.

“You should’ve heard him today,” he replied. “Bragging about his three brave sons, out there making him so _proud_."

She squeezed his hand and smiled.

“I’ll bet you bragged right back, our son, the future doctor,” she said.

“Yeah,” he kissed the back of her palm. “Doctor Kyle Valenti has a nice ring to it.”

Michelle finished her drink and placed the mug in the sink.

“I’m going to bed, you should too,” she said. “Another long day ahead of you.”

“Oh?” Jim frowned. His plans were screwed thanks to Jesse.

“Well I just assumed you’d leave early in the morning.”

“For… for what?”

His stomach was churning as she moved towards him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

“Tell Alex I said hello,” she dropped a kiss to his cheek then started to walk away. His heart dropped and he hastily grabbed her hand.

“Michelle?” He frowned.

“You think I didn’t know you found him?” She asked. “I’m a cop too, sweetheart.”

“But… what?” He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. She was being way too calm.

“You spent months looking for him, worrying and fretting then one day you just randomly stopped then started making weirdly timed trips away… I understand; you miss Kyle and Alex was like a son to us too.”

“You haven’t told-”

“Jesse? Gosh no! Wherever Alex is, he clearly doesn’t want him to know and I respect that… And I love that you’re doing what you can for him. He’s so young and shouldn’t be alone.”

“Michelle,”

“It’s okay that you want to spend time with him; I just wish he’d come back so you’d stop running yourself into the ground.”

“I, uh, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Jim offered. 

“You didn’t want Jesse to know; it’s alright,” she squeezed his hand. “I was just… relieved that you hadn’t lied to me… I was convinced you had a secret mistress.”

Jim forced a laugh and Michelle kissed him before walking away. He sat at the table, waiting for his heart rate to return to normal. She knew a half-truth but at least she was okay with him spending time with Alex. So why didn’t that knowledge make him feel better? If she knew the _truth_ , there was no way she’d tell him he was a good man; she’d never look at him the same ever again and he couldn’t say he’d blame her.

How could he explain his feelings for Alex to her when he still didn’t understand them himself? He couldn’t tell her that he _was_ cheating on her; that his _mistress_ was an eighteen-year-old boy who practically grew up in their house.

He could _never_ tell her that he was in love with him.

***

That realization didn’t stop him jumping in his car before sunrise and driving across the state line into Texas. It was barely after 9-am when he parked and made his way down the now familiar street to Alex’s building. For once he decided to attempt the fire escape but landed spectacularly on his arse so he brushed himself off and went to the front door. It was still broken so he pushed it open and went in, passed right by Seb’s door and up the few floors to Alex’s room.

He wished he had a key so he could surprise him but no luck. Jim had to knock very loudly for several minutes before Alex’s groggy voice yelled for him to go away. He knocked again until Alex started swearing at him.

“Leave me the fuck alone!” Alex screamed through the door.

“Really, Alex?” Jim shouted back. “Don’t make me come in there and spank you for such language!”

He heard the bolt being unlocked then the door opened and Alex was standing before him in nothing but sweatpants. His hair was rumbled and messy from having just woken up but his face lit up at the sight of Jim. They reached for each other at the exact same time; Alex’s arms wrapped around Jim’s neck while his slid around his waist to pull him close and they shared a deep kiss.

“I thought you weren’t coming,” Alex cried.

“Couldn’t stay away,” Jim replied as they continued to hold each other.

He let Alex pull him into the room and he kicked the door closed.

“I, uh, have a confession,” Jim added. “I cancelled yesterday because of your dad; he needed my help with something but after I got home… Michelle told me to come see you.”

“She what?” Alex immediately broke away from him; he could see pain and fear in his eyes. “Does she kno-?”

“No, I swear! She’s just really observant and she figured it out but it actually helps us.”

“How?”

“She thinks it’s sweet that I found you and that I want to see you; she uh thinks I’m using you as a replacement for Kyle since he’s away at college now.”

“And my dad?”

Jim reached out and took both of Alex’s hands in his.

“I promise he has no idea,” Jim insisted. “Believe me, I was stuck with him _all_ day yesterday and he nev-” he trailed off.

“Never once mentioned me,” Alex finished for him, his face falling, blinking back tears.

“I’m sorry.”

Alex broke away and headed back to the bed, Jim followed behind him and kicked off his shoes to climb onto the bed with him.

“I’m sorry, amor _,_ ” Jim reached over and pulled Alex into a hug.

“Don’t be,” Alex mumbled.

“If it’s any consolation, I thought about you _a lot_ and I just wanted to shake some sense into him… he’s an idiot for not appreciating how amazing you are.”

“Jim-”

“Of course, all I _really_ wanted to do was tell him how incredible you are in bed, tell him how skilled your beautiful mouth is, how delectable your lips are, how much I crave your kisses and how hot you sound when you moan my name, how hard I get when you ride my ass and how many times I can make you come in one night.”

Alex’s cheeks were now a beautiful shade of blushing red as Jim kissed his lips.

“But I couldn’t tell him any of it,” he continued. “Doesn’t make it any less true though.”

“You should’ve told him how turned on I get when you spank me,” Alex said as he nuzzled his face against Jim’s neck.

“How hard you come without me even touching your cock.”

Jim ran his hand down Alex’s chest to grasp his thigh.

“How much I love it when you suck me off first thing in the morning,” Alex continued. He reached up and freed his cock from the confines of his pants. Jim immediately wrapped his large hand around the shaft and began working him.

Alex leaned in, wrapped his arms around him and kissed his lips. Neither of them mentioned Jesse again for the rest of the morning.


	27. Chapter 27

They spent the entire morning in Alex’s bed together, neither one of them ever wanting to leave but they eventually had to. Alex pulled Jim into the shower where they became progressively dirtier while attempting to get clean. Alex sat down on the rumbled bed-sheets, wrapped in nothing but a towel, and pulled out his guitar, strummed a simple melody while Jim made coffee.

“Let’s go out somewhere,” Jim suggested. 

“Oh?” Alex looked up at him, surprised.

He noticed Jim was blushing. Was he asking Alex out on another date? Should he say no? But did he really just want to stay in all day? He liked spending time with Jim, they could go more than an hour without getting frisky… couldn’t they?

“I, uh, there’s an amusement park nearby,” he said.

“What am I, five?” Alex replied. He heard the defensiveness in his voice and instantly regretted it.

Jim swallowed nervously and turned his back. Alex immediately feared his tone had been too harsh so he placed the guitar aside and crossed the room, wrapped his arms around Jim’s waist and rested his chin on the man’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” Alex apologized, dropping a kiss to his naked shoulder blade. “I’m sorry.”

“I keep telling you not to apologize to me,” Jim said. 

“You surprised me is all… I mean, I haven’t been to anywhere like that since that time we went to that travelling carnival when Kyle and I were starting middle school.”

“I thought the haunted house was gonna finish you boys off but you were fine; I remember grabbing Kyle’s hand and holding it the entire time then we got outside and it wasn’t him who was clinging to me.”

Alex placed another kiss to Jim’s shoulder. He’d known it was Jim’s hand holding his, his own father wouldn’t have cared if Alex had been scared… not that he'd been allowed to show fear. He’d learned, long ago, the more you displayed fear, the worse the beating would be. He still remembered the time his father had tried to make him say ‘thank you’ for the beating he’d received.

“I’ve always felt safe with you, Jim,” Alex whispered.

“I shouldn’t be trying to push you,” he replied. “If you’d rather stay here and play your songs for me.”

“No, it, uh, the park sounds fun.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Alex, I will never force you to go somewhere, do something you don’t want to do,”

“I want to spend time with you; so, let’s go!”

*

It took longer than either expected for them to get dressed and out of the studio. Alex secretly distracted Jim every chance he got but they both laughed about it. Having been in Amarillo for almost a year now, he’d seen all the signs for the park but never visited because an amusement park alone didn’t sound very appealing but when he climbed out of the car and saw Jim smiling, Alex couldn’t help feeling excited.

Jim tried to buy Alex’s entry but he insisted on paying for himself and Jim immediately backed down. It meant a lot to him that he didn’t push further. They headed inside and neither of them knew what to do first. He wanted to try everything, ride every single ride, and eat all the food. Jim seemed perfectly content to let him. 

The day flew by; they managed to spend the entire afternoon there and barely even realized as they were having too much fun. Alex pulled Jim onto the Ferris wheel and they watched the sun set with a view. He held his hand, rested his head on his shoulder and smiled when Jim told him this was one of the best days he’d had in a long time. Alex could only agree.

Since leaving home, today was one of the first times he was truly able to forget about the past and focus on his future. But as they stepped off the ride and into a small photo booth, the niggling feeling inside Alex began to stir. They squeezed closer together and smiled for the camera; both looking at each other as the flash went off before leaning in for a gentle kiss.

Jim wandered away to buy drinks while Alex waited for the images to print. The tiny strip of photos spat out of the machine and he picked it up, examined them closely and saw the way they were looking at each other, how tenderly Jim was holding and kissing him.

He really was eager for a better future but right now, Alex wasn’t ready to think about a future _without_ Jim Valenti in it.

***

Curled in Jim’s arms, Alex’s head rested upon his chest as he drew weird patterns with his finger upon Jim’s skin. Every few minutes, he’d grasp Alex’s hand and bring it to his lips to kiss his palm. Alex would smile to himself and try to snuggle closer to him.

“About today…” Alex started. “Thank you, Jim,”

“It was fun,” he agreed. “Kyle outgrew CrashCon years ago and honestly I used to love going as a kid so the nostalgia kinda never went away for me,” Jim paused. “I wanna take my grand-kids someday.”

Alex’s stomach dropped at the very mention of _grandchildren_. Jim wasn’t old enough to be wishing for Kyle to have kids but it was inevitable… Kyle was good looking and studying to be a doctor. He’d be married with kids by the time he was Jim’s age now; Alex was sure of it. 

“I’m sorry,” he felt Jim’s hand on his chin, urging him to look up at him then Jim leaned down and kissed him. “I shouldn’t have mentioned kids and grand babies.”

“It’s alright, really,” Alex was quick to reassure him. “I mean, it’s natural…” he looked away so Jim wouldn’t see him blinking away tears. “Dad was always keen on the idea; always saying that at least his _other_ three sons could make him proud and carry on the family name… be _real_ Manes Men.”

“Oh Alex,” 

He felt Jim shift his body as he sat up and rested his back against the headboard but then Jim was pulling him into his arms and holding him so tightly.

“Like getting someone pregnant is all it takes to be a father,” Alex spat.

“You’d be an amazing father, Alex,” Jim assured him. “Especially once you ignore _everything_ Jesse ever said and did to you; you’re a kind, generous, beautiful soul and you deserve the World,”

“I’d love to have kids someday,” Alex murmured very quietly.

“You still could; there’s a lot of innovative ways it can be done… even adoption could work down the line; once you find the man of your dreams and the two of you are ready to start a life and a family together.”

Alex nodded his head in agreement but that feeling knotting his stomach was back because Jim acknowledged that the man of Alex’s dreams was still out there somewhere, he was just yet to meet him… which meant the man currently starring in his erotic dreams wasn’t really his.

“He doesn’t deserve to be a grandfather,” Alex whispered, thinking of his own father.

Jim pressed a kiss to Alex’s forehead as he continued to hold him in his arms. He stayed, un-moving, in Jim’s embrace but didn’t draw attention to the fact he hadn’t disagreed with him. Alex fell asleep in Jim’s arms but he still didn’t feel any better about the whole situation.

*

Alex was becoming accustomed to waking up to the smell of fresh coffee. He opened his eyes to see Jim walking barefoot around his tiny kitchen. When he’d built up the energy to actually sit up, Jim would come over and hand him a warm mug which he’d only relinquish once Alex kissed him good morning. It was a blissfully domestic ritual but it wasn’t real, was it? They were both happy for however short an amount of time they had together but it was never gonna last… they’d agreed at the time that there was only so long they could do this.

“I really thought this would get easier,” Alex sadly admitted.

“What would?” Jim asked as he joined him on the bed.

“You leaving; you sweep in and we have these great intervals of time together but then you leave and reality kicks in again.”

“Yeah,” he leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Real life sucks.”

Alex paused, mid-sip of his coffee.

“You’re saying this isn’t real?” Perhaps they _were_ on the same page of the same book and he was only just realizing.

“Being with you is like a dream,” Jim confessed. “A beautiful dream that I hate having to wake up from.”

“But we agreed when this started that…”

“It couldn’t be forever.”

He tried not to let Jim’s words hurt but they were the truth and he was right. He kept drinking his coffee just for the distraction.

“This just got too deep,” Jim said. “Time to lighten the mood.”

Alex started to reach for him but was surprised when Jim moved away and climbed off the bed. He walked into the kitchen then told Alex to close his eyes. He was a little uncertain but he trusted Jim so did as asked. Eyes closed, he strained his ears, trying to determine what he was up to. He couldn’t even hear his footsteps but then Jim whispered for him to hand over the coffee cup. He surrendered it but waited until he was told to open his eyes before doing so.

He found himself staring at a cupcake, smothered in icing and sprinkles with a single lit candle on top. His lips curled into a smile while his heart soared.

“Happy birthday, Alex,” Jim softly whispered.

“Where did you…?”

“Wanted to surprise you so I went out while you were sleeping.”

“Jim, it’s not my birthday yet,” he tried to argue.

“Two more days and I’m sorry I won’t be with you for it; I really hate the idea of you being alone,”

“Honestly, I’m getting used to it.”

Alex slowly reached up and gently cupped Jim’s face with both his hands, leaned forward and kissed him, almost knocking the cake from his hand.

“Careful, you have to make a wish first” Jim said with a smile, while balancing the candle.

His eyes roamed from the burning flame to Jim’s face then back again. His one wish was that this moment would never end, that they could stay in this happy bubble forever; pretend they were just like any normal couple. He closed his eyes, leaned forward and blew out the candle. Jim immediately covered the space between them and kissed him on the lips.

“So, what did you wish for?” Jim asked him.

“If I tell you it won’t come true,” Alex replied, almost indignantly.

“Then what’s your second wish? Aside from cake for breakfast; something I _can_ make come true.”

Alex cupped Jim’s face again and looked deep into his eyes as he adopted a low, sultry tone.

“Multiple birthday orgasms,” he whispered.

Jim’s lips curled into a smirk.

“Well, I suppose we’d better get started then.”

He watched as Jim carefully placed the cupcake aside on the tiny bedside cabinet with the mug of coffee then he began groping Alex through his underwear. His warm hands already working their magic on his hardening cock.

“Jim, wait!” Alex gasped as he placed his hand over Jim’s. He looked up at Alex with a confused look on his face. Alex gnawed on his bottom lip as he locked eyes with Jim.

“Can you ravage me _after_ cake?” He asked.

  
  



	28. Chapter 28

Jim hated not being with Alex on his birthday; the idea of him being alone in a strange town just didn’t make him feel good. Sure, he’d been living there for almost a year now but it still felt foreign to him. He wished he’d tried harder to convince him to come home for a visit, see Mimi and Maria but Alex had insisted Roswell wasn’t home anymore so Jim had dropped the subject as Alex had started doing something _very_ distracting with his tongue… not because he was afraid if Alex did come back, he might run in to Michael.

He was sitting behind the desk in the Sheriff’s station, reading over a file in which Guerin’s name popped up as a person of interest. Even he was certain Michael was the culprit but he was steering very heavily into the ‘not enough evidence to proceed’ territory. He didn’t want to be the one to tell Alex that Michael had been arrested again. Not that Alex ever asked about him; not directly but Jim had taken to casually dropping his name occasionally to see how Alex would react. It was clear he still thought about him, even if he hadn’t sneakily read Alex’s lyrics about him.

Jim opened his wallet and tucked in the hidden pocket was one of the photos of him and Alex from the amusement park. He’d seen the tiny strip of photos and torn the one of them both grinning at the camera from the set and tucked it away; Alex kept the other three photos but Jim was okay with that. He pulled the photo out and looked at it; so engrossed with looking at the image that he didn’t hear his wife until it was too late.

“He looks happy,” Michelle’s voice made him jump in surprise. “Healthy.”

“Michelle! You started me”

“Great reflexes you’ve got there, Sheriff.”

“I’m sorry; I was just thinking-”

“About Alex,” she finished. “Is he really doing okay?”

She reached over and took the photo from him, a smile forming on her lips.

“His hair is longer,” she observed. “Still wearing the makeup though.”

“He’s… finding himself,” Jim replied.

“And he’s happy?”

“He’s away from Jesse, that’s what matters.”

Michelle nodded her head in agreement then handed the photo back to him.

“Alex was such a sweet boy,” she added. “He didn’t deserve a father like that.”

“Did you, uh, come in here about work?”

“The Guerin boy is still in the holding cell; are you charging him or are we going to let him walk?”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“Evans is with him right now.”

Jim nodded and got to his feet. He walked out of his office and down the hall to the holding cells. Max looked frustrated but he immediately turned formal in his presence, much to Michael’s annoyance.

“You’re excused, Evans,” Jim said to him.

Max appeared to hesitate but he quietly left, leaving Jim alone with Michael. He realized he had no idea what to say to him.

“How’s the hand?” Jim asked. Michael frowned; his eyes trailed down to the scars on his hand. “Bar fight, right?”

“Yeah,”

“But never reported?”

“Right.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t see how it’s any of _your_ business.”

“Crime is my business,” he said in a put-on accent; there was a tiny hint of a smile on Michael’s face but he quickly hid his face from the sheriff. “If you were assaulted by someone, _that's_ a crime.”

“It was a fight, it got out of hand.”

Jim moved closer to the cell and Michael shoved his hand into his pocket.

“I know you haven’t had it easy lately,”

Michael glared at him.

“Or _ever_ ," he added. “But you can be better, do better, make better decisions.”

“Don’t pretend you give a damn about me… no one does.”

“That’s not true, son.”

“Don’t call me _son_!"

Jim could feel the anger boiling inside Michael.

“I care about someone who cares about you,” he stated honestly.

Michael snorted. He clearly didn’t think anyone in Jim’s life was in close enough contact to care about _him_. It was a fair assumption since Michael obviously believed Max and Isobel were the only acquaintances he had. Jim wondered what that felt like; how Alex felt being isolated so far away from his family… he looked at Michael and started picturing the aliens Project Shepherd were keeping locked up at Caulfield. Were Michael’s parents amongst them? Or did they die in the initial crash? 

Was _Michael_ the one who’d left the handprint on Rosa? 

He didn’t want to believe Michael, Max or Isobel had done it. They were just kids themselves. He’d never seen any violent outbursts from any of them; Michelle had her doubts about Max, she’d been slightly against Jim’s hiring of him but they’d agreed it was easier to keep an eye on him if he was right under their noses every day.

Michael was a completely different story.

Alex had _loved_ him… maybe still did. He was just too afraid of the answer he might get if he asked him directly.

“You got into UNM,” Jim continued. “A scholarship, full ride… a ticket out of this town and a new life; why didn’t you take it?”

“Again, _none_ of _your_ damn business." 

“It’s not too late to reapply; try again.”

“Sheriff-”

“You’re capable of more; you know it, he knows it.”

“Leave Max out of this.”

Jim stepped right up to the bars and looked at Michael. He could still see the anger bubbling within him.

“I wasn’t talking about Max,” Jim whispered.

“Then wh-” Michael froze and looked up at Jim.

“You know it’s his birthday today, don’t you?” He paused but Michael didn’t react. “I think he still loves you; why not be worthy of him someday?”

He turned on his heel and started to walk away. Out of nowhere, a gust of wind knocked him clean off his feet and he fell to the ground as Max came back into the room.

“Sheriff Valenti, are you okay?” Max helped him to his feet but he noticed the way Max was glaring at Michael.

“I’m fine, so… Evans,” he assured him. He turned back and saw Michael flexing his fingers on both his hands while pacing the cell. He’d clearly hit a sore spot without even saying Alex’s name.

“We’ll hold him another hour,” Jim said softly to Max as they left the room together. “Then cut him loose.”

“Are you sure, sir?” Max asked.

“Maybe two; give him a bit more time to cool off.”

“You’re not going to charge him?”

“Do you want me to?”

“No, Sir,”

“He’s on thin ice but today isn’t the day he crashes through it.”

“Thank you, Sheriff.”

He headed back to his office but he noticed Max lingering in the hall, as though torn between going back to Michael or his own desk. Jim left him to make his own decision and closed the door of his office. He knew what they were but they were just kids; he didn’t want to believe they were what Jesse and his own father insisted they were. They weren’t monsters… but if one of them had killed his daughter, he wanted someone to pay for it.

Deep down, he didn’t want Michael to be the culprit because he couldn’t stand the thought of telling Alex that Michael was a murderer. Would Alex even believe him? But even if he wasn't, the three aliens must’ve known _something_. They all appeared way too guilty in the days following the deaths and even he’d observed Max and Michael not being the same. Those two had been inseparable although Michael had taken to spending his time with Alex right after the incident… but after Alex left, Michael had been alone. It didn’t make much sense.

He sat down at his desk and pulled the photo from his wallet. Alex’s smile was beautiful and he looked _happy_ with him. Jim reached for his phone and checked for a reply. He’d sent three birthday texts already but knew sending a fourth would be too much.

‘Just woke up’ was the reply he’d gotten barely five minutes ago.

Alex had replied and he’d missed it because he was making nice with Michael. He sighed.

‘I hope you have a great day,’ Jim wrote.

‘Working tonight.’

‘You’ll be great.’

‘Thanks… maybe I’ll take a balloon on stage with me.’

‘Festive.’

‘Forgot to charge my phone, about to die, love you, bye.’

Jim stared at the last message in shock. He always deleted their text exchanges after so no one could accidentally find them but Alex had signed off with ‘love you’.

Love you.

Love.

How could he possibly delete that?

A knock at the door caused him to look up and Michelle was smiling at him, asking him to lunch. His wife was waiting for him to join her. He pressed ‘delete’, shoved his phone in his pocket and followed her out of the office, hating himself with every step he took because he’d done this to himself but he wasn’t sure if he even wanted a way out.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk shenanigans & some cross-dressing  
> ********************************************

He slept late because his alarm failed to wake him so Alex was confused when he reached for his phone and saw it was practically lunchtime plus, he’d already gotten three texts from Jim. The first came through before nine, the second was at ten and the third just after. He grinned to himself and hastily sent off a ‘just woke up’ reply before noticing his phone hadn’t been charging while he slept so the battery was about to give out.

His text conversation was brief and he hastened to end it before turning the phone off and plugging it in to charge. Alex climbed out of bed and rummaged in the cupboard for food. He’d only recently started buying slightly more food and basic items. He was even contemplating getting a couch.

Alex made a coffee just for the aroma as it made him think of Jim then he pulled out his guitar but found himself standing before his little shelf with the mementos of his time spent with the older man. He looked at the strip of photos, the one of their kiss, and he smiled as he began to strum a different song on the strings.

He drank his coffee and showered before heading down to the basement to do some washing. Alex sat on the washing machine and considered the fact it was his birthday and he had nothing better to do than laundry. He trudged back up the stairs and found Seb in the entryway.

“Hey Seb,” Alex greeted him, mentally preparing for what was to come.

“Hey cutie,” Seb replied. “Or should I say birthday boy?”

“What? How did you…?”

“Was on your application when you rented the place… although you smudged the year…”

“Well, uh,”

“It’s fine, you pay your rent in full and on time so I don’t care that you’re barely twenty-one,”

Alex saw a hint of something in his eye but he didn’t correct him. He knew that Seb knew how old he really was.

“Plans to celebrate with your daddy cop?” Seb asked.

“He’s not my daddy cop _,_ ” Alex snapped as he moved past and continued up the stairs.

“That’s a no then? Well, my door is always open should you get lonely.”

“Thanks, but I have to work tonight.”

“Cool, cool… well, another time then but my offer stands.”

Alex nodded his understanding then hightailed it back to his apartment. 

*

When he left for work, Alex went out the window and down the fire escape to avoid another run in with Sebastian. He arrived early enough to grab some dinner for himself then adjourned to the backstage area where his station had a ‘happy birthday’ banner stuck to it.

Several of his fellow performers then surprised him with a cake; he hadn’t even told any of them it was his birthday, not that he could recall anyway.

The club wasn’t having a busy night so it closed early and Ty insisted they celebrate. A small group of them all headed to Scotty’s place, grabbing some pizza along the way then the party really began. Alex felt an unusual feeling of acceptance as they started downing shots. He tried to pace himself but once a game of ‘never have I ever’ commenced, things definitely started to become hazy.

It was a lot of small things that got him; sex with a co-worker? He took a shot. Sex with someone twice his age? Another shot. Sex in the back of a pickup truck? More shots. He’d always thought his life had been rather tame but this game was proving otherwise so he suggested they switch to truth or dare. This sounded like the safer option but he wasn’t comfortable answering truth questions after the first one he was asked was ‘have you ever been in love?’

After answering truthfully, he became so lost in his own thoughts that he missed the next few questions. 

“What’s going on?” Alex said, as he zoned back in.

“Justin’s never worn women’s clothing!” Scotty told him.

“So? Neither have I; you make it sound like it’s unusual.”

“Did you never put on one of your mother’s dresses?”

“My mom left when I was young, my dad would’ve buried me in the yard if he thought I was wearing her things.”

“Oh God!”

Scotty began to laugh and he immediately grabbed both Alex’s hand and Justin’s hand then he dragged them both into another room. Alex and Justin exchanged a nervous look as Scotty threw open the closet to reveal a vast selection of skirts and dresses.

“You _have_ to try these on!” Scotty declared. 

Alex was just tipsy enough to agree after he saw Justin stripping off his own clothes. The others all wandered into the room to watch them try on different outfits. This led to an unusual impromptu fashion show which ended with them all in fits of giggles. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had this much fun; probably at the Crashdown playing his guitar with Rosa. Alex felt a wave of sadness wash over him; he missed Rosa.

Justin, in his dress cut right up to his thigh, moved closer to Alex. Maybe he sensed a shift in his demeanour because he reached out and slowly trailed his hand up Alex’s leg, sliding it up under his skirt. He instinctively bucked his hips, grinding into his touch.

“Oh, Jus, since it’s your turn… I _dare_ you to kiss Alex,” Scotty said. “Coz both of you dressed like that… look _hot_ as Hell.”

Ty nodded in agreement and egged them both on. Alex turned and looked at Justin, his face flush, he nodded his head, giving consent and Justin leaned in. It started innocently enough but Alex parted his lips and pulled him closer as their tongues melded. The others cheered them on before dissolving into giggles again. 

When they parted, Alex felt a strange sense of guilt. Was he being unfaithful to Jim? No, they weren’t actually a couple, right? Jim was married, he was allowed to kiss his wife without feeling like he was being untrue… but then _he_ was cheating on her every time he touched Alex. So, Alex wasn’t doing anything wrong here… was he?

They poured another round of drinks and Alex finally peered at the clock. It was late and he’d wanted to call Jim when he got home so he really should leave now. The others began to make fun of him but he got to his feet and began to look around for his clothes.

“Ohhhhh, Alex!” Scotty teased. “I _dare_ you to wear that home tonight!”

“But they’re not my clothes,” Alex replied.

“They’re _mine_ but you should definitely borrow them.”

“C’mon, Alex,” Justin helped him to his feet. “We can split a cab.”

They collected up their clothes while Scotty called a taxi. Alex felt oddly self-conscious as Justin pulled him outside then pushed him into the backseat of the car. He was certain the driver was muttering about them under his breath but it was only a short drive to Justin’s place. He invited Alex inside while he paid the driver and they drunkenly stumbled out.

Alex looked around in surprise; he was only a few blocks from his place. He’d had no idea Justin lived so close to him. He felt a strange sense of isolation; how was it that he knew so little about the guys he worked with? He’d make out with them onstage, let them spank him but he didn’t even know their last names.

“So, are you coming in or what?” Justin asked him.

Alex considered it; he was tipsy enough to not want to be alone. It _was_ his birthday after all but did he want to maybe hook up with Justin again? They’d fooled around before, gotten off together, but right now he wanted to be with Jim. He knew he couldn’t but he still wanted to.

“I should head home; thanks for the offer though,” Alex politely declined and Justin didn’t take offence. They hugged goodnight and Alex turned to start walking home; alone.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing drunk shenanigans and cross-dressing but with miscommunication and some harsh words thrown in  
> *********************************************************************************************************************

He couldn’t sleep; Jim had been tossing and turning since he crawled into bed several hours earlier but sleep had evaded him. He hadn’t heard from Alex for hours which wasn’t unusual but he’d been hopeful the younger man would call or text when he could especially since it was his birthday. He wanted to know how his shift had gone; had he really taken a balloon on stage with him? Had Alex taken it a step further and allowed the patrons to see him in his birthday suit? He hoped not but Alex had admitted to becoming a bit more uninhibited on stage these days.

Jim reached for his phone, checked the time. It was almost three in the morning. Surely, he should’ve called or texted by now? What if something untoward had happened to him? What if he’d been mugged on his way home? Should he call him? Text him?

He composed a text but immediately deleted it. Had Alex realized he’d signed off with ‘love you’ and was too embarrassed to reach out now?

The minutes ticked by and he didn’t know what to do.

When a text came through, he dropped his phone in surprise. It simply said ‘u awake?’

He drew a deep breath and typed back a quick ‘yes’. The phone started to ring and he answered it immediately.

“Alex?” He whispered.

“Hey Jim,” Alex giggled.

Was he _drunk_? He felt his heart sink; Alex had sworn he’d never drink again so why was he slurring his words?

“Alex, are you okay?” Jim asked.

“Shhhhh,” Alex murmured. “I just got home.”

“It’s late.”

“Or early? I mean, some people are just getting up now.”

“And you haven’t even been to bed!”

Alex laughed and Jim was suddenly annoyed.

“I have a surprise for you,” Alex said. “Can you video chat?”

“I’m already in bed.”

“Please, Jim, _please_?"

He was already climbing out of bed and making his way towards his home office before he told Alex he could. It took some time for the computer to turn on but Alex had gone very quiet in the meantime.

“You still there?” Jim asked.

“Yep, just getting everything in order.”

“Everything?” He frowned.

“Taking off my underwear, silly.”

Jim paused. Was Alex sober enough for this?

“Did you have a good day?” He asked, making conversation.

“Actually yeah… the guys got me a cake then we celebrated at Scotty’s place.”

“Sounds like you _really_ celebrated.”

“We played ‘never have I ever’ _and_ 'truth or dare’,” Alex laughed. “I think I lost both.”

“How do you lose either of those games?”

“I’m drunk,” Alex stated. “I had to do a lot of shots… for sex in a truck and in a shed and at work,”

“You’ve had sex at work?”

“You mean you haven’t?”

Jim shifted in the chair; this was about _Alex_ right now not himself.

“We’re not talking about me,” he unintentionally snapped.

“Well, you should _definitely_ try it someday.”

“Who with?”

“Kinky! You got your eye on some sexy deputy or something?”

“Alex!” He hissed. Why was he getting angry with him? “Who did you fuck at work?”

“Guerin, inside the fake UFO… he was weirdly, super into it… so we did it twice then we sneaked back after close and did it again.”

“So, it was a while ago…”

“I fucked Justin on my station one night and this one-time Bailey sucked me off… it was _so good_ , Jim!”

He didn’t even know who these boys were but Jim already decided he hated them. What right did they have to touch Alex? To fuck him? To suck him off? That was a right he’d earned, not them! He told himself to remain calm; to not get jealous but they’d been with Alex tonight, not him.

“I’m at the computer,” Jim said to him.

“Okay, give me a minute,” Alex replied.

Jim waited in silence, listening to Alex giggle and drop the phone. He sighed and clenched his fist. He’d been tossing and turning half the night while Alex had been out getting drunk, underage drinking… 

“Okay, I’m hanging up the phone now.”

He heard Alex say then the line went dead so he put the phone down. The screen was still dark but he could hear Alex telling him to close his eyes because it was a ‘surprise’.

He sighed again while he heard Alex still giggling. He closed his eyes and waited, waited, waited. When Alex finally told him to open them, it was the last thing he’d expected to see.

Alex was sprawled on the bed but he wasn’t naked as usual. He was wearing fishnet thigh high stockings and a pleated skirt with a tight fitting, low cut shirt. Jim’s jaw dropped as did his stomach.

“Do you like what you see?” Alex chuckled as he lifted his skirt to show he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

“Where did you get that?” Jim asked, his teeth clenched.

“From Scotty!” Alex was grinning. “He said I look hot and let me wear it home.”

“ _You went out in public like that_?" 

Jim couldn’t believe what he was hearing. What was Alex thinking?

“Of course! It was… exciting.” Alex said. “Exhilarating and empowering,”

“What if someone had seen you?”

“People saw Jim; someone even whistled.”

“What were you _thinking_ , Alex? Why didn’t you just stick a sign on your back saying ‘mug me’ or worse ‘attack me’? Dressing like _that_ is just an invitation for trouble.”

“Jim, don’t you think I look good?”

“No! Frankly, I’m _embarrassed_ for you.”

“For me? I feel sexy… naughty...”

“You should take that stuff off and I **_never_ **want to see you wearing women’s clothes **ever** again!” Jim hissed at the screen.

“You can’t tell me what to wear, you’re not my boyfriend!”

“I’m your father and you’ll do as I say!”

“Jim!” Alex’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “What the Hell?”

“That’s not…” Jim stammered as he realized what he’d said. “I meant, I’m... I'm _old enough_ to be your father and you should listen to me, respect what I’m saying about _this_ and what kind of message wearing _that_ sends.”

“You’re not my boyfriend and you’re not my father, even if I _have_ called you daddy, doesn’t make it so and I can wear whatever the hell I want to wear. You can’t order me around or tell me what I can or can’t wear.”

“Alex,” Jim started. He felt sick as he heard the words echoing inside his head. How the hell had he called himself Alex’s father? He _wasn't_ Jesse Manes but he’d die before he ran the risk of the man seeing his youngest son wearing women’s clothes.

“Alex, I’m didn’t mean-”

“I’m afraid I can’t talk to you about this right now… if that’s what you really think,” Alex replied.

He watched as Alex reached out and a moment later the connection was broken; Alex had turned the laptop off, ended their communication. Jim immediately grabbed his phone and called Alex’s number but it rang out. He was ignoring his call. Jim tried again but Alex had obviously turned the phone off. 

Alex had gone from playful flirt to brimming with tears in the blink of an eye. He hadn’t meant to say it like that; he _wasn't_ Alex’s father but he’d clearly been channelling his inner Jesse, not that he wanted to admit he had an inner Jesse but he had no idea how to process what Alex had been wearing. How had he thought it was a good idea? Why would he think Jim would like him like that?

Did this make him a bad person? 

Alex was a teenage boy; he shouldn’t be walking any streets alone in the middle of the night especially not dressed in women’s clothes. Why couldn’t he see that? Was it because he was young and therefore reckless?

He looked at the phone again and sent a text saying ‘we need to talk about this’

But Alex didn’t reply. 

By the time he finally went to bed, slept a few hours then went to work in the morning, there was still no response from Alex. He hoped and prayed the younger man was just sleeping it off or still feeling the hangover… he didn’t want to think Alex was still mad at him… but deep down he feared he was. He wasn’t sure how long it would take for him to see reason and accept that Jim was right.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While not explicitly stated, I head-canon something may have been slipped into someone's drink at some point of this chapter. If you want to read it that way then feel free but if not, that's fine too.  
> *  
> Also... brief non-consensual wake-up call is brief but there.  
> *************************************************************************

Alex didn’t know what to say as he tried to blink back tears so he simply reached over and slammed the laptop closed as tears rolled down his cheeks. Tears of shame, anger, frustration and embarrassment. He couldn’t believe Jim had said those things to him. He slid off the bed, wiping the tears from his face. His phone began to ring but he knew who it was so he ignored it. As soon as it stopped, he switched it off; couldn’t talk to him right now… not like this.

He didn’t want to be alone right now but where could he go? Justin! Alex was pretty sure he could remember the building he’d walked here from and just maybe he’d still be awake. He grabbed a jacket and his keys then stumbled down the stairs.

He was halfway across the entryway when he heard a voice.

“Are you okay, miss?” 

Alex immediately began to laugh; even dressed like this there was no way he looked like a ‘miss’. He turned around and saw Seb leaning against his open door.

“Alex?” Sebastian gasped in surprise.

“Hey Seb,” Alex greeted him.

“Are you going out like that?”

“Kinda; I just came in like this.”

“What happened?”

“Game of truth or dare that didn’t end in my favour.”

“Are you sure? Coz you look,” Alex braced for it. “Hot!”

He blinked at Seb in surprise.

“You… you think so?” Alex asked.

“Yeah well it's not exactly fair; I mean you look hot in whatever you wear.”

“So, you don’t think I look… Embarrassing?”

Sebastian moved closer to Alex, reached over and placed his hand on his shoulder but now he was close enough to see the tears in his eyes.

“Embarrassing? Where would you get a dumb idea like that?” Seb gently asked him.

“From… From… someone,” he didn’t want to say.

“It’s really late, Alex, did you want to come inside and talk about it?”

Alex paused; his eyes shifted to the main door. It _was_ late and he did want to talk to someone. He couldn’t even be certain of exactly where Justin lived or if he’d still be awake, he could be sleeping by now.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “I think I do.”

“Come on, I’ll get you a glass of water and some coffee and we’ll see if we can avoid a hangover for you in the morning,” Seb said as he slid his arm around Alex’s lower back and gently ushered him inside.

*-*-*

He didn’t want to wake as he hovered in that space between asleep and awake. The familiar smell of coffee reached his nose and his favourite morning wake-up call was happening between his legs. Alex kept his eyes closed, to stave off waking up but he reached up and fisted the pillow as Jim’s mouth brought him undeniable pleasure.

It felt _so good_ but Jim tended to stop once Alex stirred, would wait for him to wake fully and vocalize his consent for him to continue.

But Jim wasn’t here; Alex suddenly realized as he dimly recalled fragments of the night before.

He jerked awake and scrambled up the bed until he was huddled against the broken headboard.

Sebastian was staring up at him in confusion while slowly licking his lips. The sight made Alex feel sick or maybe it was the hangover.

Both; it was definitely both.

“Wha… I…” Alex blinked. His head was pounding, spinning; his throat was dry, could barely speak and his stomach was churning.

“Morning sexy,” Seb greeted him. His smile wasn’t so much friendly as creepy.

“I uh…” Alex coughed as he hoisted the duvet to cover himself.

“Aww, don’t go all shy on me now, Lexi” Seb teased.

Alex watched as he got to his feet and left the room. He quickly looked around the floor for his clothes but couldn’t find them… because they’d been in the living room when this had started. It was hazy but he could remember Seb carrying him into the bedroom.

Seb reappeared in the doorway with a bottle of water and he held it up to show Alex the peace offering. He tossed it onto the bed but continued to stand completely naked by the door. Alex kept the blankets firmly around himself as he reached for the water then took a few sips. He purposely kept his gaze averted to avoid seeing Seb’s exposed body.

“I’m making coffee; you want some?” Seb asked.

“Uh, sure,” Alex nodded. “Thanks?”

Once Seb left, Alex climbed off the bed, dragging the sheet with him then he quietly slipped into the living room where his clothes were neatly folded on the couch; the skirt wasn’t there but a pair of sweatpants were in its place.

“I washed it,” Alex held back a yelp of surprise. He hadn’t heard Sebastian sneak up behind him.

“The skirt?” Seb continued. “You said it wasn’t yours and we definitely messed it up when you came all over it so I washed it for ya but it’s not dry yet.”

“Oh, uh, thanks,” his cheeks flush.

“Here,” Seb handed him a mug of fresh coffee. Alex eyed the mug, cautiously, then nodded his thanks and immediately took a swig, burning his mouth on the hot liquid but forced himself not to react.

“You’ve, uh, been to New Mexico?” Alex asked, trying to control the conversation.

“Excuse me?” Seb frowned.

Alex held up the mug, showed him the picture. He waited for the older man to say something but he merely shrugged his shoulder then ran his hand through his hair, ruffling the strands. The streak of grey becoming much more prominent. Alex wondered just how old he really was but was too shy to ask.

“I’ve been around, I’ve accrued a lot of souvenir’s and mementos,” he replied. The mug in his own hand was from the Grand Canyon.

“So, um, last night was fun,” Seb said to him, a sly grin on his face.

“Okay,” Alex didn’t know what else to say.

“But it can’t happen again, right? That’s what you’re gonna say next? That your daddy-cop will beat me if he ever finds out?”

“Ummm-”

“Look, I’ll knock fifty… no, thirty bucks off your rent this month and we’ll call it even… go about our days as though it never happened, fair?”

Alex had no idea why Sebastian was being so cool about this but he slowly shrugged his own shoulders.

“You don’t have to… the rent, I mean… I’m happy to-” Alex started.

“Nah; frankly a hooker would cost more anyway so technically you were doing me the favour.”

He wasn’t sure how he felt being compared to a hooker so he took another mouthful of coffee to avoid having to say anything at all. They didn’t say another word, both drinking their coffee in strange, eerie silence. Alex kept sneaking looks at his clothes, wanting to get dressed and out of there but didn’t want to appear rude. Seb was still standing naked before him and Alex caught a glimpse of the man’s shoulder.

Teeth marks adorned his skin. Had _he_ done that? A vague, hazy memory flashed through his mind. Had there been a plush toy involved or did he imagine that too?

“So, about that wake-up call you just gave me…” Alex began.

“You want me to finish you off now that you’re awake? Coz I’m up for it.” Seb’s hand immediately reached for Alex who instinctively took a step back.

“No; I, uh, wish you hadn’t done that… you shouldn’t have…”

“That’s not what you said last night… this morning… Right before you fell asleep.”

“Seb… I… This… This was…” he paused. He wanted to scream ‘a mistake’ but he couldn’t form the words.

“It was something we did and now it’s over,” Seb replied. Alex nodded. He wished he could remember more than just blurred snippets.

“I should go… shower and… pray this headache goes away,” Alex said.

“Well, you know where to find me if you need anything else,”

“Uh, yeah.”

Sebastian turned and left the room so Alex grabbed the clothes and hurriedly pulled them on. He was tying his shoes when Seb came back; at least he was dressed now so Alex didn’t have to worry about accidentally seeing his cock again.

“So, uh, bye, I guess,” Alex practically ran out the door and up the stairs to his place. He burst through the door then bolted it shut behind him before he threw himself down on the bed and cried.

*****

Alex left his phone off for three days. It was fine, hardly anyone had his number and his only acquaintances were co-workers who wouldn’t be trying to contact him anyway. When the weekend arrived and he finally turned the phone on, it was to find one text from Jim and three from Ty. Alex checked Ty’s first; the first was asking if he got home okay, the second was about a hangover. The third was calling him a dick for not answering.

Putting off having to read Jim’s text, Alex dialled Ty’s number and waited for him to answer.

“When someone texts to ask if you’re still alive, you answer the fucking text,” Ty greeted him.

“I’m sorry; I had a bad night and turned my phone off,” Alex confessed. “It, uh, does mean a lot that you reached out though.”

“Scotty said you were at work the next night so I knew you were okay but that’s not the point,”

“I said I was sorry!”

“So, what happened? Your bad night?”

“Uh, I got into a… disagreement with…” he paused. What exactly was Jim to him?

“With your sugar daddy who’s not a sugar daddy?”

“Yeah; he said some things that hurt and I noped out of the conversation… been keeping the phone off so I don’t cave,”

“Sounds like you could use a distraction.”

“Have you got something in mind?”

“Let me make some calls and I’ll get back to you.”

The call ended rather abruptly and Alex was left frowning at his phone. He had no idea what Ty would consider ‘a distraction’ but anything was better than sitting on his bed and crying about it. Jim’s words _had_ hurt but knowing he’d ended up in Seb’s bed just made him feel sick.

Yet another reason for him to never drink again. Alex wasn’t even old enough to consume alcohol and he was already swearing off it… if only he could actually stick to his morals.

He opened Jim’s single text, sent just moments after their video chat had ended, and he sighed. The text simply said ‘ _we need to talk about this_ '

But Alex didn’t want to talk about it. It was his body, he could do what he wanted, wear what he wanted. Jim’s ‘I’m your father’ outburst had really shaken him. He _knew_ where it had come from; Jim had been around for his entire life; Alex had grown up with Kyle. He was the same age as Jim’s son but it had been creepy to hear it just the same.

He wasn’t even sure how to begin this conversation. So, he’d been wearing a skirt, it was no big deal; it had been kinda fun. When Seb had pulled Alex into his lap and ran his hand underneath the material to touch him, it had been exciting… he’d just have preferred it to have been Jim’s hands teasing him. When Alex had offered to take it off, Seb had told him not to, that he wanted to fuck him while he was still wearing it. Seb had said all the things Alex had wanted Jim to say to him.

Deep down, a part of him _did_ understand where Jim was coming from, he was older and had the ‘small town’ mind mentality. As thrilling as it had been, Alex _never_ would have done such a daring thing back in Roswell… in a town where everyone knew him as Jesse Manes’ son. The beating he would’ve gotten would not have been worth it, at least he didn’t think it would. Here he felt free to be himself and explore options. He didn’t think he saw a future for himself as a drag queen but he wasn’t going to rule out being fucked in a skirt again; it had been fun but he didn’t want to imagine how Jim would react a second time.

He stared at the text for a very long time and when the phone started to ring, it startled him. Ty was calling back with news of a distraction that paid very well so he agreed. Maybe he needed to get out of here sooner rather than later, he started thinking again. Perhaps six months had been too hopeful a timeline for a relationship that was already doomed… but, despite what Jim had said, Alex knew he still loved him and couldn’t stand the idea of leaving, of never seeing him again.

But he was also a stubborn brat and knew he hadn’t done anything wrong, hadn’t deserved to be spoken to that way so he wasn’t going to be the first to fold.


	32. Chapter 32

When Jim awoke in the morning to find no response from Alex, he tried to be reasonable. The younger man had been drinking and definitely hadn’t slept at the time of the incident so it was very likely he’d crashed not long after and still hadn’t woken by the time Jim got up.

Even after he got to work, morning tea time, lunchtime, there was still no reply.

He was tempted to send another but he wasn’t going to cave, he’d apologized for his outburst and the creepy thing he’d said (he _definitely_ **wasn't** Alex’s father but at times he _had_ felt like it over the years) so all he could do was wait for Alex to see reason.

Jim had every right to worry about Alex’s safety. He was a young man living alone in somewhat questionable conditions. He did _not_ trust the landlord even after he’d run a background check on the man. Jim just wanted Alex to be safe, living so far away and being unable to protect him every day was frustrating.

There was an email waiting for him, the Sheriff Station in Lubbock was offering him a permanent position; his options were to relocate or commute. The back and forth wasn’t exactly appealing, he’d already been doing that too much over the past few months and it was really beginning to take a toll especially when he had to include trips to Amarillo.

Uprooting his life and moving to Texas permanently _did_ sound good, in theory; he’d be closer to Alex for one but where did that leave Michelle? He couldn’t ask her to leave her job, her friends, the home they’d raised their son. Could now be the time to push for a divorce? Could he _really_ leave her?

He tried to imagine a life for himself in Texas. Would he be able to convince Alex to move with him? Have him give up his job as a stripper so Jim could support him in his endeavours to become a musician. He really couldn’t see that ever being possible. No one would be accepting of him flaunting a relationship with a teenage boy. He’d have to come clean to Michelle and even Kyle… Kyle would be even less accepting and he knew it. Could he really prioritise a sexual relationship with Alex over his relationship with his own son? And if Jesse ever found out…

He didn’t ever want to think about _that_.

Jim had been with Michelle since high school, he didn’t know how to be without her. She’d been his rock and was the mother of his son. He knew she deserved better than what he could ever give her but he also knew how much she loved him. He really, truly didn’t want to hurt her, didn’t want to break her heart. Couldn’t even begin to imagine how she’d feel if she found out the truth about him and Alex; Michelle adored Alex. What _would_ happen if she learned the true nature of his relationship with Alex? Would she be horrified? Would she tell Jesse? No, she wouldn’t do something like that, right? Just like he, a grown man, wouldn’t be sleeping with a teenager…

He sighed and reached for his phone; still no response from Alex. Should he text again? But what could he possibly say to him? They desperately needed to talk about what had happened but texting wasn’t the answer. He needed to see him, talk to him in person, explain himself and hear Alex out.

Knock! Knock!

Jim looked up from the computer and saw his wife looking at him. She was still just as beautiful as the day he’d met her, when he’d been too shy to approach her and Michelle had walked right up to him to introduce herself; she was a strong independent woman who definitely didn’t need to know her husband was cheating on her, again. She deserved so much better.

“Jim?” She greeted him.

“Hey,” he smiled warmly at her and indicated for her to take a seat.

“You’ve been so distracted lately; is everything okay?”

“Working too hard, I guess.”

“You never should’ve started consulting in Texas.”

“It was only meant to be temporary.”

“And Alex?” She asked. “Is he temporary too?”

He honestly didn’t know how to answer her; yes, they’d agreed to only a limited time together but the idea of it coming to an end was not appealing to him. A part of him never wanted it to be over. After this fight… disagreement… they might not find a way back to each other, not if they didn’t find a solution. What was he supposed to say? He didn’t want to lie but he still didn’t want to hurt her either.

“You miss Kyle, I get it,” Michelle reached for his hand and he let her take it. “I miss him too but Alex isn’t Kyle,”

“I know that.” Jim didn’t mean to snap but he yanked his hand away. “But Kyle is in college, he’s thriving and he’s fine; Alex is alone and… he appreciates the friendly face.”

“I’m sure he does but he’s young and should be making friends his own age.”

“He _has_ friends…” Jim paused; at least he thought Alex did. “He’s not staying though; so yeah, he _is_ temporary but he’s still closer than Kyle is right now and if I can’t spend time with my son then I’m thrilled to hold on to the next best thing.”

“You’re running yourself into the ground for a ‘next best thing’?” She asked.

“I thought you were okay with me spending time with Alex?” He frowned

“I was; I am… I just… worry you’re spending _too_ much time with him and, if you keep it up, it’s only going to get harder to hide it from Jesse. He knows you’re hiding something from him and he’s asking a lot of questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

“Jim, he’s in my ear about your… extramarital affairs; he wants me to believe you’re having another affair and… I can’t tell him the truth.”

He held her gaze for a long time; the truth… she doesn’t know the truth and telling her would just hurt her. Michelle was lying to Jesse on his behalf and he never should have put her in that position. He and Alex had agreed to six months but maybe it needed to end now before everyone got hurt. Perhaps that was why he’d lashed out at him the way he had, trying to sabotage what they had. The very thought of never being with Alex ever again caused tears to form in his eyes and he fought to hold them back.

“I got a job offer,” he told her and she frowned.

“A promotion?” She asked.

“A transfer to Texas.”

“Is… Is that what you want?”

“I don’t know.”

“So, we’d have to move? Leave Roswell…”

“We don’t _both_ have to go… You could stay here and continue living your life.”

“I stay and you leave?” She said slowly. “Jim, we’ve talked about divorce before… are you really that unhappy?”

“What? No! But we both know we’re drifting apart and with Kyle gone…”

“He’s not gone; he’s coming back, Jim!”

Unlike Rosa; he thought to himself. Leaving Roswell would mean leaving everything that reminded him of his daughter… the daughter Michelle didn’t know he’d had. Could he really do that?

“I just meant… we did talk about separating after he left for college,” Jim said.

“But then we didn’t and,” Michelle whispered. “I thought we were okay,”

“I do love you, Michelle,”

“But I’m not what you want anymore?”

“That’s not what I said; I just… am I still enough for you?”

“Why would you even ask me that?”

She pulled her hand away and he caught a glimpse of a tear in her eyes as she turned away from him, headed for the door.

“Take the job, don’t take the job,” she said. “Do whatever you want, it’s what you’ve always done,”

“Michelle-”

Michelle opened the door and marched through it, slammed it shut behind her and Jim slumped in his chair. He always said the wrong thing; first to Alex and now to Michelle. If he wasn’t careful, he could lose both of them… but how could he possibly fix this?


	33. Chapter 33

Ty’s idea of a distraction was not what Alex had expected. He hadn’t known what he was in for when Ty had said to trust him then a black car with dark windows had pulled up in front of him. The back door opened and Ty poked his head out.

“You have a driver?” Alex asked as he climbed in.

“No, this isn’t mine; it’s from the _organizer_."

“That sounds… ominous.”

Ty laughed.

“It’s a party, Alex, and we’re the-”

“Entertainment?” Alex gasped.

“No! Well yeah but not like _that_! All we have to do is wall around and look pretty.”

“What’s the catch?”

“Alex!” Ty laughed again. “They just like to have young, pretty things wandering around as eye candy and they pay us very well for our time. If someone asks us to get them a drink, we do it and they give us a tip… and they’re much more generous than the old guys at work.”

“I’m not sure if this is for me…”

“I once made three grand at one of these things,”

“ _Three thousand dollars?_ In one night? How?”

“Didn’t say no to any request at all; so, if one of them offers you money to make out with another entertainer, come find _me_ okay?”

It sounded borderline wrong and creepy but Alex couldn’t deny that three thousand dollars would go a long way for his future. If he could do a few more of these kinds of events, he could leave town much sooner than originally planned. It wasn’t like there was much keeping him here especially if he didn’t resolve things with Jim.

*

Everything was a blur as they were escorted from the car and through a large garage into what was probably a servant’s entrance. Ty didn’t seem at all bothered as they were taken into a room similar to their workstations only much cleaner and nicer. The man escorted them left before Alex could ask any questions so he had to follow Ty’s lead.

“If you get nervous, just pretend you’re at work,” he explained as he opened one of the closets. Ty handed Alex a bow-tie.

“You gotta wear this,” he added.

“Is uh that all?” Alex began to wonder why Ty was comparing this to their other job. Was he expected to walk around naked?

“What? No!” Ty laughed and moved to another closet.

Alex followed but began to worry when the only thing in there were pairs of black silk boxers.

“A bow tie and boxer shorts?” Alex frowned.

“You can wear your own shoes; no one cares what’s on your feet,” Ty turned and saw the look on his face. He reached out and placed his hand on Alex’s shoulder.

“Alex, I swear, this will be _fine_ ; I’ve done these plenty of times. You don’t have to say yes to anything but everyone tips very generously. If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, you laugh in a teasing way then coyly suggest they ask another server; this makes you appear hard to get but it means that they’ll start offering more for things you _are_ willing to do.”

“This is sounding kinda seedy,”

“Trust me, Alex, the flat fee for just being here and putting this on is five hundred bucks; isn’t it worth it for that alone?”

“You really expect me to put a price on my dignity?”

“Well… Yeah.”

“Ty!”

“It’s all just a distraction, Alex, a chance to be whoever you want; do whatever you want, so go for it!”

*

Five hours was all he had to survive; one hundred dollars for each hour he spent wandering around in a pair of silk shorts. It felt like all eyes were on him, he was fresh meat and they all wanted a taste. For the first hour he mostly walked around with a tray of drinks, offering them to attendees. He had no idea what type of function or party this was since there wasn’t a single female in attendance. The servers were distinguishable by their attire and Alex tried to remain within sight of one at all times.

His first request was so bizarre that he couldn’t form a response. An older gentleman had made an observation about the softness of his shorts and asked if he could see for himself how they felt. Alex blinked in confusion and merely nodded. The man then reached over and ran his hand down Alex’s back, over his behind then he fingered the fabric for a moment while pressing them to Alex’s crack. He didn’t react but when the man moved away, Alex looked down to see a $20 note on his tray.

Apparently, that was the price of his dignity… but if a man wanted to pay him just to place his hand on his ass, where was the harm in that?

He moved on and into another room where a group of men were playing a game of cards. Ty was sitting in the lap of one of the men and whispering in his ear. Alex could see the man’s hand on Ty’s crotch.

“Another good luck charm, perhaps?”

One of the other players was looking right at Alex.

“I’m sorry?” He frowned and looked at Ty who nodded his head that it was okay.

The player held up a $100 note, waved it in Alex’s direction.

“Come here and sit on my lap, for luck,” he said.

Alex’s eyes darted from the money to Ty and back again.

“I, uh, it seems you’ve already got yourself a good luck charm,” Alex replied.

“You mean _he_ has one; I want you,”

“No, come to _me_ , beautiful!” Another player held two notes up for him.

All he had to do was sit in a man’s lap for a round of poker and he’d be one hundred or even two hundred dollars richer? How could he say no to that?

“Now don’t y’all be fighting over lil ol’ _me_ ,” Alex stated. “I believe in share and share alike… So, I guess the question is, who wants me first?”

*

Ty and Alex left the party together and Alex invited Ty to join him for pancakes. They had the car drop them outside and went in together, both ordered their usual and waited for their meals. It was almost 2-am but as usual Alex was too buzzed to sleep. He couldn’t believe how much money he’d made from one night’s work. Sure, the patrons in the club tipped well but not this well.

“So how do you feel after your first jaunt into the seedy underworld?” Ty asked with a grin.

“Honestly?” Alex hesitated, nervously. “Like I kinda wanna do it again.”

“Well, it’s not the kind of thing that happens every week but maybe once a month? I, uh, started helping out about six months back.”

“How did you even find out about it?”

“Davey; it was meant to be a one off but… I didn’t say no to anyone so they invited me back.”

“And nothing… untoward has ever happened?”

“Hey, I’m not one to kiss and tell!”

Alex mulled over that while sipping his milkshake. He wasn’t one for that either but mostly because kissing someone hadn’t been easy for him, the fear of his dad finding out was just too terrifying. Even now, if anyone found out about him and Jim… Was there even a him & Jim anymore?

“You’re usually pretty tight lipped yourself,” Ty said. “Not one to kiss and tell either?”

“Never really had anyone _to_ tell,” Alex admitted. “Small town and all; my first kiss with Mi… with someone special, I told my best friend about it but couldn’t say who it was with because it wasn’t my place to out him… and there was my dad who’d’ve skinned me alive if he found out,”

“And the guy who’s not your sugar daddy is actually friends with your real daddy?” Ty frowned.

“I know you said not to go there but…” Alex trailed off.

“The heart wants what it wants. Do you love him?”

“What?”

“The old guy you’re fucking? Are you in love with him?”

“He’s _not old_!” Alex hissed just as their meals arrived.

“Fine, _older_ then.”

Alex paused to consider the question but he wasn’t sure how to answer it.

“Yeah, I _think_ I am,” he admitted. “But it’s complicated because he’s married and… he _is_ older but not necessarily more experienced since he basically lives in the closet… I mean, we haven’t really talked about that. I grew up with him always in my life, like I used to see him every other day and him and my dad used to take me and his son to this hunting cabin where we’d go hiking and fishing and stuff… and I _never_ once suspected anything because his wife is just one of the kindest, loving people I know.” 

“And you’re scared of hurting her?”

“I try not to think about it… When I’m with him, nothing else matters… it’s just him and me and we’re happy together but then he leaves and the reality sinks in and I know we have to stop but… We agreed in the beginning that it wasn’t going to last and we put an end date on it,”

“So, like a contract?”

“An arrangement that I really thought suited us but then feelings started to get tricky. A guy flirted with me and I was hurt that Jim didn’t get jealous… And one time I got angry at him for being married and only seeing me as his piece on the side…”

“Alex-”

“Then there was our last fight… he wasn’t a fan of how I was dressed the other night and went all overprotective dad on me and I didn’t appreciate him telling me how to dress,”

“Yeah, that older generation thing… can definitely go either way… my last guy loved it, especially if I had the heels on but current lover boy is a big no-no,”

“But… doesn’t your guy pay you to be what he wants?”

“Yep.”

The both fell silent as they started eating their meals. When they were done, Ty reached for Alex’s hand and smiled at him.

“If you really love him, maybe you can work it out,” he said. “But if you don’t want to keep going round in circles, maybe it’s time to break the cycle.”

***

It was almost lunchtime when the sound of his phone roused him from his slumber. Alex’s eyes were barely open as he struggled to read the name on the screen.

Jim.

It had been almost a week since their video chat and Jim was the first to cave. Had he finally accepted that he’d been the one in the wrong? Maybe Alex needed to make him grovel a little bit. He pressed the answer button and raised the phone to his ear.

“If you’re finally calling to apologize, I’m listening,” he greeted him.

“Alex?” 

His entire body went cold.

“It’s Michelle; Jim doesn’t know I borrowed his phone. Can we talk?”


	34. Chapter 34

He had till the end of the month to decide if he wanted the job or not but the more he thought about it, the less certain he was. He knew what he was doing was wrong… unfair to both Michelle _and_ Alex but he knew it was only temporary, that Alex was going to leave so why couldn’t he enjoy the little time he could still have with him? That was, if Alex ever spoke to him again.

They were both being stubborn and he knew it. Maybe he needed to apologize so they could move past it? He was lying to his wife, surely, he could lie to Alex too?

But he didn’t want _that_ , he wanted to be truthful with Alex… well, as truthful as he _could_ be. There were still some things Alex was just too young to understand yet not to mention too dangerous for him to know about.

It had been almost two weeks since he’d last spoken to Alex and he missed him like crazy; was the longest they’d gone without contact since this thing between them had started and Jim hated the very thought that it might be over already.

But he didn’t want to be the first to cave.

He also knew that, if he didn’t, it would only be a matter of time before someone more deserving came along and swept him up. Maybe Alex was too smart for that and would move on, to bigger and better things.

He was standing in the arrivals area of Roswell airport, Michelle by his side, as they waited for the inbound flight from Michigan to land. Both were excited to see Kyle and equally surprised he’d opted to come home so early in the summer.

Jim was happy, he truly was, but Kyle being home meant he was less likely to be able to sneak away to rectify things with Alex. He knew they needed to talk but he’d definitely decided it wasn’t something they could do over the phone. Now he didn’t know when he’d next see him in person.

The moment he saw Kyle, his eyes filled with tears as Michelle threw her arms around him and held him tight. Once she finally let him go, Jim scooped him up and almost crushed him in his arms. Kyle was here, he was _home_ , he was _alive_. He had to blink his tears back especially once Kyle noticed and frowned at him but he had to bury these feelings deep inside. Kyle had the luxury of coming home to visit; Alex didn’t… Rosa didn’t.

Alex would never come back to Roswell if it meant having to see his father… and Rosa… the anniversary of her death was just days away. It stirred up so many memories for him. He was glad Kyle was here so he could hold him and reassure himself that he was still here. 

Another part of him wanted to hold Alex too… to remind himself that he was still alive as well.

Now that Kyle was home, Jim and Michelle were going to have a talk with him… about the possibility of leaving Roswell together or Jim leaving and Michelle staying. It wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have, not until he knew what he truly wanted for himself. He loved his life here; he loved his job and his family but so many things in this town reminded him of his daughter; the daughter he couldn’t even openly mourn after her death.

The very idea of leaving, getting away and never having to deal with Jesse Manes or Caulfield or aliens ever again was very appealing but he’d been working on a plan too… a plan to shut Caulfield down but his plan had been put on hold once he realized an alien had killed his only daughter.

Kyle was talking a mile a minute and Jim realized he hadn’t been listening, his mind elsewhere but Kyle just kept on going. He was really excited about something but wouldn’t say what.

*

That very night, Kyle had them all dress up in nice clothes so he could take his parents to a fancy dinner. Jim wasn’t in the mood but Michelle was excited and it was nice to do something together as a family. He stood in the bedroom, examining his reflection in the mirror and checking his phone at the same time. He _wanted_ to call Alex but Kyle and Michelle were waiting for him.

Jim hurried to the front of the house where his wife and his son were the picture of a perfect family as they waited for him. He made to climb into the driver’s seat but Kyle grabbed his keys and begged to drive since their destination was a surprise. He reluctantly agreed then slid into the back seat but Kyle didn’t drive to a restaurant, he headed to the local community hall. Plenty of cars were parked outside. Was there a town meeting he’d forgotten about?

Michelle grabbed his hand and Kyle hooked his other arm. He tried to ask questions but his family marched him forward, through the front doors and into the hall.

A large banner saying ‘Congratulations’ was pinned to the wall and the attendees began to cheer upon seeing him. He had no idea what this was about.

“Surprise, dad,” Kyle said with a grin. “Twenty-two years with the Sheriff’s department. Mom’s been planning this since Christmas and… well, we thought it was also a way to make everyone in town convince you to stay,”

“Stay?” He repeated.

“I told Kyle about your job offer and that we hadn’t made a decision yet,” Michelle told him as she slid her arm around his waist then leaned over to kiss him.

A loud celebratory cheer went up from the crowd and Jim pulled Michelle closer, holding her in his arms. His gaze turned to the crowd around him and he smiled at each and every person who’d come to celebrate with him tonight.

But he stopped surveying the crowd and simply froze when his eyes fell upon Alex… the only person in the room who _wasn't_ smiling.

*

As the guest of honour Jim wasn’t able to get a moment alone with Alex, making him think that maybe he’d hallucinated him being there but he finally lucked out when he caught sight of him heading to the bathroom. He excused himself and made a beeline for the restroom.

Once inside, he checked to make sure they were alone then he wedged the door closed.

“You’re really here!” Jim declared.

“Yep,” Alex didn’t sound as happy as Jim felt.

“How? Why? I’m so happy to see you,”

Alex turned from the sink so they were looking directly at each other.

“Your _wife_ called me from your phone,” he explained. “Said it was a surprise and that it would just mean _so much_ to you if I came,”

Jim moved towards him, hand extending to reach for Alex’s. He half expected the younger man to pull away but the second Jim touched his hand, Alex leapt forward and threw himself into Jim’s arms.

“I love that you’re here,” Jim whispered. “But what about Jesse?”

“He left about five minutes after you got here; clearly just showed up for appearances sake so it wasn’t hard to avoid him.”

“Tell me you’re not staying with him?”

“Of course not!” Alex laughed. “Mrs Valenti insisted I stay with you and I couldn’t think of any excuse not to.”

“Alex, I’m sorry about… my outburst and the things I said to you,” Jim hurried to say.

“I’m sorry, too,” Alex agreed. “I shouldn’t have… sprung it on you like that,”

“Well… it _was_ a bit of a shock,”

“I know,”

Jim lightly touched Alex’s chin and urged him to look up, into his eyes.

“I need to say this now, while I have the chance,” Jim said. He paused when someone pounded on the door. “Alex, **I love you** ,”

He watched as tears began to form in his beautiful eyes.

“Oh, cariño, please don’t cry!” He whispered.

He saw Alex furiously blinking his tears away as he reached up, cupped Jim’s face with both his hands then leaned forward and gently kissed him.

The pounding on the door grew louder so Alex slipped away, moved towards it and kicked the wedge from under the door. He threw it open and looked at the angry patron standing before him.

“This door has been sticking all night!” Alex joked before he shoved past and back out to the party.

Jim was left standing in the middle of the restroom in confusion. He’d just told Alex he loved him and Alex hadn’t said anything back.

Had he just made another huge mistake? Or had he put him on the spot so Alex hadn’t known what to say? He re-joined the party and was immediately swept up to dance with Michelle. As they moved around the dance floor, his eyes scanned the crowd for Alex but there was no sign of him. He hoped he hadn’t scared him away for good.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Malex goodness for y'all  
> **********************************

He couldn’t get out of there fast enough; Alex couldn’t believe what Jim had said to him… in a restroom, at a party that was being thrown by his wife and son. He needed to leave but didn’t know where to go. Alex pushed through the crowd and made his way towards the exit.

He shoved the door open and stepped into the night air, struggling to draw breath. 

Alex didn’t have time to react as a familiar hand closed around his throat and he felt himself being shoved against the hard, brick wall. His father’s eyes were glaring at him and he felt it even _more_ of a struggle to breathe. He reached up, tried to pry the man’s fingers from his neck but it had never worked before so why would it now?

“What do you think you’re doing here?”

Jesse’s voice was cold, harsh, threatening.

“I came for Jim,” Alex choked the words. “For Sheriff Valenti.”

“Can you imagine how humiliating it is for me, to have members of this town texting me that _you_ came to this? You embarrass me by not showing up to my ceremony then you press it more by showing up for _him_? For _them_?"

“The Valenti’s invited me; unlike you.”

Alex could feel his vision blurring but he saw his father’s hand as he readied to strike him. Instinct told him to fight, to flinch, to _run_ but he couldn’t move. He closed his eyes, hoping it would be over quickly. Then suddenly the weight on his throat was gone and he opened his eyes as he gasped for air. His father was on the ground and Alex was free. He looked around for his guardian angel but couldn’t see anyone; next to Jesse’s body was a rock. Relief was brief as he continued to stare at his father’s very still body.

He definitely couldn’t go back inside so he immediately turned and fled through the parked cars. He could walk to the Valenti home but had no way of getting inside so maybe he could jimmy the door of Jim’s car and wait it out there instead? He searched the rows of cars and spotted a figure who’d clearly had the same idea as him for they were attempting to break into one of the cars. He paused, not just _any_ car… It was Jim’s car! Alex ran towards them, grabbed their arm and yelled for them to stop.

The figure yanked their arm free of Alex then turned to glare at him and he found himself face to face with…

“Guerin?” Alex gasped in surprise.

“Alex!” Michael was equally as shocked.

“Still breaking into cars, I see,”

“Still trying to stop me I see,”

Alex placed his hands in his pockets to avoid touching Michael again. He’d thought about this very moment for months but now that he was standing in front of him, he had no idea what to say.

“I wasn’t gonna steal it,” Michael explained. “Just… checking the floor for loose change,”

He wanted to believe him.

“I’m not _proud_ of it, okay?” Michael snapped.

“Y _ou're_ not proud? You think I’m doing any better?” Alex replied.

“You got out; you got away, Alex, made a new life for yourself,”

“A new life?” Alex laughed. “Guerin, I’m working as a _stripper_ ,”

“You’re _what_?"

Alex slowly looked around, almost self-consciously;

“Your hair’s longer,” Michael stated. “It suits you.”

“Thanks,”

“You, uh, didn’t see anyone else around a few minutes ago?” Alex pressed.

“Nah, I was preoccupied trying to break into these cars,”

“Have you still got your truck?” Alex asked Michael.

“Parked a few blocks away,” he replied. “Why?

“You wanna get out of here?”

Michael appeared to hesitate, looked around for a brief moment before turning back to Alex, as though trying to tell if he was joking or being serious.

“Fries and shakes at the Crashdown you mean?” Michael asked him.

“Somewhere more private, where we can talk?”

“I know just the place,”

Michael held his hand out and Alex reached for it. 

What the fuck was he doing?

They hurried back past the hall where the party was still in full swing but Jesse seemed to be gone. Was he inside looking for Alex? He tightened his grip on Michael’s hand and increased their pace. He didn’t breathe a sigh of relief until he was sitting in Michael’s truck, his ex behind the wheel, smiling at him. He knew he shouldn’t do this but he didn’t want to turn back now.

***

It had been their favourite place to sneak away to when they needed somewhere private to make out but that’s not why they were here now or Alex hoped it wasn’t. He really didn’t want to mislead Michael right now. But when he parked the truck and stepped out, Alex immediately scrambled after him. They both climbed onto the flatbed and lay down, staring up at the stars. 

It was a sight Alex hadn’t thought about in a long time.

“So, are you really working as a stripper?” Michael asked him. It was the first words either of them had spoken since leaving the city limits. Alex burst out laughing.

“Yeah; I am,” he replied as he shifted his body to get more comfortable. He didn’t remember the truck being so hard and rough but he’d had other distractions back then and Michael as a pillow beneath him.

“Why?” Michael asked, he sounded almost offended.

“Why what?”

“Why are you… doing _that_?"

“For the money; it pays decent,”

“But is it… safe?”

“My boss is good, my co-workers are… mostly… friendly and the patrons tip well so yeah I guess,”

But Michael wasn’t looking at him and Alex didn’t like that.

“Guerin-” he started.

“I was angry a lot back then,” Michael said. “Angry at myself for pushing you away and angry at you for leaving… but I thought it was something you needed to do, to get away from your dad and move on to a better life…”

“My life _is_ better… away from my dad and Roswell-”

“And me?”

Alex sat up and peered down at Michael who was now curled on his side, not looking at the stars or at Alex.

“I never planned on leaving you behind,” Alex softly admitted.

This got his attention and Michael rolled over to finally look at him.

“The night I left; I got into another fight with my dad and he threw the enlistment papers at me… well, he hit me in the head with them and I told him I didn’t want them; that I didn’t want _his_ life and he hit me so hard that I think I blacked out for a second. He dragged me to my room and locked me in; so, I packed a bag and my guitar and climbed out the window… I went looking for you, to tell you I couldn’t stay here any longer and I was going to ask you to come with me,” he paused, blinking back tears. A year may have passed but he remembered it like it was yesterday.

“I searched all night but I couldn’t find you,” Alex said. “I went to the bus station and bought the cheapest ticket that got me across the state line then went searching again. I found your truck but not you and then I ran into Officer Valenti and she told me you’d been arrested,” he paused. “So, I made the decision to go without you and for that, I’m sorry, but I tried all summer to get through to you… I knew you had problems but I wasn’t qualified to help you; I could barely help myself… I had to get out. I couldn’t go home but I couldn’t wait for you to pull yourself together either... So, I left,”

They both fell silent, letting Alex’s confession sink in. Michael slowly reached for his hand.

“You wanted me to go with you?” He whispered.

“Of course, I did,” Alex replied; his voice equally as soft and quiet.

“And now?”

Michael moved closer and Alex found himself leaning towards him, their lips almost touching.

“I’m seeing someone,” Alex blurted before pulling away and sliding across the truck to put some distance between them. His heart was racing as he realized how close he’d come to screwing up again but to his surprise, Michael smiled.

“Of course, you are,” he said. “You should be… You deserve to be happy,”

“It’s complicated,” Alex continued. “Even _more so_ than we ever were; he’s married,”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I have no one else to talk to? He told me he loves me.”

“Well, of course he loves you, Alex, he’d be an idiot not to,”

“But I… I’m not sure… how I feel,”

Michael paused;

“I don’t know if I want to hear about your feelings for someone else,” he stated.

“I know that I love him but I don’t know if I’m _in_ love with him… the way I am… I was… with you,” Alex confessed.

“Because he’s married? Does he have a family? Is he going to leave them for you? Do you want him to?”

“I’ve asked myself those questions _every day_ … being back here is just making me see how much I’ve changed since I left and… I don’t want to ruin his life, the…” he lowered his voice. “The way I ruined yours.”

“Hey!” Michael moved closer to Alex, grasped his hands and looked into his eyes. “You _didn't_ ruin it; my life was screwed up before I met you… and I don’t regret a second of the time I spent with you,”

“Even after my dad-”

“I would defend you from that ass-hole again in a heartbeat,” Michael insisted. “And I’m glad you got away from him when you did,”

“Thank you.”

“And I… I appreciate that you wanted me to leave with you but… we both know I wouldn’t have… I couldn’t leave Isobel, not when she needed me most,”

“I still would’ve asked,” Alex whispered.

Michael squeezed his hand.

“Then I’m kinda glad you didn’t,” Michael sighed. “Because saying no then watching you leave… I think that would’ve hurt _more_ than it already did.”

“I hate that I didn’t say goodbye to you,”

“So, make sure you don’t leave this time without saying it, okay?”

“Okay,” Alex agreed.

“Come on,” Michael yanked Alex back onto the flatbed of the truck so they were laying side by side again. He held Alex’s hand as they stared up at the stars.

“So… are you gonna tell me how you ended up working as a _stripper_?" Michael asked. “Because I feel _that’s_ a story I _need_ to hear,”

Alex playfully punched him but he was laughing.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beginnings of dub-con in the last third of this chapter (and the beginning of the next)  
> *********************************************************************

He couldn’t find Alex anywhere but he told himself not to panic, he wasn’t a child and he knew his way around town… he’d probably just gone to visit Mimi and Maria. Jim had seen Jesse milling about early in the evening but was certain he’d left before running into Alex. He was sure if the two Manes had crossed paths one of them would have told him about it.

As the party wound down and he left with Michelle, Kyle stayed behind to meet up with some friends, Jim asked his wife if she knew where Alex had disappeared to but she assured him not to panic for Alex was an adult who could look after himself. They pulled into their drive to find Jesse Manes waiting on the front stoop. Jim climbed from the car and cautiously approached; Michelle was close behind him.

“Go inside, Michelle,” he whispered to her.

“I’m staying with you,” she replied as she took hold of his hand.

“What game are you playing here?” Jesse demanded, his tone an attempt to intimidate them.

“Game?” Jim repeated, confused.

“Are you trying to undermine me? To humiliate me?”

“What happened to your eye?” Michelle asked him.

They were standing close enough to see a gash upon his face and his eyes narrowed.

“ _Alex happened_ ,” he snapped. “How dare you bring him back here… try to make a fool of me by having my son show up for _you_!”

“Jesse,” Michelle kept her voice even. “This wasn’t about you,”

“I told you it had nothing to do with you,” Jesse looked at Jim. “That it was none of your business where he was, that it was better if he never came back here.”

“He’s your son, Jesse,” Michelle argued.

“And you put him in danger,” Jesse insisted.

Jim actually laughed.

“That’s a bit much, coming from _you_ , isn’t it?” he said. “Given what you put him through.”

“Do you even know where he is right now?” Jesse asked.

Jim wasn’t sure how to respond. No, he didn’t but did Jesse? Should he pretend to know?

“Alex is, legally, an adult; his whereabouts should be none of your business,” Michelle snapped. But Jesse’s cold eyes turned to Jim’s, holding his gaze.

“He ran off with Michael Guerin,” Jesse stated.

Jim felt his heart drop into his stomach. His one fear of Alex coming back to town being that his path may cross with Michael’s and it had come true.

“Guerin is a troubled boy but I don’t believe he’d ever hurt someone… Especially not Alex,” Michelle defended Michael to Jim’s surprise.

“Whatever happens to him is on your head, not mine,” Jesse hissed before he shoved past Jim and walked straight to his car.

“What do you suppose he meant by that?” She asked but Jim simply narrowed his eyes as Jesse drove away.

Once he was out of sight, Jim pulled his keys from his pocket and headed for his own car.

“Jim, where are you going?” She called.

“To make sure Alex is okay,” he shouted back.

If she tried to argue, he didn’t hear for he climbed behind the wheel and took off.

*

He had no reason to even believe Jesse but Jesse had no reason to lie either. It actually made perfect sense for Alex to run off with Michael, even if the idea cut Jim right to his core. He knew Alex still loved Michael and from his last interaction with Michael, it was obvious he still felt the same way about Alex.

Jim didn’t even know where he was going, he just drove. He tried to remember the places he’d seen them together, tried to think if Alex had mentioned anywhere in particular, they used to go. He’d been driving for about fifteen minutes when his phone rang. He checked the caller ID, saw it was his landline so he pulled over and answered it.

“Tell me you’re not out there looking for me,” Alex’s tone immediately made him feel guilty.

“Of course, I am,” Jim hissed though relief filled him. “I was worried about you,”

“Worried or jealous?”

“Can’t I be both?”

“Your wife said my dad stopped by, told you I was with Guerin and that you took off,”

“So, what if I did?”

There was a pause as Alex hesitated.

“You _know_ I trust you,” Jim said to him. “But… I don’t know if I trust _him_. He’s changed since you left; he’s angrier and more prone to violence,”

“Michael would _never_ hurt me,” Alex insisted.

“See, I think he already did and that’s why you left. I didn’t want him to hurt you again,”

“You’re _not_ my father, you’re _not_ my boyfriend, you have no right to say who I can and can’t see when I come to town,”

“Alex, please? Just let me expl-”

“Good night, _Sheriff_ ,”

The line went dead as Jim realized Alex had hung up on him. He slipped his phone back in his pocket, turned the car around and headed home.

*

All the lights were off in the house so he took that to mean everyone was asleep. Jim quietly made his way inside and locked the front door. He sneaked through the house into the bedroom and kicked off his shoes. He could hear Michelle’s deep breaths as she peacefully slept, undisturbed. He didn’t want to wake her so he slipped back out of the room and down the hall to the guest room which had basically been his for the past six months.

Jim quietly opened the door and moved into the room.

“Alex?” He softly whispered. “Alex?”

The younger man didn’t respond but Jim knew he was still awake. It was barely one in the morning and Alex was a night owl.

“I know you’re still awake,” he hissed.

“No, I’m not,” Alex murmured. “I’m fast asleep.”

He moved across the room and climbed into the bed.

“Jim?” He whispered. “What are you doing?”

“We need to talk,” he replied. “Right now,”

“What if someone-?”

“Everyone’s asleep, it’s okay,”

“Jim!”

“Hey, this has been my room for several months now,”

“And your wife gave it to me for my stay, I don’t think she intended for you to be joining me,”

“Honestly… she didn’t tell me _not_ to,”

“I should think it would go without saying…”

Jim chuckled and moved closer, slid his arm around Alex’s waist and pulled his body to him. To his surprise, Alex wriggled away.

“Hey, amor, what’s wrong?” Jim whispered as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to his neck.

“Wrong?” Alex hissed. “Your _wife_ is sleeping down the hall and your _son_ is across the hall!”

“You don’t think we can be quiet?”

Jim trailed his hand down Alex’s side, slipped his fingers into the waistband of his pants and gently eased them down so Alex’s naked ass was exposed.

“Jim!” Alex whispered.

“I just need to clear the air,” he explained. “There’s so much we still need to talk about,”

“Like?”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you about those clothes, I’m sorry I got jealous when I heard you were with the Guerin boy and I’m sorry I put you on the spot when I told you I loved you earlier,”

“That… definitely wasn’t one of your finer moments,” Alex agreed. “I’m sorry I ran off without saying it back… I just… I’ve never said it to another person before and I got scared,”

“No, it’s okay, I got caught up in the moment; I was just so happy and grateful that you showed up for me… especially since, after our last conversation, I really didn’t deserve it,”

“Of course, I showed up, Michelle wouldn’t take no for an answer… and this was an important night for you,”

“Made much better by the fact you’re here, even more so that you’re in my arms right now,”

“You really should leave, Jim,” Alex whispered. “We could never lie our way out of this if someone caught us,”

“No one is going to catch us,” Jim assured him.

He shifted his hand and wrapped his fingers around Alex’s cock, pumping him lazily with his fist.

“Jim, stop,” Alex whispered. “St… oh, oh God,”

Alex turned and buried his face in the pillow.

“Please, stop,” he mumbled.

But Jim moved closer, pulled Alex’s body flush against his and continued stroking his cock. He could feel the excitement running through Alex as he kissed his neck.

“Jim, please?” Alex begged. “We _can't_ do this here,”

“We can if we’re _quiet_ ,” Jim insisted.

He reached over Alex, opened the top drawer and rummaged through all the miscellaneous items until he dug right to the bottom. It was dark, he couldn’t see but he knew the size, shape, feel of the bottle.

“Jim,” Alex whispered. But he didn’t want Alex to tell him to stop, he didn’t _want_ to stop. Jim leaned down and kissed him, plunged his tongue deep into Alex’s mouth until the younger man was moaning and bucking his hips, grinding into Jim’s hand as he resumed his treatment of Alex’s cock.

“We _can't_ ,” Alex whimpered. “It’s _wrong_ , Jim. So wrong,”

“I _was_ jealous, Alex,” Jim whispered. “When Jesse said you were with Guerin but you’re here now and I… I just want to be with you,”

“Nothing happened with Guerin, I swear,” Alex replied. “I told him I was seeing someone and he was happy for me,”

Jim paused; what else had Alex told Michael?

Using one hand he made quite a mess as he popped the lid of the tube and poured it out. He tossed it aside then pressed two fingers inside Alex’s ass. He felt Alex’s body shuddering against his as he scissored his fingers inside him while continuing to pump the younger man’s cock.

  
  



	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the dub-con, skip to first page break if you don't want to read that. References will be made to this in later chapters.  
> *  
> Also some more Malex here  
> *  
> Oh, I call this scene 'dub-con' because while Alex isn't very into it, he never specifically says 'no, I don't want this'. I understand and apologise if I'm tagging it wrong but I intend for it to be seen as dub-con. If you don't see/read it that way, that's fine too but if you're concerned, there will be repercussions addressed later  
> *************************************************************************************

“Jim, _Jim,_ ” Alex breathed. “We _can’t_ ,”

He’d said it multiple times but Jim didn’t seem to be listening. He knew if he yelled for him to stop then he would but Alex didn’t want to do that. He really thought Jim would realize his mistake and stop on his own.

Michelle was asleep in the very next room and Kyle was right across the hall. The smallest sound could wake either of them and Alex wasn’t quiet when it came to the things Jim did to him. He was terrified that he’d scream his lover’s name when he came and this would all be over. If Michelle or Kyle caught them, they could never be together again.

“We can,” Jim assured him with a kiss. “You trust me, don’t you?”

“It’s me I don’t trussss…. ohhhh,” Alex confessed as his words trailed off into a low moan.

Jim was teasing his sweet spot and it was already too much for him. His cock was throbbing, he was going to come any second if Jim didn’t stop.

“Oh God!” Alex hissed. “Fuck… Jim!”

“Shhhhh…” Jim leaned in and kissed him. “Moan softer, _armour_ ,” 

“I… I… Can’t,” Alex moaned. “Stop, Jim, please? Before I… I…”

He buried his face into the pillow again but Jim ceased his actions, giving him a reprieve and Alex took a moment to collect himself as he waited for his breathing to return to normal. He turned his head and Jim met him in another kiss, tongues melding together as Jim inched his cock inside Alex.

He felt a deep groan in his throat that was lost in Jim’s kiss but as soon as he began to buck his hips, Alex’s body responded in kind as his orgasm ripped through him.

Jim didn’t break their kiss as Alex shuddered against him, his seed spilling forth and coating Jim’s hand. Alex’s breaths were ragged as Jim held him, rode him, milked him. He whimpered into their kiss while Jim continued to thrust into him. His movements were slow and gentle but Alex was still terrified of getting caught. When Jim finally came, soundlessly, inside him, Alex felt himself blinking back tears.

They _shouldn't_ have been so reckless.

He felt Jim place kisses to his neck, his shoulder, his cheek as he whispered words of love and praise into his ear then Jim’s body was gone from beside him. Alex didn’t even hear his footsteps as the older man left the room, leaving Alex all alone with a sticky mess in the sheets. He was too scared to move, to clean himself off. He once again buried his face in the pillow but this time he let the tears flow.

***

It was not a pleasant thing to wake up to but, thankfully, from what he could hear in the rest of the house no one was home. He climbed out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom where it took longer than he hoped to clean himself off. The warm water of the shower did little to soothe him and he was embarrassed to have to take the sheets from the bed and into the laundry.

He’d just finished putting the machine on when he emerged to find Kyle staring at him, eyeing him, judging him.

“I thought you stopped wetting the bed when you were five?” Kyle teased.

“Long before you at seven anyway,” Alex shot back. He wasn’t in the mood for Kyle’s shit today.

“So… what happened? You have a bad dream?”

“If you _must_ know, a guy fucked me too hard and the sheets got messed up,”

He wasn’t joking but Kyle didn’t look amused.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Alex continued. “Just wait till you’re a fully trained doctor and a guy comes from you giving him a prostate exam; bet you’re looking forward to _that,_ ”

“That’s… not a thing that can happen,”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,”

He didn’t sound certain but either way Alex felt a weird sense of smugness as he pushed past Kyle.

“Hey, where are you going?” He asked.

“Out, meeting a friend for lunch,” Alex replied. “You know, before I leave town this afternoon.”

“You’re leaving already?”

“Well… yeah, I mean, I only came for your dad’s party. I need to get back to work,”

“Sorry, I just… thought you’d stay longer,”

“Why? There’s _nothing_ here for me anymore,”

Alex didn’t want to elaborate so he hurried right out the front door and down the street, heading for the Crashdown. When he finally rounded the corner and spotted the familiar building, his heart skipped a beat at the equally familiar head of curls on the man waiting outside for him.

“Told ya we’d have milkshakes at the Crashdown before you left,” Michael greeted him with a smile.

*

Neither of them said much as they sat opposite each other in a booth, milkshakes before them and a large plate of fries between them. Alex had been excited at the idea but now that he was here, he seemed to have zero appetite. Michael appeared to be fine as he munched on the curly fries.

“Well, you seem different since last night,” Michael casually observed.

“I just… don’t think I should be here,” Alex confessed.

“Why not?”

“I never should’ve come back; my dad practically tried to choke me, things aren’t any better between me and my… well…” he paused. “I should’ve thought this through before coming here.”

“I’m happy you came back,” 

Michael’s words were barely louder than a whisper but Alex heard them and had to pretend he hadn’t.

“I’m just… scared my dad will try to follow when I leave this afternoon,” Alex said. “Which I know is stupid because he doesn’t care what happens to me,”

“You’re leaving _today_?"

“That’s why I’m here now. I promised to say goodbye this time,”

Michael reached across the table to take his hand but Alex instinctively pulled away, his eyes scanning the cafe to see if anyone had noticed. He _hated_ living like this even if it had just been for one night.

“I’m… sorry you have to go so soon,” Michael said as he reached for a fry.

“I told you, I don’t belong here anymore,”

“You’re gonna move on to bigger and better things, Alex, and you’ll be amazing,”

Alex blushed.

“I know you will because… you’re already amazing; it’s time other people saw it, saw you,”

It was strange but for the first time since coming back to Roswell, Alex _almost_ didn’t want to leave. He smiled at Michael then turned to look out the window. Jesse Manes was staring back at him and Alex swallowed back his fear. At least his father wouldn’t make a scene in public. 

But maybe it was best if he left sooner rather than later.

*

Michael drove him back to the Valenti home and Alex knocked on the door. He was greeted, not very comely, by Kyle who merely let him in then walked away.

“Where are your parents?” Alex asked him.

“How should I know?” Kyle snapped.

“I just… wanted to say goodbye before I left,”

“You’re going _now_?"

“It’s for the best,”

Alex hurried to the guest room and grabbed his bag. He paused in the doorway, looked at the bed that he’d thought was inviting and comfortable but Jim had changed that. He hated what they’d done right under Michelle and Kyle’s noses. He truly was an awful person.

He turned, practically ran through the house to the front door and out into the yard where he was surprised to see Michael’s truck still parked there. He started towards it but stopped when he realized Michael was talking to someone, Jim!

His heart stopped.

Alex hurried towards them and stopped just shy.

“Hey, Sheriff,” Alex greeted him.

“You’re leaving?” Jim asked. “With him?”

He could hear the pain in his voice but he couldn’t explain, not in front of Michael. He’d so wanted a quick, painless getaway.

“Sheriff,” Alex began. “I’m sorry but I can’t risk seeing my dad again; I have to _go_ ,”

He threw his arms around Jim in a quick hug.

“I love you, Jim,” he whispered in his ear. “I promise I’ll call you tonight and explain.”

He pulled away and looked into his eyes.

“Guerin’s giving me a ride to the bus station,” he insisted.

“I, uh, thought I’d drive you back?” Jim whispered.

“It’s safer this way,”

“Alex-”

“Trust me, it’s _safer_ this way,”

He knew Jim knew he was right and he hated leaving like this but his entire visit had been a mistake. He just wanted to get out of there.

Alex shouldered his bag and hurried to Michael’s truck.

“Thank Mrs. Valenti for me,” Alex called as he opened the door. “Goodbye Sheriff,”

He hated being so formal but a part of him hadn’t wanted to say goodbye at all. His plan of a quick escape had been foiled. He _couldn’t_ stay any longer, had stayed too long as it was. He needed to leave. Alex climbed into the truck and closed the door, he couldn’t look at Jim, couldn’t shed any tears either. He hated himself.

***

They reached the bus station and Michael tried to convince Alex to just let him drive him but Alex outright refused. He’d hurt himself and Michael enough just by coming back, spending even more time with him was just a recipe for disaster.

Alex thanked Michael and climbed out of the truck, grabbed his bag then went inside to purchase his ticket. When he came back outside it was to find Michael’s truck still parked there. He walked towards the truck and Michael leaned out the window. There was no one around, they were completely alone and Michael reached for Alex’s hand.

“You don’t actually live in Odessa, do you?” Michael asked, nodding at the bus ticket.

“No, I just… can’t be followed,” Alex said to him. “I still don’t feel free of my dad and I won’t until I’m far away from here,”

“If it helps, I’m glad you came back, even if it was such a short stay,”

Alex gently brushed his thumb across the scars on Michael’s hand.

“I’m sorry it had to end the way it did,” Alex whispered.

“Me too,” Michael agreed. “But who knows, maybe one day our paths with cross again,”

“When we’re older and wiser?”

“Well, older anyway,”

They shared a smile then Alex leaned into the truck and kissed him. Time froze as they shared a final, goodbye kiss. When they parted, Alex smiled at Michael.

“I’ll never forget all that you did for me,” Alex said.

“I hardly did a thing,” Michael replied.

“You loved me for me and that’s all I ever wanted,”

“Goodbye, Alex,”

“Goodbye, Michael,”

Alex slowly stepped back, turned on his heel and walked back inside the bus terminal. He didn’t turn around until he got inside, moved to the window and peered out. He didn’t step away until Michael drove off. Even then, he stayed, watching, waiting, but neither Jim nor his father or anyone else came looking for him.

He didn’t know if that made him feel better or worse.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those repercussions I mentioned about the dub-con? They get mentioned briefly here when shit really hits the fan.  
> ***************************************************************************************************************

He didn’t call.

Alex had _promised_ he’d call that night and explain but he hadn’t. Jim wasn’t sure how to feel; Alex always told him off for worrying about him but what if something had happened? He’d wanted to drive Alex home himself but the stubborn boy had refused. After seeing Alex drive off with Michael, he’d definitely been worried but he’d later seen Michael with Isobel Evans so he felt in his gut that nothing had happened between Michael and Alex.

Did he have any right to be jealous if it had? Alex promised him there was nothing between them anymore but he knew Alex still had feelings for the alien.

He watched the clock all evening, made sure his phone was charged and not on silent. Michelle made a point of saying how nice it had been to have Alex back even if it was just for one night. She was disappointed he’d left so soon but Kyle seemed almost happy that he was gone.

Jim had to resist the urge to reprimand him; Kyle didn’t actually say anything negative but Jim did fear he was seconds away from slipping in some derogatory comment.

It was almost midnight when the call came but the number that flashed on the screen wasn’t Alex’s. He snatched up the phone and listened carefully, his heart pounding in fear that something had happened to him.

Michelle could tell something was wrong and reached for his hand to soothe and calm him. It didn’t work.

Jim ended the call and looked at his wife.

“It’s late, Jim,” Michelle said. “Is it an emergency?”

“That was Lubbock County Sheriff’s Office,” he told her.

“About the job?” Kyle asked, looking at the clock. An odd time to be calling if it was.

“No; it’s Alex… he’s been arrested.”

*****

Jim had wasted no time getting on the road, despite Michelle’s protests, he just knew he had to get to Alex. Michelle insisted it was too late for him to drive that far but he refused to make Alex spend the night in a holding cell.

He stopped for coffee twice but still made it to the Sheriff's office close to three in the morning. The officers on duty were ones he knew.

“Jim!” Jorge got to his feet and greeted him with a handshake. “It’s the middle of the night,” 

“Did you drive all the way from Roswell?” Roger asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Jim stifled a yawn.

“You came for the boy?” Roger pressed.

“Has he been charged?” Jim asked.

“Not yet… Can, uh, we have a word? In private?”

Jim looked around; Jorge and Roger were the only two officers around.

“In private? There’s no one here,” Jim stated.

Roger moved closer and dropped his voice as though afraid of being overheard.

“So, uh, who exactly is this kid to you?” He asked.

“Why?” Jim was being defensive.

“We picked him up for… Solicitation…”

“You’re wrong, he wouldn’t-”

“Look, some of the guys here, they have their… stress relief and we turn a blind eye so if you’ve got yourself a… plaything, just say the word and-”

“Alex _isn’t_ a prostitute!” Jim hissed.

“So why did we pick him up during a routine check?”

“Look, there’s clearly been a mistake; Alex went to school with my son, I know his father; he’s a good kid, let me talk to him, okay?”

“You know where the holding cell is,” Jorge nodded in the general direction. “But no one makes a three-hour trip in the middle of the night for their son’s classmate,”

Jim shook his head; he didn’t expect them to get it especially since he wasn’t about to tell them the truth. He started to walk past and Jorge grabbed his arm.

“Just so you know, the camera in there is busted so anything you say or _do_ in there will be ‘off the record’, understand?”

He narrowed his eyes, not liking what he was implying but also partially relieved to know the conversation wouldn’t be recorded. Jim pulled his arm free then pushed through the door and headed for the holding cell.

Alex was the only person inside; curled up on the very uncomfortable bench with his jacket tucked under his head as a pillow. He looked so small, young, vulnerable. Jim hated seeing him inside a cell.

“Alex?” Jim called out.

He sat up quickly and leapt to his feet. Alex threw himself against the bars and Jim reached through to grab his hand.

“Jim! You came; you came,” Alex’s voice was filled with a mix of shock and relief.

“Alex, what happened?” Jim asked him. “Solicitation?”

“It wasn’t like that… I mean, it was but it wasn’t, I haven’t been in a good headspace since I saw my dad and after I left Roswell I got the bus to Odessa and switched to come here; found a cheap hotel to crash but I couldn’t sleep so went for a walk and was just feeling really… really low,”

“Alex,”

“I was in the park and a guy offered to give me fifty bucks for a blowjob,” Alex continued. “I was shocked but… Jim, I wasn’t thinking and… I felt… flattered so I said _yes_ and the guy pulled his badge out and arrested me… But I swear, I’ve _never ever_ done that before and I _never will_ again,”

“Seeing your dad made you say yes to giving a complete stranger a blowjob?”

Alex slowly pulled away from Jim.

“It’s not just my dad,” he said. “It was being back in that town, seeing Michael, watching you and Michelle playing the happy couple, you climbing into my bed and treating me like a cheap whore,”

“Whoa! Where did _that_ come from?”

Jim tried to reach for Alex but the younger man folded his arms across his chest.

“You climbed into my bed and fucked me even after I told you not to,” Alex said. “You told me to be quiet and then,” he blinked back tears. “You just left me there, alone, and messy,”

“Alex-”

“It was humiliating; lying there in my own cum and yours still inside me… and you didn’t try to clean me up or hold me… just used me and left… crawled back into bed with _her_ while I cried myself to sleep,”

“I’m sorry; I just… I didn’t think…”

“No, you didn’t,”

He didn’t like seeing Alex so upset; Jim looked around and found the key to the cell. He unlocked the door and stepped inside with Alex, moving slowly towards him.

Jim paused and reached and arm out for him but Alex stepped away again.

“I don’t… Don’t know if I can keep doing this,” Alex admitted.

“This?” Jim repeated.

“Us, Jim,”

“Oh Alex!”

Jim tried again to reach for him, to wrap his arms around him but Alex still kept his distance.

“Alex, please? I don’t want to lose you,” Jim said to him.

He started shaking his head as he backed right away from Jim.

“But you should,” Alex insisted. “I’m not worth it,”

“Hey, hey, where is this coming from?” Jim asked. He moved across the cell and sat on the bench while Alex began to pace around. “Please, talk to me, Alex, this isn’t like you,”

“It’s… _a lot_ of things, Jim… I was… fine with my life before you showed up and… and I don’t regret being with you but-”

“But it’s complicated now?”

“It _is_! I mean, what are we to each other? I swore to myself that I… I had _morals_ and… and that I’d never be someone else’s piece on the side but… but that’s what I am… aren’t I? Am I just your… your independent yet kept whore?”

“Oh God, Alex! No!” Jim stood up but didn’t try to touch him. “Alex, I love you… And… I’d shout it from the rooftops if I could but with my job, your age, your dad… you said yourself it’s _safer_ this way. I wish I could tell the World how I feel about you but I can’t. No one, and I mean, _no one_ would ever understand.”

“You really hurt me, Jim,” Alex confessed. “On my birthday,”

“I wanted to be there with you, Alex, I really did,”

“The _clothes_ , Jim! I was just having fun and… and… experimenting… and I _liked_ it. I liked the way I looked and felt but the way you reacted and spoke to me…”

“And I’m so sorry for that, Alex, I know I lashed out in a very inappropriate way… and I have no excuses, only that it shocked me. It wasn’t something I ever expected to see you do,”

“What if I’d been on stage? What if I’d been wearing it for a routine? Would you have stormed the stage and told me off?”

“Of course not,”

“Because it would’ve been okay?”

“I… No… I probably would’ve waited till we were alone and said something then,”

“But it would’ve been _my_ routine; _my_ costume. It’s _my_ body, Jim, and I decide what I want to wear,”

He knew everything Alex was saying was true and he had to agree with him. He may not approve of him wearing a dress but it _was_ Alex’s choice and he had to respect him.

“I know and…” He paused. “I can… I _can_ respect that; respect you,”

Jim looked at Alex and saw the tears streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to hug him, to hold him, to kiss his tears away. He stepped closer to do just that but Alex shook his head.

“Don’t, Jim, not yet,” Alex said.

“Alex?” He whispered.

“This is all just a _mess_ and I hate it,”

“Are you saying…”

“I don’t know _what_ I’m saying!”

Alex continued to pace around the small cell, Jim simply let him.

“I feel like _everything_ is trying to tell us that we shouldn’t be together because we both know it’s not going to last,” Alex stated. “You’re _married_ and I’m your… mistress,”

“You are so much more to me than that, Alex,”

He stopped pacing and turned to look at Jim, tears still staining his cheeks.

“I didn’t want to have sex last night,” Alex stated.

“Because of Michelle and Kyle being there,” Jim added.

“It was _wrong_ to do it right under their noses and I _told_ you that but you didn’t stop… And I didn’t want to have to tell you to,” he paused as a fresh wave of tears overcame him. “Because I… The last time I had sex, it _wasn’t with you_ and I just wanted so badly to undo that, to erase that mistake and I thought being intimate with you _would_ fix that,”

Jim stared at him as Alex’s words repeated in his mind. ‘ _It wasn’t with you’_ he’d said. Alex had been with someone else but he’d insisted nothing had happened with Michael. So, who had he slept with? Did he even want to know? 

“I… Can’t judge you for wanting to be with someone else,” Jim said very slowly, thinking before he said each word.

“But I _didn’t_ want to be with him,” Alex stated.

“Did someone force-?”

“What? No! No, it wasn’t like that!” 

Alex looked terrified of being misunderstood but Jim was at least relieved. He’d hate himself if Alex had been assaulted then he’d pressured him for sex.

“It was…” Alex paused. “It was Seb… Sebastian,”

Jim’s stomach twisted. How had that come about? What had Alex been thinking? Why was he even telling him this?

“Really?” Jim frowned. “Sebastian?”

Alex nodded and averted his eyes.

“After our last video chat and you said what you said,” he paused. “I ran out of my place and I was pretty drunk but I was going to find Justin because I didn’t want to be alone,”

“You were going to wander the streets, drunk and dressed like that until you found a friend?”

“I make dumb decisions when I’m drunk, okay?” Alex snapped. “But Seb stopped me and invited me into his apartment… And maybe I should’ve said no but I was upset and hurt-”

“Vulnerable,”

Jim whispered. _He’d_ done that to Alex; he was the reason Alex had felt that way.

“He _liked_ the way I was dressed and… it made me feel good,” Alex admitted. “I’m sorry,”

“Alex,” Jim stood before him and held out his hand, willing Alex to take hold of it. They looked into each other’s eyes for a long time. “Alex, corazón, I’m sorry for making you feel that way, sorry that I didn’t think of your feelings and for saying stupid, insensitive things. I’m sorry,”

He truly was apologetic but his heart skipped a beat when Alex finally moved forward and grasped his hand.

Jim didn’t wait, he pulled Alex close and wrapped his arms around him in a protective hug.

“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered. He pressed a kiss to the crown of his head. “I’m a jerk and an insensitive ass and-”

“Stop,” Alex’s voice was muffled by Jim’s shoulder. He turned and looked into his eyes. “You’re not a jerk.”

“I’m sorry that my behaviour sent you into the arms of another.”

“It meant nothing, I swear, and it will _never_ happen again… just thinking about it now makes my skin crawl,” Alex said. “I mean, at the time it was… fun, you know? But he’s being even more sleazy if you’d believe it.”

“I would believe it.”

Alex buried his face in Jim’s neck and closed his eyes.

“I swear, nothing happened between me and Michael,” Alex said. “And nothing happened in the park tonight either.”

“But it would have? If the guy hadn’t been a cop?” Jim asked.

“Well…” Alex hesitated. “I’d like to think I would’ve had second thoughts and ran away but… Money _is_ money.”

Jim reached up and gently brushed the tears from Alex's face. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to each cheek.

“Are you hard pressed for money?” He asked him. “Because I _can_ help you,”

“Really?” Alex frowned at him. “You’d really make me your kept whore?”

“Oh God!” Jim rolled his eyes as he pulled away from Alex and looked at him. “Alex, _really_? I just want to help you! This has nothing to do with sex!”

“I’m _sorry_!” Alex cried.

Jim sighed and rubbed his eyes. It was the middle of the night; they were both tired and just going to end up arguing in circles.

“It’s late,” Jim started. “Or early… I’m tired from the drive and it’s been a long night for you; let’s get out of here, okay?”

“Can you do that?”

“Have you been charged with anything?”

“No,”

“Wait here and I’ll sort this out,”

He turned to step out of the cell and Alex grabbed his hand, smiled up at him.

“I’m sorry you had to get involved,” Alex whispered.

Jim leaned over and kissed him.

“I would do anything to protect you,” he replied.

He guided Alex from the cell but reluctantly released his hand. Alex went back for his jacket then cautiously followed Jim to the main room of the station.

Jim stepped out where both Jorge and Roger were waiting; they looked at him and both smirked when they saw Alex with him.

“You let him out?” Roger asked. “On whose orders?”

“Are you charging him or not?” Jim replied, in a stern tone. “Where’s his paperwork?”

“We, uh, hadn’t filled it out yet,”

“Then don’t,”

Jim moved towards Alex and grabbed his arm.

“I’ll take care of this _off the books_ ,” he told the two men.

“Why do you get to have all the fun with him?” Jorge asked. Roger elbowed him.

“If anything comes up, questions it… We let him go with a warning, okay?” Roger said to Jorge who merely sneered.

He looked at Jim then Alex and back again. Jim didn’t like the way Jorge was judging, guessing the true nature of their relationship. No, he wouldn’t be able to guess. Jim would just have to sell the lie.

“This stays off the record,” Jim stated. “Okay?”

“So, he _is_ your…?” Roger asked.

He hated having to do it but reluctantly nodded his head yes. Both Jorge and Roger smirked again.

“His personal effects?” Jim pressed, trying to avoid any further questions.

It only took a few minutes but Jim didn’t breathe or relax until Alex had his belongings and the two of them were alone outside the station. He was still grasping Alex’s arm but not as tightly now as he guided him towards his car. They climbed inside and Jim caught a glimpse of the two officers both eagerly watching them from the window. He turned, leaned over and kissed Alex.


	39. Chapter 39

Alex had expected Jim to be angry or even just frustrated so he was very surprised once they were sitting in his car and the older man kissed him. He immediately returned the sentiment, his hand grasped Jim’s neck, pulling him closer. Alex was just happy to be free of that cell and not facing any charges. He did feel bad that he’d had to call Jim for help though.

They slowly parted and he noticed that Jim’s gaze was directed out the windshield. He placed his hand on his cheek.

“What’s wrong?” Alex whispered.

Jim leaned closer to his ear.

“I’m sorry; they, uh, think you’re my… stress relief,” Jim confessed. “So, uh, I’m letting them believe it… It’s why they let you go without question,”

“So, they’re watching us? Right now?” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry; this… isn’t how this should have gone,”

“It’s okay; I’m sorry that you got caught up in all this… Maybe I can help?”

“Help? They think you’re my… my…”

“Your whore?”

In a weird way, it made sense. If having these officers believe he was Jim’s rent boy got him free of any charges then he wasn’t going to argue. He very subtly followed Jim’s gaze and saw the two officers' faces pressed against the window, watching them.

“Well, guess we’d better sell it, huh?” Alex said to him.

“Sell it?” Jim frowned. “What?”

Alex reached over, freed Jim’s cock from his pants and took him into his mouth. He heard Jim say ‘no’ but Alex knew they had an audience, he now had a role to play. He made a show of moving up and down on the shaft while looking up at Jim who was staring out the window.

“Are they buying it?” Alex asked, voice muffled by Jim’s cock.

“They’re pumping their fists,” Jim said out the corner of his mouth. “One just gave a thumbs up,”

He nodded and returned to the task before him, lapping at Jim’s cock with his tongue but he was disappointed to note he wasn’t turned on. Jim’s cock was limp at his touch.

“Am I… doing something wrong?” Alex whispered.

Jim’s fingers sneaked into his hair.

“No, bebé, I’m just tired,” Jim assured him.

“Well… I, uh, guess… keep pretending?”

Alex tucked Jim’s cock back into his pants but stayed down, wanting the officers watching to think he was actually getting Jim off. He counted out one minute then into a second while Jim made all the right facial expressions. He watched as Jim pretended to come then Alex felt Jim’s hand on his face, urged him up to meet him and they shared a kiss.

“If I’m your whore, should we really be kissing?” Alex asked him.

“Fuck it,” Jim said. “I _want_ to kiss you,”

They parted and Alex settled back in the passenger seat. The two officers were laughing so he turned and looked out the other window instead. Jim asked where he was staying and Alex told him. Neither of them said a word until they reached the hotel.

“You’re coming in, right?” Alex asked him.

“Uh, if it’s alright with you,” Jim replied.

The two men climbed from the car and Alex unlocked the door. Both went inside and Alex affixed the bolt.

“I need a shower,” Alex stated.

He immediately went into the bathroom and closed the door, stripped off his clothes and stepped into the shower. The second the water hit his body, he began to cry.

So much had happened in such a short amount of time. It was all kindling and very soon there would be an explosion. He stayed in the bathroom as long as possible, hoping Jim would be asleep when he finally emerged but he wasn’t.

Jim was _still_ awake and it was nearly four in the morning. When Jim held his arm out, Alex immediately crawled into bed and into his embrace. He felt a fresh wave of tears building as Jim kissed his forehead and told him he loved him.

*

For the first time ever, Alex awoke before Jim. He sat up in the bed, head resting upon the headboard and he watched the older man sleep.

He’d meant everything he’d said the night before; he’d been content with his life just the way it was until the day Jim had saved him from being mauled by drunk patrons. Since then, nothing had been the same. They both knew it wasn’t exactly normal, their age difference was only the beginning. What they were doing wasn’t just between them; other people would be hurt and that was why they’d agreed to an end date… Was it time to move the date forward?

Alex didn’t want to lose Jim but seeing Michelle and Kyle… Having sex while they slept just feet away, had made everything feel so _real_. In Amarillo it was just him and Jim; it was easy to lose themselves in their safe bubble but it was inevitable that bubbles always burst.

He loved Jim but he always had and knew he always would.

“You look worried,” Jim’s voice was soft, gentle, full of concern.

“I was in a jail cell,” Alex replied. “But you came for me,”

“Of course I did.”

“It was the middle of the night but you still came for me.”

“I wasn’t about to let you spend the night in lockup for something you didn’t do,”

“But technically I did do it… He offered me money and I said yes,”

Jim sat up and looked at Alex.

“ _Why_ did you say yes?” He asked.

“I just…” Alex paused. “I wanted it to be my decision; lately I’ve felt like nothing is within my control anymore but it was _my choice_ to say yes.”

“I’m sorry, Alex, sorry I fucked everything up for you,” Jim said.

“You didn’t!”

“You said yourself that you were happy before I came along,”

“I was _content_ because I had a plan and a goal but… being with you makes me happy. I’m sorry if you don’t feel the same-”

“Why would you think _that_?”

He felt Jim’s hand reaching for his.

“In the car, I tried to…” Alex looked away. “You didn’t get hard.”

“Oh, Corazón, I was tired and angry at the officers who picked you up. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Nothing?” Alex narrowed his eyes. “Your dick was in my mouth and you weren’t enjoying it! That says _a lot_ about me.”

“No, it doesn’t! I mean, you said you didn’t want me to fuck you the other night but you still came. You say you weren’t in the mood but you still got turned on.”

“Jim?”

“I just meant that we don’t always have control over how our bodies react in certain situations. You could suck me off right now and I’ll come within five minutes,”

“Well maybe I don’t feel like getting you off right now.”

Alex pulled away and started to climb off the bed.

“Alex, wait!” Jim called. “Please? Let’s just talk about this, okay?”

“What’s left to talk about?”

“Do you still want to be with me?” Jim asked.

Alex stopped and turned around to look at him.

“Why would you ask me that?”

“Last night, you said ‘ _I don’t know if I can keep doing this_ ’ and you were talking about _us_. Do you want this to be over?”

Alex sank back down on the bed and shrugged as tears filled his eyes. Why did he keep crying? He didn’t understand when he’d become so sensitive.

“You still love me, don’t you?” Jim asked and Alex nodded.

“I do,” he whispered. “And you love me?”

“Of course.”

Jim reached for Alex’s hand and he found himself scrambling into his arms.

“But we knew this was never gonna last,” Alex said.

“It’s been an amazing few months,” Jim agreed. “Like a dream that I don’t want to wake from.”

“We don’t have to; we can stay in the dream bubble a little longer… can’t we?”

“If you want to?”

“Do you want to?”

Alex shifted in Jim’s arms and looked into his eyes.

“Once we… We… Stop,” Alex said very slowly. “I’m gonna leave.”

“Leave?” Jim frowned.

“Texas… I don’t think I can stay and keep seeing you just as friends. I can’t go back; I… Love you too much that not being with you but still having to see you… to look at you but not kiss you, smile at you but not touch you, love you but not make love to you… It would hurt too much.”

“Alex?”

He continued to hold Jim’s gaze while having no idea where his words had come from. He’d meant them but he really hadn’t given it much thought as to when he’d move on. It just made sense to leave when the time was right but the time would never _be_ right as long as they were together.

“Do you want to leave?” Jim asked, pulling Alex closer to him, placed his hand on Alex’s chest.

Alex reached up and took hold of Jim’s hand, brought it to his lips and softly kissed his fingertips.

“Not yet,” he whispered. “I’m not ready to say goodbye to you.”

“I’m not ready to let you go either.”

Jim pressed a kiss to Alex’s forehead and he snuggled closer. Right now, he just wanted Jim to hold him.

“I’m sorry things got so messed up between us,” Jim said as he stroked his fingers through Alex’s hair.

“It’s my fault; I never should’ve gone back to Roswell.”

“No, don’t lay blame here. We both made mistakes… And I never dreamed you would put yourself through that, just for me.”

“You were celebrating a milestone; I had to be there for you,” Alex said “and it was fine until my dad…”

“What exactly happened between you and him?”

Alex shifted and pressed a kiss to Jim’s chest.

“I left your party and he was waiting outside,” he said. “Said I was trying to embarrass him just by being there and then he… he tried to choke me,”

“Oh, Alex, amor, I’m so sorry!”

“He was going to hit me but… someone threw a rock of all things and knocked him out. I ran so I don’t know who did it but I bumped into Guerin, he had his truck and we got out of there,”

“You were with Guerin because he got you away from Jesse?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry I… got jealous and thought that…” Jim hesitated. “You still love him, don’t you?”

Jim’s voice was soft and gentle but he could hear a hint of pain in his tone.

“It’s okay to say yes,” he added.

“I think that… a part of me will always love him,” Alex admitted. “He was the first boy who… he was my first _everything_ ;”

“It’s possible to love more than one person at any given time,” Jim assured him.

Alex closed his eyes as Jim’s fingers continued to brush through his hair.

“I’m sorry you had to come rescue me,” Alex said. “But I’m glad you came.”

He knew they still had a lot more to talk about in order to clear the air but at least they were on the same page again. Alex turned and kissed Jim’s chest.

“I’m just… it means a lot that you did call me,” Jim said. “Be it out of desperation or what… You knew I’d come for you.”

“Well, I didn’t _know_ especially after the way I ran off on you but I’d… I’d hoped.”

“I’ll always come for you, Alex, no matter what.”


	40. Chapter 40

Jim spent the entire drive back to Roswell practicing what to say to Michelle and Kyle. He ran out without an explanation but in the past twelve hours he’d made a few realizations and decisions about his future. 

It was well after lunch when he returned home but was relieved to find neither of them were there. This gave him even more time to collect himself even after a three-and-a-half-hour drive from Amarillo. Jim had taken Alex home, wanting him to be away from Lubbock as quickly as possible, before heading back to Roswell. He was so _tired_ after barely five hours sleep and a combined five-hour drive but it had been worth it.

Jim plopped down on the couch but promptly nodded off. He didn’t even realize until the smell of dinner roused him from his slumber. Michelle and Kyle were both in the kitchen and he went to join them.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” He asked.

“You looked exhausted,” Michelle replied. “You’re running yourself into the ground.”

“I’m fine, really. I might wash up before supper.”

He made a hasty retreat and by the time he returned, Michelle was already putting food on the table Kyle had set. Jim asked about Kyle’s day in a bid to put off talking about his own. He’d texted that morning to assure Michelle that Alex was okay.

Once they finished eating, Jim asked for their attention.

“So, I wanted you both to be the first to know that I’m not taking the job in Lubbock,” he stated.

Kyle looked relieved but Michelle was confused.

“I… thought it was what you wanted?” She asked.

He had to tell her the truth.

“I thought I did too,” he said. “But last night opened my eyes.”

“What happened, Jim?”

He paused; the best way to sell a lie is to stick close to the truth.

“Well, I told you Alex was arrested,” he started. “It was because the officers on duty were bored. They picked him up for loitering and were going to charge him for solicitation.”

“What?” Michelle gasped. Kyle stifled a laugh.

“Alex Manes, a prostitute?” He couldn’t believe it.

“The charges were false,” Jim continued. “But they had the… audacity to say that… some of the officers have… contacts they use for… stress relief and it’s an unspoken rule that the ones they use, never get picked up or charged.”

“Jim…” Michelle started.

“I’m being honest here, okay? I’m not proud of this but… I told them that’s what… who… Alex is to me so they’d let him go without charges.”

“What?”

“I _had_ to, Michelle. It was _Alex_ and I couldn’t let them do that to him.”

“Jim, I understand that but… you’d risk your career and your integrity for him?”

“Alex isn’t a hooker!”

“Maybe so but…”

“Michelle, that’s why I’m turning the job down,” he explained. “I don’t want to work in a place that falsifies charges on innocent people _and_ encourages staff to have personal hookers.”

“I thought you liked it there.”

“I did but now that I know this… I can’t go in and force them to change their ways but I don’t have to conform either; I’m happy here in Roswell and the sheriff.”

“Well, I’m happy here too,” Michelle said.

“What about Alex?” Kyle asked. “Won’t they just go after him again? If you’re not there to protect him?”

Jim paused; his family believed Alex lived in Lubbock.

“He’s smart enough to not be caught loitering after dark now,” Jim said. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Does this mean you won’t be going to see him as much anymore?” Michelle asked.

“Well… I don’t want to _stop_ visiting him,” Jim admitted. “Especially because he, uh, isn’t staying much longer… He told me that he wants to move on by Christmas,”

“Where will he go?”

“He hasn’t decided yet.”

“Why can’t he just come home?” Kyle asked.

Both Jim and Michelle exchanged a look.

“Uh, Kyle; Alex…” he paused. “He and Jesse aren’t really… they uh… it’s complicated.”

“Did Sarge kick him out because he’s a fa… he’s gay?” Kyle wondered.

“Not exactly but it’s kinda the gist,”

Kyle frowned and Jim observed him for a moment as the wheels of Kyle’s mind churned.

“Sergeant Manes wasn’t exactly fatherly, was he?” Kyle asked. He was clearly remembering weekends spent at the cabin.

“Not exactly,” Michelle replied. “But Alex was always a good boy and he’s resilient too.”

Jim needed to change the subject and fast.

“So, are you excited for our camping trip?” He asked Kyle.

“Camping trip?” Kyle blinked.

“The camping trip we take every July?”

“Oh… Oh!”

He saw the way Kyle’s face fell and suddenly realized his son had no intention of coming on the trip this year.

“I get it; you go off to college and suddenly you’re too cool to hang out with your old man?” Jim was hurt but had to not let on.

“I’m sorry, dad, but that’s why I came home now to see you guys… I have plans for the rest of the summer… I uh I’m taking off after the Fourth of July…”

“Yeah, okay, sure… I understand.”

Michelle reached for Jim’s hand and smiled sympathetically at him so he squeezed her hand and smiled back. He then got to his feet and began clearing the plates from the table.

Kyle was growing up and didn’t need him anymore, didn’t want to spend time with him. He got it but it still hurt.

Jim busied himself in the kitchen for a long time before sneaking away to have an early night. With Kyle home he’d taken to sleeping in his own bed again for appearances sake. So, he was sitting up in bed and trying to read a book when Kyle knocked on the door.

“Dad?” Kyle called. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, Magoo,” Jim replied.

The door opened and Kyle was grinning.

“Still not letting that go?” He asked.

“You’ll always be my Magoo, no matter how old or grown up you are,”

Kyle slipped into the room and walked over to the bed, sat down on the foot of the mattress.

“Dad, I was thinking… about the camping trip,” he began.

“No, it’s fine; don’t change your plans for me… We’ve got plenty more summers to enjoy trips together.”

“I know we do and, uh, that’s why I was thinking that… Maybe you could take Alex with you instead?”

“What?”

“I mean, you’ve got the leave and you can still go but if you don’t want to go alone… I’ve just been thinking a lot about all the times we went up to the cabin with the Manes’ and… I can’t ever remember seeing his dad do anything fun with him or his brothers. The only time Alex smiled was when he was with us… remember when I used to hurt myself doing something stupid and you’d joke about ‘kissing it better’ and give me a bandage? He _never_ did that with his kids.”

“Some parents just aren’t the overly affectionate type… especially in front of other parents.”

“That time Alex fell out of a tree and scraped his knee; his dad just yelled at him to ‘man up & walk it off’... I thought he was going to cry but you said to him that you’d make it better and you kissed his knee, gave him a Band-Aid and he laughed. It was the first time I’d heard him laugh since his mom left… You were good to him; you should spend more time with him before he moves as far away as I have because I’m always gonna come back… You and mom loved me so much that I can’t stay away but Alex… clearly feels he has no reason to come back.”

“You… want me to take Alex fishing?”

“Yeah, I think it would be nice for you to not go alone and I don’t want you to not go because of me.”

Jim didn’t know what to say. Thank you didn’t seem like enough but in that moment, he was so very _proud_ of his son.

“Goodnight, dad,” Kyle said before getting to his feet.

“Goodnight, Magoo,” Jim called as Kyle headed towards the door

After he left, Jim couldn’t focus on his book any longer. The very idea of taking Alex somewhere for a few days away sounded too good to be true. Maybe it wasn’t something he should even be considering; he did have the time off work but would Alex be able to get the same week off? Would he even want to? Jim could still go and spend a few days with him even if he did have to work. He hadn’t seen Alex perform for others for some time though he was privy to private performances.

He reached for his phone and saw a message from a number he didn’t recognize. Jim checked his voicemail, frowning at first until he heard Alex’s voice. The message was short and to the point, he’d switched phones in case Michelle had taken his number from Jim’s phone. He felt guilty that Alex had deemed it necessary to get a new number but he saved it under Jorge instead.

Jim dialled the number and waited for Alex to answer.

“Isn’t it a bit late for you, old man?” Alex greeted him. He could hear the smile in his voice.

“Speak up, sonny, my hearing ain’t what it used to be,” Jim joked.

Alex laughed and Jim smiled.

“You calling to wish me goodnight?” Alex asked.

“Nah; I’m calling to ask… uh… Would you like to go fishing with me?”


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor mention of daddy-kink/daddy-talk  
> **********************************************

The mere idea of a week away with Jim, just the two of them, was almost too exciting for Alex. He hadn’t been on a holiday in forever and was already looking forward to it. Of course he had to arrange the time off work but didn’t expect it to be a problem. When Jim had told him it had been Kyle’s idea and that Michelle had agreed, Alex almost felt guilty for betraying them but then he thought about being alone with Jim and all other thoughts went out of his brain.

He had to work extra shifts but found time to sneak in another evening at a private party with Ty. The money he got from that one night he used to buy some new clothes for his trip and the rest was to cover some expenses. He wasn’t about to let Jim pay for everything.

Alex hadn’t been sold on the idea of fishing but he knew Jim enjoyed it, took Kyle all the time and often fished when they used to go to the cabin; he never caught anything from what Alex could remember. 

Ty asked how things were going and Alex was excited to tell him they were taking a trip together. He didn’t even care where they were going, what they’d be doing, just so long as they were together. Alex was practically giddy as the days ticked away.

He was onstage, serenading the audience with a sexy song and his eyes fell upon Jim in the crowd but two tables behind him was Sebastian. Alex tried not to falter; as far as he knew, his landlord hadn’t known this was where he worked. He kept his composure as he moved around the stage but, despite many requests, he kept the majority of his clothes on.

Once backstage, he told himself to remain calm. He wasn’t doing anything wrong; neither of them were and it wasn’t like Seb could evict him based on his job.

By the end of his next performance, he’d stripped to his underwear but wasn’t comfortable with the way Sebastian kept licking his lips. Alex turned his attention to Jim and tried to pretend he was only performing for him alone.

For his final routine of the evening, he did something he’d never done before and hopped off the stage. Alex sauntered through the crowd, singing so confidently and seductively while moving his hips. Men reached for him, shoving money into the waistband of his underwear. Alex walked right past Seb and climbed into Jim’s lap. He slowly wriggled his hips, his ass pressed flush against Jim’s cock which he could feel through his pants. Alex winked at him before climbing back onto the stage and finishing his song.

He didn’t think Jim saw Seb and really hoped he hadn’t. Alex hurried backstage and changed quickly. He peered past the curtain but both men were gone. He ran out the staff exit and threw himself into Jim’s arms, kissing him deeply, trying to suck the air from his lungs.

“I’m happy to see you too, Cariño,” Jim said as he put Alex down.

“It’s just, I wasn’t expecting you for another few weeks,” Alex replied. “Or did I get the dates mixed up?”

“No, you’re right, I just… Had some business in Lubbock and thought I’d stop by to see you,”

“Really?”

“Why do you sound so surprised?”

Alex hugged Jim and buried his face in his neck.

“I’m just happy to see you, like _really_ happy,” he said. “Seb’s been… relentlessly pursuing me.”

“What?” Jim pulled away and looked at Alex.

“Uh, in hindsight… sleeping with him clearly wasn’t my best move and he, uh, seems even _more_ eager to… do it again.”

“Do I need to have another word with him?”

“What, you mean stake your claim on me?”

Alex was smiling but he couldn’t read the expression on Jim’s face. He immediately wished he hadn’t said anything to him so he reached for Jim’s hand, brought it to his lips and kissed his palm.

“He knows I’m yours,” Alex said. “I made it very clear that I was drunk and upset but it would never happen again.”

“And how did he take it?”

“He was… fine.” He shrugged and hooked his arm through Jim’s. “Where’s your car?”

“At your place; I’m gonna walk you home tonight.”

“How very romantic.”

Alex rested his head on Jim’s shoulder for about half a block before he shifted then took his hand. Walking side by side, holding hands, Alex was _happy_. They walked in comfortable silence for another block.

“So, what exactly were you doing in Lubbock?” Alex finally asked.

“Turning down a permanent job,” Jim replied.

“You what?”

He tugged at Jim, urged him to meet his gaze.

“They offered me a job and I considered it; thought about leaving Michelle _and_ Roswell and moving there instead,” he admitted.

“And you didn’t tell me any of this because…?”

“I… wanted to make an impartial decision. A part of me wanted to tell you, ask you to move with me but I didn’t want to feel like I was holding you back…”

“Jim-”

“After they arrested you, they let you go because I told them you were a hooker I use… I knew that wasn’t the type of place I wanted to work, live, expose _you_ to.”

“So, you turned it down because of me?”

“Because of their corrupt attitude, not you,”

“Does that mean you… you won’t be able to visit as often?”

“Yeah, I guess… I mean, Michelle doesn’t mind me spending time with you but too much might look suspicious.”

“So you’re taking me on holiday instead?”

“That was Kyle’s idea; he felt bad for abandoning me and doesn’t want me to go alone.”

Alex nodded. It was almost nice of Kyle though he knew he was doing it more for his dad’s benefit than Alex’s.

Jim pushed open the broken door and Alex knew he was biting his tongue, resisting the urge to say something about it still being busted. Seb had been promising to fix it for months.

They were almost to the stairs when Seb’s door opened but his face immediately fell when he saw Jim. Alex was instantly worried how much animosity there would be between the two of them.

But Seb’s eyes lit up and he told them to wait a moment. He disappeared then returned a moment later and threw the skirt at Alex.

“You, uh, left this last time you stayed over,” Seb smirked.

“The _only_ time,” Alex snapped. “And I’ve been asking for this for weeks.”

“It got misplaced,”

“Sure it did,”

Alex folded it over his arm, making a mental note to finally be able to return it.

“Not jealous, are you, buddy?” Seb was looking at Jim. He was clearly hoping to get a rise out of him. Maybe Seb didn’t realize Alex had already confessed to Jim.

“Why would _I_ be jealous?” Jim frowned.

Alex did too; why was he acting coy?

“Because I got to tap that fine piece of ass after you insulted him,” Seb hissed.

“My corazón does like being charitable at times,” Jim said as he pulled Alex into his arms.

Alex blushed.

“But by all means, brag about your once in a lifetime experience but make it quick because I promised to make him come twice before bed… once without even touching his cock,”

“Jim,” Alex hissed, his face flush with embarrassment.

Seb narrowed his eyes at Jim and Alex’s embarrassment faded into nervousness.

“I’ll have him again, you’ll screw up and he’ll be mine again, one day,”

He turned and slammed his door closed behind him.

Alex let out a breath of relief before he turned to Jim who was smiling, smugly, to himself.

“I don’t recall you making any such promise…?” Alex teased.

“Really? I could’ve sworn it was while we were discussing my upcoming father-son vacation…”

They continued up the stairs.

“So, that’s the catch?” Alex asked. “I spend the week pretending to be your son?”

“Well… No…”

He paused outside his door and leaned against it.

“Are you sure, _daddy_?” Alex whispered, licking his lips.

“You keep talking like that and I might not be so sure…”

“Oh? Would _daddy_ like me to call him something else instead?”

Alex unlocked the door and they both stepped inside.

“Since you’re not at work anymore, you can drop the naughty schoolboy act,” Jim said to him.

“Do you _want_ me to drop it?”

“I’d rather you drop your pants,”

“And just like that, I’m no longer worthy of your foreplay efforts?”

He was half joking; they didn’t always jump each other the second they were in the door but it had been the natural progression since Alex was about to be a substitute on a father-son vacation… and, for reasons still unknown to him, Alex _really_ loved calling Jim ‘daddy’.

“Are you in the mood for some fun, naughty boy?” Jim asked.

His cock began to stir at the tone of Jim’s voice.

“Will I be punished?” Alex playfully asked.

“Well, the punishment should fit the crime,”

Jim took a step forward, spun Alex around and pressed himself against Alex’s back. He could feel Jim’s cock against his ass and bit his lip in anticipation.

“What was my crime, daddy?” He breathed.

“Coming without _my_ permission,” Jim hissed. “When you let that other man fuck you,”

“I said I was sorry, daddy,”

“I know,”

Alex closed his eyes as Jim’s teeth scraped his neck and he groaned when Jim bit his ear.

“I know, baby,” Jim whispered. His tone quickly lightened. “Are you okay with this… scenario?”

“Yes,” Alex agreed. “Please punish me, daddy, I deserve it,”

He felt Jim’s hand on his cheek, pulling him, guiding him into a kiss.

“You’re _mine_ , Alex,” Jim whispered. “And I’m going to remind you of that;”

Alex’s cock was already stirring as Jim swept him off his feet and carried him to the bed, claiming his lips the entire time.

But Jim didn’t punish him, he worshipped him and his body until Alex was begging, pleading, whimpering to ‘please let me come’.

Jim kept the promise he hadn’t officially made and Alex came three times before they fell asleep.


	42. Chapter 42

Fourth of July weekend had always been a favourite of Jim’s. When Kyle was younger, he and Alex used to love watching the fireworks together. Jim would keep a watchful eye on the two boys to make sure they didn’t run off and get into any mischief. As they got older and drifted apart, Jim was one of the first to notice.

He was sitting in their usual spot, a picnic blanket sprawled beneath them. Jim was technically on duty but he was letting his guard down long enough to watch the fireworks with his family while trying not to wonder what Alex was doing right now.

Once the fireworks ended, Kyle immediately ran off with his friends while Jim and Michelle headed back to work. There were many drunken fights to be broken up along with busting vandals for graffiti. It was a long night that he was used to, having worked for the county as long as he had.

When he finally made it home and collapsed into bed, he was asleep the second his head hit the pillow but come morning the first thing he did was grab his phone. There was a photo message from Alex and he couldn’t help laugh at the way he’d been dressed for the occasion but a part of him wanted to ask if he could steal the costume to bring with them on vacation.

***

He was a nervous wreck as he made his way up the multiple flights of stairs to Alex’s studio. Jim paused to collect himself as he raised his hand to knock. There was no answer so he wondered if the younger man was in the shower or even out. He knocked again while calling out a greeting, announcing himself.

A moment later he heard movement and the door opened a fraction. He saw Alex’s eye then the door closed, the chain bolt rattled and the door flew open. Alex leapt into Jim’s open arms and he kissed him.

“What was that all about?” He asked as he carried Alex back inside then put him down.

“I, uh, thought it was Sebastian,” Alex confessed.

“Alex, is he harassing you?”

“No… not exactly… he’s just being persistent,”

“Do you need me to help you move? Find somewhere else for you to live?”

“Jim, I can handle it, honest.”

“I just want you to be safe.”

“And for the next week I will be,” Alex stated.

He moved over to the bed and pointed to the small suitcase he now owned. It was still open but had very few items inside.

“You’re not packed?” Jim asked him.

“Well, since you won’t tell me where we’re going, how do I know _what_ to pack?”

“Does it matter? I wanted it to be a surprise,”

“Fine; the destination doesn’t matter but how will I know what to wear?”

Jim moved closer and wrapped his arms around Alex.

“Preferably, nothing,” he teased before kissing Alex’s neck.

“Unless you’re taking me to a nudist colony, I feel that clothes will be required at some point of the trip,”

“Spoilsport,” Jim pouted. “Fine… Fine… we’re not going far, honest. I’m taking you to Wichita Falls,”

“Really?”

“Yeah… Is that okay?”

He suddenly felt very self-conscious but Alex smiled and jumped into his arms again.

“It’s _perfect_ , Jim,” he replied.

Alex immediately became an overexcited child and Jim’s heart ached. Jesse never took his boys anywhere, only the occasional visit to different Air Force bases whenever he was being awarded something. His mother used to take him to the reservation but he rarely got to experience the joy of a holiday.

He watched as Alex ran around the small room, tossing everything he could find into his small suitcase. Jim stepped forward and caught Alex’s arm, stopping him in his tracks. He reached up and cupped his cheek.

“Settle down,” Jim whispered. “You’ll tire yourself before we even get going; or are you planning to sleep for the three-hour drive?”

“No, no I’m good, I swear,” Alex insisted.

“Finish packing then and we can get going,”

Alex nodded then paused.

“Uh, how many… toys should I bring?” He asked.

For a brief moment, he suddenly saw a ten-year-old Alex arguing with Kyle over which toys to take to the cabin for the weekend. It didn’t happen often but he fought very hard to push those memories away, especially when Alex was standing before him with a butt plug in his hand.

“Why don’t you bring your favourites?” He suggested. “Or something that won’t matter if we break or lose it?”

Alex frowned.

“What?” Jim asked, confused by Alex’s expression.

“Nothing,” he shook his head and turned away.

Jim moved closer, clasped Alex’s wrist and looked into his eyes. His wide, beautiful, expressive eyes. He placed a kiss to the tip of his nose.

“It’s not ‘nothing’, tell me,” he coaxed.

“Just… that’s what you used to tell Kyle, when we argued over what to take to the cabin when we were kids and…”

“Yeah; I get it,”

He wrapped his arms around Alex and held him close.

“Sometimes, very rarely, I’ll be looking at you or talking to you and…” he hesitated. “And I have this memory, an image, in my head of you riding a horse, playing with a fire truck, begging to toast marshmallows…”

“Things I did when I was a kid,” 

“Yeah,” he sighed in defeat. “I _told_ you… I’m a dirty old man,”

Alex reached up and pressed his finger to his lips to silence him.

“Maybe,” Alex said with a smile. “But you’re _my_ dirty old man and I love you;”

“I just told you I sometimes see you as an eight-year-old and you think it’s okay?”

“You said it happens _rarely_ ,” he rationalized. “Has it _ever_ happened when we’ve been in bed? When you’ve been kissing me? Touching me?”

“No, of course not,”

“Well, sometimes I look at you and think of the photos I’ve seen of you in high school, and I think about how hot you were so-”

“I’m sorry…’ _were_ ’ as in past tense?”

“You _were_ hot, Jim, but now you’re… everything I didn’t know I wanted,”

“Thank… you?”

He wasn’t sure if Alex was complimenting him or not. He leaned over and kissed him anyway because Alex was in his arms, looking at him with love and admiration in his eyes.

“Bring them all,” Jim said into the kiss. “Bring every toy you want,”

*

It was another half hour before they were on the road but it was well after lunch by then so he pulled the car over as they passed through Claude. They grabbed a quick meal which he let Alex pay for then they took off again. The bulk of the drive was uneventful as they didn’t talk much but Alex loved singing along with the radio and Jim enjoyed listening to him.

They reached their destination and he pulled into the parking lot of a resort lodge. Alex jumped out of the car, looking around in silent awe until he turned and looked at Jim.

“I thought we were camping and fishing?” Alex asked him.

He moved around the car and placed his hand on his shoulder.

“You _wanted_ to camp?” Jim asked.

“I… No… But I wanted to do whatever you wanted, Jim,”

“Both… we’re just not in a tent is all. Come on,”

They made their way inside; Jim went to the counter to check in and get the keys. He watched as Alex wandered around the reception area, looking at everything at once.

He couldn’t help noticing the way the man behind the desk kept looking at Alex. Jim reiterated the specifics of his booking, ensuring their cabin was near the lake so he could still go fishing. He grabbed the key, his wallet and the map as the staff member nodded over his shoulder.

“You, uh, planning to fish a lot while you’re here?” He asked.

“Every day, if the catch is good,”

“That your son?”

“Uh,” he hesitated to answer.

“Does he fish too or will he, uh, be left to his own devices?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just being friendly; I’d be happy to spend some time, showing him around and getting to know him a bit,”

Jim’s eyes darted from the man to Alex and back again. He had to be a college graduate or even older but he was closer to Alex’s age than Jim’s. He was still trying to think of how to answer when Alex came up to join them.

“What’s taking so long, _daddy_?” Alex smirked with a cock of his eyebrow.

“Nothing, baby, just this young man was trying to subtly ask for your number,” Jim said, wrapping his arm around him. Alex casually nuzzled into Jim’s side and looked right at the desk clerk.

Jim waited, waited for Alex to say _something_ but the younger man seemed to be holding the clerks gaze. He held himself too, still waiting as he held Alex close.

“This is a _family_ establishment,” he stated. His eyes darting between the two as though just realizing what was happening here.

“Don’t worry, _daddy_ takes good care of me,” Alex stated.

“This is _Texas_ , not Palm Springs.”

He continued to hold his tongue but Jim allowed Alex to take the lead, tugging on his hand to pull him from the reception area and back outside. Once there, standing right outside the main doors, Alex kissed him.

“What are you doing?” Jim whispered. He was flattered yet surprised by how bold Alex was being.

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Alex?”

“Jim, no one knows us here… We can be ourselves; no hiding the truth,”

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes! To be us for the next week… It sounds perfect,”

“It’s risky, Alex… I mean, we’re still in Texas,”

Jim looked over Alex’s shoulder into the lobby, saw the desk clerk watching them and he quickly ushered him back towards the car. They climbed in and he pulled out a map of the campgrounds, checking the quickest route to their, hopefully, secluded cabin. The grounds were beautiful and Alex leaned out the open window as Jim headed for the lake.

He found the path he needed and several minutes later Jim pulled up outside a quaint little cabin. Similar looking to the hunting cabin they used to visit and Alex hurried up to the porch. He handed him the key and Alex unlocked the door but Jim scooped him up and made to carry him over the threshold.

“That is _so_ cliché, Jim,” Alex laughed.

“So… You don’t want me to do it then?” Jim replied.

“I didn’t say that!”

They exchanged a simple kiss before he carried Alex inside, through the small cabin and deposited him upon the large bed. He started to move away but Alex giggled and pulled Jim down for another kiss. 

“I have to bring the luggage inside,” he began to protest.

“It can wait,” Alex insisted.

“I suppose a few minutes won’t hurt.”


	43. Chapter 43

The ‘few minutes’ was almost an hour they spent on the bed, exchanging soft and gentle kisses but nothing more. Both were very aware they had the entire week to enjoy each other’s company so they took things very slow. Alex was used to only having a day, maybe two, with him at most so he was determined to make it memorable.

He helped Jim bring their luggage into the cabin then he took some time to fully explore the cabin. It wasn’t much smaller than his studio though the bed was definitely bigger and despite the small bathroom it had an actual bath. Alex was very excited about that. The kitchen wasn’t much either but so long as Jim could make his coffee, he’d be fine.

They drove into town for some basic supplies, like milk and coffee but decided to have dinner first. Alex selected the restaurant and had fun rubbing his foot along Jim’s calf while they ate. He could read that Jim was tempted to tell him to stop but that he wouldn’t actually say it.

Alex ordered dessert and made quite a production of enjoying the ice cream, seductively licking the spoon while holding Jim’s gaze. To his credit, Jim didn’t falter.

After dinner they hit the grocery store before heading back to their cabin. As the car drove the streets, Alex smiled to himself as he tried to imagine _this_ as his life. If Jim had taken the job in Lubbock and he’d moved with him, they could’ve lived happily in a secluded bubble… he’d probably have to pretend to be Jim’s son for appearances but behind closed doors they’d be happy.

He jumped out of the car and up to the porch of their cabin which overlooked the lake. Jim walked right past him and started putting their purchases away while Alex stayed on the porch.

He saw a flicker of light and followed it with his eyes, it looked like a beam from a flashlight. Then he heard the rustling in the bushes and carefully stepped back, moved inside and softly called to Jim. He immediately came to assist and together they returned to the porch.

“It’s probably just wildlife,” he reasoned.

“When did squirrels start carrying flashlights?” Alex hissed.

“You’re being paranoid,”

Another rustle began and Jim stepped off the porch, moved towards the noise. In the distance Alex swore he saw a shadow of a figure hurrying away. It was likely just another guest who’d gotten turned around in the dark. Jim came back and said everything was fine. He wanted to believe him.

When Jim said he wanted to go night fishing, Alex didn’t want him to but he couldn’t say as much. Jim asked if Alex would be okay on his own or if he’d prefer to come with him. Neither option was very appealing especially after whatever that was but he put on a brave face and told him to have fun.

Once Jim left, Alex was completely alone in a very small cabin. He looked around for the guitar he’d brought with him and took it out to the porch. Strumming a familiar tune, he wondered how far Jim had gone. Could he maybe hear him playing? He played for a bit until he began to feel sleepy but he didn’t want to go to bed without Jim.

He moved back inside and ran a bath, stripped off his clothes and immersed himself in the water. 

The next thing he knew, Jim was gently nudging him awake. He’d fallen asleep!

Jim helped him from the tub and wrapped him in a towel, released the water from the bath while Alex dried himself off. Jim guided him to the bed and settled him under the blankets. He kissed him goodnight then left to have a quick shower.

Alex forced himself to stay awake until Jim returned so he could snuggle into his embrace.

They shared lazy kisses until Alex drifted off, happy, content… and still only just slightly scared.

*

He still wasn’t an early riser so by the time he woke in the morning it was to find the bed empty beside him. Alex sleepily rolled out of bed, pulled on Jim’s robe and padded his way into the kitchen. Jim wasn’t there and the coffee pot was cool to touch.

Alex knew not to panic; he wasn’t _that_ person. He headed outside and stopped on the porch, eyes scanning the immediate vicinity and that’s when he spotted him. About halfway around the lake, sitting on the bank with his fishing pole. All he could do was smile.

He went back inside, set the coffee to boil and got dressed. Alex made two cups then he took both and went to join Jim by the lake.

He hadn’t gone far, barely a few steps from the cabin when he heard a noise and stopped. Alex was prepared to pour hot coffee on whatever was about to attack him but a voice called out.

Still on guard, he hesitated and a moment later the desk clerk appeared; Alex paused.

“Good morning!” He greeted Alex.

“Uh, hi,” Alex was still on edge.

“Where are you off to?”

Alex nodded into the distance but the clerk didn’t even turn around.

“I’m Jacob, by the way,” he pushed closer and held out his hand in greeting. Alex was thankful his hands were occupied with the two coffee cups. “You know you’re not really supposed to take the utensils from the cabins.”

Alex blanked; there was nothing in the brochure or information kit about that.

“Why don’t you let me help you take them back before you get caught?”

“I’ll be very careful with them,” Alex assured him. “Anything breaks and I’ll pay for it;”

“Oh? _You_ will?” Jacob pressed. “Not your sugar daddy down there?”

Alex immediately took offense.

“He’s not my-” he started to argue.

“Clearly, that’s why you called him ‘daddy’ right?” Alex moved to step around him. “I’ve seen guys like him bring their pretty little princesses up here, they take one look around and run to the nearest Marriott… But you’re obviously different…”

“Obviously different?”

“You’re not a _precious princess_ … I’ll bet you like it rough, like to freaky; is that why you’re so… kept?”

“It’s _not_ like that at all!” Alex hissed.

“But you and he are… you know?”

“That’s none of your business.”

“That’s why you called him _daddy_ right in front of me, isn’t it? Do you call him that when he fucks you? When he makes you come?”

Alex hastily sidestepped and started walking away but could feel the man's eyes on him. He just continued towards Jim, placing one foot in front of the other until he finally reached the edge of the lake.

He announced himself as to not startle Jim then Alex sat down beside him, handed him the drink and settled next to him. Jim looped his arm through Alex’s as they sat together, looking out over the beautiful lake.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked him. “You seem… rattled,”

He didn’t want to tell him about Jacob so he simply shook his head.

“Just… surprised to wake up and not have you next to me.”

“Sorry I didn’t leave a note, I meant to be back before you woke up but time got away from me.”

“It’s okay,” Alex nudged closer, craving his touch. “You looked… content, happy; this is your vacation too. If you want to fish, you fish!”

“I won’t be much longer, I promise,”

“No, stay as long as you want.”

Alex pressed a kiss to Jim’s cheek only to have him turn, meet him halfway and kiss his lips.

“I’ll be in soon,” he insisted.

He knew Jim was telling him it was okay to go back inside but he didn’t want another run in with Jacob.

“Okay but I’m gonna stay with you,”

“You don’t have to.”

“I _want_ to.”

“I’d like that.”

Alex snuggled even closer to Jim and quietly sipped his coffee, just enjoying being outside by a beautiful lake with him. It was so peaceful and serene. He started daydreaming about living in a place like this, waking up to a view every morning. It sounded wonderful except he kept having to tell himself each person who moved through his peripheral vision in the distance _wasn’t_ Jacob.

Jim kept his word and about twenty minutes later they headed back to their cabin. Alex started making breakfast and Jim went to shower after Alex joked, he smelt like the fish he hadn’t managed to catch.

They sat down to eat and Alex smiled to himself when Jim reached for his hand, kissed his palm. Yep, this was definitely something he could get used to.

After their meal, they took a walk around the lake and the campgrounds. Being the middle of summer, it was pretty busy, lots of families with children running around and playing. Jim squeezed Alex’s hand and smiled at him. He grinned back but kept one eye out for any unexpected staff members wandering the grounds.

*

It only took them two days to get into a routine; Jim would go fishing every morning before Alex woke, they’d have breakfast then spend the day exploring the town or taking a day trip. Lunch was casual, usually at a cafe, then they’d find somewhere nicer for a more substantial dinner. Each night, Jim would go fishing and Alex would sit on the cabin porch, playing his guitar and trying to visualize Jim by the water’s edge.

There hadn’t been anymore rustling in the bushes after the first evening but Alex couldn’t shake the feeling they were being watched. He was constantly looking over his shoulder, expecting Jacob to appear at any given moment.

On their third morning, Jim returned from his morning fishing trip then was joined by Alex in the shower. They became overly amorous as Jim teasingly spread soap across Alex’s soft skin. He wrapped his large fist around the younger man’s cock and worked him to the edge but didn’t allow him to come. Alex buried his face in Jim’s neck and begged to come while Jim was inside him.

They adjourned to the bedroom where he took his time to thoroughly prepare Alex for what was to come. He prodded and teased and licked at his lover’s hole as Alex moaned and writhed and cried out in pure delight. Jim grasped Alex’s cock, working him over while his tongue lapped at his sweet spot until Alex was threatening to come.

Jim finally put his plan into motion while Alex was a sobbing, pleading mess. He collected the supplies, coated himself with lube and slammed right on in. Jim worked Alex over until they were both too far gone. Jim came first, Alex spilling close behind but once Jim’s spent cock slipped from his ass, he pressed a butt plug into place.

Alex moaned and pulled Jim into a deep kiss. He hissed in his ear that he felt naughty, knowing Jim’s come was firmly trapped inside him. Jim kissed him back and teased that was his plan all along.

They went for a walk around the lake and Jim couldn’t stop watching Alex. He purposely walked behind him, watching his ass swaying as he moved. He felt giddy, knowing that Alex was wearing a plug and filled with his come. Jim pushed Alex off the trail and into the bushes a few times to ensure the plug was still firmly in place. He even dared to get Alex off just once, dropped to his knees and took him deep in his throat to swallow his offering.

He’d barely tucked Alex’s cock back into his pants and climbed to his feet when they stumbled back to the trail and crossed paths with the young desk clerk who’d checked them in.

“Lovely morning!” Jim said with a chuckle.

The man’s eyes darted between them, lingered on Alex a little too long, before he turned to Jim and looked him right in the eye.

“You’ve got something on your chin.” He stated.

Alex’s face turned a shade of red but Jim merely wiped his chin and smiled his thanks. He didn’t even notice the way Alex moved closer to him but he did slide his arm around the younger man’s waist just the same. The clerk eyed them almost suspiciously but Jim waved goodbye and hustled away with Alex.

The moment they returned to their cabin he did find it odd that Alex immediately adjourned to the bathroom and was in there for quite some time. When Jim went to use it after him, he found the butt plug tucked back in its case, all cleaned and put away. He told himself it was fine but he didn’t press the matter.

*

Later that same night, Jim came up to Alex and wrapped his jacket around his shoulders then kissed his cheek.

“Where’s your fishing stuff?” Alex asked him.

“It’s a nice night; let’s go for a walk instead,”

Alex saw the flashlight in Jim’s hand so he took his other one and they made their way down to the lake. It was very dark, the ground uneven but the moon was bright and beautiful. They stopped by the water’s edge and Alex practically melted into Jim’s arms, lost himself in his kisses. They were completely alone and Alex just wanted to savor his precious time with Jim.

But Jim had _other_ ideas and he slid his hand under Alex’s shirt as he pulled his body closer, deepened their kiss. Alex whimpered in protest but it was also exciting.

“What are you doing?” He whispered.

“It’s a beautiful night, we should go for a swim,” Jim said.

“A swim?”

His heart began to race with nervous excitement. He’d never done anything like this before but he very much wanted to. Alex watched as Jim tossed his jacket and his shirt onto the ground, began to kick off his shoes. 

Giggling like schoolboys they stripped off their clothes then, both completely naked, ran into the lake. The water was warmer than Alex expected but still too cold for his liking so he clung to Jim, kissing him and pressing their bodies together to feel his body heat.

They shared tender kisses while caressing each other’s bodies until Alex’s teeth began to chatter and Jim took pity on him. He grasped Jim’s hand as they swam to the shore and Jim searched for the flashlight. Alex nervously looked around but when Jim turned the light on, both were surprised to see their clothes were gone. Alex was on the brink of panicking but Jim moved further along the shore and told him it was okay. Their clothes had fallen into the water!

Alex held the flashlight while Jim rummaged through the water to find everything. Thankfully their shoes and jackets had managed to stay dry but their pants and shirts were sopping. Still trembling from the cold, Alex pulled his jeans back on, with great difficulty, then wrapped Jim’s jacket around himself. 

As they trudged back to their cabin, Jim laughing about their misfortune, Alex tried to find the amusement but something didn’t feel right and he couldn’t voice it either. He hurried into the bathroom and into a warm shower.

Long after he and Jim were warm and dry, snuggled together under the blankets of their bed, Alex still didn’t feel confident enough to tell Jim his underwear was missing. 

He was just being paranoid… Wasn’t he?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting a little tense as Alex appears to have picked up a stalker...


	44. Chapter 44

Jim was still giggling to himself when he awoke in the morning, seeing the humour in leaving their clothes so close to the water’s edge. He kissed Alex’s forehead before climbing from the bed, pulling on any clothes he could find then trudging down to the lake with his fishing pole. He’d never been to this campground before but it was beautiful, peaceful, and their cabin was very secluded. Sure, it was nice not having to hide their relationship but it was good to have privacy too.

He sat by the lake, looking over the water and smiling to himself. He was pretty sure he wasn’t going to convince Alex to take another swim with him but he didn’t regret the one they’d had.

He missed Kyle; as much as he was enjoying this trip with Alex it was very different to his usual yearly fishing trip. He enjoyed ‘roughing’ it in a tent in the middle of nowhere but had scraped that idea in favour of an actual bed. Jim knew Alex wasn’t a snob when it came to lodgings but at his age, Jim knew he couldn’t spend a week having sex in a sleeping bag on the ground. This place was the best of both worlds; he could fish and enjoy the beautiful outdoors but also appreciate the finer moments with Alex.

He didn’t stay out long, half an hour at most. Jim packed up his gear and headed back to the cabin.

Along the way he crossed paths with the desk clerk who’d checked them in. He appeared to be quietly patrolling the grounds though until now Jim hadn’t seen any other staff randomly skulking around.

“Morning,” Jim greeted him, tipping his hat in the young man’s direction.

“Oh, uh, hi!” He cleared his throat. “Morning, sir; up early I see. Where’s your… friend?”

Jim peered at his watch.

“Probably still asleep,” he said with a smile. “My boy ain’t a morning person,”

“Your boy,” he muttered but Jim chose to ignore his tone.

“You’re up pretty early yourself; what time do they make you clock in?”

“What? Oh, my, uh, parents own the place so I live here… on the grounds… have my own cabin up there,”

Jim watched as he waved his arm in a vague, general direction.

“Waking up to this view every morning? Lucky man!” Jim continued to smile at him but the clerk narrowed his eyes.

“Not like the view you wake up to, huh?”

“Oh? You’re not as close to the lake?”

Jim tried to read the man’s name tag so he wouldn’t have to ask his name.

“Uh, yeah, the _lake_ view,”

The clerk turned and hurried away without saying ‘goodbye’ or ‘have a nice day’. Jim shrugged and continued back to the cabin. He went inside, frowning at the door being unlocked but shrugged, and headed to the bed where Alex was still sleeping. Jim couldn’t resist moving towards him and kissing his cheek.

Alex stirred, sleepily and smiled, eyes still closed.

“It’s okay, bebé, it’s still early,” he whispered. “Stay sleeping,”

“Come back to bed,” Alex said. “Need more kisses, those weren’t enough,”

“Those?” He asked.

But Alex had already nodded back off to sleep. He was so cute when he was half-sleeping, half-dreaming. Jim smiled to himself; there really wasn’t anything he’d rather do right now then crawl back into bed with Alex, so he did.

*

His plans for the day were essentially thrown out the window. Jim had a day trip in mind but it was a two-hour drive and they unintentionally stayed in bed until lunch. When he finally roused Alex from the bed and into the shower, it was definitely lunch time.

They headed into town and enjoyed a meal before deciding on a hiking trail. It was a beautiful day and they walked the trails, holding hands and sneaking kisses when they were alone. No easy feat since everywhere they went there were people, tourists, families milling about but that was part of the fun. In hindsight, they should’ve picked somewhere more liberal to visit but they were here now and that’s all that mattered.

All that walking meant they built up quite an appetite so they grabbed dinner before taking a short evening stroll through the town. 

Upon their return to the cabin, Jim was nervous about asking Alex if he could go fishing but it was Alex who asked him if he planned to go.

“I won’t be long, I promise,” Jim assured him. “And I swear I won’t fish _at all_ tomorrow to make up for it.”

“You don’t have to ‘make up for it’, Jim. I’ve told you this is your vacation too.”

He moved towards Alex and wrapped his arms around him.

“I feel like I’m just making you sit around and wait for me,” he said.

“Jim, I love you and love that you’re having fun.”

“But you’re not?”

“It’s not that,”

Jim pursed his lips in thought then he leaned down and kissed Alex.

“I have an idea,” he whispered. “A way we can both have what we want.”

“Oh?”

“Go into the bedroom and wait for me.”

Alex immediately did as asked while Jim rummaged through their luggage until he found what he needed. It was already charged since he’d planned to use it tomorrow but he hurried after Alex and found him sitting on the bed. His eyes lit up when he saw the items in Jim’s hands.

“Jim?” He breathed as lust and excitement exhumed from him.

“I know you like this one, amor,” Jim teased.

“Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

Alex sat up and kissed him.

“I’m onto you,” he said. “You’re gonna get me all in the mood then run off to go fish.”

“No, of course not,” Jim corrected him. “You’re going to get yourself in the mood,” he held the remote up for Alex to see. “I’ll leave this here with you, so you can go as fast or as slow as you like but the longer I stay away, the more I risk not seeing the big finish and you know I _hate_ to miss that… That I love watching you come, hearing you cry my name.”

“Jim,”

He could hear the arousal in Alex’s voice already. Jim kissed him, deeply, pushed him down onto the bed and continued to devour him with kisses. He took his time to slowly separate Alex from his pants and underwear, guided him onto his stomach so he could shower his supple ass with kisses too. It made Alex giggle and Jim’s heart swelled. He coated his fingers and pressed them between the cheeks; Alex whimpered and bucked his hips, tried to fuck himself on Jim’s fingers.

He _really_ took his time to stretch and prepare him; teasing him with feather light kisses while moving his slick digits in and out, scissoring him open and making Alex moan, groan, whimper and beg.

His fingers slid free and Alex sobbed in disappointment but Jim was quick to lube up the plug and slip it into place. Alex cried out at being full again and Jim kissed his lower back.

He sat back and admired the image before him until Alex rolled over and Jim wrapped his large hand around his cock, lazily stroking him.

“You’re really going to go _fishing_ and leave me here, like this?” Alex panted.

“Don’t pretend the very idea isn’t sexy as hell,” Jim replied.

He took a step back and pressed a button on the remote, watched as Alex’s body reacted and the younger man cried out in delight.

“Trust me, Alex, it’s gonna be hard for me too,” he agreed. “But you’re my reward for coming back quickly.”

“What if I come quickly?” Alex asked teasingly.

Jim shook his head; he knew Alex wouldn’t do such a thing. He leaned down and kissed him while readjusting Alex’s clothes. He could practically feel the excitement radiating from Alex’s body as he helped him to his feet.

“Where are we…?” Alex started to say but Jim kissed him again then collected his guitar.

He led Alex onto the porch and gently pushed him into the chair; he gave a low moan as the plug shifted inside him.

“I’ll be able to see you the entire time,” Jim said to him. “I’ll just be by the water so as long as you keep the light on, I’ll know you haven’t come yet.”

“Jim,”

He held the remote up for Alex.

“Are you taking it with you?” Alex nervously asked.

“No point if I can’t hear your beautiful moans,” Jim whispered. He turned the device onto the lowest setting and Alex purred with delight. Jim cupped his face and kissed him before placing the remote upon the table, just out of Alex’s reach.

He turned and collected his fishing gear. When he looked back, Alex was pressing his guitar against his groin.

“Patience, corazón,” he chuckled.

“I don’t think I’ll last half an hour, Jim,” Alex breathed. “Maybe you shouldn’t go? Stay and watch me.”

“You’ll be fine, I _trust_ you to have patience,”

“Are you forgetting what happened the first time we-?”

Jim silenced him with a kiss.

“Just relax and play your guitar for me; I should be able to hear it from down there.”

“Maybe, on principle, I _won’t_. Teach you a lesson.”

Alex was adorable when he pouted. He leaned over again for another kiss.

“The sooner I go, the sooner I’ll come back to you, you know that,” he whispered.

Jim picked up the remote and pressed a button; Alex groaned and bucked his hips, rubbing his cock against his guitar again.

“Behave, Cariño, and I’ll be back soon,”

Fishing gear in one hand, flashlight in the other, he cast another look at his flustered lover and wondered if he should stay. No, this was his fishing vacation so he was going to fish.

He stepped off the porch and headed for the lake. Behind him he could hear Alex’s exaggerated cries but he knew the younger man trying to entice him back. Jim was stronger than that.

He walked on, looking over his shoulder to check on Alex who was still on the porch. Jim reached his spot by the water and turned back. He could just make out Alex’s form, still sitting in the chair but he couldn’t hear the guitar.

Jim got himself settled but by the time he got his line into the water he’d already used ten of his thirty minutes. He wouldn’t put it past Alex to absolutely time him to the thirty minutes. He sat with his fishing pole and considered heading back early to surprise him but he didn’t want Alex to think he was wrapped around his finger. Sure, he’d do just about anything Alex asked of him but he _wouldn’t_ sacrifice his fishing time.

The minutes slowly ticked away, the fish weren’t biting and Jim turned to catch a glimpse of Alex but frowned when he saw the porch had gone dark. Was Alex finished? Had he given up and gone inside?

He began to reel his line back in while still looking at the dark cabin. His eyes weren’t the best with distances. He thought he could see a figure moving about on the porch. 

He collected up all his things and started back. He still wasn’t close enough to see anything when he heard an unmistakable cry of fear. He dropped everything and took off at a run, calling Alex’s name but received no response.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-Explicit but very heavily implied form of sexual assault  
> ********************************************

Alex couldn’t say anything; he could hear Jim yelling his name but he was too scared to move, to speak, to scream. He _wanted_ to yell, to cry, to scream though after that first initial shout his voice had vacated his body.

“ALEX?”

He’d never been so relieved to hear Jim’s loud voice followed by his footsteps. Tears were rolling down his cheeks as he scrambled to cling to any part of him as the older man knelt down beside him.

“Alex? Alex, what’s wrong?” 

He heard Jim ask him. He sounded terrified but Alex grasped his vest and a moment later was blinded by the brightness of the porch light as Jim turned it on. His body was shaking as he tried unsuccessfully to shimmy free of his pants.

“Alex?” Jim called.

“Get it out of me!” He sobbed. “Please?”

“Where’s the remote? I can just turn it off.”

“G… Go… Gone,”

Even after Jim finally managed to pull the plug free, his body was still shaking and trembling from shock. He wasn’t really listening but he heard the confusion in Jim’s voice, not understanding why the vibrations had been turned to maximum. Alex had never used it on that high a setting before.

“Corazón, I’m so sorry.”

He heard the words as Jim said them, felt the man’s hands on him as he was lifted from the floor and carried back inside the cabin. Alex was grateful he didn’t ask questions, just muttered to himself about the plug malfunctioning.

Alex curled in on himself as he lay on the bed, his body still twitching and shaking. He closed his eyes and listened to Jim’s footsteps as he moved about.

First, he went outside and brought Alex’s guitar in then asked if he was okay. Alex merely nodded his head and Jim went outside again. He listened as his footsteps moved further away and closer again, heard the sounds of his fishing gear being dumped on the porch. This was followed by running water.

Eyes still closed; Alex felt the bed dip beside him as Jim joined him.

“Alex, what happened?” Jim asked.

He couldn’t tell him, no way could he tell him the truth. 

“Please, Corazón, talk to me,” he continued. Alex shook his head. “Let’s get you cleaned up,”

Cleaned up? Alex opened his eyes in confusion then realized he was a mess, having come in his pants. He turned and buried his face in the mattress. 

“Alex, it’s okay,” Jim assured him.

Jim’s hands were gentle as he started wiping the cum from Alex’s cock. He took his time to gently remove both his pants and his underwear, put them aside and tenderly wiped Alex’s body down.

He wanted to tell him to stop, to not make a fuss, beg him to not ask questions.

“What made you overdo it?” Jim asked.

‘I didn’t!’ He wanted to shout but couldn’t.

“Did you think you could handle it? You’ve _never_ used that setting before. Remember you barely survived a level 5, why did you pick 10?”

Alex shook his head again.

“Was it an accident?” Jim asked. “And the intensity caused you to drop the remote? I couldn’t find it; it was too dark but we’ll find it in the morning.”

‘No, you won’t!’ He also wanted to scream. 

At least his body wasn’t convulsing anymore but now he couldn’t stop shaking. Even Jim’s comforting hands weren’t making him feel as safe as usual. He wanted to scream and cry but he couldn’t do that, he was a grown man. He couldn’t tell Jim what had happened. 

It was equal parts embarrassing as it was terrifying.

“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered. His voice was so gentle, loving, filled with worry and concern… even guilt. “It was a stupid thing for me to do. Leave you alone like that with so much… power. I shouldn’t have been so selfish and left you here to take care of yourself.”

His touch was as gentle as his voice.

“It was wrong of me to get you all worked up then just walk away; I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”

Jim was _apologizing_ and it wasn’t even his fault. Alex had let his guard down, knowing full well that he shouldn’t have. It had been his responsibility to protect himself but the moment he’d screamed for help, Jim had come running.

Every time he needed help Jim was there to save him.

“It’s not your fault,” Alex’s voice was groggy. 

“Oh, Alex,” Jim whispered.

He felt himself being half lifted from the bed and pulled into Jim’s arms. Alex slowly raised his arms and wrapped them around Jim’s strong, safe body.

“Curtains,” he whispered.

“What?” Jim mumbled against Alex’s neck.

“Close them,”

“Huh?”

“Please, close the curtains, so the sun won’t wake me in the morning,”

He saw the look of confusion on Jim’s face but he merely extracted himself from Alex and did as asked. Alex didn’t visibly show his relief but he did feel better knowing no one could spy on them now.

Jim returned to his side and hugged him. Alex closed his eyes and drew comfort from the embrace. Now that his body wasn’t in shock anymore, he could focus on Jim and feeling safe in his arms.

“Bebé, are you going to tell me why you did it?” Jim pressed. 

‘I didn’t’ Alex’s mind screamed. 

“Have you been practising without me? Thought your body was ready for it?”

‘No’ Alex internally insisted.

“You don’t have to feel embarrassed, Alex, no judgement here, honest. I just want to be sure you’re okay”

He felt Jim’s lips on his neck and he buried his face in his chest, closed his eyes and clung to him.

“It’s okay,” Jim whispered in his ear.

‘No, it’s not’ Alex silently argued.

Jim held him for a long time. Alex felt strange, sitting naked from the waist down in his lover’s arms and not engaging in any form of sexual activity. He appreciated that Jim didn’t try to touch or stimulate him; simply held him and softly kissed his face.

Alex eventually slipped free of Jim’s arms and crawled under the covers. He closed his eyes and willed sleep to come for him; listening to Jim’s footsteps as he moved around the cabin, getting settled for the night. His ears alert until he heard the click of the cabin door being locked.

He kept his eyes shut, heard Jim in the bathroom followed by the sound of the shower. Alex was still awake when Jim slid into bed and wrapped his arms around him. He felt a kiss on his neck.

“I’m sorry, Alex,” Jim whispered again. “Sorry I… Failed you.” 

“No,” Alex tried to say but his voice was low, barely audible. “You didn’t.”

“I shouldn’t have left you alone… to go _maldito_ fishing.” 

Alex rolled over and huddled against Jim, pressed a kiss to his naked chest and one to his neck before he looked into his eyes.

“It’s not your fault,” he whispered. “You deserve to have fun too.”

“But not at your expense, love,”

“It wasn’t like that… I’m sorry I scared you, Jim.”

Jim’s lips caressed his forehead and Alex squeezed his eyes shut again before he practically climbed on top of Jim, lying his body flush against Jim’s. His heart had finally settled now that he was safe and secure, protected in Jim’s strong arms.

“When I heard you… I _was_ scared,” Jim admitted. “Scared for you… I thought that…” he paused. “Well, I don’t really know what I thought… Just that you needed me.”

“And you came,” Alex whispered. “You always come for me.”

“And you know I always will.”

Alex leaned close and pressed a kiss to Jim’s lips. He smiled when Jim reached up and brushed Alex’s hair from his face, tucking it behind his ear.

“I love you,” Alex whispered.

“Sleep now, amor, I’ve got you.” Jim said. He pulled Alex close, and held him in his arms until he finally drifted off.


	46. Chapter 46

It was the second time Jim could recall Alex waking before he did so he took that as a bad sign. The younger man hadn’t said much all night and he looked like he’d not slept either. When he reached a hand out to touch him, Alex flinched then immediately apologized. He wished he knew why Alex was so jumpy since he hadn’t given him much to work with.

Now that he was awake, Alex smiled at him and asked if he planned to go fishing again. Jim had promised last night that he wouldn’t today and he reiterated that. In turn, Alex asked if he’d join him in the shower.

Jim followed him into the bathroom and they showered together but the most he was willing to try was sneak a few kisses. Alex reciprocated though he didn't go any further. 

Both dressed they adjourned to the tiny kitchen where Jim found all the curtains closed. He moved to open one but Alex stopped him. 

“You hungry?” Jim asked. Alex shrugged.

“Since I ain’t fishing today, I actually had a road trip planned but maybe you’re not up for it… after last night…”

“A road trip? Like a ways away from here?”

“Yeah, the map says it’s nearly a two-hour drive so-”

“When do we leave?”

“Alex?”

The younger man was already on his feet, pulling Jim towards the front door.

“Alex, are you okay?” Jim asked him.

“I’m… fine,” he insisted. “Just… I like the idea of a change of scenery,”

“What about breakfast?”

“We can stop on the way!”

Alex grabbed Jim’s keys and pressed them into his hands. What else could he do? He handed the keys back to Alex and said he’d meet him at the truck. He appeared to hesitate for a moment but turned and headed out.

Jim went into the bedroom to get his wallet and hat. On his way out he stopped to throw something in the garbage and paused when he saw the plug. Alex had tossed it out; Jim left it there but once outside he stopped to check the porch. It was daylight now so it would be much easier to find but the remote didn’t appear to be anywhere on the porch.

“Jim?” Alex’s voice was close. He’d obviously come back for something. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m trying to find the remote.”

“I told you it was gone.”

“But _how_ is it gone? Did you turn it up then throw it away?”

He saw a flash of something on Alex’s face before the younger man turned around and hurried away.

Jim followed him to the truck and realized Alex was crying. He immediately wrapped his arms around him but Alex shoved him away, began to frantically look around.

“Alex, you’re really starting to scare me; what’s going on?” Jim asked.

“Let’s just get out of here for a bit, okay?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, let’s go.”

*

They stopped in Bellevue for breakfast but Alex hardly ate a thing, just pushed his food around his plate. He looked… different. Was it the lack of eyeliner? The baseball cap hiding his face?

“Do you want to go home?” Jim blurted.

Alex looked up at him and shook his head.

“Alex, please talk to me,” he coaxed.

“I’m sorry; last night was a shock and I guess I’m still feeling it.”

“Are you sure you’re up for this trip? We could go back and just relax by the lake.”

“I don’t want to relax.”

“But… that’s the point of this entire trip… a nice, relaxing week away.”

“And we only have three nights left; two here, right? I mean, you’re staying a night with me before driving back, right?”

“Of course, unless you’re sick of me by then.”

He was joking but Alex didn’t laugh, simply continued to aimlessly push his food around his plate. Jim finished his meal, paid the bill then hustled Alex back to his car. Once on the road, he appeared to perk up despite not once asking where they were even going.

It wasn’t until he started seeing the signs that he turned and asked but Jim didn’t reply, merely smiled which was as good as saying ‘yes’.

Jim pulled into the parking lot outside Six Flags and Alex jumped out of the car. He climbed out then moved around to join him, sliding his arm around his waist.

“It’s bigger than the amusement park in Amarillo,” Jim said. “I know I dragged you there but I, uh, thought you might like this place too.”

Alex turned in his arms, smiled then reached up to kiss him but stopped, blushing.

“It’s a great idea; I love it and I love you.” He said.

“Let’s go then!”

Together they headed to the entrance. Once inside Jim saw the size and speed of some of the rides and was tempted to turn around, run back to the car but Alex was smiling at him, tugging on his arm. His entire face was alight for the first time that day and Jim wanted it to stay that way. Praying he wouldn’t lose his breakfast, he followed the younger man to the nearest ride.

It was going to be a long day.

*

Jim loved every minute of it; Alex was having the time of his life and he loved seeing the smile on his face, hear his infectious laughter and revel in the excited screams as he rode the roller coasters. Jim himself only managed two but Alex rode them all and he was thriving. The withdrawn young man from last night was gone and Alex was back, thriving, vibing with excitement as he stepped off the rides and straight into Jim’s arms.

They rode the slower ones for a bit too and snacked on ice cream. Alex adorably managed to get some on his nose and Jim kissed it away. They giggled like schoolboys while just having fun with each other.

But it was over too soon and before they knew it, Jim was handing his keys over to Alex to let him drive back.

Alex turned the radio up while Jim sat in the passenger seat, enjoying the smile on the younger man’s face. He was thrilled that he’d been able to make him happy after whatever had happened last night.

But the closer they got to the campgrounds; he noticed a shift in Alex’s demeanour. Jim asked him to pull over and instructed him to get out of the car. He took his hand and guided him around to the back of the car, away from passing traffic.

“This is the last time I’ll ask you this, Alex, but is everything okay with you?” Jim asked.

“I’m _fine_ ,” he insisted.

Jim took Alex’s arms and placed them around his neck before wrapping his around Alex’s waist. He looked directly into his eyes.

“Did I do something wrong? Please, tell me if I did.”

“It’s not _you_ ; it’s… someone else.”

“Someone else?” His heart dropped.

“Can we not talk about this _here_?” Alex looked around. They were alone but on the side of the road.

“Well, where else can we talk about this other guy?”

“It’s not like that… It’s one of the staff at the campgrounds, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay… Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“Come on,” Alex leaned over and kissed him. “Let’s go back to our cabin and we can talk there,”

“So now you _want_ to go back to the campgrounds?”

“I’m sorry.”

Jim kissed him softly and nuzzled his face against Alex’s.

“Corazón, what’s going on?” Jim pressed.

“Please, take me back to the cabin and we can talk.” Alex said to him.

Jim sighed and tried to remain calm but he moved around to the driver’s seat then climbed in. He waited for Alex to join him then he pulled onto the main road and headed to the campgrounds. He kept one eye on Alex for the rest of the drive and when he parked, he noticed the way he constantly looked around.

He got out of the car, wrapped his arm around Alex and they walked towards the cabin. Once on the porch he felt a shift in Alex but he didn’t say anything, was going to wait until they were inside, the door was locked and they could talk about all this. He wanted answers for Alex’s behaviour and he was going to get them.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex's stalker makes another move, violence ensures. Bad decisions are made.  
> ********************************************************************************

The moment the door was securely locked, Alex made sure all the curtains were closed and that no one could possibly see into the cabin. 

“Okay, we’re back… Start talking, Alex,” Jim said to him.

Alex turned around and saw the way Jim’s arms were folded across his chest, his eyes filled with concern yet his tone was a mix of worry and determination. 

“Is this about last night?” Jim pressed. “The truth, Alex, please?”

He didn’t want to lay it all out for him, didn’t want him to know the truth because it was terrifying and embarrassing and he couldn’t talk about it but he was going to have to, wasn’t he? He would have to tell Jim the truth now because he loved him.

“You remember the guy who checked us in when we got here?” Alex began. “Jacob?”

“The guy who was absolutely checking you out?”

“Well, he’s _still_ checking me out and… is kinda persistent.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I thought I could handle it… And I didn’t want to ruin your vacation.”

“You should’ve told me, bebé, I would’ve-”

“What? Defended me? Caused a scene? Attacked a staff member and got us kicked out? I mean it, Jim, I didn’t want to ruin our vacation”

Alex moved towards him as Jim held his arms out then wrapped them around him. 

“Alex, amor, please?” Jim whispered, kissed his forehead. “Please don’t keep things like this from me anymore. This is _our_ vacation and I want you to enjoy it too.”

“I have been Jim; I’ve loved spending so much time with you and I love you.”

“I love you, too… And if someone is harassing you, I want to protect you.”

“Yeah, I know you do but that’s what I was afraid of… I shouldn’t have to rely on you to protect me, I’m a grown man”

Jim’s face softened.

“You wanted to protect my feelings,” he said. “And not have me act like a… macho cop,”

“I’m not a… a damsel in distress.”

“You can fight your own battles but you shouldn’t have to.”

“If I can’t make a sleazy guy see I’m not interested then what does that say about me? I don’t… want you to have to fight him off for me.”

“Hey,” Jim placed his hand to Alex’s chin and urged him to look into his eyes. “I’ll beat off any guy who threatens to steal you away from me.”

“I know you would… and I love you for it.”

*

He hadn’t been completely honest with Jim and he knew it but he couldn’t tell him the truth. Alex didn’t want to tell Jim what Jacob had done, what he’d said, what he’d stolen and he knew that was wrong. With only two more days remaining, he’d hoped to not have to tell Jim at all but the man was too observant.

They went to bed without dinner, both still full from all the junk they’d eaten at Six Flags but after he double checked all the curtains were firmly closed, Alex was receptive to Jim’s advances and they made love, slowly and tenderly. He blinked back tears as he realized how close they were to their vacation being over.

But Jim still went fishing the following morning; Alex awoke to an empty bed and didn’t know exactly how he felt about that. Clearly his confession hadn’t scared Jim into thinking he had to stay by Alex’s side the entire duration of the rest of their trip but had he not listened to the fact that Alex was uncomfortable with being alone? Maybe he should’ve been more open about his run-ins with Jacob.

Alex was sitting at the table when he heard a rattling sound at the front door and got to his feet, backed away, moving further into the cabin. The key continued to rattle in the lock and when the door opened, it was Jacob whose head peeped into the cabin. He immediately looked around for a weapon of some kind but the only thing he could get his hands on was a frying pan.

“What are you doing here?” Alex asked as he continued to back away from him. “You stay away from me!”

“Your _daddy_ is down by the lake so it’s just you and me, _again_ …” Jacob said with a smirk. “Though I don’t suppose it’ll be as much fun as last time.” 

Alex swallowed back a response as he gripped the pan tightly with his fingers.

“Don’t suppose you’ve given any thought to my… offer?” Jacob licked his lips.

“Trust me, I’ve thought about _nothing_ else,” Alex snapped.

“Because it’s an offer you can’t refuse?”

“Oh, I can refuse but…”

“But you don’t want to?”

Alex wanted to refuse, wanted to tell him to get the fuck out of his cabin and to never come near him again but Jacob had all the cards. He had the power here and Alex hated to admit that.

“I want to; I _want_ to tell you to fuck off!” Alex cried.

“So why don’t you?” Jacob teased.

“You fucking know why! You can’t… Can’t do that to Jim.”

“But _you_ can; you can tell your creepy old man to run home to his pretty wife and you can crawl into my bed and _never_ leave it.”

Jacob reached behind his back and produced a pair of handcuffs. Alex’s stomach instantly dropped as he stared at the cuffs; eyes wide with fear.

“What are you planning on doing with those?” Alex’s voice shook.

“I’m thinking they’ll look incredibly hot on your wrists.”

He started towards Alex and his fight or flight instinct kicked in. Alex brought the pan down on Jacob’s hand, making him drop the cuffs and he tried to sidestep him. Jacob lashed out and kicked Alex’s shin; he stumbled but made it to the front door of the cabin.

Alex started down the stairs but had barely cleared the bottom step when he was tackled to the ground. He tried to elbow him, to break free but Jacob was bigger and stronger than him.

“JIM!” Alex screamed as loud as he could as he clawed at the ground. 

“You’re making a big mistake,” Jacob hissed in Alex’s ear.

“You don’t even know my fucking name!” Alex snapped.

“ _He_ doesn’t deserve you.”

“Neither do you!”

Alex tried once again to elbow him but a moment later Jacob’s weight was gone from his body. He rolled onto his stomach and started to stand up. There he saw Jacob pinned to the ground underneath Jim’s strong body; Jim was holding his gun to Jacob’s throat.

“Jim?” Alex scrambled towards him. “You brought your gun?”

“Of course I did,” Jim stated.

“You better fucking shoot me.” Jacob said. “Or I’ll tell.”

“Tell who what?”

“Your wife,” Jacob hissed. “About _him_.” he nodded towards Alex.

“No, you won’t.”

He brought the barrel of the gun down on his head, effectively knocking him out. Jim rolled over and put his gun away before moving over to Alex and pulling him into his arms.

“Are you okay?” Jim asked him. “Did he hurt you?”

“I’m fine, I’m okay, really.” Alex insisted.

“What did he do to you?”

“Nothing, you stopped him in time.”

His heart was still racing, adrenaline pumping through him as he clung to Jim.

“You didn’t tell me the full story, did you?” Jim asked before kissing his forehead.

“No, I didn’t want to worry you that he… he threatened to tell Michelle about us.”

“How does he even know about her?”

Alex broke away from Jim and quickly looked around. It was still relatively early but they were lucky no one had come along after Alex’s scream.

“Help me get him inside and we can maybe sort this out,” Alex said as he grabbed Jacob’s arm.

The two of them dragged him into their cabin and Alex grabbed the handcuffs. He immediately affixed one to Jacob’s wrist and the other to the table leg.

“Where did you get handcuffs from?” Jim asked, shocked in his tone.

“He brought them with him…” Alex softly admitted.

“Alex!”

“I’m sorry,” Alex blinked back angry tears. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“Don’t be sorry, just tell me the truth… the entire truth, right now” Jim said, staring at the unconscious man now cuffed to their table.

Alex knew he needed to talk fast, didn’t know how long they had until Jacob came too. He took a deep breath and the entire story came pouring out; how Jacob had startled him on the porch and stolen the remote to tease him, no assault him using the vibrating plug. How he’d threatened to blackmail them if Alex didn’t do as he asked. 

He could see the anger building inside Jim as he spoke and he hurried to him, hugged him close and kissed his neck, his cheek, his shoulder in an attempt to calm him.

“Alex,” he said through gritted teeth.

“He doesn’t have proof, I don’t think,” Alex said. “But he kept the remote.”

“That’s why you threw the plug away… Because he took the remote?”

“Yeah.”

Jim wrapped his arms around Alex and held him tightly though his body started to tremble again after finally telling him the full story.

“You should have told me,” Jim said before kissing Alex’s forehead.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“What were you going to do, Alex? How did you think this was going to play out?”

“I don’t know… I didn’t… Didn’t really think it through.”

“ _Alex_.”

He broke away and looked at Jim through tear filled eyes.

“He said he wouldn’t say anything if I…” Alex paused.

“If you _what_?”

Alex’s eyes darted to the unconscious man lying on the kitchen floor as he suddenly began to stir. Jim immediately started towards him but Alex grabbed his arm, stopped him.

“Jim, you’ve done enough, let me handle this from here,” he said.

“You? Alex, we’re in this mess because you weren’t honest with me,” Jim argued.

“Leave me your gun, if he tries anything, I can claim self-defence, right?”

“Alex!”

“Jim, please? I know what to do but… You can’t be here for it.”

“There’s a lake out there, we could just toss him in and when they find the body everyone will just think he drowned…”

“We are _not_ going to kill him!”

“He assaulted you! And he tried to just now as well.”

“Jim, please?”

Alex reached for the gun but was surprised when Jim handed it to him. He leaned up and kissed him firmly on the lips.

“Please, trust me, Jim. I can protect you and your marriage.” Alex insisted.

He felt sick to the stomach as he walked Jim to the door and pushed him out, closed and locked it behind him then he pulled the curtain closed. He turned around as Jacob groaned and sat up, looking around.

“Where’d he go?” Jacob asked.

“Outside, digging a grave,” Alex stated. “He doesn’t think anyone will miss you.”

“You’re fucking with me.”

“He’s a cop, he knows how to cover his tracks… I asked for the… honour of finishing you off though… What you did to me… with the remote and the plug…”

“You were so hot when you came.”

Alex tightened his grip on the gun.

“I don’t really want to kill you, but he does,” Alex said. “If it means keeping our secret and protecting his marriage.”

“The guy’s an idiot… He’s fucking with you and his wife… and you’re too blind to see it.”

“I know perfectly well how this is going to turn out, okay? He’s twice my age, married, and friends with my dad… and my dad is a homophobic, abusive, ass-hole. If he ever found out I was here, with him… He _would_ kill me… But I love him and I just want to be with him, while I can… while _we_ can… Because I know it’s not going to last.”

“If your relationship is so doomed, tell the old man to piss off and find someone more deserving of you.”

“Even if I did, that person _wouldn’t be you_!”

“So, what’s your endgame? How exactly do you plan to buy my silence?” Jacob asked.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questionable things, characters with morals make dumb decisions  
> *  
> I think we've established by now that some darkish stuff happens in this fic  
> *************************************************************************

Jim was pacing back and forth outside the cabin for too long; he hated the fact Alex had asked him to leave but he had wanted to show him that he did trust him even after the colossal mess their simple vacation had become.

It was a long, long time later when he heard the door open and he jumped up, hurried to Alex’s side but he frowned when he saw Alex was carrying their packed luggage onto the front porch.

“Alex? What are you doing?” Jim asked him.

“We’re going home Jim,” Alex replied. “Get your fishing gear.”

Alex didn’t say another word, just carried their bags to the car and unlocked it. He put everything in the trunk then headed back while Jim just looked at him, confused. He followed Alex back into the cabin where his attacker was now handcuffed to the bathroom door.

“Alex? What’s going on?” Jim demanded.

“We reached an agreement,” Jacob said to Jim.

“What kind of agreement?”

“Jim, come on, please?” Alex whispered.

He noticed that Alex wouldn’t look at either of them, just continued looking about the cabin to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. Jim was surprised to see how quickly Alex had collected up all their belongings. The only things still inside were his gun and a key, both were on the kitchen table. Jim picked up his gun but was relieved that Alex hadn’t fired it.

“I don’t understand?” Jim was very confused.

“It’s not always so black and white, but I won’t tell your wife that you’re sticking it to a teenager.”

“How very… considerate of you.” Jim said through gritted teeth.

Alex moved closer and grabbed Jim’s hand, looked into his eyes and he could see the tears he was trying not to shed.

“Come on, Jim, please?” Alex whispered. “Please take me home?”

He began to guide Jim towards the front door but once Alex was outside, Jim turned back and ran back to the table. He picked up the keys to the handcuffs.

“Is leaving you handcuffed here part of the agreement?” Jim asked.

“It’s okay, I actually have a spare.”

He reached into his pocket, produced a key and unlocked his cuffs then smirked triumphantly at Jim.

“I could’ve gotten myself free anytime I wanted.” he leered.

“So why didn’t you?”

“Wanted him to think he was in charge… You’re a lucky man.”

“You have no idea how badly I want to shoot you.” Jim said, reaching for his gun.

“Don’t you want to know what happened while you were outside? You won’t find out if you shoot me.”

“I don’t want to hear it from you. I never want to think about you ever again.”

Jim turned back and headed to the door.

“Damn my cock looked so hot in his mouth though.” Jacob smirked.

Jim’s entire body filled with anger and rage; he slammed the other man against the wall and pressed the barrel of his gun to his chin.

“Don’t you dare say another word!” Jim hissed.

“Just saying it like it is buddy… but you’d know all about that, right? The way his teeth scrape your skin and his cries when he comes at your hands? You’re the luckiest SOB on the planet and I hate you.”

“Jim?” Alex called from the doorway. “Please? Let’s just _go_!”

He couldn’t resist one final punch to the man’s stomach before he turned and followed Alex back outside, over to his car. They both climbed in and drove to the main building. Alex remained in the car while Jim went to check out. When asked why they were leaving early, he explained Alex had taken ill and left it at that. Once he was behind the wheel again, they pulled onto the road and began the long, awkward, silent drive back to Amarillo.

*

They were maybe ten minutes out of town when Alex asked him to pull the car over. There was a rest stop ahead so he turned off the main road and into a small parking lot. Alex jumped out of the car, dropped to his knees and began to dry-retch. Jim climbed out and walked around to join him. He dropped to the ground and gently stroked his hand up and down Alex’s back in a soothing way as he continued heaving.

“It’s okay, bebé, let it all out,” Jim whispered. “Take your time, just let it all out.”

Tears were streaming down Alex’s cheeks; his entire body was shaking but Jim continued to whisper soothing words to him until he stopped then collapsed on the ground. Jim gently scooped him up and pulled Alex into his lap. He was shaking, trembling, and he buried his face in Jim’s shirt.

“You were so incredibly brave today, Corazón,” Jim assured him. “So very brave.”

“I let a creepy man blackmail me, Jim,” Alex sobbed. “Blackmail us… And we let him get away with it.”

“I’m sorry for ever putting you in such a position… I never should have… It’s my fault for… thinking we could have a vacation together like a normal couple.”

“We’re not a normal couple and we never will be.”

“There’s so many things I should have done differently… Not picked that campground, not come to Wichita Falls, not booked a cabin or booked one with two rooms to at least pretend we weren’t a couple.”

“I shouldn’t have provoked him that first day; calling you _daddy_ in front of him like that.”

“And I shouldn’t have left you alone with the plug and the remote, he wouldn’t have gotten his hands on it if I hadn’t gone fishing.”

“You should’ve taken off your wedding ring so he didn’t figure out you were married… I should have just told him I was your son.”

“Mistakes were made all around and I’m sorry, Alex, I’m so, so sorry.”

He continued to hold Alex in his arms, wanting to ask him what had happened inside the cabin after he’d left but a part of him didn’t want to know. They were putting a lot of faith and trust in a person who’d physically assaulted Alex twice and now they were just going to let him get away with everything he’d done… Not to mention ruining their vacation.

“I know, I should’ve told you but I didn’t want to scare you.” Alex said. “And I didn’t want to hurt Michelle either.”

“Your heart is so big and so beautiful, Alex, but you should’ve trusted me and told me the truth.”

“I know and I… I don’t think he’ll say anything… It’s over now, Jim.”

“What did you say to make him change his mind?”

Alex nuzzled closer to Jim.

“It doesn’t matter.” Alex murmured. “It’s over and we’re safe now.”

“Are we? We’re trusting someone who hurt you…”

“We’re the ones in the wrong, Jim, and we both know it.”

Jim pressed another kiss to the crown of Alex’s head.

“You’re right; we are,” he agreed. “And we have no one to blame but ourselves.”

“I love you, Jim, and I just wanted to protect you… Like you’re _always_ doing for me”

Jim reached up and gently wiped the spittle from Alex’s lip before kissing his cheek.

“Let’s get out of here, okay?” he suggested. Alex nodded and Jim helped him to his feet.

They both climbed back in the car but once they were back on the road, they fell silent again and maintained the silence for the rest of the drive.

*

Once they reached Amarillo and Alex’s place, Jim accompanied him up to his studio apartment and straight into the bathroom. He slowly stripped Alex of his clothes and helped him into the shower, the water washed over him and Alex settled in Jim’s arms but it didn’t take long for him to completely lose it and start crying again.

He clung to Jim as the tears spilled down his cheeks. Alex cried for a long, long time but Jim merely held him and let him. Once the water began to run cold, he lifted him from the shower and carefully dried him off then he carried Alex over to the bed.

Alex grabbed him, pulled Jim onto the bed. So he wrapped his arms around him and held him close.

“This isn’t how I wanted us to end,” Alex whispered.

“Me neither,” Jim agreed.

“I don’t want you to go,”

“Well, I don’t want to go,”

“So…” Alex rolled over and looked at him. “You’re gonna stay? With me? After everything that went wrong?”

“Alex, I love you and I’m not going anywhere…” Jim replied. 

“Even though I…?” he trailed off.

“What do you want me to say, Alex? That some sleazy guy stalking you is _your_ fault after _I_ took you there? _I_ put you in his line of sight?”

“We let him get away with it; does that make us bad people?”

“I’m a forty-year-old man, cheating on his wife with the nineteen-year-old son of his friend… You’re a teenage stripper, sneaking around with a cop… Yeah, Alex, we’re _both_ awful people,”


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of PTSD I guess?  
> *  
> And talk of the stalker and what happened...  
> ***********************************************

As a result of their week away, Alex began to have nightmares; the first night it wasn’t so bad because Jim was there to hold him and assure him that everything was okay. He awoke in a cold sweat and nuzzled close to Jim who held him and whispered to him until he fell back asleep. He repeated the process the following night but then Jim had to return to his real life and Alex was left alone.

He threw himself into his job for the distraction in the hope that if he ran himself into the ground, he’d be too exhausted to dream but his plan didn’t work. As a result, he started drinking himself to sleep instead. Never enough to be too hungover in the morning but enough to keep the nightmares to a minimum.

When Jim would call or text, Alex put on a brave face but he didn’t even have it in him to touch himself. The toys they’d taken with them were still packed in the bag, shoved under the bed and completely untouched. He didn’t think he’d ever touch another butt plug again in his life.

Ty became his confidant as one night after shift, he broke down in tears and the entire story came spilling out. They both got very drunk and Alex drunk dialled Jim’s number, spilling all his feelings into a voicemail until Ty grabbed the phone from him and took it away. He passed out not long after and awoke with no memory of his drunk rambling.

He felt like he was doing a walk of shame, after spending the night on Ty’s couch, as he arrived home the following morning and found Jim sitting outside his door.

“Jim?” What are you doing here?” Alex gasped in surprise.

“Your voicemail from last night,” he stated. “Let’s talk, inside.”

Alex unlocked the door and ushered Jim inside.

“What... uh… voicemail?” Alex asked, nervously.

“Alex, what’s going on with you?” Jim replied. “You’ve been… different ever since…”

“Jim, _what_ voicemail?”

Jim walked over to the table, pulled out his phone and played back the message. He handed the phone to Alex so he could listen to it. He heard his own slurred voice in his ear and immediately felt like vomiting.

“Jim, I’m so sorry!” Alex pleaded as he handed the phone back. “I was drunk and…”

“And you make dumb decisions when you’re drunk, I know.” he snapped. 

“I… I… I don’t remember calling you.”

“Clearly.”

“But… Why did you come here?”

“Alex, after that message, how could I not come see you? Is it true? Have you not been sleeping?”

He shook his head.

“The nightmares are _still_ happening?” Jim asked.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I don’t know how to make them stop!” Alex cried.

“It’s been weeks, Alex, why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I… Didn’t want to worry you.”

“So, you drunk call me at three in the morning instead?”

“Well I didn’t _mean_ to.”

Alex didn’t know what else to say; fortunately, his words had been very slurred and mostly inaudible but they’d been enough to make Jim drop everything and come running. He really needed to stop doing that.

“Alex, you should’ve called or texted me sooner; I would’ve come and-” Jim started.

“I shouldn’t have had to call or text!” Alex cut him off. “It’s been a _month_ , Jim! A month and you haven’t been to see me even once! You text to say you can’t call and twice you cancelled the day you were _meant_ to come... What happened to us? What did I do wrong?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Cariño,”

“Don’t!” Alex cried. He was hungover and tired and not in the mood for any of this. “Don’t ‘Cariño’ me right now, Jim!”

“Alex-” 

“I said I didn’t want us to be over and you agreed but then you just abandoned me and after I…”

“After you what Alex? What did you do?”

“You know what I did, Jim! Don’t pretend you don’t know!”

Alex started to march away but Jim reached for him, pulled him into his arms.

“I don’t know, you wouldn’t tell me!” Jim almost shouted as Alex tried to break away from him. “I asked and you _wouldn’t_ tell me!”

“I shouldn’t have to.”

“I’m not a mind reader, Alex.”

“You promised we weren’t over and then you went away,” Alex repeated.

“I needed to be there, if he didn’t keep his word, then I needed to be at home in case he tried to stir up trouble,” Jim said. “I had to change my home number and I couldn’t tell anyone _why._ For two weeks I was terrified every time Michelle answered the phone.”

“So why did you come running today then?”

“Because you clearly needed me.”

“I needed you weeks ago, Jim.”

“I’m here now, Alex, isn’t that what matters?”

“You came after I poured my heart out in a drunk voicemail and I’m just supposed to fall into your arms?”

He wasn’t sure why he was getting angry; he was glad that Jim was here but he was gutted that it had taken him this long to come back to him. Jim hadn’t stayed away this long before and it was disconcerting. He now suspected that Jim _knew_ what he’d done to protect them and wasn’t happy about it.

“No, you’re not _supposed_ to fall into my arms, Alex,” Jim said to him. “But you should _want_ to _be_ in my arms.”

“I do, Jim, but not like this, not right now.” 

“Then why did you call me? If you don’t want me here?”

“I do want you here! I want you here _more_ , Jim… I can’t sleep, I can’t stop thinking about what happened and I… I hate that we didn’t even resolve it… That I gave in to a blackmailer because we have to hide what we mean to each other.”

“What exactly are you saying?” Jim asked him. “Tell it to me straight.”

“Things aren’t the same anymore, Jim,”

“We’ve still got two more months together, Alex,”

“Do we?”

They both took pause and looked at each other, each knowing what was being left unsaid.

“Alex,” Jim started. He carefully reached for his hand and Alex hesitantly took it. “Alex, I don’t want to lose you.”

“We know it’s inevitable,” Alex replied as tears formed in his eyes. “Why prolong it?”

“Because we love each other and we want to be together?”

Alex reached up and cupped Jim’s cheek.

“I do love you but I… I can’t keep relying on you to show up and rescue me,” Alex said.

“What?”

“The night we connected, you saved me from a group of horny patrons at work and then you kept Sebastian at bay and… Twice you kept Jacob away from me… You make me feel safe but also dependent… And I think I’ve stayed here too long because I didn’t want this to end but we’ve known all along that we were on borrowed time.”

“It’s only another two months, Alex, why can’t we just keep-?”

“And when those months are over, will we really be able to let each other go any easier?”

Jim leaned down and rested his forehead against Alex’s.

“We’ll be better prepared because we’ll have more time to say goodbye,” he whispered.

“It’s for the best; you won’t have to live in constant dread of Jacob outing us; we can just pretend we were just on a father-son camping trip.”

“Why have you got to be so mature?”

“It’s not easy, I swear.”

“You can’t make me stay away… I love you and I will come back.”

“I might be gone.”

“No; Alex, no! We agreed this isn’t how we were going to end… and it won’t be… You have to let me come back and see you at least one more time… And… And… Wherever you choose to go, when you choose to leave, let me drive you to the bus depot or the airport or however you plan to travel.”

“Jim-”

“We need a proper goodbye, Alex, and this isn’t it.”

He brought their lips together in a soft, gentle kiss. Their first in over a month and Alex gasped, pulled him closer and returned the kiss.

“Let me stay with you, Alex,” Jim whispered. “You look like crap, let me hold you while you rest.”

Alex nodded his head in agreement and Jim guided him towards the bed. They kicked off their shoes and climbed onto the mattress. Jim wrapped his arms around Alex and held him until he fell asleep. He didn’t have a single nightmare.

*

Alex was still slightly hungover when he woke from his nap but Jim gave him coffee and water then instructed him to shower. He then took him out for a solid meal before they returned to his apartment; as they passed Seb’s apartment, the door opened and he leered at Alex but stopped when he saw Jim.

“Oh, _you’re_ still around?” he didn’t sound happy.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Jim snapped as he wrapped his arms around Alex.

“Just thought you’d have traded up for a younger model by now.”

Alex waited for Jim to say something but the older man kissed him instead so Alex fell into his arms and made quite the production of showing Seb just how in love they still were but even after he’d gone back inside, they continued sharing deep kisses. Jim swept Alex off his feet and carried him up to his studio, kissing each other the entire time.

He reluctantly parted in order to unlock the door but once they were inside, they immediately came together for another series of kisses. Jim pushed Alex onto the bed while Alex clawed at Jim’s clothes. They were both in a state of undress when Jim pulled away and looked into Alex’s eyes.

“Did you want to stop?” he asked in a whisper.

“No, never,” Alex breathed.

“Alex, are you sure?”

“Yes,”

Jim leaned down, his lips so close to Alex’s ear that the tone of his voice sent shivers through Alex’s body.

“Can I make love to you?” Jim asked him.

“Yes,” Alex begged. “Please?”

*

As they lie together on the bed, a tangle of limbs and sheets, both still panting for breath, Alex rolled over and draped himself across Jim’s chest then leaned down to kiss him.

“I take it all back, Jim,” Alex whispered. “I need _more_ than another two months with you. Please don’t stay away so long next time. I did what I did to make sure it was safe for you to still see me.”

“I know you did,” Jim replied. “And I promise I’ll be back next weekend and I’ll call you every night next week.”

Alex kissed him.

“I love you, Jim, I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t, Alex, because I love you too and I’m not going to leave you. I meant it, this isn’t how we end.”

“If only we didn’t have to end at all.”

“Yeah, if only.”


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More talk of the stalker/blackmail incident  
> **************************************************

He kept his word and called Alex every night; all they did was talk since Alex still wasn’t quite ready to play with any toys after the incident but just hearing the younger man’s voice was enough to remind himself how much he loved him. Alex had scared him when he’d said they needed to end things. 

A part of him knew it was true but he wasn’t ready for that. Even after their week away, the close call, the terror he’d felt every time the phone rang, he still didn’t want to let Alex go. He knew he’d never be able to say goodbye to him and was already thinking of reasons to make him stay longer.

Alex confessed to him that he still wasn’t sleeping very well, the nightmares with Jacob hadn’t stopped and he feared they were getting worse. He finally got Alex to talk him through the incident with the butt plug but when Alex thought he was ready to use a dildo on himself, he’d broken down in tears and Jim had listened helplessly while Alex cried over the phone to him. He’d wanted to hold him but all he could do was talk to him, tell him it was okay and that he loved him. Alex eventually got angry, hating that this stranger had taken something he’d loved away from him.

The next time Jim had visited, when Alex was in the shower, he went looking for the bag of toys but couldn’t find them. He was afraid to ask Alex what had happened to them but assumed he’d thrown them out. On his next visit he asked and Alex did confess to getting rid of most of them. He told Jim that he’d even left one with Jacob. This launched an entirely new argument between them as Alex insisted it had been part of the agreement they’d reached. It made Jim feel sick to his stomach that Alex had given one of their toys to someone who’d harassed him for a week and Alex stated it had clearly worked because they’d heard nothing from him in the weeks that had passed. 

It had been almost two months without any word from Wichita Falls so they both finally accepted that Alex’s actions had worked but Jim still didn’t approve of what he’d done. No matter how noble his intentions, Alex had caved and given their blackmailer what he’d wanted.

*

Jim was sitting on Alex’s bed, the younger man perched between his legs, his lips stretched wide as his mouth moved up and down on Jim’s hard cock. He reached out and curled his fingers in Alex’s hair as he peered up at him, his eyes wide, expressive, accentuated by his eyeliner. Alex lapped at his cock with his tongue while Jim arched his back and heard Jacob’s voice in his head.

‘Damn my cock looked so hot in his mouth,’ he’d taunted Jim. ‘You’d know all about that, right?’

Alex scraped his teeth along the length of his cock and Jim clenched the duvet with his other hand. His fingers still twirling Alex’s longer locks. 

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, Alex!” Jim panted. 

“You like that, don’t you, Jim?” Alex breathed on his cock before sloppily kissing the weeping head.

“Fuck yeah!”

“Talk to me, Jim, tell me how much you love it,”

“You’re such a _slut_ for my cock,”

He felt Alex’s entire body freeze and he looked down to see the look of utter fear in his eyes. Jim’s body also froze as he saw the pain on Alex’s face.

“Oh God, amor, what did I say?” Jim scrambled to reach for Alex, pull him up onto the bed and into his arms. “Talk to me, please? What did I do wrong?”

“You… didn’t… it was just… what _he_ said…”

“Alex-”

“He called me a slut when he made me come with the remote and again when I…”

Jim reached up and brushed Alex’s hair back from his face.

“When you sucked him off,” Jim finished as Alex teared up.

“I knew you knew,” Alex sniffled.

“I didn’t,” he admitted. “I assumed but didn’t _know_ because whenever I asked, you wouldn’t say…”

“Well… I didn’t… didn’t want you to think less of me.”

“Oh, Alex! Never, I would never-”

“It was all my fault so I had to do something and…”

“Shhhh; it’s okay,” Jim held him close, kissed his neck. “It’s over now and he’ll never come near you again,”

Alex slowly nodded his head but they both knew they couldn’t guarantee such a thing. They were trusting someone who’d stalked, harassed and assaulted them to just behave now. It went against everything in him as a man and a cop but what other choice did they have? 

“I’m sorry,” Alex whispered. He shifted his position so his body was turned to face Jim then he reached down and grasped his cock. “I didn’t mean to stop.”

“Hey, no, Alex,” Jim grasped Alex’s hand and pulled his fingers away. “Don’t, amor, just let me hold you, okay?”

“But your-”

“I’m fine, just settle. And stay in my arms until it passes.”

Jim held Alex close, replaying their conversation over in his head. He wanted, so badly, to drive back to the campground and drown the pervert in the lake but he was just as bad, wasn’t he?

He was in bed with a nineteen-year-old boy instead of his own wife. He couldn’t even say he’d never hurt him, forced him into something he hadn’t wanted to do. Jim remembered when Alex had tearfully called him out for forcing him into having sex. He really _was_ a terrible person and dear, sweet Alex was the one to suffer every time.

“Alex?” Jim whispered in his ear.

“Yeah?” 

“I know the timing sucks but… We need to talk.”

***

It was one of the most difficult conversations he’d ever had. They’d yelled at each other, cried together, begged and pleaded as they went round and round in circles.

Jim insisted it wasn’t because of a single blowjob but as their discussion got more heated, he ended up throwing the fact Alex had slept with Sebastian into the mix. He hadn’t meant to but it slipped out and Alex’s reaction broke his heart.

Jim had wanted to be civil but they’d had this conversation, this argument before. Only this time they both threw all their cards on the table. 

Neither wanted to lose the other but both knew they couldn’t have a happily ever after.

Alex swore at him, Jim yelled back. Alex threw things at him but Jim let him. His anger _was_ justified. Alex had tried to end this before and Jim had begged him not to but now that he was the one saying it was over, Alex was just expected to be okay with it?

They argued in circles and got nowhere. Nothing had really changed between them; they loved each other and knew that wouldn’t change. 

But calling it off and just maintaining a friendship wasn’t something either of them wanted. This led to another argument since Alex insisted Jim was only interested in him for sex. Jim told him he was wrong but Alex became adamant that the _only_ major qualms Jim was throwing at him was his sexual activities with other men while they’d been together. He screamed that was rich, given that Jim was married and still with his wife.

He wanted to argue that he hadn’t slept with her in months, that he’d been faithful to Alex but he didn’t.

Jim went deeper; he grabbed Alex’s guitar case and pulled out the sheet music, the song he’d been writing about Michael. He threw it on the floor at Alex’s feet. How could Alex judge Jim for staying with his wife when he was writing love songs about Michael?

He’d crossed a line and Alex screamed at him to leave. Jim yelled back, telling him to stop acting like a bratty teenager. He saw the anger and the hurt on Alex’s face but was shocked when the younger man crossed the room, climbed out the window and disappeared down the fire escape. Jim ran to the window, called for him to ‘please come back’. 

But Alex was gone and Jim didn’t know when he’d be back. Alex had run off without taking anything with him; no jacket, fine it wasn’t winter. No wallet, no phone, no keys. If Jim left, Alex wouldn’t be able to get back inside but he certainly wasn’t likely to return if Jim was still here. Yet he couldn’t just leave, not after a blow up like that. They weren’t done; they weren’t going to end like this. They still needed to talk.

They both needed to understand each other.

Jim looked around the tiny studio, trying to think of anywhere Alex might retreat to… anywhere he liked to go or any people he was friends with. Where would he go if he was alone, upset, with no wallet and no phone?

He sat down on the bed as it occurred to him that he had no idea. He’d been visiting and sleeping with Alex for months and he still knew next to nothing about him. He loved him, loved being around him, loved kissing him, loved making him happy, making him laugh and smile… But he didn’t know where he’d go if he was upset.

He buried his face in his hands, silently cursing himself and hoping they’d find their way back to each other… 


	51. Chapter 51

Alex knew he’d overreacted the second he’d climbed out the window but he couldn’t immediately go back, couldn’t let Jim think he’d won. He was visibly shaking with anger as he wandered a few blocks from his studio. Maybe Jim had taken off the moment he’d left? Or maybe Jim was waiting there for him to eventually come back.

It was childish but he was tempted to stay out all night, really stick it to him for all the things he’d said but they’d both said things in the heat of the moment.

Alex realized the reason their words to each other had hurt so much was because they’d been true.

He kept walking; thankful it was a nice evening. They were meant to be going for dinner right now but instead Alex was aimlessly walking the streets while trying not to cry. He knew he couldn’t walk all night and he had no money or phone. 

Alex headed to the only place he could think of and slipped in the employee entrance. He wasn’t on the roster to work but every person he saw greeted him with a wave or a smile as he passed.

Down the corridor, he stopped and knocked on the office door but he didn’t wait for the all clear, just marched on in and threw himself down in the chair opposite Davey’s desk.

“Alex?” Davey took one look at his frazzled appearance, no doubt seeing the tears in his eyes, and snapped to attention. “Alex, what happened?”

He waved his hand, slightly out of breath and still unable to form words just yet.

“Alex, did someone hurt you?” Davey demanded to know he was okay.

He was still trying to wrap his head around everything. Yes, someone _had_ hurt him but not in the way Davey was implying. He stared at the man who’d taken him in, put a roof over his head and given him a job.

“I…” Alex coughed and sat up straighter in the chair. “I’m giving you my notice.”

“What?” Davey gasped.

“What?” Another voice quipped.

A moment later, Ty’s head appeared from under the desk. He was staring at Alex in complete shock while Alex himself tried equally hard to keep the surprise from his own face.

His lips curled into a smirk. Yeah, he was going to miss working here but not the more… seedy aspects of the place.

“You’re _what_?” Ty said again.

“I don’t know what else to say; my plan was never to stay here very long,” he explained. “It’s been quite the year for me but… If I don’t leave now, I may _never_ leave and this isn’t the life I dreamed of.”

“No one dreams of it.” Davey said.

“Speak for yourself,” Ty joked.

“Hey, it _was_ mine… to _own_ a place like this but otherwise you just kind of fall into it,” Davey said to him. “But you were a natural and I hate to lose you.”

“It’s time for me to move on.” Alex said.

“Where to?”

“I, uh, am still deciding on that front.”

“Well, uh, when do you want to finish up? I usually like two weeks minimum notice.”

“A month? I mean till the end of next month? I can… finish on Halloween…”

Davey’s eyes skimmed the calendar on his desk and he nodded his head.

“Like I said, I hate to lose you… You were definitely a crowd pleaser… even with your clothes on.” He added.

“Maybe I need to up my game for the next few weeks?” Alex laughed.

He excused himself and left the office, his stomach churning as he walked. He’d just taken the first step towards the next chapter of his story.

“Alex?” Ty called. He stopped and waited for him to catch up. “What’s going on?”

“It’s just time, Ty,” Alex replied.

“What happened? Your eyes are red and you could barely speak when you walked in. Come on, tell me, please? Is it your not sugar daddy?”

He sighed.

“I think we broke up.” He admitted.

“You think?” Ty frowned.

“We’ve been going in circles for weeks… ever since our trip and… things are just so messy now. I tried to dump him a few weeks ago but then I begged him not to leave me; then we had a blow-up this morning… there was yelling and crying… I threw stuff at him! Then I just walked out, climbed right out the window because we weren’t getting anywhere; we were just screaming, trying to hurt each other.”

“Alex, I’m sorry.”

“You tried to warn me, told me not to get involved with him.”

“But he made you _so_ happy! I could see it, Alex. You were… _are…_ so in love with him.”

“I’m only nineteen and I’ve already had two great loves; I don’t think I can put myself through any more.”

“Alex-”

“The point is… We both knew right from the start that we weren’t going to last. Ours was a love affair that was doomed from the beginning… He cares about his wife; I used to have a crush on his son; we were always on borrowed time. And the longer we… Prolong it, the more it’s going to hurt. So, I’m gonna move far, far away to somewhere he can’t follow me and we can both move on with the lives we’re meant to live.”

“That’s beautiful and heartbreaking.”

“Yeah…”

“If you need me, call okay? I’m working tonight but my phone will be on so I’ll see any messages you send.”

“Thanks, Ty, but I think I’ll be okay.”

Ty threw his arms around Alex and hugged him.

“I’m gonna miss you,” he whispered.

“Hey, I’m here for another month, okay?”

“Okay,”

*

Alex hooked the bottom rung of the fire escape and slowly climbed up the outside of the building. There was no way he was going to knock on Seb’s door and tell him he locked himself out. 

He reached his floor and saw the window was closed. It opened easily meaning it wasn’t locked and he quietly slipped inside. 

Jim was asleep on the bed. He carefully removed his shoes and stealthily moved towards the sleeping man. Was he imagining the tear stains on his cheeks? What was he clutching to his chest?

Alex reached out and very gently removed the paper from his grasp. It was the strip of photos of the two of them together from their day at the amusement park. His eyes teared up as he placed the photos back on the shelf with the other mementos of their relationship. The Cadillac from their first date, the movie ticket, the receipt from the first meal Alex had paid for, an empty box of condoms (the first they’d emptied). Maybe these things were silly to keep but each was a special memory for him. Even the shot glass from Wichita Falls was important. He brought the photo strip to the front and smiled at how happy they looked.

He turned back to the bed but didn’t want to wake him so Alex simply crawled up beside Jim. He took the man’s arm and carefully draped it around his own waist then he closed his eyes and just tried to be happy Jim hadn’t left, he’d stayed and waited for him. It was more than he’d deserved after running away the way he had.

*

He didn’t remember drifting off but when he opened his eyes, it was dark outside. Jim’s arm was still wrapped around him and he tried to roll over without disturbing him.

“It’s okay,” Jim whispered. “I’m awake.”

Alex shifted and rolled onto his side so he could look into Jim’s eyes.

“I’m sorry I ran away like a spoilt brat,” Alex replied, dropping his gaze.

He felt Jim’s fingers on his face, brushing his chin and urging him to look into his eyes again. Alex looked up and Jim smiled softly at him. His heart fluttered at the gentleness in his eyes and he just wanted to kiss him. Jim’s thumb brushed his lip and he wondered if he was resisting the same urge.

“Thank you for staying,” he added.

“Of course; I wanted to go after you but…” Jim paused and Alex saw a hint of disappointment on his face. “Alex, I realized I had no idea where you would’ve gone… We’ve been together all this time but I know almost nothing about your life here; what you do for fun, who your friends are.”

“You know I’m either here or at work… or eating pancakes.”

“But how do you unwind?”

“I play my guitar… Or I go bowling with Ty.”

“I don’t even know who Ty is.”

“And that’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, Alex. How did I not take the time to get to know you?”

“Because you already knew me, Jim; my life here was always just temporary. So what does it matter?”

“I should’ve made more of an effort; it’s no wonder you said I only wanted you for sex…”

It was Alex’s turn to reach out and he grasped Jim’s hand in his, looked into his eyes.

“You know I didn’t mean that,” he insisted. “I was angry, hurt, upset; things were said in the heat of the moment but I think the reason I reacted the way I did is… that… that it…”

“Was true?” Jim finished. “Most of it, anyway…”

“Yeah; everything we fought about isn’t just going to magically go away. We’ve always known this was never going to work in the long run.”

“But the time we _did_ have together was some of the best of my life; I loved giving you a reason to laugh, to smile, to be yourself.”

“And I loved knowing you cared, that someone out there loved me for being me.”

“How anyone could not love you, I will _never_ understand.”

Alex smiled at him through tear filled eyes as Jim leaned over to kiss him.


	52. Chapter 52

His arm still around Alex’s body, he pulled him close to meet halfway. He wanted so badly to kiss those soft, beautiful lips and pretend everything was okay, that _they_ were okay. Jim pursed his lips, moving closer but Alex’s finger on his mouth caused him to stop. He looked into Alex’s eyes as the tears began to fall.

“I gave my notice at work,” Alex said to him.

“What?” Jim gasped in surprise.

“After I left here, I went to the club and gave my notice.”

“Why?” Jim’s stomach was in knots. “Why would you do that?”

“Because it’s time. A month ago, we fought about our future and agreed we’d stay together because we didn’t want to be over but our… expiration date is almost here; it was St Patrick’s Day, remember? And we said six months then extended it to Halloween… We’ve _had_ those six months, Jim. With all the ups and downs along the way but those months are up, Halloween is around the corner.”

“Alex-”

“One of us has to break the cycle or it’ll never end… Or… Or we’ll both just end up getting hurt… Or _more_ hurt.”

He knew Alex was right but hearing the words and comprehending them didn’t make it any easier. Jim pressed a kiss to the tip of Alex’s finger, staring at his face but Alex closed his eyes. He didn’t remove his finger though so Jim continued to softly kiss his fingertip.

He slowly reached up and took hold of Alex’s hand, held it firmly in his grasp.

“Where will you go?” Jim asked him. The knot still in his stomach.

“I don’t know,” Alex confessed. “Somewhere far away so we can’t be tempted to fall back into this.”

“Alex-”

“I’ll be alright; I have savings to cover flights and rent for a few months. I can get a job and… I’ll be okay.”

“You’ll finally be free.”

“Jim, don’t say that.”

He brought Alex’s hand to his lips again and softly kissed his palm. 

“I’m the only thing still tying you to Roswell, Alex; you were free until I came along,” he said. “And sucked you back in.”

“Jim, you finding me was the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I used to think that, no matter how badly I wanted to be happy, that my dad was equally as determined to ruin it for me. After my mom left, everything changed and there was nothing I could do to stop it… stop him. I’d lie on the floor while he kicked me and, I'd look at my brothers and see the tears in Greg’s eyes… but none of them said a word… And, when I thought, at seventeen, that I’d found love for the first time… my dad ripped that away from me too… He took everything and everyone that made me smile and chased them all away… and then there was you… You came along and made me happier than I ever thought was possible and I will never forget the time we had together, the love you showed me, the reasons you gave me to smile, and the love I felt every time you looked at me, touched me, kissed me, held me.”

“Why do you gotta go being all mature again?”

“It’s all you, Jim, from your support and love and… the way you never judged me for being a stripper… you helped me grow into the man I am now. The person I want to be for the rest of my life.”

“No, I didn’t; that was _all you_ , Alex. All you.”

“Jim-”

He lifted his other hand from Alex’s waist and gently stroked his cheek.

“The second I saw you on that stage and I _saw_ the man you’d become...” Jim said. “The confidence and the seductiveness; you just had this unbelievable presence that drew me in and it’s enthralled me ever since… the moment that spotlight shined on you, you just lit up and made everything around you that much brighter… But _you_ helped me to embrace a part of myself I’d fought so hard to deny… And nothing and no one can ever take that away from me.”

“Jim-”

“I don’t think anyone will ever truly understand what we had… have… and that’s okay too because _we’ll_ know. My life has been… complicated since you danced into my heart but I don’t regret a minute, even a second, of it… because you showed me that love comes from the most unexpected of situations. When you’re not looking for it, when you think you’ve already found it… it encompasses you, consumes you, and leaves an impression that stays with you forever;”

Jim watched as the tears silently spilled down Alex’s cheeks and he carefully brushed them away with his thumb. It wasn’t enough; he needed more. Jim leaned closer and Alex gently nodded his head yes, parted his lips and welcomed his sweet, tender kiss.

His heart roared as he pulled Alex into his arms and gently kissed his lips. They held it for a moment, both hesitant and reluctant to part. Jim slowly pulled away and pressed their foreheads together.

“I love you, Alex,” Jim whispered.

“I love you, too, Jim,” Alex replied, voice equally soft. “And I’m going to miss you, so much.”

“I’ll be back, I promise. Before you leave _and_ on the day you go. I won’t let you go without a proper goodbye.”

Alex silently nodded again and Jim knew that meant it was okay; they would be okay. He stole one more kiss before pulling away, releasing Alex from his arms and he slowly began to climb off the bed. Jim grabbed his boots and pulled them on, turned back to see Alex still curled on the bed. He didn’t want to leave, not after the day and the argument they’d had but he couldn’t stay. If he climbed back onto the bed right now, he’d take Alex in his arms, make love to him all night long and in the morning, leaving would just be so much harder.

“I love you, Alex,” he whispered as he knelt beside the bed.

Alex reached for his hand and he took hold of it, kissed the palm again.

“ _This_ isn’t goodbye, Jim,” Alex replied. “You promised you’d come back.”

“And I will; I will keep that promise to you.”

Jim smiled as Alex sat up, leaned closer and kissed him.

“I… Will see you soon then,” he said.

“Yes, you will.”

Jim moved in for one more kiss, lingering longer than he intended but he now knew his time left for Alex kisses was limited; very limited. He slowly pulled away, his hand leaving Alex’s as he got to his feet. Jim walked backwards to the door so he wouldn’t have to take his eyes off Alex, committing the image to his memory but clinging to the knowledge this _wouldn’t_ be the last time they were together.

The younger man on the bed smiled up at him and Jim waved, a smile on his own face but as soon as he turned around, he felt tears tickling his eyes. He grabbed the knob and slipped out the door, pulled it closed behind him then he released a breath. 

As he walked away, the tears began to fall. He passed Seb’s closed door and was glad it didn’t open, the last thing he needed was for him to see him leaving Alex’s place with tears in his eyes. Though it was further proof the man only ever appeared in Alex’s presence; he truly did have a sixth sense when it came to Alex. Jim pushed his way onto the street and started to his car but he did stop, peer up at the fire escape. Alex was waving down at him.

Even from this distance, he was a true vision. Jim stopped, stared up at him. He’d never done it before but he reached up, grasped the bottom rung and pulled himself up. Eyes focused only on Alex, who looked absolutely shocked, Jim climbed up the rickety fire escape until he reached him. Alex still had tears in his eyes but he was smiling too.

Jim didn’t even hesitate; he cupped Alex’s beautiful face with his hand, leaned closer and passionately kissed him.

***

He was in a fog for a few days following their argument and Alex’s announcement. His concentration levels were an all-time low and even Max Evans noticed. The poor kid made the mistake of asking if he was okay and Jim inadvertently snapped at him. It was frustrating that he was hurting over losing the most important person in his life and he couldn’t tell anyone.

He did, of course, tell Michelle a half-truth again. Jim wasn’t going to lie about the fact Alex was leaving and wouldn’t tell him where he was going. To her credit, yet again, she was absolutely supportive. Each time she said anything, it was acknowledging how much Jim loved Alex like a son and that he wasn’t ready to have him leave the way Kyle did.

But he could _never_ tell her the truth. He missed Kyle but he knew his son would always come home to them. Alex had made it clear Roswell would never be his home ever again. In a few short weeks, he’d never know if he’d see Alex again. 

Jim found it strange that he’d never truly been able to envision a perfect, happy, safe life _with_ Alex but now his only reality was a life _without_ him. It hurt; and it was a secret pain he’d never be able to share with anyone.


	53. Chapter 53

Alex still had no idea where he planned to move to; the obvious choices were, well, obvious. California was an option because he wanted to pursue his music but Los Angeles was mostly for actors trying to get their big break or so he’d been led to believe. There was always New York; the theatre district with Broadway would be an opportunity to sing but he wasn’t sure if that was his dream either. He didn’t want to sing and dance on a stage although it would be a nice change to do so with his clothes _on_ the entire time… Alex spent a lot of time considering his future, what he could picture himself doing for the rest of his life but all he wanted to do was write music.

He was sitting on the floor of his studio with his sheet music in front of him; reading the lyrics he’d written months ago, a song he may never be able to finish, and found himself forming the notes with his fingers, playing the tune on an invisible guitar.

There was a knock at his door. He looked at the clock but not for any particular reason. Alex climbed to his feet but before he reached it, the door opened and Seb was barging in.

“Uh, excuse you?” Alex snapped.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were home,” Seb replied with a fake look of surprise on his face.

“Well I am and I’d appreciate you not just barging into my home…”

Alex saw the way Seb’s eyes swept his body and he swallowed back another remark. This was his place, if he wanted to not wear a shirt when home alone that's his prerogative but he snatched up Jim’s jacket and pulled it on anyway. There was a flash of disappointment on Seb’s face after Alex covered up.

“I’m the landlord; I _own_ this building;” Seb stated. “I can come and go as I please.”

“I don’t think it works like that…”

“My other tenants don’t complain-”

“So why don’t you go bother them then?”

“Because they’re not the ones leaving in a few weeks,”

“Believe me, I won’t miss these impromptu visits,” Alex sighed. “Is there a point to this?”

“Well, you see, I _am_ going to miss these chats… and other interactions we’ve shared.”

A nervous shiver travelled down Alex’s spine as Seb eyed him. He watched as Seb’s tongue danced across his lips in what he clearly thought was a seductive manner. His mind began to play tricks on him and for a brief second, he was back in the cabin at Wichita Falls with Jacob advancing on him. The image passed quickly but Alex was still shaken.

“It’s been an age since you visited me in _my_ apartment, for a nightcap and some physical reassurance…” Seb leaned against the open door.

“That was a… a mistake,” Alex said.

“Oh, I know that’s what _you_ thought it was but I’m open to you making a few more mistakes before you leave.”

“That… That’s not gonna happen.”

“You say that _now_ but I think with just the right amount of alcohol in you… I could have you again…”

Alex picked up his phone.

“Leave now or I’ll call the cops,” his voice shook but he held firm. 

“ _The_ cops or _a_ cop?” Seb replied. “Maybe he’d like to listen? I’m sure he gets off on hearing you come.”

“I mean it! I… I have, like, renters’ rights or something and you can’t harass me.”

“Harass you? We’re just _talking,_ Alex.”

He felt another uncomfortable shiver at the tone Seb was using with him but at least the man was keeping his distance… except he was blocking the door. Did he know Alex used the fire escape as often as he did?

“Sure… Talking…” he repeated.

“You and your… cop friend… must _talk_ all the time…”

Alex didn’t know why he was getting his back up right now. Seb’s tone and even the things he was saying weren’t exactly out of the blue. Perhaps it was the lingering memory of Jacob and now feeling trapped inside his own place. He _could_ climb out the window but he shouldn’t have to.

“I’m gonna be late for work if-” Alex argued.

“Well, I could save you some time and drive you?” Seb offered.

If he was trying to be polite, it definitely wasn’t coming across. Alex simply stared at him; phone still clutched in his hand. The last thing he wanted right now was to be in a car with the man… He’d probably expect something in return anyway. A memory of sucking Jim off while he drove flashed in his mind. _That_ had been fun because Jim hadn’t asked, hadn’t even hinted and Alex had done it because he’d _wanted_ to.

“No, thank you,” Alex stated.

He saw a hint of annoyance in Seb’s eyes… Eyes that he’d initially thought of as accommodating and friendly when they’d first met. Seb reached for his toolbelt and Alex began to panic but he simply pulled out a tape measure.

“Putting in some new cupboards after you leave, need the measurements; okay?” He pressed.

Alex’s heart was still pounding; he’d stupidly thought Seb would have handcuffs, like Jacob had.

“Knock yourself out,” he coughed.

Alex shuffled his sheet music away, shoved his feet into whatever boots he could find and grabbed his keys.

“I trust you to lock up when you’re done?” He said.

“Absolutely; wouldn’t want you thinking I didn’t care about your _safety_ ,” Seb smirked.

He hurried past the older man and down the stairs. Alex wasn’t needed at work for another two hours but he headed for the club anyway. It may be dank and seedy but at least he felt safe there and that’s what he needed right now; to feel safe again.

*

The only time Alex walked the main floor was when he helped himself to a selection of food from the buffet but today, he found himself in the corner, hours before his shift, sizing up the cage. It looked so harmless but his stomach churned at the very idea of it; he’d seen older staff members dancing inside at times but never truly got a feel for the appeal.

“Still time for you to give it a shot,” a voice spoke up.

Alex turned around and shook his head as Davey moved closer.

“I _really_ don’t think it’s my thing,” he replied.

“Liar,” Davey smirked. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“See what?”

“The curiosity; come on, hop in.”

“What?”

He felt a brief wave of panic as Davey placed his hand on Alex’s lower back and guided him towards the empty cage.

“I’m not gonna lock you in or anything,” he reasoned. “Besides, the place is practically deserted. No one’s gonna see ya.”

His heart was racing as Davey unlocked the door then opened it; held it open while looking at him almost expectantly. Alex nervously bit down on his lip and peered around the room. Not one person was looking at them. He drew a deep breath then slipped past and into the cage.

“Now we’re talking,” Davey smiled. “Come on, shake that money maker! I’m liking the no shirt thing too.”

Alex laughed a little nervously. He hadn’t realized how restrictive the cage was and when he tried to dance, he immediately knocked his elbow. Hissing from the shock, he shimmied again but hit his other elbow.

“This is… ridiculous!” Alex barked.

“Like all this, it just needs practice,” Davey encouraged him.

Alex shook his head and climbed out, relieved he’d never have to get back in there but also a little touched that Davey had given him a peek at what was involved with it.

“So, what are you doing here so early?” He asked. “It’s definitely not the food…”

“Nah; I was… avoiding my landlord,” he confessed.

“The sleazy guy with the nose ring?”

“Eyebrow ring but yeah.”

“What’s he up to now?”

“Same shit; different day.”

“Didn’t I tell you to move?”

“You actually said not to live there in the first place…”

“And that’s why you should _always_ listen to me.”

“You also told me I was one of your best performers and that you weren’t going to let me leave town…”

“I was only half joking about that… but your landlord has been trouble since the day you moved in.”

“And _now_ I’m leaving but, uh, well…”

“Alex? Is there a reason you’re not wearing a shirt?”

Davey’s tone was stern but he knew the man had a good heart, that his concern was well-meaning. He could be honest and not be judged for it.

“He hasn’t _always_ been this bad,” he confessed. “Seb’s upped his… determination ever since… uh… well…”

“Alex!”

“He’s gotten worse since I slept with him.” He admitted.

“I’m sorry? You what?” Davey’s jaw dropped.

“It was a stupid, drunk mistake. A one-time thing that never should’ve happened but… since I gave him my notice of leaving… he’s _really_ been coming on even stronger; says he’s determined to have me one last time.”

“That’s… That’s _not okay_ , Alex. Have you told your cop friend about it?”

“What? Oh, no… no way! I mean he knows about the drunk mistake but not the rest.”

“You should tell him.”

“I’m outta here in three weeks; why stir shit up now?”

“Because you just said he’s getting worse!”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Which is why you’re here two hours before your shift starts? And only wearing a jacket?”

He knew Davey had a point but Seb had been on his case since before that drunken night. He’d basically been _on_ since the day Alex had moved into the building but he’d believed it would all blow over… or he had thought as much until that night… but he only had a few more weeks to avoid him and then he’d be free.

“Maybe I’m just here to see you?” Alex playfully fluttered his eyes at him. 

“The longer you spend with me, the harder I’m gonna try to convince you to stay.”

Alex chuckled.

“It’s my time to move on, you know that.”

“You know there’s always a job here for you if you need it… until you’re twenty-five anyway.”

Alex laughed again, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Look, I have… contacts,” Davey said. “In _other_ cities that could absolutely hook you up with another job.”

“I appreciate the offer; I _really_ do but I don’t want to be a stripper for the rest of my… early adult years.”

“Exotic dancer, Alex!”

“Whatever you want to call it, I just don’t think I want to do that anymore.”

Davey examined him closely but Alex didn’t look away, trying to read the expression on his face.

“You’ve come a long way,” Davey said. “From the young man I… accosted in the park that night.”

“Davey-”

“Still got your spunk but there’s something else too. A confidence you seemed to lack… I mean, there was a hidden confidence that came out when you were on stage but it vanished the moment the spotlight left you… Yet here you are, fighting off men with a stick and getting ready to leave the nest.”

“I’m truly grateful for everything you did for me, Davey.”

“And I’m grateful your cop friend didn’t put me out of business. Not gonna lie, I thought he was gonna go full investigation mode on my ass and shut us down just to get you away from here… how did you convince him not to?”

“I… told him I like working here.” 

It was the truth; Alex did like working there, most of the time, and it was no secret between him and Jim as to how much Jim liked watching him work. Although Alex mostly performed private shows for him to save him coming to the club and paying for the pleasure.

“I really am going to miss you, Alex,” Davey said to him. “But why aren’t you wearing a shirt?”

“Seb caught me off guard, I had to get out in a hurry; there wasn’t time to grab a shirt.”

“Do you need me to drive you home tonight?”

“No, it’s fine; really!”

“ _Alex_.”

“I’m not going home alone, okay? My, uh, cop friend will be here.”

Their conversation came to an end and Alex headed for the buffet. He liked the mozzarella sticks the most and was definitely going to miss them. Bailey was on the stage and a handful of patrons were heckling him but Alex grabbed a handful of cheese and walked away.

He ended up backstage and sat down at his station. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. 

A text from Jim stated he was running late. Alex sighed and put his phone away then focused on putting his eyeliner on for his performance.


	54. Chapter 54

He hadn’t meant to be late but he’d been stuck at work. Jim’s intention had been to sneak out early but paperwork landed on his desk then time got away from him. He hadn’t visited Alex at his work for a while and knew he didn’t have many more chances to do so. Since Alex had given his notice for his job and his studio, they were now down to only three weeks together. It wasn’t enough time! Jim knew no amount of time would ever be enough. Three weeks or three months, he’d still wouldn’t be ready to let the younger man go.

As he drove towards Amarillo, he blinked back tears. Yes, they both knew their time was limited… had been from the very start but things were very different now. He didn’t want to say goodbye. Finding Alex, spending time with him, just _being_ with him had made such a difference to Jim. There were days when the very thought of Alex was what got him out of bed in the morning.

He needed to do right by him; needed to make him proud in some way. Alex was still too young to know about Project Shepherd and the truth about the crash, the alien threat. One day he’d be ready though. Once he and Kyle were older, perhaps Alex could even sway one of his brothers to see reason. Gregory, maybe? There _would_ be a time when they could go against Jesse and dismantle Project Shepherd but now wasn’t it.

Right now, Alex needed the freedom to live his own life away from Roswell and the spectre of Jesse. Jim just needed to bide his time, form a foolproof plan and find a way to stop the torture once and for all.

He tried to push those thoughts aside; he didn’t want to be thinking about Caulfield right now. Alex was _free_ and could be spared that harrowing future… but he was possibly the only of the Manes boys who’d see what Jesse was doing was wrong… family legacy or not. 

Jim clutched the steering wheel. He was certain aliens had killed his daughter but surely it wasn’t Max, Isobel or Michael… they were just kids themselves. The aliens in Caulfield were too weak now to do much damage and any others who’d escaped the crash in 1947 would be as old and frail… except Max and the other two _were_ young. Did that mean other younger aliens were running around, killing innocent people?

He pulled over and drew a long, deep breath to clear his head. Jim didn’t want to be thinking about aliens right now… he was on his way to see Alex!

It was already dark out, if he didn’t hustle then he’d be too late so he took another breath and was back on the road. He pushed all thoughts of aliens out of his head and focused purely on Alex. He tried to imagine the future the younger man was about to embark on but his mind just kept shifting until all he could think about was a very naked Alex beckoning him into bed. Jim swerved the car and scolded himself. Those were not the best thoughts to be having while he was driving.

Jim finally parked the car, hurried into the familiar alley and past the bouncer who recognized him enough to not ask for ID anymore. He paid the door fee and stepped into the dark, seedy club.

Nothing had changed since his first visit; the dancers on stage were still young, the wait staff were still scantily dressed and often being felt up by patrons. He checked his watch, hoping he hadn’t missed Alex’s first set. Pushing through the throng of men, he reached the bar and the young man winked at him as he handed over a club soda. Jim left a generous tip then started to navigate his way towards the stage.

It was a busy night and everywhere he turned, men were drunkenly cheering or dancing with the entertainment. Jim had started recognizing some of the staff from his first few visits and Alex had assured him they were definitely all over eighteen but the blonde in the corner looked hardly a day over fifteen. Instinct told him to do something but the boy was definitely enjoying the attention. He started to move closer. The younger man’s eyes met with Jim’s and he winked at Jim as he took a patron’s hand and pressed it against his own groin.

He sighed and turned away. Clearly the young man wasn’t in distress so it wasn’t his place to cause trouble.

Jim moved in the direction of the stage, looking for anywhere to sit but not having any luck. He looked up and recognized the redhead dancing on the stage but he wasn’t interested in his intricate dance moves… even if he could do the splits. The cartwheels were a nice touch or so the crowd seemed to think.

He finally found a vacant seat; he asked the man sitting next to it but was ignored completely. Before he could quip about the man being rude, he saw the reason he was distracted in the head moving up and down between his legs. Jim clutched his drink and immediately walked away as he was reminded of all the reasons he didn’t like coming here.

He ended up in the corner, trying not to look at or acknowledge any of the other customers in the club. The young man on the stage finished his set and Jim felt relieved but it didn’t stop all the seedy activity happening around him.

After what felt like hours, the spotlight came up and Alex appeared on the stage. Jim’s breath caught in this throat; he was afraid to blink, to miss even a second of his routine. The crowd went absolutely wild and Jim felt an unusual sense of pride… and smugness. In that very moment, every man in the room wanted Alex but Jim was the only one who got to have him.

The way he moved his body so gracefully and seductively in time with the music. Every thrust of his hips, flick of his tongue, wink of an eye, sent the crowd into a frenzy. Men began to throw money onto the stage and Alex grinned, blew kisses of gratitude into the crowd. 

As suddenly as he appeared, Alex was gone and Jim felt empty inside. He slipped through the crowd, rounded the bar and bumped into the club’s owner.

“Not on duty tonight?” Davey asked Jim.

“Uh,” he coughed to clear his throat. “No, not tonight.”

“Need something stronger?”

Davey nodded at Jim’s drink of choice and he shook his head.

“Can’t,” he confessed. “I’m a… in recovery,”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Don’t be; it’s just the way it is.”

“You’re here for Alex then?”

“Uh, yeah.” 

“Well, Come on.”

Davey indicated for Jim to follow him. He reached under his jacket to make sure his sidearm was within easy reach then he followed down a side corridor. He pushed a door open and Jim suddenly found himself backstage. Alex was sitting in front of the mirror, wiping sweat from his neck with a towel. He looked up and their eyes met in the reflection.

Alex’s face broke into a wide grin, he spun around, jumped up and threw himself into Jim’s arms. He was utterly helpless; all he could do was kiss Alex with the desperation of having not kissed him in over a week. Someone over his shoulder gave a loud wolf whistle and Alex pulled away, face flushed with delight.

“Jim!” Alex declared. “There’s someone you have to meet!”

He frowned but Alex took his hand and dragged him across the room to where another young man was applying excessive amounts of body glitter to his face.

“Jim, this is Tyrone,” Alex said. “Ty, this is-”

“Jacket guy, huh?” Ty cocked his eyebrow. “I’d shake your hand but… glitter.”

“You want me to put some on your back?” Alex asked him.

“Sure, thanks!”

It wasn’t anything like how he’d pictured the secret backstage shenanigans of a strip club. He watched as Alex applied glitter to Ty’s back then the young man hurried off to take the stage. Other performers came and went but none of them gave Jim a second glance.

Alex swapped his outfit for a different one then he led Jim by the hand and told him he could watch from here. At least he wouldn’t be in the thick of the horny crowd but the best part was when Alex finished his performance; wearing nothing but a thong, his body glistening with sweat, he leapt into Jim’s waiting arms and the next thing he knew they were kissing like there was no tomorrow.

Alex pushed him into the hidden corner of the backstage area, lips still locked in a furiously hot kiss. He couldn’t think straight, all that mattered was having Alex in his arms and kissing him. His kisses were like a drug and Jim was addicted to them, had no idea how he was going to survive a future without them. He grasped Alex’s cheeks with both hands and squeezed them, causing him to groan into Jim’s mouth. He could feel Alex’s hard cock pressing into his thigh through the very thin material of his skimpy thong. 

It was too tempting not to; Jim dropped to his knees, lowered the garment and took Alex’s hardness into his mouth. He relaxed his throat, sucking him down as far as he could. His fingers tugged on Alex’s balls, making the younger man groan in delight. His lips worked him closer and closer to the edge, Alex’s fingers grasped his hair, tugging and pulling just the way Jim liked it. 

This was possibly one of the most daring things he’d ever done. The excitement of doing something so reckless in such a public place. He wanted to take Alex right here, fuck him against the wall. He could hear music, see the billowing curtains just feet away. The very thought of all those horny men being so close yet having no idea that Jim was savouring the entertainment they’d all lusted over. It was his lips bringing Alex to the brink, his fingers teasing his sacs. He swallowed him down, nearly choking on the younger man’s size but refusing to pull away.

Alex tugged on his hair, the sign that he was close but Jim just kept going. He needed to taste him before letting him go. Jim swallowed every last drop as Alex’s seed filled his mouth. He coughed and sputtered but he took it all, savouring the taste as he licked his cock clean. Jim tucked Alex back into his thong, got to his feet, cursed the cramp in his leg then plunged his tongue into Alex’s mouth.

“Thanks for coming tonight, Jim,” Alex whispered to him.

“No, Alex, thank _you_ for coming.”


	55. Chapter 55

His heart was racing as Jim kissed him, tucked away in a private corner backstage at the club. Alex pulled away then nuzzled his face against Jim’s neck, pressed kisses along his jaw.

“You spoil me, Jim,” he whispered.

“Wait till I get you home and I’ll really spoil you rotten,” Jim teased.

“I have another performance in a bit but you don’t have to hang around,”

“Sure I do, I like watching you dance.”

“Jim, you don’t have to stay here to watch me dance, you know I’ll always give you a private show.”

Jim pressed a kiss to the tip of Alex’s nose.

“I’ll never say no to a private dance, Cariño,” Jim whispered.

“As beautiful as this is, I really need to shower,” Alex stated. “So, if you’ll excuse me,”

Alex extracted himself from Jim and led him into the backstage area. He pushed Jim into the chair at his station then slipped into the bathroom for a quick shower. When he returned, Jim was looking at the pictures Alex had pinned to his mirror. Alex moved over and wrapped his arms around Jim from behind.

“Don’t read into it, Jim,” Alex said to him. “They’re just photos.”

“Of New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, Las Vegas.” Jim pointed to each of them.

“Places I hope to visit one day,”

“Any plans on which to go to first?”

“Nope.”

He leaned in and kissed Jim’s neck. The older man turned in the chair and pulled Alex into his lap. He wrapped his legs around his waist and looked into his eyes, smiling brightly.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Jim,” Alex said to him. 

“I’m glad I’m here too, any chance to spend just a little more time with you, love,”

*

It was late by the time Alex finished his shift and they were able to leave the club. They existed into the back alley and made their way to Jim’s car. Alex was grateful Jim didn’t ask why he wasn’t wearing a shirt, only his jacket. Jim stopped to unlock the car and he paused.

“Wait!” Jim declared. “Close your eyes.”

Alex frowned but did exactly as asked. He listened as Jim opened the car door, rummaged for a moment then the door closed again.

“Okay, open them,” Jim said.

Alex opened his eyes and gasped. Jim was holding a bouquet of flowers in his arms.

“Jim, they’re beautiful,” Alex said as he pushed them into his hands.

“So, you like them?” Jim asked.

“Of course but… Why?”

“Why?”

“Why are you giving me flowers?”

He was confused but Jim reached up and cupped his face with both hands, looking directly into Alex’s eyes.

“Because you deserve them.” Jim insisted.

“Jim?”

“I’m not good at romantic gestures, okay? But I’m trying.” 

“Jim,” Alex reached up and placed his hand over Jim’s. He leaned closer and kissed him. “They’re beautiful and I love them and I love you… Now, take me home so I can show you my full appreciation.”

They climbed into the car, drove straight to Alex’s building and made their way through the lobby. The door to Seb’s apartment opened and the man appeared but once again paused upon seeing Alex with him. He immediately held up the flowers for him to see but noticed Jim was frowning at Seb.

“Nice shirt,” Jim said, nodding at the shirt Seb was wearing.

“Thanks,” Seb coughed and folded his arms across his chest. 

“Doesn’t, uh, seem like your thing?”

“Danger at the Picture Show are, uh, a great band.”

Alex’s eyes darted between the two men and he too peered at Seb’s shirt.

“You know, I think I had that same shirt myself,” Alex stated. 

“Well, great minds and all,” Seb looked at him, “just even more reason why we’re oh so compatible, Lexi.”

“Come on, Alex,” Jim grabbed Alex’s hand and began to pull him towards the stairs. 

Jim was still eyeing Seb in a way Alex had never seen before but he allowed Jim to take the lead and moments later they were alone in the privacy of Alex’s studio apartment. Jim bolted the door while Alex found a place to put the flowers.

He was still gazing at them when Jim walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. Alex smiled as Jim rested his chin on Alex’s shoulder.

“You really like them?” Jim asked him.

“I do,” Alex replied. “But you know they’re not necessary.”

“Alex-”

“Jim!”

Alex turned around in his arms and wrapped his own around Jim’s neck, looked into his eyes.

“When have I ever cared about material things like flowers?” Alex asked him. “Yes, they’re beautiful but I’ve never been fussed about romantic gestures.”

“You deserve all the romantic gestures in the World, Alex. I’ve always loved making the one I love feel special and loved… I used to be big on the whole flowers and chocolates and cards and date nights but I feel like I really let you down in all those departments.”

“Jim, you just being here was always enough for me. Showing up, being with me, spending time with me, that’s all I ever wanted. Taking me to a movie, to dinner, to an amusement park, creating happy memories… _That’s_ what matters to me.” 

“Your shelf…”

“Is a completely different thing; I appreciate that you _want_ to bring me flowers but just know you don’t have to; that I don’t expect any of that.”

Jim leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Alex’s.

“Our time left together is so limited but I want to make up for the times I wasn’t there and the care packages weren’t enough,” he explained.

“What care packages?” Alex frowned. “You only sent me one, didn’t you?”

“That bastard!” Jim hissed. He immediately pulled away from him and started towards the door but Alex grasped his hand, stopping him.

“Jim, what’s going on?” He asked.

“Every month I’ve sent you a gift and your asshole of a landlord has been stealing them!”

“You’re just guessing-”

“That shirt he was wearing! It _is_ _yours,_ Alex. I took it one night when I was visiting your dad and I sent it to you.”

He reached for the bolt on the door.

“Jim, stop!” Alex pleaded. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not; stealing someone else’s mail is against the law… I could arrest the jerk.”

“But is it worth it?”

“Alex!”

“Jim, please? Was there anything personal or expensive in any of them?”

“Well… no, they were mostly junk… just my way of letting you know I was thinking about you. One had a coffee mug, another had a shot glass, a plush alien? Guess that explains why you never mentioned them…”

“You thought for all this time that I never even bothered to thank you?”

“I didn’t do it for your gratitude.”

Alex spun Jim around to meet his eye.

“Don’t cause a scene, please?” He begged. “Maybe just not send any more but… he obviously feels… smug but who cares about him? He’s just jealous because you’re the one I want to be with.”

“It must be torture for the poor guy, _bebé_ , I can’t imagine what it’d be like to only have a taste of you before being snatched away.”

Alex pressed a kiss to Jim’s jaw.

“Exactly, Jim, let him have his coffee mug,” he said. “You get to have _me_ all night long.”

“What if I want you to fuck me?”

“Then I’d say you better get naked _now_ so I can ride you until the sun comes up.”

Jim chuckled and Alex reached up to cup his face.

“I mean it, Jim, it sucks that Seb felt entitled to my stuff,” he said. “But let’s just leave it be. A few more weeks and we’ll never have to think about him ever again.”

“And we may never see each other again.”

“Way to be a downer, Jim,”

“Guess you’ll just have to find a creative way to cheer me on up then.”

“Condoms and lube are-”

“Under the bed, I know, this isn’t my first rodeo, love.”

He scooped Alex into his arms and carried him to the bed. Jim plopped him down upon the mattress then knelt before him, untied his boots and removed each one. Alex stared down at Jim as he slowly stripped him bare. Within minutes, Alex found himself completely naked with a fully clothed Jim standing over him. It was rather exhilarating.

He watched as Jim’s eyes raked over his entire body and he suddenly became self-conscious.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Committing this image to my memory,” Jim admitted. “So that each time I close my eyes and think of you, I’ll envision you and your natural beauty and remember how the very sight of you, takes my breath away.”

He tilted Alex’s head back then leaned down to kiss him very softly upon the lips. 

Alex immediately parted his lips, welcomed the familiarity of Jim’s tongue into his mouth and he groaned into the kiss. His hands moved forward to unbuckle Jim’s belt. 

Lost in each other’s kisses, Alex made short work of the belt and shoved Jim’s pants and underwear down to his knees. The man’s hard cock was standing to attention at just the right height. Alex wrapped his hand around him and began to stroke him, drawing long, low moans from deep within Jim’s throat.

“Tell me what you want, Jim,” Alex hissed. His breath warm against his skin.

“I want _you_ , Alex,” Jim replied.

“What do you want me to do to you?”

“ _Everything_.”

*

Alex was propped up against the headboard, watching Jim sleep beside him. It was such an odd yet satisfying feeling when Jim became spent, too tired to keep going yet so determined to power on until Alex had to tell him to rest. He loved knowing how much Jim loved being with him. 

Alex himself was too buzzed to sleep so he slipped out of bed and quietly moved into the kitchen, taking a moment to stop and smell the flowers Jim had given him.

He remembered how excited Ty got whenever his gentleman caller sent him flowers. Michael had picked a flower for him once and now Jim had given him these. Alex reached through the darkness to touch one of the petals. Two different men in his life had now given him flowers, perhaps he _was_ worthy of such gestures.

He stepped away and moved back towards the bed, trying to ignore the voices inside his head. Those voices he hadn’t heard in months; the ones that sounded just like his father, telling him how pathetic, worthless, perverted he was. Alex scrambled back into bed and wrapped himself around Jim’s sleeping form. He _wasn’t_ worthless; Jim loved him and he wasn’t ashamed to display that love… but what was Alex going to do once he didn’t have Jim and the man’s love anymore?

No, he’d always have his love and that would just have to be enough.

There were a lot more Seb’s in the World than there were Jim’s. He was sure of that.

“Alex?” Jim’s voice was muffled. “You still awake?”

“Just had to get a drink, go back to sleep,” he whispered.

“I can’t, you’re squeezing me too tight.”

Alex blushed and relaxed his hold on Jim.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to let go, just ease up a bit.”

Alex nodded into the darkness. He knew what Jim meant but he couldn’t help reading deeper into his words. Very soon, Alex would have to let go for good… He still wasn’t ready.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapter is 4400 words of me attempting to write smutty, filthy, daddy-kink. It basically doesn't add anything to the plot aside from showing just how deep Alex and Jim's love and trust for each other is.  
> If reading 4400 words of daddy-talk and spanking isn't your thing, feel free to skip on ahead to the next chapter :)  
> ***********************************************************************************************************************

Jim wasn’t sure what he’d said wrong but there was a definite sadness in Alex’s eyes the following morning. It vanished the moment they stepped into the shower together and Alex was his usual, enthusiastic self as Jim fucked him against the tiled wall but then Alex told him to stop. He turned the water off and looked into Alex’s expressive eyes. Jim cupped his face and kissed him, asking if everything was okay.

Alex nodded then suggested they go back to bed so they could make love instead.

The realisation dawned on him; they’d only be able to do this a few more times. Alex wanted to make the most of it, savour the memories. Jim kissed him and they made quite the production of drying each other which quickly escalated into a towel fight until Jim chased Alex to the bed and they collapsed upon it in a fit of giggles.

Jim’s phone began to ring and he groaned. He got up to rummage for it and froze when he saw the caller ID. Jesse Manes.

“Fuck!” He hissed. Alex scrambled up to see the screen.

“You better answer it,” he told Jim.

He was standing naked in the middle of Alex’s apartment, a phone call from Alex’s dad coming through on his cell while the man’s equally naked son was stretched before him on the bed. 

Could things get any more messed up?

Eyes still focused on Alex’s naked form, he brought the phone to his ear and answered it. Jesse’s voice barked at him but he wasn’t listening, not when Alex was _touching_ him like that. He tried to swat he hand away but that simply encouraged him to try harder. Jim heard only vague words once Alex’s mouth closed over his cock.

“Oh, fuck!” Jim muttered into the phone.

His eyes opened wider in shock; Alex’s twinkled mischievously.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jesse snapped at him.

No, he wasn’t. He wasn’t listening to Jesse because he was too busy focusing on what Jesse’s _son_ was doing to him.

“No, I’m not!” Jim barked back. “You called at a _really_ bad time.”

“Your wife says you're at your hunting cabin, so why is this a bad time? Did I disturb some alone time? Or are you _not_ alone?”

Alex chose that moment to swallow him deep down in his throat, nose practically buried in Jim’s pubic hair. His cock lodged deep within Alex’s mouth. It was _so good_! He had to force back a moan.

“Of course, I’m… I’m a… a… alone,” Jim struggled to say. “What did… Did you want, Jesse?”

“You’re keeping secrets again, Valenti. And I _always_ catch you in your lies. I know you’re not at the cabin… So, where are you?”

Jim reached out and curled his fingers through Alex’s long locks. He grinned down at him and Alex smiled back as he released Jim from his mouth and lazily began to lick his tongue along the length. He didn’t even bother to respond to Jesse’s question. Jim simply pressed the end call button, switched off his phone and threw it over his shoulder. He placed his hand to Alex’s chin, tilted his head back and leaned down to kiss him.

“ _That_ was a very naughty thing to do, Alex,” Jim whispered between kisses.

“Yeah?” He breathed, tongue flicking Jim’s bottom lip.

“Yeah.” Jim agreed, his thumb stroking Alex’s cheek.

“You _loved_ it,” Alex teased with another kiss. “ _Every second_ of it.”

“What if I’d cried out your name?” He pushed Alex down onto his back, flush upon the bed. Nudged between his legs as he took Alex’s wrists in each hand and held them down too. Looming over him, he climbed on top of the younger man so Alex was trapped beneath him. He watched as Alex swallowed yet looked up at him with pure lust in his eyes. “If we got caught, there’s no telling what he would do to us.”

“He’s done all he can to me.” Alex stated.

“Your father is a powerful man, Alex.” Jim whispered. Fear evident in his voice. “You should never underestimate him.”

“Can we please stop talking about _him_ when your dick is rubbing against mine like that?”

Jim leaned down and nipped at Alex’s ear.

“Or I could stop teasing you,” he said. “Stop rubbing and start… punishing you instead?”

Alex arched his back, pushing his body closer to Jim’s.

“I don’t care _what_ you do to me, just so long as you do _something_!” Alex whined.

“I could bring you to the edge; over and over again, never quite letting you fall?”

“Fuck!”

“Or I could teach you a lesson, until your ass is just the right shade of pink and I can kiss it all better?”

“Please?”

“I could make you beg and plead, until you’re breathless and whimpering, begging for my cock?”

“Jim!”

“Or…” he moved closer, kissing Alex’s neck and clavicle. “I could surrender myself to you and _I_ could beg for you to fill me, claim me, _fuck me_.”

“Please, Jim?”

“What do _you_ want, Alex?” Jim whispered. “I will do whatever you ask me to.”

He gently released Alex’s wrists but the younger man didn’t move, didn’t try to free himself; he remained completely at Jim’s mercy. Alex gnawed on his bottom lip as he gazed into Jim’s eyes, holding his gaze.

“What do _I_ want?” Alex repeated. “I want… Want you to… To…”

Jim slowly ran his hand down Alex’s smooth, firm chest. He pressed a kiss to his heart before taking his nipple between his teeth; Alex released a groan and arched his back. He brought a hand to Jim’s chin, urged him up to meet his gaze again.

“I want you to show me how much you love me,” Alex stated. 

“There aren’t enough hours in the day for that; you know how much I love you, Alex.”

“Then do _everything_ to me, Jim. Everything you’ve _ever_ dreamed of doing… Do it, please?”

He felt the weight of Alex’s words and silently nodded his head in understanding. Jim leaned forward and kissed him; Alex's lips parted and he pressed his tongue inside, both groaned into the kiss as Jim wrapped his body around Alex’s and pulled him closer. There were a lot of things he’d dreamed of doing with (and to) the younger man… and he’d just been given a free pass to do _all_ of them. His heart swelled. 

God, he’d never find anyone who’d put such faith, trust and love in him like this ever again. How was he supposed to just let Alex go, especially after this?

Jim pulled away from Alex’s kiss, fighting back tears.

“How will I ever choose what to do first?” Jim teased.

“Surprise me,” Alex replied with a coy wink.

He slowly moved away and settled on the bed beside Alex, his fingers skimming a gentle trail from his lover’s nipple to his navel and back again. Alex was still stretched out on his back, his beautiful body offered up to Jim like a naked, sacrificial virgin… Though Alex was _anything_ _but_.

He continued to trace his fingers along his skin, across his thighs and closed his fist around Alex’s balls, tugging just hard enough to make him whimper.

“Please?” Alex was nearly breathless and Jim hadn’t even done anything to him; _yet_.

“Believe me, I _want_ to do it all,” Jim whispered, his fingers just holding Alex’s sacks, savouring the feel of the gentle weight in his hand.

“So, do it! Do it, please?”

His heart swelled again, with love and pride and too many other emotions to distinguish individually. The way Alex looked, spread before him; the lust in his eyes. The way his body reacted to even the simplest of Jim’s touches. He never wanted this moment to end. His beautiful, precious Alex wasn’t going to be his much longer. How could he show this wonderful, strong, resilient young man just how much he meant to him, in a single day? He couldn’t possibly put it into words but would his actions be enough?

“Did you _really_ think it was a smart idea to suck me off while I was on the phone… to your dad of all people?” Jim asked, tightening his grasp as he spoke. 

“Gah!” Alex moaned. “Yeah!”

“Yeah?”

“You… you said… you think about me when… when you’re stuck with him and…” Alex grasped the sheets in his fist to ground himself. “Now all you’ll think… think about... is... your... cock in my mouth every time you… hear his voice…”

“That was still a naughty thing to do,”

“It… Yeah… it was,” 

Jim watched as Alex’s knuckles turned white as he clenched at the sheets. He still hadn’t even touched his cock which was already hard, the very tip slick with precum. Jim licked his lips in anticipation of the sweet taste but merely continued to caress Alex’s balls.

“So, you agree? It _was_ very naughty?” Jim pressed.

“Uh huh,” Alex gnawed on his lip. His face was already flush and Jim smiled to himself. The _power_ he had over Alex, who was so willing and trusting of him. He wanted to both ravage and coddle him at the same time.

Jim looked around the bed, for anything he could get his hands on without having to stop touching Alex. 

“Close your eyes,” he whispered.

Alex immediately did as he was instructed and Jim held back a gasp. He slipped away and Alex whimpered in disappointment but Jim was back in an instant. He wrapped the cloth around Alex’s eyes.

“Jim,” Alex’s voice was filled with lustful excitement. He leaned forward and kissed him deeply.

“You have to be punished,” Jim’s breath on Alex’s face caused him to visibly tremble. “I promise I won’t tie you up, not after…” he softly stroked his cheek.

“Thank you,” Alex whispered. 

“But you _must_ behave and not touch yourself unless I say it’s okay, understand?”

Alex nodded his head in agreement. Jim reached out and eased him onto his stomach then they moved forward. He took Alex’s hands and placed them upon the headboard, pressed a kiss to the nape of his neck.

“Hold on tight if you need to,” Jim instructed and Alex nodded.

“Just...?” He whispered. “Just how naughty was I, _Daddy_?”

Jim smirked to himself and very slowly trailed his fingers down Alex’s naked back. He caressed the round curve of his ass, taking his time to part the cheeks and observe his prize. Alex began to grind against the bedsheets, trying to build friction against his cock.

“ _Alex_ ,” Jim hissed. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?” He was the perfect act of innocence.

“Being naughty,”

“So, _punish me_ already!”

“Get on your knees,” Jim replied. “I told you not to touch yourself.”

“I’m _not_ ; it was the bed!”

Shaking his head while holding back laughter at Alex’s cheekiness, Jim guided him into the best position. On his knees, ass presented beautifully for Jim, his hard cock hanging precariously. Alex was still holding the headboard so nothing tangible was stimulating his hardness, only the idea of what was still to come. Jim could see the tension in Alex’s strong arms and he gently stroked his fingers along his elbow and forearm before leaning down to kiss his wrist.

“ _Jim_!” 

Alex’s whine was beautiful and all Jim could do was smile. He leaned forward and kissed his lips; Alex returned the sentiment with equal enthusiasm as Jim’s fingers skimmed down his back. Alex arched at his touch and bucked his hips.

_Smack_!

His bare hand slapped against Alex’s naked ass and the younger man moaned with delight. 

_Smack_! _Smack_! _Smack_!

Each slap was met with a sound of excitement from Alex’s lips. Jim moved closer and wrapped his arm around Alex’s waist, holding his body close. He pressed his lips to Alex’s neck while continuing to slap his palm across his pert ass. Jim listened to the beautiful purrs coming from Alex’s throat and he paced himself, eliciting the most vocal responses from him.

“Please?” Alex whimpered.

“Please _what_ , baby?” Jim kissed Alex’s shoulder.

“ _Daddy, please let me come_!”

“Oh no, _bebé_ , you don’t get to come yet… you don’t get to until I say you can.”

Alex bucked his hips, once again trying to grind into the mattress but Jim stopped his movements and slapped his ass to make him cease.

“You look so beautiful, Alex, all naked and eager for me to tease,” he said. “To _punish_ for your… your recklessness.”

“Daddy, please?”

With each slap of his hand, the flesh of Alex’s ass cheeks darkened. His moans became louder and his desire for release was more vocal. Alex’s knuckles were white from clinging to the headboard but Jim had temporarily ceased his spanking. He was gently lapping at the inflamed skin with his tongue, another action Alex vocally appreciated.

“If you keep that up, I may need to gag you,” Jim joked. “Or the neighbours might complain.”

“If they haven’t yet after all this time, they’re not gonna,” Alex replied.

“I don’t believe I’ve had to punish you so severely before…”

“You still haven’t-”

Jim reached for Alex’s hair and pulled on the long strands, urging him up to meet him but Jim nipped at his skin instead. His other hand squeezed Alex’s left nipple. His right hand slid down Alex’s chest and very lightly brushed against his cock. Alex whimpered.

“I’m sorry I’m not… good… at punishing naughty boys,” Jim whispered. “Because you were always such a sweet, beautiful boy… I was just always so _proud_ of how _good_ you were, Alex.”

Jim’s words of praise had the same effect as his other actions which saw Alex, once again, bucking his hips.

He reached down and grasped Alex’s hard cock in his fist, stroking him a few times and marvelling at how hard, thick and long his dick was. He pumped vigorously while Alex whimpered, sobbing as he drew close to the brink but before he could shoot, Jim released him and Alex swore in frustration. This was met with another succession of spanking.

Alex’s ass was a stunning shade of pink as Jim leaned forward to kiss his inflamed skin.

A wave of dirty talk spilled from Jim’s lips and he wasn’t even sure where it was coming from. He told Alex how beautiful he looked, all naked and desperate for Jim’s kisses, his touch, his cock. Alex could only agree with him while begging for more. He wanted to call Alex filthy things but was worried about upsetting him after last time. 

So, Jim didn’t call him a slut but he did let slip that he was a whore.

“I’m _yours,_ daddy,” Alex sobbed. “I’m your whore… So please? Please? Fuck me!”

“I can’t, you might come and I’m not quite ready for that just yet.”

“No, please? I _have_ to… Have to have you inside me, please?”

“Oh? You _have_ to, do you? Do you want my fingers? My tongue? My cock?”

“Yes!” Alex cried. “Yes! Yes, yes. Yes please! _Daddy_ , please?”

He continued to softly caress Alex’s skin, loving the way he reacted to his touch. Jim longed to take a photo, to remember this moment forever but all he could do was commit it to his memory. Jim reached between Alex’s legs and tugged on his balls again, Alex cried out. Jim smiled to himself. 

He was certain more than half of the men who watched Alex dance each night dreamt of seeing the younger man just like this… But _Jim_ was the only one who got to make it happen. He knew he was the luckiest man on Earth.

Alex tried to buck his hips, to press into Jim’s fist but he placed his hand upon the small of his back and hissed for him to ‘ _stop being naughty’_. Alex immediately froze so Jim softly caressed his inflamed skin before spanking him again and again and again. Three very fast slaps to his rear and Alex was practically drooling for more. His cock weeping for attention. Jim brushed his finger across the tip, collecting a hint of precum while Alex’s body trembled with excitement. He brought his finger to his lips, flicked the cum with his tongue and he growled. Alex whimpered.

“Beautiful,” Jim whispered. “Simply beautiful.”

He repeated the motion, stealing more of Alex’s cum but this time he pressed his finger into Alex’s mouth. The younger man groaned around Jim’s digit.

“That’s it, lick it off, Corazón,” he whispered. “Make my fingers _wet_ ,”

Alex immediately began to suck on Jim’s finger even after he added a second, Alex took both in his stride and suckled almost obscenely upon them until they were practically dripping with his saliva.

“ _Good boy_ ,” Jim whispered. He leaned down and captured Alex’s lips in a deep kiss. Jim held the embrace for a long time, wanting Alex to feel his want and desire for him in this one lingering kiss.

They parted and Jim moved his focus to Alex’s sweet, flushed ass. He pressed his two fingers past the tight ring of muscles and Alex cried out, clenched the headboard tightly.

As quickly as he slid inside, he pulled back and Alex whimpered in disappointment.

“Not yet, Alex; not yet,” Jim pressed a kiss to the small of his back.

“Please, Jim! Please?” Alex sobbed.

“I love it when you _beg_.”

Jim moved behind Alex and paused to admire the sight before him. Alex’s smooth, firm back and his beautifully pink ass. He could faintly see the outline of his own handprint. He shook his head to shake the image of a silver handprint and focused solely upon _Alex_. Jim’s hands parted his cheeks, he licked his lips before diving right in. His tongue lapping and prodding at Alex’s hole while the younger man moaned in such an obscene way that Jim’s own cock stirred.

He’d been ignoring the throbbing between his own legs to focus purely on Alex’s punishment and enjoyment. Jim reached down and worked himself a few times while his tongue continued to work Alex closer to the edge, teasing him in just the right places.

“Jim!” Alex cried. “Oh God! Jim, I’m gonna… Gonna…”

Jim immediately ceased his actions and Alex swore again.

“Fuck!” Alex almost shouted. “ _Daddy_ , please? Please let me come!”

“Now where’s the fun in that?” Jim teased him.

“Please, Jim, please touch me!”

“I am, Alex.”

“Not there!”

Alex bucked his hips so Jim pressed his body closer to his and wrapped his arms around his waist.

“Let go, bebé, and lean into me,” Jim instructed.

He waited for Alex to release his grasp on the headboard then he pulled Alex’s body flush against his. Jim’s hard cock pressed against Alex’s back. He reached around and, once again, tugged on Alex’s balls.

“Jim!” Alex sobbed.

“It’s okay, bebé _,_ ” Jim kissed his neck and his shoulder.

He watched as Alex’s hand gravitated between his legs to grasp his cock but Jim swatted it away.

“ _No_ , Alex,” Jim hissed in his ear. “I told you, you aren’t allowed to touch yourself!”

“But you’re not touching me either!”

Jim reached up and grasped Alex’s neck.

“Do naughty boys always talk back so much?” He asked, tilting his head back and causing Alex to swallow.

“This one does,” Alex said with a smirk.

He trailed his hand down Alex’s chest, paused to squeeze his nipple long enough to draw a moan from the younger man’s lips, then continued lower to ghost his hand over his cock.

“Jim,” Alex gasped.

“Ah?” Jim nipped at his earlobe.

“ _Daddy_ ,”

“Better.”

“ _Please daddy_?”

“Patience love,” Jim whispered. “The wait will be worth it; So will the orgasm, I promise.”

Alex whimpered and thrust his hips. Jim smiled and grasped Alex’s cock, to the relief of the younger man but Jim merely tugged on the length several times. Each flick of his wrist caused Alex to moan loudly. He increased his pace, bringing him closer and closer to the edge.

“Oh God!” Alex cried out. “Daddy, please? Please! I’m gonna…”

Jim slipped his hand free, leaving Alex unfulfilled and his love screamed in utter frustration. He leaned over and kissed his lips.

“Soon, amor, soon,” Jim assured him.

“Please?” Alex begged. “Please?”

“Oh, Alex… I could do this _all day_.”

“Please don’t!”

“ _Amor_ , it’s barely been fifteen minutes…”

“No, it’s been _hours_ , Ji... Daddy!”

He chuckled in amusement at the desperation in Alex’s voice and simply stroked his fingers across his stomach, up his chest to tweak his nipple. Alex groaned and bucked his hips. Jim reached down with his other hand and took hold of his own cock, rubbing his hardness against Alex’s crack.

“I believe this is called hot dogging,” Jim teased.

“I don’t care _what_ it’s called,” Alex hissed. “Just keep doing it!”

“So bossy today, amor,”

But Jim kept it up because he loved hearing the appreciative moans Alex was making. He once again grasped Alex’s cock and began stroking him while his other hand worked his own against Alex’s cheeks.

“ _Please_?” Alex gasped. “So good; feels so good!”

Jim kissed Alex’s neck, teasing his skin while working his hard cock. Alex was _so_ close; he could feel it. Jim increased his pace until Alex was pleading, his entire body begging for it but Jim stopped and Alex cried out.

His body shuddering in Jim’s arms as he sobbed from desperation.

“I should’ve just let you come in my ass in the shower,” Alex quipped through his gritted teeth.

“Poor, bebé,” Jim wrapped his arms around Alex and held him in a protective embrace.

“Please, daddy, please just… _fuck me already!”_

He placed his hand to Alex’s neck and urged him to turn his head, meeting halfway, they shared a kiss before Jim guided him forward again. He placed Alex’s hands back upon the headboard and told him to hold on tight.

Jim found the lube and coated his fingers. He parted Alex’s cheeks and poured lube there too before pressing his fingers inside. Alex moaned then bucked his hips, trying to fuck himself on Jim’s fingers.

“Patience, love,” Jim urged him. He placed his hand to Alex’s lower back before placing a kiss to his skin.

“More, more!” Alex begged.

Jim slipped a third finger inside and Alex began to claw at the headboard, slamming it against the wall.

“Careful, Alex,” Jim kissed his shoulder blade. “Easy, love.”

“I _can’t_ ; Daddy, I’m gonna c…”

Jim paused and just held his fingers in place until Alex trailed off. He reached around and playfully slapped his hard cock.

“Fuck, Jim!” Alex hissed. He nipped his teeth into Alex’s skin, causing him to yelp.

“You’re doing _so well,_ Corazón. I’m so _proud_ of you.”

“Fuck me right now or I’ll never speak to you again!”

Jim immediately removed his fingers, Alex sobbed. He pressed it further by separating himself entirely from Alex, leaving the younger man completely alone on the bed. Settled on his knees, his ass pink and prepped, hands clutching the headboard. Alex was practically panting; he needed to claim him and put the poor boy out of his misery.

“My sweet Corazón, we’re but days away from never seeing or speaking to each other,” Jim said as he settled back on the bed. He poured lube onto his cock and spread it with his hand, stroking himself as he looked at his beautiful young love. “So empty threats are just that… empty. But I love you so much and _this_ has been one of the most… I’m sorry but I can’t even put into words what this means… What you mean to me, Alex.”

Jim moved into position, he grasped Alex’s hips and in one swift motion, he slid inside the younger man. They both cried out at the feeling of Jim laying claim to Alex. He wrapped his arm around his waist and grasped his cock then he began to pump him in sync with his powerful thrusts.

“Harder, _daddy_ , harder!” Alex cried.

Jim’s lips found Alex’s and they exchanged deep kisses as Jim buried himself deep inside him. His cock slamming into Alex’s prostate with each thrust of his hips. He gyrated his hips, alternating between deep hard thrusts and quick, short bursts. Both of which drove Alex wild.

He buried his tongue in Alex’s mouth while one hand worked Alex’s cock and his other teased his nipples. 

Alex moaned into his kisses but one hand sneaked from the headboard and made its way behind Jim’s neck, holding him in the kiss as their bodies connected together as one.

Jim pounded into Alex; harder and more vigorously than ever before. He’d never done anything like this and fuck it was incredible! Alex’s body just felt so at home in his arms, like it was where he was meant to be. 

“Jim, I can’t… I’m gonna… Aaaaaaaaaaaah!” Alex cried out as he came, violently hard, his seed spilling all over Jim’s hand and the sheets on the bed.

Snap!

The slats of the headboard snapped off in Alex’s hand and they both froze in shock. Eyes still covered, Alex held the broken piece up and Jim began to laugh. He leaned in and kissed him as he continued to thrust into him. He milked every drop from Alex’s cock before surrendering to his own orgasm. 

He buried himself balls deep in Alex’s beautiful ass then came. His seed spilling forth and filling Alex. They both collapsed upon the bed in a satisfied heap, panting for breath.

Jim reached over and removed the cloth from Alex’s eyes. He watched as the younger man blinked, readjusting to the light. Alex immediately reached for Jim’s hand, wrapped his arm around him and snuggled close. They exchanged gentle kisses.

“That was… amazing,” Alex whispered.

“You were incredible,” Jim agreed.

“So, I… I did good, daddy?”

“Very good, Corazón; I’m so very proud of you, Alex.”

He watched as Alex’s face turned the same shade of red as his spanked ass. Jim pressed a kiss to his forehead before tilting his head enough to kiss his lips.

“I love you, Alex,” Jim whispered.

“I love you, too,” Alex replied. “But what are we going to do about the bed?”

“Please let me tell Seb!” Jim teased. “Let me tell him in very precise detail that our intense fucking broke it.”

“I can’t afford to not get my bond back…”

Jim kissed his cheek.

“I’ll happily pay for it, trust me, it was worth every cent.”


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you skipped the previous chapter, all you missed was Alex and Jim's enthusiasm breaking Alex's bed.  
> Also, Alex went down on Jim while Jim was on the phone to Jesse. Now you're all caught up :)  
> ********************************************************************************************************

Alex was utterly terrified of Seb finding out they’d broken the bed… Well, _he’d_ broken it but Jim was equally to blame. He was in such a panic that it took a long time for Jim to calm and soothe him after their rather intense love making. 

Jim was so gentle and careful as he helped to clean him up. Alex could barely even move yet Jim somehow got the sheets off the bed without him even noticing. He even took them to the basement and washed them while Alex remained in a spent heap on the now stripped bed.

When Jim returned, he was almost smug as he relayed the conversation about the broken headboard. He climbed onto the mattress and pulled Alex into his arms while bragging that he’d practically seen smoke coming from Seb’s ears. Jim assured him it wasn’t the broken bed that Seb was worked up over. He added that he also brought up the matter of the missing care packages only to have the other man slam the door in his face.

“I think we’re in the clear, Alex,” Jim said. “He stole your mail, we broke his bed… Call it even, huh?”

“Another couple of weeks and it won’t even be an issue anymore.”

But it was those few weeks that Alex was worried about. He hadn’t told Jim about Seb’s increased presence nor had he mentioned the way Seb had practically trapped him inside his home. He tried not to think about it especially when he was safe and protected in Jim’s arms.

Alex finally relented and allowed himself to be lured from the bed. He dressed in a pair of jeans, an old shirt and Jim’s jacket while Jim went to collect the washing. 

They left the studio but Alex had no idea where they were going. It appeared Jim didn’t either. He eventually pulled off the road and turned to look at Alex. 

He was half asleep, trying to just look at Jim but he was still so sleepy.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve let you sleep longer,” Jim said.

“No, I’m fine!” Alex stifled a yawn and sat up. “Let me just-”

He reached for the glovebox but Jim cried ‘no’ just as he opened it. Alex frowned in confusion as there didn’t appear to be anything in there Jim wouldn’t want him to see.

“I… thought you had aspirin…” Alex trailed off.

“Sorry… I, uh, sorry,” Jim reached to close it but he stopped. “It’s kinda embarrassing, okay?”

“What is?”

Alex watched as Jim rummaged inside for a moment and pulled out what appeared to be a small plastic ball. He seemed to be blushing and Alex’s heart swelled. How could Jim be embarrassed around him? It was endearing.

“I tried to buy you something but it backfired,” Jim confessed. “It was a few weeks ago, I stopped at a gas station and they had those machines that you put coins in and get a tacky toy.”

Alex smiled; he and Kyle were obsessed with them as kids.

“So, this one had…” Jim blushed again. “It had little replica sheriff badges and I wanted to get you one to… remember me.”

“Oh, Jim!”

“But I only had enough change for one and I used the machine but when it spat the toy out… someone had refilled it with a different toy and not changed the picture on the outside.”

Alex listened to his story but so far didn’t see anything to be embarrassed about.

“Once I saw what it was… I was embarrassed to give it to you but I can’t think of anyone else to pass it onto either so it’s just been sitting in here, another little secret.”

“Jim, I told you that I don’t care about grand romantic gestures,” Alex stated. “Honestly, even if it’s a My Little Pony sticker, I would still love it because it came from you… Frankly, the smaller and tackier it is, the better.”

“Alex… it’s a damn Disney Princess necklace!”

“Really? Which Princess?”

He saw the way Jim blinked in surprise.

“What? I mean, I didn’t look…” he replied.

“You do remember my favorite Princess, don’t you?”

“I… Uh…”

“Come on, Jim… Kyle and I watched the movie all the time as kids. We used to sing all the songs?”

Alex could see the wheels turning in his mind, clearly trying to remember if there was one movie they used to watch more than any other.

“I remember you two were obsessed with Peter Pan and The Lion King… and Aladdin?”

His lips curled into a smile. Jim _did_ remember! Alex held his hand out, hopeful Jim would still give him the gift. His hand was shaking as he slowly placed the small round container onto Alex’s palm. He leaned over and kissed Jim’s cheek before prising it open.

Alex gasped then his eyes slowly flicked up to meet Jim’s. He reached inside and pulled out the tiny plastic necklace with a small image of Princess Jasmine upon it.

“I love it, Jim, really!” Alex insisted.

“I’m sorry it’s not-”

“Shhhh.”

Alex placed his finger to Jim’s lips to silence him.

“Don’t be sorry, Jim. I promise I’ll keep it safe forever,” he said.

“It’s a two-dollar necklace, Alex. You should throw it away the second you get home.”

“Never!”

He leaned forward and threw as much love, trust, gratitude into the one kiss he pressed to Jim’s lips.

“I love you, Jim, and I’m really going to miss you,” Alex whispered. “But it’s little things like these that I’ll cherish.”

“You’re too precious, Alex. I never deserved you.”

“No, Jim, don’t say stuff like that!”

“I don’t ever want to let you go.”

“Me neither; I’ll always love you, Jim.”

*

After spending a beautiful day together, Jim had to leave and Alex was left alone in his tiny, lonely studio. He was used to it but knowing the next time Jim came back to see him it would be to say their last goodbye, the very thought made him want to curl up on the bed and cry.

The necklace Jim had given him was clutched in his hand as he couldn’t stop toying with it, twirling the string around his fingers. He remembered Jacob’s first attempt to taunt him, calling him a precious princess but Alex hadn’t relayed that conversation to Jim… and Alex was anything but a princess. Except for maybe being in a tower, waiting for his prince to climb to the top and rescue him… But Jim had already scaled the fire escape and kissed him, told him he loved him. 

So, Jim wasn’t his ‘happily ever after’ but he was his gallant knight who’d saved him on multiple occasions.

A part of him was afraid what might happen to him once he was truly on his own. Alex had luckily happened upon Davey and his job but once he left Texas, moved far away from Roswell and Amarillo and Jim, he would definitely have to fend for himself.

Alex wasn’t helpless. He knew that but both Seb and Jacob had taunted that he was ‘too pretty for his own good’. Maybe he needed a gun? He thought of how forward Seb tended to be with him but the older man genuinely backed off if pushed… What if Alex came across another Jacob? The man had tried to handcuff him… if Jim hadn’t been there…

He sighed and sat up; fingers still curled around the necklace. He could take self-defence classes and maybe buy a baseball bat or a hockey stick. Alex _could_ protect himself. He just needed to really learn how. He could do it. He _had_ to.

***

He bought a new suitcase for the move. Alex was taking a step towards a new life but he hadn’t exactly accumulated many new possessions in the fourteen months he’d been in Texas. He hadn’t even bothered to pack because there wasn’t much _to_ pack. He didn’t touch his shelf either because it was the first thing he looked at in the morning and the last thing he saw before going to sleep.

The days moved too quickly for his liking. He worked one final party with Ty which was a strange feeling especially when they were offered one hundred dollars to make out in the middle of the crowded room. Alex liked Ty but had never kissed him before, had never even considered it but Ty was willing and money was money. 

The moment their lips touched, something changed between them, like an invisible charge shot through the two men. Alex found himself pulling Ty closer, their bodies reacting to each other amid the cheers of their audience. He found himself touching Ty in places he knew he shouldn’t but his friend groaned and reacted in ways that affected Alex more than he thought it should. When they finally parted, Ty was immediately swept away by another group and Alex was asked to take drinks to another room.

His body was still tingling and he couldn’t make sense of it. He didn’t have feelings for Ty so why did he suddenly want to kiss him again? 

Alex tried to keep his distance for the rest of the party but each time their paths crossed, his eyes were drawn to Ty’s lips which always curled into a smile upon seeing him.

When the party was over and they were changing into their street clothes, getting ready to leave for the evening, Alex struggled to form any words as he realized he only had one more shift at the club with Ty.

They climbed into the car together and it stopped at Ty’s place first. He opened the door; made to climb out but then he turned, looked at Alex and simply said ‘you coming?’. He knew he was supposed to say no but he simply nodded and followed him inside. There was electricity in the air between them as Ty poured them a glass of wine each. He toasted their friendship and wished Alex all the happiness he could ever want for his future.

Alex felt a pang in his chest; he didn’t want to say goodbye to Ty so he simply kissed him. That same heated charge was back and they practically crashed into each other, hands clawing at clothing as they stumbled into the bedroom. Both were in a state of undress when Ty pulled away and looked into Alex’s eyes.

“Are you sure about this?” Ty outright asked him.

“Yes; as long as you are…?” Alex pressed.

Ty answered with a kiss and they tumbled onto the bed.

*

“Not gonna lie, Alex,” Ty said to him. “I’d been wondering what that would be like.”

Alex didn’t even blush. He just snatched the piece of toast from Ty’s hand and took a hungry bite.

“Honestly? Same!” Alex laughed. “I mean… You were… Wow!”

“So were you!” Ty exclaimed. “I’m talking like ‘top five’ of my life.”

“Wait, _really_?” He did blush now.

“Yeah, I told you, age adds experience. Your… elder gentleman caller obviously taught you a few things.”

“Nope;” Alex blushed harder. “He’s, uh, I’m the only guy he’s ever…”

“ _Really_? Even now?”

“Uh huh.”

“So, I take it you never, uh, were never exclusive with him?”

Alex paused and considered the question. They never had ‘the talk’ about exclusivity, not even after he’d drunkenly fucked Seb but in just three days' time, Alex would be far away. He’d be _single_ and _ready to mingle_ … but had Alex technically been single this entire time? Jim was married; Alex was his ‘piece on the side’.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize it was such a tough question,” Ty apologized.

Alex reached for the juice on the table and poured himself a glass.

“It wasn’t… It’s not…” he paused. “It’s just complicated… I mean, no? I guess we weren’t exclusive but I know he didn’t sleep around on me.”

“And you did?”

“Just Seb but that was a drunken mistake.”

“And now me?” Ty looked at him over the brim of his mimosa.

“That was…”

“Sexual curiosity?” Ty suggested.

“How about… a good time between friends?”

“I like that, I mean… it’s been a while since you...”

Ty trailed off but Alex suspected what he’d been going to say.

“You know I only ever… with Scotty and Bailey,” he said.

“Really?” Ty frowned. “ _Bailey_?”

“It was months ago,” he waved his hand, dismissively. “Like… last year.”

“You know he has a boyfriend, yeah?”

“Well, I didn’t at the time but yeah now I do,”

“What about Zane?”

“Who?”

“ _Zane_! Really tall, tattoos on his back?”

Alex blinked, staring at Ty in confusion. He really couldn’t place the person he was talking about.

“He left around Halloween last year?” Ty continued.

“No idea.”

“He had a tongue piercing.”

And just like that, Alex remembered him. 

“Oh… Oh!” He reached for his drink. “I _definitely remember_ the pierced tongue.”

“And there was that _other_ guy, too.”

“Ty! What were you keeping a running tally of my hook-ups or something?”

Ty simply laughed and shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, I was kinda proud of you… You were a hot commodity when you first got here… And for the record,” Ty picked up a fork. “I don’t usually sleep with co-workers-”

“Uh, dude, you were with Davey when I gave my notice.”

“He’s my _boss_ , not a co-worker! And that was… sex adjacent.”

Ty took another sip of his drink while Alex munched on his breakfast.

“I really am going to miss you, Alex,” Ty stated. “Thank you for last night.”

“I’m gonna miss you too but I promise I’ll check in from time to time.”

“Where are you headed anyway? Maybe I can come visit?”

“Tennessee.”

“To focus on your music, huh?”

“Yeah, I, uh, hope so.”

“You’ll be great!” Ty reached across the table and grabbed Alex’s hand. He looked up, into his eyes and grinned with such excitement on his face. “You have an incredible voice and such a… stage presence now.”

Alex laughed.

“Hey, I remember how reserved you used to be… it took you awhile to find yourself out there but once you did… Wow! You’re gonna make it, Alex, I can _feel_ it… And once you’re rich and famous, don’t forget us little people, living it tough back here,”

“Living it tough? In this swanky house and your rich sugar daddy on the side?”

“That’s not gonna last, Alex,” Ty admitted. “They’re all the same; they only like you when you’re young, cute and adventurous…”

“I’m sorry,”

“Nah, it’s fine… You, uh, you get used to it. The point is, there’s always another rich guy to take his place.”

“But you really liked this one and he was so good to you…”

“Oh, he still is but it’s been over a year now and, I just didn’t expect to lose you _and him_ so close together.”

“I’m sorry, Ty.”

“Do _not_ be! You’re doing what’s best for you and that’s what’s important… and I am going to enjoy whatever time he and I have left… Even if he does have one foot out the door already.”

Alex really felt for Ty but he didn’t really know what else to say. He definitely shared his heartache; Alex would be losing Jim so very soon and he wasn’t ready. He’d never be ready to say goodbye; at least after last night, he had gotten a nice, beautiful way to say farewell to Ty and for that he was grateful.


	58. Chapter 58

The day had finally arrived; Jim awoke with a sense of dread inside his chest. He immediately rolled over and wrapped his arms around Michelle, pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her neck. She reached over and gently stroked his arm, pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He hadn’t clung to her like this in such a long time but she was _here_ and wasn’t going anywhere. She hadn’t left him, not the way Rosa had, Kyle had, Alex was about to.

“It’s okay to say you’re going to miss him, Jim,” she whispered.

He found it incredible that even after all these years she could tell what he was thinking and feeling, though how she hadn’t caught on to his true feelings for Alex he’d never know.

“He’s still so young and inexperienced in the real world,” Jim replied.

“He’s a good kid with a smart head on his shoulders. He survived years under Jesse’s roof and has been on his own for over a year… You said he’s thriving… It’s okay to let him spread his wings and fly away.”

He knew she was right but that didn’t make it any easier to hear. 

“I still can’t believe you’re bailing on Halloween, all those delinquents to catch,” she teased. “Such a busy night.”

But it would be a very busy night at the club too. It was Alex’s last shift and Halloween meant he’d be in costume again. He couldn’t wait to see what Alex had put together for his final performances; he’d teased the possibility of singing for the crowd and Jim could feel himself getting hard just _thinking_ about it.

“You’ll have Evans with you, I’m sure he’ll be an interesting choice for the evening,” Jim said.

“At least half the delinquents aren’t his friends.” She added. “Not since…”

“Not since what?”

“Don’t tell me you hadn’t noticed?”

“Noticed what?”

“A certain trouble maker _not_ frequenting the drunk tank lately?”

Jim paused and mulled over her statement. He hadn’t seen Michael Guerin since… Since when? 

“Wait, what?” Jim frowned. Michelle laughed.

“You didn’t notice he left town?”

He sat up in surprise and looked at her.

“He _left_?” Jim gasped. His immediate thought was of Alex and how this news would make him feel.

“Evans told me,” she also sat up, looked at Jim.

“Where did he go?”

What if he’d followed Alex? What if Michael had gone after him and found him? What if the _real_ reason Alex was leaving was to begin a life with him instead? He could feel himself overreacting but couldn’t stop.

“Oh, Jim, no… please don’t make him your next project!” Michelle begged. He frowned. “You tracked Alex down as a temporary replacement for Kyle; don’t try to make Michael a replacement for Alex after he leaves.”

He couldn’t blame her for thinking that way.

“If you’re gonna spend the rest of your life trying to track down every kid who’s ever left town, you better just retire from your job now because there aren’t enough hours in the day or enough years of your life left.”

“Hey!” He quipped. “I’m not _that_ old!”

But Jim could hear Alex’s voice in his head; his usual ‘keep up, old man’ remark and he smiled to himself.

“Well, I can save you time,” she said. “Guerin moved to Albuquerque.”

“Albuquerque?” He repeated.

“Max said he reapplied to UNM and took another shot at a scholarship; he got it so he went. He’s back most weekends, I see him with Isobel Evans a lot but through the week, he’s at school. You really hadn’t noticed?”

If he was honest, then no, he really hadn’t noticed but thinking on it now it was obvious. It also explained the change in Max; like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders but another had been chained to his ankle. Max had stressed over Michael when he saw him every day, it must be difficult to _not_ be able to keep an actual eye on him.

“Well… Good… I mean, it’s good for him,” Jim said. “He’s a smart kid and he’s had it tough.”

“Do you think Alex knows?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“I… Alex was close with Michael, wasn’t he?”

“Uh, yeah… They were friends.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Why? I mean, it’s got nothing to do with him anymore.”

She nodded in a strangely knowing way, kissed Jim’s cheek and climbed out of bed. He watched her leave the room and _almost_ called her back. He caught himself, threw back the covers and got up. It was still early but he had to put in a few hours at the station this morning. Jim had taken the afternoon and evening off but he needed to make an appearance at work, especially on Halloween. Michelle was right about delinquents being out in full force on such a day and they seemed to start earlier and earlier each year.

It was a long morning; he checked his phone a lot, partially hoping for a message from Alex saying he’d changed his mind and he wasn’t leaving after all. He knew it wasn’t going to happen but he could be hopeful.

When he got up to leave, he paused in the doorway and looked around. The next time he stepped through these doors, Alex wouldn’t be a part of his life anymore. The very thought cut him deep. He caught a glimpse of Max, chewing on the tip of his pen, but he didn’t approach him. A part of him wanted to ask after Michael, in case he decided to tell Alex but instead he turned on his heel and walked out.

*

Overnight bag packed for the last time, he logged on to the home computer and double checked his hotel booking. Jim wanted to stay with Alex but knew he shouldn’t. He’d never hold the young man in his arms while they both slept ever again. The realization hurt but he’d had to accept there wasn’t enough time for them to do everything one last time so a clean break was for the best. Jim did hope to be intimate with him one more time though and he was absolutely going to kiss him goodbye before they parted.

He threw his bag in the car and off he went. The drive felt longer today, was there more traffic? Was it because of Halloween? Was it because it was the last time he’d travel this route for this very purpose. His heart ached at the idea. Jim knew he was being silly; he loved Alex very dearly but what exactly were they to each other? He’d never been able to call him his boyfriend but he hated to think of Alex as his boy-toy, his paramour; Alex _was_ his lover though as they made love _every time_ they were together.

Jim tried not to let his thoughts and his heart get the better of him; he should be happy and excited to see Alex again… _one last time_. He slammed his fist against the steering wheel in frustration then winced in pain. Jim removed his sunglasses and tucked them into his collar, still trying to think of all the things he wanted to say to Alex before it was too late.

He pulled into a gas station and stopped when he saw the gumball vending machines. The image stuck to the outside was still that of the Sheriff’s badge but the very sight made his eyes well. He hastily shoved his sunglasses back on and hurried away to pay for his gas.

*

He’d chosen a completely different hotel to his previous stays. Jim wasn’t in the dive he’d first stayed in last year when he’d stumbled upon the young man dancing provocatively on the stage. For obvious reasons he’d also opted not to revisit the place they’d consummated their relationship the first time. Jim had always planned to take Alex back to The Big Texan but that hadn’t happened… now it never would.

He parked the car, took his bag to reception and checked in. Key in hand, he unlocked the door and examined the room he’d be sleeping alone in that night. The bed looked very inviting but it would be cold and lonely without Alex.

Jim opened the minibar and sighed with relief that it had been emptied per his request. The last thing he needed was to fall off the wagon _now_.

His phone began to buzz and he snatched it up. A text from Michelle, asking if he arrived safely and telling him to give her best to Alex. He shot a quick reply back but the second he put his phone down it rang. Alex’s number flashed upon the screen.

“Alex,” he greeted him with a smile on his face but hurt in his heart.

“Hey Jim,” Alex’s voice sounded off.

“Are you okay? You sound… different,”

“It’s just… becoming real, you know? Everything is packed and the place looks like it did when I first moved in… Like I was never here…”

“Feels weird, huh?”

“A year of my life… in this one tiny room; I didn’t even think I’d last the original three months of my lease…”

“But you did; you found your feet and… found yourself along the way. I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, Alex.”

“Because you were terrified of me being a stripper?”

“What?”

“Come on, be honest… the first time you saw me on that stage; all you could think was how I’d clearly hit rock bottom.”

“That’s not true!”

Jim paused, remembering the vision of beauty he’d seen dancing under the spotlight; the way his heart had practically stopped at the very sight.

“Jim,” Alex softly chuckled. 

“Honestly, Alex, the first time I saw you on that stage… my entire World changed.” Jim confessed. “You were… the most beautiful vision I’d ever seen in my life. And I was _jealous_ of all those men watching you because I just wanted you all to myself.”

“I wish you were here right now; my last night ever getting paid to take my clothes off for middle aged men.”

“You can’t say that; you might miss the thrill of being so desired that you get drawn back in… maybe you were born to be a sexy, seductive stripper?”

“You saying I’m not good enough for anything else?”

“What? No, of course not! Just that… your talents shouldn’t be wasted.”

“I miss you already, Jim.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, love.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning.”

The call ended and Jim just stared at his phone. He hated lying to Alex but it was necessary so he could surprise the younger man tonight. He wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to see Alex on stage one last time but he didn’t want him to feel pressured or anything. He was also pretty sure Alex would have made plans to spend his final night in town with his friends and Jim didn’t want to impose but he did have plans of his own, plans he’d need help with.

*

Jim was too old for a costume or so he believed. He climbed into a taxi and headed across town to the club, looking out the window at all the people dressed up he felt oddly out of place. He paid the driver and walked into a nearby store in the hopes of finding anything but the best they had was a cheap tacky headband with devil horns. Jim bought it anyway and placed it on his head. 

As he walked to the alley, he was surprised to see an actual line of customers. Jim panicked; what if he couldn’t actually get in? He quickly unbuttoned his shirt, ruffled his hair and adjusted the horns before moving past the line and up to the bouncer.

Hamish recognized him immensely but paused to give him a once over. He couldn’t exactly blame him. Jim _never_ dressed this way but some of the men in the line were definitely checking out his toned and exposed chest.

“Last time, huh?” Hamish said.

“Guess so,” Jim replied.

“I’m sorry to see him go; Alex is a good kid,”

“He, uh, isn’t expecting me tonight but that line is crazy long…”

“Are you asking to cut just because you’re fucking one of the performers?”

“Not in so many words but basically yeah,”

“Well, pecs like that deserve to be on display tonight so go on in… the horns are a nice touch too.”

“Thanks,”

Jim pressed a generous tip into Hamish’s hand and passed through the door. At the base of the stairs he was waved through before paying the entrance fee. This was going to be his last night here and he was honestly relieved. 

He, once again, recognized the young man on the stage but he purposely sneaked through the crowd. The last thing he wanted was to be recognized and his surprise ruined.

The club was the busiest he’d ever seen it. Staff were hard to pick in the crowd as other patrons were dressed up for Halloween too. Some were as scantily clad as the young performers while others were in similar fashion to him.

He moved around to not stay put too long and risk being seen. Jim watched the performers for a bit then wondered if any were actually dressed any differently tonight… a cowboy, a sailor, he’d definitely seen before. He remembered one-time Alex had worn a sailor costume and felt his dick twitch in his pants at the memory.

A spotlight lit up the stage and, like a true vision, Alex appeared. The crowd cheered and Jim stopped, stared at him. The confidence and the sexiness that oozed from him.

“I, uh, don’t usually talk during these but,” Alex spoke clearly into the microphone on the headset he was wearing. “I just wanted to take this moment to say that tonight is my last performance here.”

The crowd began to boo, Jim joined in.

“So, I want to thank each and every person who supported me with cheers or encouragement or tips… know that working here has been a unique experience that I’ll never forget and this might be an odd song choice but I wanted to sing for you all one last time and for some reason this was the first song that came to mind; I hope you enjoy listening….”

Alex moved to the side of the stage and the music began.

“ _I gotta take a little time_ ,” he began to sing. “ _A little time to think things over… I better read between the lines… In case I need it when I'm older…_ ”

Jim watched, transfixed, as Alex moved so sensually around the stage. His voice was absolutely captivating.

“ _Now this mountain I must climb… Feels like a world upon my shoulders… Through the clouds I see love shine… It keeps me warm as life grows colder…_ ”

The way he slowly cast his shirt aside, revealing his naked chest. All Jim wanted to do was rush the stage and cover his skin in kisses. He marvelled at how in tune with the music his movements were. The way his hands trailed over his own body as he thrust his hips, hooking his fingers in his underwear and tugging them down to expose just a hint of his sweet ass.

“ _In my life there's been heartache and pain… I don't know if I can face it again… I can't stop now; I've travelled so far… To change this lonely life..._

_I wanna know what love is… I want you to show me… I wanna feel what love is… I know you can show me…”_

Tears filled Jim’s eyes as Alex’s voice and the lyrics washed over him. The way Alex touched himself at the appropriate words. All around him, men were practically drooling into their laps. Many of them vocally offering to be the one to show him exactly what love feels like.

But Jim could only watch and listen as he realized Alex had already shown _him_ what love is, what it felt like… how it feels to lose it.

“ _I know you can show me…_ ” Alex sang. “ _Show me love is real, yeah… I wanna know what love is…_ ”

His song, his performance, came to an end. Alex was on his knees, legs spread wide, one hand on his heart and the other cupping his groin. Despite the slow tune, the crowd had definitely been moved and were on the brink of being riled up. Jim watched Alex climb to his feet and take a bow. He immediately turned on his heel and walked away, he needed air; he also needed Alex but that would have to wait.


	59. Chapter 59

The crowd was still cheering as Alex stepped off the stage. His heart was pounding, body tingling from the excitement and thrill of the crowd. He removed the headset and made sure it was switched off as he was engulfed by a pair of arms.

“That was amazing, Alex!” Ty cried. “You were incredible,”

“Thanks Ty,” he was practically beaming.

“I’ve never heard that song before.”

“Yeah I know it was an odd choice-”

“I’m sure there’s a number of guys out there who really wanna show you what love is now,”

“Yeah… no kidding,.”

“What’s wrong? Did you just _shudder_?”

“No.”

His reply was too quick and too sharp, Ty could see right through him and he merely sighed in defeat.

“My landlord is out there,” Alex admitted. “We made eye contact and it was kinda awkward.”

“You could pick _one_ guy out in that crowd?”

“He was right in the front, like, front and center… and he kept, like, making faces at me,”

“Tell Davey, get Hamish or Vance to kick him out.”

“But he’s not _doing_ anything… he’s just sitting there, watching.”

“If he’s making you uncomfortable-”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Alex-”

“Really, it’s okay. I’m fine and as long as he keeps his distance…”

Ty grasped Alex’s hand.

“Come on, we have a treat for you,” Ty tugged Alex back to the dressing room where several other staff members were milling about.

Ty placed his hands over Alex’s eyes but before he had a chance to panic, Ty told him to count to three. They counted together and when he could see again, he was presented with a cake. The cake itself was shaped like a penis and Alex burst out laughing.

“It’s perfect,” Alex stated. “Thank you, all of you!”

Scotty handed a knife to Alex and told him to do the honours of slicing it. Ty immediately asked for the balls. They both laughed but Alex gave him the piece he’d requested. Each of his fellow strippers accepted a piece of cake and he hugged them. He hesitated to be too affectionate with Bailey, having still not entirely forgiven him for pushing Alex into the crowd that night… even if he had essentially fallen into Jim’s very arms as a result.

They all enjoyed the cake and Justin brought out a bottle of scotch, poured a shot for each of them and they shared a toast to Alex’s future.

Scotty then hurried off to perform his set and Alex sat down at his station, examined his reflection.

“You nervous?” Ty asked as he sat beside him.

“Why would I be nervous?” Alex replied.

“Uh, your final costume! I mean, it’s a bit… out there… isn’t it?”

“Maybe but… it’s my last chance and…” 

Alex trailed off; he _was_ a little uncertain about his costume choice for the evening but he was excited too. A part of him hoped Seb would be gone by the time he went onstage again but he couldn’t be sure. 

“I’ll be cheering you on from back here,” Ty assured him.

“Thanks,” 

He leaned over and hugged him. Ty swiped another piece of cake and Alex chuckled as he walked away. He also got up and went to take a quick shower before his final performance.

Alex dressed in his costume then sat down in front of the mirror to fix his makeup. The minutes ticked away; Ty took to the stage before him and when he was finished, he came running backstage in nothing but a G-string and a sailor hat. The crowd was still cheering.

Alex stood before the full-length mirror and examined his reflection. The dress came to just above his knees and the low-cut top showed off his chest but this was a risky move and he knew it.

The moment he stepped back onto the stage, the crowd cheered and he felt a rush unlike any before. He moved across the entire stage with grace, agility and sexiness. He played with the fake stethoscope around his neck as he slowly, seductively unbuttoned the dress to reveal his underwear.

The song came to an end and just like that he was done. His final performance was over and he took his last bow. Alex ran backstage and found Davey waiting for him.

He was still on a high as Davey looked at him almost sternly and pulled him aside.

“Davey?” Alex immediately grew concerned.

“Your, uh, services have been requested for one last… private performance…” Davey said.

“What?” His stomach dropped.

Davey held the nurse’s costume up for Alex and indicated for him to put it back on. His heart began to pound in fear.

“What?” Alex repeated.

“It’s a rite of passage, Manes,” Davey explained. “One private dance and you’re done.”

“Davey, no! Please, I can’t!”

“He’s requested you wear this.”

His immediate fear was his customer was going to be Seb and he felt sick to the stomach.

“No, please?” Alex begged.

“I’ve been good to you, Manes, and asked for so little in return… You _can_ do this for me.”

“Davey-”

“It’s _one_ dance… Five minutes and you’re free.”

Davey grabbed his hand and practically yanked him from the dressing room. Alex was terrified as Davey led him down the corridor to the private room. He’d only been here once before and had hoped to never set foot in it again.

“Davey, I _can’t_!” Alex insisted.

“Yes, you can,” Davey replied. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Promise me it’s not my landlord; no matter how much he offered you for my… services.”

“He’s here? Tonight? Alex, why didn’t you say something?”

“I didn’t want to cause a scene…”

“Well, I promise you it’s not him.”

They stood outside the door when Davey told Alex he had to do just one more thing then asked for his underwear. Alex’s jaw dropped.

“He said he’d pay extra… more money in your pocket, so hurry up, okay?”

He wanted to fight it but money was money and the sooner he got this over with the better. Alex kicked off his underwear but Davey didn’t take it from him, just opened the door and let him in.

Alex’s heart was practically in his throat as he stepped into the dark room. The lights were lower than he remembered them being and he felt around for the small table, placed his underwear upon it so he could find them later.

His eyes didn’t adjust well but he could just make out the lone figure sitting stoically at the far end of the room.

“Okay, look,” Alex began. “I know I’m supposed to come in here and be all smooth and seductive but I’ve never done this before so I have no idea what I’m meant to do or what you’re expecting of me and the last thing I want is for you to think my behavior reflects badly on this place though it doesn’t _really_ matter to me since tonight is my last night here and you obviously didn’t need to know that but I’m just rambling now although I do appreciate that you liked my costume choice for the evening and requested I wear it now…”

He stopped his rambling but the figure still hadn’t moved or spoken a single word.

“Liar.”

The man finally spoke and Alex froze.

“You _have_ done this before,” he corrected him. “Several times though not here, in this room, but in the privacy of your home…”

“Jim!”

Alex recognized his lover’s voice and practically flew across the room to jump into his lap. His legs straddling the older man he wrapped his arms around his neck, leaned down and kissed him.

“You’re _here_!” Alex cried, relief and love in his voice.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be tonight,” Jim insisted.

“You… You came and you saw… saw me…”

He felt Jim’s hand slide up his thigh and under his dress.

“I saw you on that stage,” Jim whispered. “ _Both times_ and you were absolutely breathtaking. As soon as you started singing, I knew I just had to show you what love is.”

“Jim-”

“And then you wore this sexy nurse’s costume and I was gone all over again. I found Davey and practically begged him to make _this_ happen.”

“Did you really request I wear this?”

Jim’s hand continued to caress his skin under the material of the dress. His body tingled with excitement.

“Yes;” Jim’s voice was heavy with lust. “I’m sorry about how I reacted last time I saw you like that… It was wrong, I was wrong and you look sexy as hell, Alex.”

He blushed as Jim leaned in for a kiss. Lips lingering for just long enough.

“I see you respected my _other_ request,” Jim teased as his fingers grasped Alex’s underwear-free cock. He bucked his hips.

“Jim,” Alex gasped.

He felt Jim’s lips on his throat as he slid his fingers into his short dark locks. In the darkness of the room, he couldn’t see the tiny premature flecks of grey in his hair. Alex secretly liked seeing them though, he felt it gave Jim a distinguished gentleman vibe.

“Can I make love to you in that dress?” Jim asked him.

“I don’t know; can you?” Alex teased.

“May I?” Jim corrected himself as he softly pressed a kiss to Alex’s throat.

“Yes.”

He closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling of Jim’s fingers slowly undoing the buttons of his dress, felt the material be parted to reveal his naked body then Jim’s lips were on his chest and all he could do was moan.

Jim kissed and caressed him all over while he slowly worked his hips, grinding himself over Jim’s still clothed thighs then he was carefully lowered onto the couch, legs being parted and Jim’s lube covered fingers were pressing inside him. He didn’t know where the lube even came from, he didn’t _care_. All he could think about was what those fingers were doing to him.

He tugged on Jim’s hair, moaning appreciatively into the man’s kisses while fucking himself on his long, skilled fingers. Alex had already been a little hard after the excitement of being onstage but now he was practically ready to burst just from having his lover’s fingers inside him.

Once he was thoroughly prepared, Jim’s digits vanished, Alex whimpered and clung to him for a moment, face buried in Jim’s neck. He felt a kiss on the top of his head, heard the rustling of Jim’s pants and underwear being lowered before he was eased back into Jim’s lap. He slowly lowered himself onto Jim’s rock-hard cock. Alex wrapped his legs around Jim’s waist, impaling himself on the man’s hardness. He moved his hips, building up the friction as Jim leaned closer and kissed him. Jim’s fist closed around Alex’s cock, lazily pumping him in sync with his thrusts.

Their kisses were slow and gentle, soft and sensual, tender and loving. Jim held Alex so protectively, one arm wrapped tightly around him while his other worked his cock as their bodies moved together as one.

“I love you, Alex,” Jim whispered. “And I always will.”

“Me too, Jim,” Alex replied. “I love you more than I could put into words.”

“I know,” he agreed with another gentle kiss.

“Am so glad you’re here, thank you.”

“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything… Seeing you, up there, looking like… like… something I can’t even put into words… and your song was just-”

“It was _just_ a song,” Alex insisted, pressing his lips to Jim’s neck. “I _know_ what love is because you _did_ show me. I saw it in the way you looked at me, felt it when you touched me, kissed me, held me… made love to me like this.”

Jim thrust his hips, Alex moaned and captured his lips in a deep kiss. They continued to move together, Jim burying himself deep inside the younger man. Alex clung to him so tightly because he never wanted this to end, he wanted to stay this way forever. Just him and Jim in their own private bubble, feeling the love and admiration from his lover as their bodies connected as one.

Alex kissed him so tenderly as they continued to make love in the seedy, questionable back room of the club. Where they were didn’t matter, being together in such an intimate way was the important thing right now. He blinked back tears, so happy Jim had surprised him even if it was such a terrifying way of doing it. Alex reached up to touch Jim’s cheek and found himself brushing tears from his lover’s face. They were both crying!

He felt Jim’s hand in his hair, pulling him into another kiss which they held for a long time.

“Come inside me, Jim,” Alex whispered. “I want to feel your love inside me.”

Jim increased the depth and the speed of his thrusts and within a minute, Alex felt his seed spilling forth and filling him completely. It was beautiful and debauched and Alex absolutely loved it but then his body was shifted from Jim’s lap, placed back upon the couch and Jim was on his knees, between Alex’s legs. Jim’s mouth closed over the tip of his cock and Alex screamed in delight. It only took about twenty seconds for him to spill down Jim’s throat.

He was utterly exhausted when Jim rose up to meet him, lips coming together in a beautiful kiss. Alex could taste himself in Jim’s mouth and it was _hot_ then Jim dropped onto the couch beside him and pulled Alex into his arms.

They sank onto the cushions together, Alex now half lying on top of Jim’s still mostly clothed body. He closed his eyes as he placed the palm of his hand to Jim’s exposed chest.

“This is it, isn’t it, Jim?” Alex whispered.

“Yeah,” he softly replied. “It is.”

Alex turned and pressed a kiss to Jim’s heart.

“It’s fitting, I guess,” he agreed. “I mean, this is where it all started… all them months ago.”

“We’ve both… come a long way.”

Alex rested his head on Jim’s chest and closed his eyes. He felt a strong pair of arms engulf him and he smiled to himself.

“I love you, Alex.”


	60. Chapter 60

They stayed longer than they should’ve but Jim just didn’t want to let go of Alex. He loved having the younger man in his embrace and he knew the moment they left the room they’d never be intimate like this again. 

Jim pressed a kiss to Alex’s forehead then he peered up at him, leaned closer and they shared a gentle kiss. He reached up, tucked Alex’s hair behind his ear and kissed him again.

It was nearly impossible to separate from each other and once they did, they moved into the tiny bathroom. Jim washed the lube away and Alex slipped into the stall. Several minutes later they emerged and slowly made their way across the room. Alex stopped to grab his underwear from the table but he didn’t pull them back on.

“I should go and-” Jim started.

“Jim?” Alex frowned. “What do you mean, go?”

“Don’t you want to spend the night with your friends?”

“What?”

“It’s your last night in town, you should go out with them and say goodbye.”

“While you sit alone in my apartment waiting up for me?”

“No, of course not.”

“You want to come with us?”

Jim reached for Alex’s hand.

“No,” Jim laughed. “But you should go out and have fun.”

“But you’re here and-”

“Alex, I booked a hotel for the night.”

He felt Alex’s hand slip from his and his heart sank.

“You what?” Alex asked, hurt showing in his eyes.

“I didn’t want to impose on your evening,” he explained.

“But-”

“You had plans, didn’t you? Before I showed up here?”

“Well… Yeah but that’s because I wasn’t expecting you till tomorrow but I want you here; I want to be with you.”

“Alex, it’s for the best. If I were to go home with you tonight, I would _never_ let you go but I know you _have_ to… to go because it’s the right time for you.”

“Jim,”

“So, go… Alex, go out with your friends and have the best farewell drinks you could ask for. I promise, I’ll see you in the morning.”

He pulled Alex into a hug and softly kissed him. Jim felt the younger man surrendering in his arms and he continued to kiss him until Alex slowly pulled away from him.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Alex replied, tears brimming in his eyes.

“Nice and early; we can go for breakfast… pancakes?” Jim suggested.

“I’d like that.”

“Make sure you stay hydrated… Don’t want you being hungover in the morning.”

“Thank you for being here, Jim.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Alex,”

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want to come with us?”

“You don’t want an old man like me cramping your style.”

“Jim-”

“I’ll see you in the morning, Corazón,”

Jim had to walk away, to make sure Alex went with his friends and didn’t try to follow him. If Alex did try again to entice him back to his place for the night then Jim knew he wouldn’t be able to say ‘No’.

He blinked back tears as he walked out of the club and out to the street. Jim didn’t call a taxi, simply walked all the way back to his hotel. It took him almost an hour but the streets still had people milling about in costume. He got a few looks from people, probably for being out alone, and he self-consciously buttoned his shirt. A block later he removed the devil horns and tossed them in a garbage can.

When he finally reached the privacy of his room, he sank down on the bed and buried his face in his pillow. He clutched his phone in his hand but he wasn’t going to call or text Alex; he was going to let the younger man enjoy himself. They’d had their final copulation and he needed to accept that. It had been sweet, tender, loving. Perhaps it wasn’t exactly romantic but it was memorable. Jim would never forget the way Alex had looked in that dress.

His phone beeped and he looked at the screen. A picture message was attached. It was grainy but he could just make out the smile on Alex’s face. He wasn’t at all jealous of the way his friend Ty was leaning into him or so he tried to tell himself.

Jim could’ve gone with them… He _could_ have spent the evening watching them get drunk and have a good time but that really wasn’t his thing. He genuinely wanted Alex to enjoy himself tonight.

Jim climbed into the shower and took his time to thoroughly wash himself before crawling back into bed. He hated that he wished Alex were there, lying beside him but he’d decided it was for the best. Sure, he would’ve loved just one more night of having Alex in his arms but he was just going to have to accept that he and Alex were on two different paths now. He couldn’t be the one to hold him back.

Jim still kept the unspoken fantasy inside his head, a World where Alex could return to Roswell or Jim could throw in the towel as Sheriff and they’d run away together. He liked to imagine them in a cabin by a lake, in a chalet in the snow, on a beach under the shining sun. Jim loved thinking of Alex at the beach, in a bathing suit, turning heads.

He sighed to himself as he dared to dream of a life with Alex; the younger man playing his guitar while two or three dogs ran around the room. It was a magical fantasy where Michelle and Kyle accepted them; Kyle would visit with his wife and children. They’d be a family and everyone would be happy… But the image faded, Alex stayed the same, still playing his guitar but the man he was smiling at, playing for _wasn’t_ Jim. This was the life, the future Alex could have without him. 

It _hurt_ but it was reality.

Jim reached for the empty bed beside him and pushed all his thoughts, dreams aside. He grabbed one of the spare pillows and hugged it to his chest. It felt nothing like Alex but it would have to do. Tomorrow night he’d be home in Roswell, Alex would be who knows where and Jim would finally have to talk to Michelle. He tried to blink back his tears but eventually gave in and cried himself to sleep.

**-**

Once again, he was awake before the sun had risen and he got up to make coffee. It tasted disgusting but he’d had worse so was able to choke it down. Jim plugged his phone in to charge, topping up the battery, while he drank his swill. There were several more texts from Alex, they’d become progressively dirtier as the night wore on possibly as a result of the more alcohol he was consuming.

The last text made him drop his phone. It was a nude photo and Jim cursed the bad resolution of camera phones but he could make out enough to know it was Alex in all his naked glory. The caption was direct too and Jim had to bite down on his lip.

It was wrong but his one burning question was who had taken the photo? Jim wanted to know who Alex trusted to take a naked photo of him. He wasn’t exactly jealous; Alex was naked in front of men all the time or he had been up until last night.

He had to delete it, couldn’t possibly risk Michelle or _anyone_ else accidentally finding it. He’d never be able to lie or explain his way out of having a naked photo of Alex on his phone. Just like the time he’d had to delete Alex’s ‘love you’ text. The very thought hurt so much; he sat there for the entire time it took to drink his coffee, just staring at the horribly lit photo. 

He didn’t touch himself even though he really wanted to. No, he needed to respect Alex even more now. They weren’t lovers anymore and Jim knew that. All he could do now was wish him the best and hope for a farewell kiss.

Jim made a second cup of coffee which tasted just as terrible as the first. He poured half of it down the sink, rinsed the mug and looked at his reflection. He brushed his teeth while debating if he should shave. Alex liked his stubble, had whispered the confession in his ear late one night, but would keeping it be cruelly torturing the younger man? He compromised by trimming it instead of completely shaving it off.

Even his clothing choices were limited; Jim spent more time at work than anywhere else so he practically lived in his uniform meaning he had little variation in his everyday wear. The two shirts he’d packed were both ones Alex had commented on… well, one he’d commented on and the other he’d come all over. Jim was tempted to wear that one but opted for the shirt Alex liked instead.

He checked his reflection and paused; why did he care so much over how he’d look while saying goodbye to Alex? Was it because it was the last image Alex would have of him? The idea of never seeing him, touching him, kissing him was just too painful. Was this how the Guerin boy had felt after Alex had left? How had he just let Alex walk away?

Jim undid the top button and the second one but then he re-buttoned the second one… Maybe Alex would undo it for him? God, he was pathetic! He and Alex were essentially over now. They’d made love for the last time and Jim was about to drive him to the airport. They weren’t a couple; they weren’t lovers; Jim was just a man driving the son of a friend to the airport.

He collected his things, left a tip on the bed and headed to the reception to check out. He never planned to set foot in Amarillo ever again. 

Jim climbed into his car and checked the clock. Alex would likely still be asleep, depending on how rambunctious his evening had been. Things may have gotten pretty wild for Alex to have taken _all_ of his clothes off then pose for a photo.

He tried not to think about it but found himself reaching for his phone to look at the image again.

The last text had come through just after 4-am which meant Alex might have gotten four hours sleep but the younger man could sleep on the plane. Jim started the car and drove to Alex’s building. He climbed out and paused, wondering if he should’ve shown up with coffee or something. He stared at the fire escape, remembering the times Alex had sat upon the top ladder and waved down at him… The time he’d climbed it to be by his side and kiss him goodbye.

Did he dare climb it one last time? He was sure the window would be unlocked; he could sneak inside and maybe kiss him awake one last time? If he knocked on the door, Alex would have to get up to let him in. Where was the surprise in that?

Jim stood below the ladder, reached up and missed the bottom rung. He tried a second time and cursed that he missed again. He vowed a third attempt then would give up and go in the front door but he grasped the ladder on the final try. Jim pulled himself up then ascended to the very top floor. He carefully opened the window and peered inside but the sight that greeted him was so shocking he _almost_ fell from the ledge. Instead, he launched himself through the window in a fit of rage.


	61. Chapter 61

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attempted sexual assault in this chapter that will be mentioned in upcoming chapters  
> ***************************************************************************************

It had been a fun night for Alex, he really hadn’t expected his co-workers to take him out for drinks especially since they worked till the early hours but they partied anyway. With their fake IDs they got into a club and danced and drank until only Alex and Ty were left. He didn’t drink a lot but he was definitely buzzed, made sure to stay hydrated too because he didn’t want his final farewell to Jim to be hindered by a hangover.

Both Alex and Ty were rather giddy and Ty teased him mercilessly for texting Jim all night despite not getting a single reply. They’d finally agreed the only way to get a reaction was to go all out. Alex stripped naked; Ty snapped a photo then Alex forwarded it to Jim.

When no reaction came through, Alex reluctantly decided to call it a night but as he and Ty shared one final glass of wine, they both nodded off together on the couch.

Alex awoke early and swore loud enough to wake Ty. It wasn’t how he wanted to say goodbye to him either but he needed to get home to meet Jim. Alex grabbed his jacket, promised he’d call Ty once he got where he was going and kissed him goodbye. Alex was outside waiting for his taxi before he even realized he’d kissed him.

He gave the driver a generous tip and jumped out of the car. Alex practically ran into the building and up the stairs. He was in such a rush that he didn’t realize he was being followed. Alex stopped to unlock the door, panting for breath, clutching a stitch in his side while trying to get the key into the lock.

He pushed his way inside but when he kicked the door closed behind him, it didn’t shut. Alex turned around to see what the issue was and found himself face to face with Seb.

“Now _really_ isn’t a good time,” Alex tried to deflect. He wasn’t in the mood to put up with the older man right now and he still remembered the last time Seb had cornered him in here especially since his eyes were roaming all over his body.

“Your shirt is on inside out,” Seb stated

Alex didn’t know if he should check or not.

“So? What if it is?” He asked, defensively.

“You were out all night.”

“Keeping tabs on me, Seb? You know I’m leaving today, right?”

“I know. I was going to give your bond back but then you went and broke the bed…”

“Fine, keep it… Just, please leave?”

“Impatient to be rid of me?”

Seb shoved the door and stepped into the apartment. He kicked it closed and Alex immediately felt something was wrong when Seb slid the bolt into place, locking himself in with Alex.

“Seb?” Alex asked. He looked around but everything he owned was packed away in two suitcases and a guitar case. 

“You were out all night.” He repeated.

“So? I… fell asleep at a friend’s place.”

Why was he explaining himself? It was none of Seb’s business where he’d been.

“Did you fuck this friend?” Seb asked, taking a step towards Alex.

“That’s none of your business!”

“I think you _did_ fuck him, like you fuck your cop friend… your sugar daddy who uses you for sex without paying you for your effort.”

“Seb-”

The older man moved into Alex’s personal space. He stepped back but Seb moved with him.

“Seb, stop it!” Alex hissed. “Jim will be here any minute and I need to shower and change and-”

Seb shoved Alex down onto the bed and started to struggle with the zip of his jeans. Alex immediately tried to slap his hands away but Seb backhanded him. He hissed as Seb undid his own belt, yanked it free of his pants.

“Seb, what the hell are you doing?” Alex cried as he rolled off the bed, made for the door only for the older man to whip him again with the belt.

“Sebastian!” Alex shouted.

He could feel panic rising inside of him, flashes of not long ago and Jacob advancing on him mixed with memories of the times his father had used a belt on him. Alex tried to dart around him; maybe he could take refuge in the bathroom until Jim arrived?

But he got too close and he underestimated Seb’s reflexes. The older man caught Alex’s arm then wrapped the belt around them, effectively tying Alex’s hands behind his back.

“Seb! What the fuck?” Alex shouted.

He was angry but a part of him was also scared. He was trapped in here with Seb and the older man definitely had the upper hand. Alex tried to be defiant but Seb backhanded him again and he fell back onto the bed.

Alex’s fight or flight kicked in, just like last time, and he tried to get away. He lashed out with his foot but Seb caught it, he tucked Alex’s leg under his arm them tried again to undo Alex’s pants

“Seb!” Alex screamed. “Seb, stop it! Let me go!”

“I watched you on that stage last night, singing about wanting to _feel_ love while you flaunted around and took off your clothes… and every man in that room wanted to fuck your brains out.” Seb explained. “But I was the only one who _had_ and you really thought you could just use me like that and then not follow through?”

“Sebastian!”

He yanked Alex’s pants down to his knees and licked his lips.

“I was drunk and upset,” Alex explained. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have used you like that. It was a mistake and I’m sorry!”

“A mistake?” Seb repeated. “You think fucking me was a _mistake_?”

Alex swallowed back his fear as more images of Jacob swirled in his head. He was trapped, tied up, fucking helpless. Seb leered over him and Alex forced back tears, he couldn’t show weakness.

“Seb, please just let me go?” He begged.

“You tease and deny me for months then I’m just expected to be okay with only having you _once_?” Seb hissed.

“Seb-”

Seb slapped his hand over Alex’s mouth to silence him. His other hand trailed down the length of Alex’s body to touch him.

“Oh, Lexi,” Seb whispered. “Don’t be scared, a little slut like you _loves_ this.”

The second Seb’s fingers touched his skin, Alex clenched his teeth, biting the man’s hand. Seb yelped and pulled his hand free but he used his other hand to punch Alex. The blow was hard enough for Alex’s head to begin to spin. He could feel blood trickling from his nose.

His attempt to fight back didn’t deter Seb though, for the older man seemed even more enraged now. Maybe the only option now was wait it out, hope it would be over quickly? 

Alex closed his eyes, maybe if he couldn’t see it coming then he could separate himself from it?

Seb’s fingers caressed his skin, making him feel sick as his body betrayed him. His fingers painfully pressing into him.

“You like that, don’t you?” Seb hissed. “I can feel how much you want me.”

Then Seb’s weight was suddenly gone from on top of him. He opened his eyes and struggled to sit up. Alex’s heart soared with relief as he saw Seb pinned against the locked door, the barrel of Jim’s gun pressed to his chin.

It was the incident with Jacob all over again and Alex’s eyes welled with tears.

“Jim!” He cried with relief.

“Did he hurt you?” Jim was glaring into Seb’s eyes but he was addressing Alex. “Did he hurt you?”

Seeing Jim body slamming Seb against the door was all Alex could focus on. He still couldn’t move; hands tied; legs tangled in his pants. He mutely shook his head but Jim wasn’t looking at him, too focused on Seb. The gun was pressed so deep, Alex feared Jim might actually pull the trigger.

It was too reminiscent of the cabin and Jacob. 

“Jim?” Alex whispered.

He could see the man's lips moving but couldn’t hear what he was saying. Seb’s mouth was curled into a smirk but Alex didn’t want to hear his voice right now.

“Jim?” Alex called.

It was humiliating that he couldn’t move, couldn’t free himself but Jim was more in control than Alex realized. He physically dragged Seb across the tiny studio and shoved him into the bathroom. Jim pulled the door closed and affixed a chair under the handle so he couldn’t open it.

Seconds later he’d swept across the room and scooped Alex into his arms, holding him close.

The moment Jim touched him, Alex began to sob, nestled in his arms. He buried his face in Jim’s chest, so grateful for his timing yet again. He stayed put, unmoving, as Jim unhooked the belt to free Alex’s arms. 

Able to move now, Alex wrapped his arms around Jim who struggled around him to manoeuvre Alex’s pants back into place.

“Did he hurt you?” Jim asked again

He pulled away and looked up at Jim. Saw the way his eyes trailed over Alex’s face, no doubt examining the blood from his nose. Jim took Alex into his arms and carried him into the kitchen, set him upon the counter and ran his handkerchief under the running water.

He watched Jim’s every movement almost cautiously.

“It was Jacob all over again,” Alex whispered.

Jim was about to press the damp handkerchief to Alex’s face but he suddenly hesitated.

“I couldn’t stop him,” Alex continued. “I tried but I couldn’t.”

“It’s okay, Alex.”

“How did you…?”

His eyes darted to the still bolted door before trailing over to the open window.

“You climbed the fire escape again?” Alex asked.

“I wanted to surprise you.” Jim confessed.

It was beautiful and romantic but Alex could still feel Seb’s hands on him but they mingled in his mind with Jacob’s and he started to tremble. He watched as Jim raised his hand again, clearly wanting to wipe the blood away but he still hesitated. Jim offered it to Alex, silently asking if he wanted to do it himself. 

Alex reached up, placed his hand on Jim’s wrist and nodded his consent. It was okay for Jim to touch him, to clean him up.

Alex sat in silence on the counter as Jim so carefully wiped the traces of blood that had stained his face. 

Seb was bashing upon the bathroom door, not liking being locked away but Jim seemed confident he wasn’t able to get out. He was more focused on Alex.

He looked down at his own hands; they were shaking but he couldn’t make them stop. Jim silently finished up and Alex heard the running water as he now tried to wash the blood away but he continued to stare at his hands. Until Jim reached for them, took both of Alex’s hands in his and held them.

“Alex?” He whispered. “Alex, please look at me.”

But he didn’t want to look at Jim. He could hear Seb’s voice, muffled by the closed door. He just wanted to leave but Jim was blocking his path.

“Alex, you’re safe now.” Jim assured him.

He finally looked up and met Jim’s worried eyes. He could see love and worry staring back at him. All he could do was try his hardest not to show weakness; he was strong and brave and not pathetic.

But the tears brimmed in his eyes as he looked at Jim and the moment they began to fall, Jim wrapped his arms around him and held him close. He heard Jim telling him it was okay to cry but that just made him sob harder.

“You’re okay now,” Jim whispered. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is still in shock from events of the previous chapter which stirs up all previous shock and trauma so there's talk of previous attempted assault and the dub-con plus his history of being beaten by his father  
> ***************************************************************

Jim had to exercise great restraint with each thump of a fist on the bathroom door. He’d gone easy last time someone had tried to hurt Alex but he couldn’t afford to do it again. He’d known Seb was a sleazy guy who shouldn’t be trusted but Alex had insisted he was harmless. Jim wouldn’t dream of saying ‘I told you so’ to Alex, especially not after this but something had to be done about him.

It was Alex who eventually separated himself from Jim’s arms and he carefully slid off the counter. He watched as the younger man moved towards the corner of the room, to the two suitcases and the guitar case. Alex picked up one suitcase and the guitar before turning to Jim.

“Can you carry the other one?” Alex asked him.

Jim nodded mutely. He crossed the room and picked up the case.

Alex looked to the table where his key was left then his eyes darted to the bathroom door. He walked to the front door, unbolted the lock and opened it. Guitar and suitcase in hand, Alex stepped into the hall and quietly walked away.

Jim hurried after him but Alex was already halfway down the stairs. 

“Alex?” Jim called. “Where are you going?”

He caught up to him on the next floor.

“You promised to take me away from here.” Alex said, not looking at him. “It’s why you’re here, remember? You said you’d take me to-”

“Alex!”

Jim dropped the suitcase then took the other from Alex and put it down too. 

“You can’t expect me to take you to the bus depot and just send you off on your own after _that_!” Jim hissed. “You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

“Well I can’t stay _here_!”

He reached for Alex’s hand.

“We need to call the county sheriff’s office and tell them-”

“No! No one can ever know!”

“Alex-”

“He knows about us too, Jim. I _told_ you, it’s Jacob all over again. The best thing we can do right now is get far, far away from here.”

“But Alex… He needs to be reported.”

“So did Jacob and we let him go,”

“That was different.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Alex yanked his hand free and picked up his things. Jim was absolutely torn; he wanted to march back up the stairs and beat the living hell out of Seb but Alex was looking at him with such hurt and determination in his eyes. A part of him believed if he went back up to the studio, when he came back Alex would be gone.

“Alex, he tried to-” Jim started.

“I know what he tried to do, okay?” Alex cried. “He wasn’t the first and he probably won’t be the last either.”

“Alex…”

“No! Jim, don’t… Don’t _say_ anything, just… please? Can we please just go?”

“We can’t just walk away again. Not like this…”

“We can; we will… We _are_.”

Alex continued down the stairs, Jim stood in utter confusion as he watched the younger man disappear from sight. He grabbed the case and started after him again but his gaze kept drifting over his shoulder. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone; _he_ could call the cops. He _should_ call them and have Seb arrested, charged. The man had been harassing Alex for months and stealing his mail, now he’d turned violent, had tried to... Jim couldn’t just let him get away with it.

He knew it was the right thing to do but Alex was insistent he didn’t want that. Jim had to respect his wishes, didn't he? When he reached the lobby, Alex was standing in front of Seb’s door, just staring at it.

“Alex?” He whispered, cautiously.

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” Alex said.

Again, he marched on ahead but stopped outside upon realizing he wasn’t sure where Jim had parked. He moved to catch up then overtake him, leading the way to his car. Both suitcases fit easily in the trunk, the guitar on the backseat.

Alex’s gaze was directed upwards, to the fire escape and the still open window. It wasn’t too late to go back, to _do something_.

Jim turned to Alex; was that a bruise forming on his cheek? He started to reach for his hand but stopped.

“Alex?” He tried to keep his voice gentle and calm. “Alex, it’s not too late. We _can_ report him.”

“No, we can’t.” He whispered as his gaze shifted from the top of the fire escape to the uneven pavement beneath his feet. “I told you, it’s Jacob all over again.”

“And letting him get away with everything was wrong. We don’t have to make that same mistake.”

“Seb knows as much about us as he did; he could do just as much damage to your career and your marriage.”

“And right now, I don’t care about either of those things. _You’re_ what matters to me, Alex.”

Jim finally touched Alex’s hand, entwined their fingers. Alex turned to look at him with tears in his eyes.

“You’d throw away everything for me?” Alex whispered. 

“To protect you; to ensure _nothing_ like this happens to you ever again? Yes, I absolutely would!”

Alex stared at him, an expression unlike any he’d seen from him before was fixed on his face.

“But I don’t want you to.” He said. “I’ve tried so hard to not ask for anything but now I have to… Jim, you have to drop this and let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.”

“I can’t do that!”

“Then take me to the airport right now and I’ll get on the very first available flight to anywhere.”

“Alex, no! I’m not going to throw you on a plane and never see you again, especially after that! You can want to pretend it didn’t happen but it did and when the shock wears off, you won’t want to be alone.”

“Jim-”

“You should be somewhere comforting and familiar.”

“I’m _not_ going back to Roswell!” Alex cried.

“And I won’t make you… Are you hungry?”

Alex gave a non-committal half shrug so Jim gently coaxed him towards the car and stuck to their original plan of going for breakfast.

Jim ordered a coffee; they both ordered pancakes but once their meals arrived neither really ate much. Alex pushed his food around the plate, Jim’s tasted like cardboard every time he tried to swallow a bite.

Looking at Alex caused a mix of memories to swirl through his mind; of Jacob, of Seb and even Jesse. All he could see was people trying to hurt Alex and his own failure at protecting the younger man.

“I’m really sorry, Alex, for everything.” Jim whispered.

“You’re sorry? None of this is your fault.”

“It’s _all_ my fault! If I’d just stayed away, once I knew you were okay… I should’ve left and not come back… Ignored my feelings for you and let you live your life.”

“Jim-”

“I took you to Wichita Falls and Jacob; I hurt you on your birthday and that’s why you slept with Seb… Why he felt entitled to have you again. Can’t you see that I’ve been responsible for all of it?”

“No, you haven’t! This wasn’t my first rodeo, Jim.”

“You’ve been… hurt before?”

“People have thrown me around and beaten me my entire life… I’m not some pathetic-”

“Alex!”

“Look, I’m sorry if I’m not reacting the way you _think_ I should be but-”

“Your _reaction_ isn’t what I’m worried about… more the fact people keep hurting you and you just… let them get away with it.”

Alex’s gaze shifted up and he could see the anger, the venom in his eyes.

“So you think I should report them? Now?” Alex hissed. “Should I report _you_ too?”

“Wha-?” Jim’s stomach churned.

“That night at your house when you forced yourself on me? With your wife in the next room? You say you love me but _what the fuck was that_?”

“Alex?”

“I need a minute.”

He leapt up from the booth and hurried through the diner to the bathroom. Jim watched him go, his stomach still twisting into knots. Alex had compared him to everyone who’d hurt him. Was that really how Alex still saw that night? He knew his actions had been wrong but he’d apologized for it. Maybe he _should_ tell him to press charges against him if it meant bringing the others down too.

Jim wanted to go after him but Alex had said he needed a moment so he’d be respectful, give him as long as he needed while trying to come up with a plan.

There was absolutely no way Jim was going to let Alex go off on his own after this. The younger man was still in shock and denial but once those emotions shifted, he’d need someone by his side to help him through it. As insistent as he was that Seb hadn’t hurt him, Alex had been violated in his own home. He needed to be somewhere he could feel safe again.

His eyes darted in the direction of the bathrooms as he picked up his coffee. He couldn’t even taste it, his mind not on his breakfast but on the younger man now hiding in the restroom. Jim’s brain was telling him to go in there and talk to Alex but he knew he needed time and space. He didn’t want to be overbearing… Especially if Alex’s mind was painting him with the same tainted brush. He’d believed he was nothing like the others but now he had to accept Alex had been hurt because of him.

Even Jesse used to be harsher on Alex if he saw Jim being too nice to him. If Alex was happy then Jesse saw fit to make him miserable.

Jim had loved Alex his entire young life; from the little boy who used to play with Kyle to the handsome, strong, independent man he’d grown into. Jim’s love had shifted and evolved into feelings he still didn’t entirely understand but one principle remained constant, that he wanted to protect him at all costs… Yet he’d failed Alex too many times to count.

He had one final chance and he wasn’t going to blow it. He would take Alex from this place and the people who tried to hurt him; he’d take him somewhere safe and do better to protect him.

Mitch came over with the coffee pot and offered him a refill but Jim declined.

“Everything okay with Alex?” Mitch asked him, concern in his voice.

“What?” Jim blinked in confusion.

“Having second thoughts about leaving or something?”

“Or something.”

“He’s a good kid; he’ll go far.”

“Given the chance, yeah, he will.”

Mitch walked away and Jim stared at their barely touched meals. Alex was better than this place and this life but a week or so to work through everything and come up with a plan for the future would surely make a World of difference.

Jim got up and made his way to the restroom but he stopped outside. Was he pushing too hard or too much here? He just wanted to be sure Alex was okay. He took a breath and pushed the door open.

Alex was hunched over the sink, quietly sobbing.

“Alex?” He called very gently.

The younger man turned and looked at him, tears streaming down his face. Jim stepped into the room and let the door fall closed behind him. He stared at Alex who stared right back.

Jim swept across the room and took Alex into his arms, holding his close as he sobbed into his chest.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Jim whispered to him. “I’ve got you.”


	63. Chapter 63

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blanket warning there will be minor talk of past child abuse and sexual assault pretty much for the rest of the fic  
> **************************************************************************

He hadn’t meant to snap at Jim, hadn’t meant to say the things he’d said. He shouldn’t have compared him to Jacob and Seb, Jim was nothing like either of them. Alex knew Jim loved him and would never hurt him; Jim had been the one constant in his life, always there for him and his timing had been instrumental to stopping Seb from doing what he’d planned. The very thought made him shudder and he gripped the edge of the sink, looked in the mirror at his reflection.

There was a scratch on his cheek but Jim had wiped the blood away; he’d so carefully held him and cleaned him up. Very reminiscent of the times Jim had helped him after a beating from his father. Jim had _always_ been there; how could he possibly blame him for any of this?

He knew why Jim was pushing for him to report Seb but it was just too risky. Seb knew _too much_ about their relationship. If Alex sent the cops after him, Seb could ruin Jim’s life. Alex wasn’t willing to take that risk.

The sooner he left and Jim could go back to Roswell, live his life, safe in his bubble of being Town Sheriff with his kind, sweet, understanding wife at his side. Their entire relationship had been on borrowed time and the longer they held on, the more pain it would cause.

He leaned over, intending to wash his face, when the restroom door opened and he heard Jim say his name. He said it with such love and concern that just made him want to sob harder.

Alex turned, stared at him through his tear-filled eyes as Jim moved towards him and enveloped him in a strong, comforting hug. He buried his face in Jim’s neck while the older man held him, whispering to him.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” 

And it _would_ be okay because Jim _did_ have him.

*

Alex stayed in Jim’s embrace for a long time, fortunately no other customers came in to use the facilities in that time. Each time he thought he was okay and could let go, he felt the arms wrapped so protectively around him and would just burrow in deeper. 

Jim kissed his forehead and the crown of his head, whispered words of comfort and love in his ear. Alex hated himself for what he’d said earlier and still hadn’t apologized for. He needed to say he was sorry and hadn’t meant it.

He finally pulled away enough to look into Jim’s worried eyes.

“Jim, what I said before,” he began. “About you forcing-”

“Shhhhhh,” Jim reached up and cupped Alex’s cheek.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean-”

“It’s okay, I _was_ out of line that night and-”

“But I shouldn’t have thrown it back at you like that. I’m so sorry.”

“And I’m sorry for my actions that night; you have every right to call me out on it but know that I haven’t nor will I ever do anything like that ever again. It was a horrible mistake and you’re right to feel the way you feel about it.”

“I know you love me and that you didn’t mean to… You’re _nothing_ like any of them and I never should have-”

Jim pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

“You’re the bravest person I know,” Jim whispered. 

“I love you, Jim, thank you for _always_ being there for me.”

“I just wish I’d gotten there sooner.”

“And I’m grateful you hadn’t gotten there later.”

“Are you _sure_ you’re okay? That he didn’t hurt you?”

Alex nodded his head as he held Jim’s gaze. He wasn’t going to tell him the truth; that Seb had gotten further than Jim thought. He didn’t need to know that even now Alex could still feel the man’s fingers pressing inside him.

“You saved me, again,” Alex whispered. “I love you.”

“We can’t stay in here all day,” Jim said. “Did you want to go back and finish your pancakes?”

No, he didn’t want to. The idea of food wasn’t appealing at all but he smiled and nodded his head in agreement.

He let Jim head back first then he stopped to wash his face, trying to cover that he’d been crying. When Alex returned to the table, Jim was nursing his mug of coffee. 

The ice cream from his pancakes had melted, pooling over the plate and making his food a soggy mess. He sighed; it wasn’t like he would’ve eaten it anyway. Alex reached for his milkshake. At least he could eat and drink whatever the hell he wanted now, no longer having to retain a certain physique for taking his clothes off.

He played with the straw before taking a sip. He had no idea what his next step was going to be. He couldn’t go back to Roswell, couldn’t stay here in Amarillo either. It was too close to Seb... though he was sure Ty would let him stay a few nights if he needed to. His plan to jump on the first available flight out of the airport just made him feel sick to the stomach.

Jim had said he wasn’t going to let him do that either. It wasn’t like he could stop him from going his own way but his plan of branching out on his own, much further away this time, had lost some of its appeal. He really didn’t want to be alone in a foreign place where Seb’s and Jacob’s could be hiding behind every corner.

Jim finished his coffee and dropped a handful of notes on the table, leaving a generous tip for Mitch. The man had watched over Alex all this time and Jim wished him all the best when he came to clear their plates away. 

Alex was grateful to both men; he was going to miss Mitch’s friendly face at 3am and hoped wherever he ended up would have good pancakes. It was actually hard saying goodbye to him, after a year of coming here on a regular basis but when Mitch reached over to hug him, Alex panicked and offered a handshake instead then proceeded to run from the diner.

Outside on the pavement he was on the brink of a panic attack when Jim appeared at his side. He was struggling for breath and Jim held his gaze, helped him through it until he calmed enough to feel embarrassed for his behaviour. Jim assured him it was okay, that Mitch understood.

When he felt Jim’s hand on his lower back, guiding him towards the car, he started to panic again.

What would happen once they were in the car? Where could he go? What was going to become of him? This hadn’t been part of his plan! Should he ask Jim to take him to Ty’s place?

“It’s okay, just breathe,” Jim whispered soothingly.

It was easier said than done; Alex didn’t even know where he’d be sleeping tonight. Everything he owned was packed in suitcases in Jim’s trunk.

He had nowhere to go.

“I’m scared, Jim.” Alex wasn’t ashamed to tell him the truth.

“You’ll be okay.”

When Jim reached a hand out to him, Alex took it. Despite everything he’d been through, Jim’s touch still soothed and calmed him enough for him to not be as afraid. He knew Jim’s hands would never hurt him.

When Jim asked if he could kiss him, Alex teared up. Jim had never had to ask permission but it meant so much that he did ask now; he also knew if he said no, Jim would understand. He silently nodded and Jim placed a gentle kiss to his lips. For the brief moments their lips touched, Alex wasn’t afraid of his future, only dreading not spending it with Jim.

It was stupid, he knew that… They’d never truly work as a couple. This _thing_ between them wasn’t even a real, proper relationship. They’d not tried to live in domestic bliss because Jim had a wife and a life to get back to. Alex had been at a crossroads, in a very ‘living in the moment’ moment of his life. He’d never intended to stay; he hadn’t wanted to be a stripper. His dream was somewhere else, somewhere he could make music.

They’d both known what they had wasn’t conventional but it had worked in the short term because they’d agreed to it being short term… and that was over now. But Alex didn’t know how to walk away from him anymore than Jim knew how to let him go.

Standing in the car park next to Jim’s car, arms around each other, neither of them wanted to be the first to pull away but it was Jim who finally spoke up.

“Come on, let’s get you somewhere safe.” Jim whispered.

Alex tried not to scoff. There _was_ nowhere safe for him anymore and he said as much. Jim gently stroked his cheek, looking into his eyes.

“There’s one place and you’ll always be safe there; I promise.”


	64. Chapter 64

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor talk of canon child abuse  
> **********************************

Jim knew the only safe place for Alex was with him but that wasn’t an option because the younger man refused to return to Roswell. Not that he could blame him, Alex had fled with no intention of ever going back and the one time he _had_ visited, things hadn’t gone well. Jim had no intention of making him go somewhere he didn’t want to be, somewhere he didn’t feel safe.

There was only one other option.

He didn’t tell Alex where he was taking him and Alex didn’t ask either. It was a decent drive from Amarillo and fortunately Alex fell asleep about an hour into the drive. Jim tried to read him without taking his eyes off the road but it was too difficult.

Alex was likely exhausted from his lack of sleep the previous night and from the events of the morning so Jim just let him sleep.

He did pull over at a rest stop and call Michelle. Jim got out of the car so his conversation didn’t wake Alex.

It was even more difficult lying to her now. When she asked if Alex had gotten off okay, boarded his plane or bus without any problems, he’d lied through his teeth and said yes. Tears filled his eyes and he choked on his next words. Michelle was so understanding; he didn’t deserve her either. She knew how hard it was for him to say goodbye to Alex, his surrogate son; so when he told her he was taking a night or two for himself and going to the cabin, she didn’t question him.

At least _that part_ wasn’t a lie he thought as he climbed back in the car and continued on the road, heading further and further away from Seb, from Jacob, from anyone who’d dare to hurt or even _touch_ Alex.

Alex jerked awake with a start and looked around in vague confusion until his eyes fell upon Jim and he visibly relaxed. When Jim reached for his hand, Alex hesitated to take it. Not wanting to push, Jim retracted his and put it back on the wheel. They drove on in silence for several minutes before Alex cautiously extended his towards Jim.

He kept his eyes on the road but saw Alex’s movements and as soon as his fingers touched his skin, Jim’s curled around Alex’s. He wanted to bring his hand to his lips, softly kiss his palm but that was probably going a little too far.

He was very aware that Alex was in a delicate state right now and Jim was going to do everything he could to help him feel… better? Normal? Not scared? Himself again.

They pulled off the main road and Alex tightened his grasp on Jim’s hand. He either knew where they were going or this place reminded him too much of their trip to Wichita falls. Maybe this hadn’t been the best place to bring Alex after all?

Jim didn’t ask though because he had no alternative ideas. If Alex didn’t want to be here the only other option was Roswell or maybe Carlsbad. Having Alex closer to home would be better but the cabin was familiar and that was what Alex needed right now, wasn’t it? He didn’t know and he hated not knowing how to help him.

As the cabin came into view, Alex’s hand slipped from his. Once again, he tried to read his face but Alex was like a blank slate. Jim pulled right up to the cabin and turned the engine off.

“I’m sorry if this is the last place you want to be,” Jim began. “I just… I thought somewhere familiar would help… and now I’m realizing it was probably a dumb, stupid idea. I’m sorry, I should’ve thought-”

“It hasn’t changed a bit.” Alex replied as he stared out the windscreen.

“We can go somewhere else and-”

“No, it’s okay, Jim.” His eyes trailed all over the cabin, taking it all in. “This _was_ a good idea. Thank you.”

Jim climbed out of the car then walked around to open Alex’s door. He stepped out, still gazing at the old cabin.

“I remember it being bigger,” Alex said.

“Well, you were a lot smaller.” Jim joked.

Alex smiled and followed him to the front door. It had been some time since Jim had been up here but he paid a local to keep an eye on the place so it wasn’t covered in layers of dust. They stepped into the main room and his eyes immediately darted to the fireplace. Alex moved towards it, placed his hand on the mantle.

“Kyle and I used to roast marshmallows here,” Alex said with a smile.

“You two made everything a competition.” He laughed.

“You mean my dad did… He was always pitting us against each other. It was bad enough he’d do it to me and my brothers but to drag Kyle into it too…”

“Kyle liked it.”

“What?”

“He always wanted a sibling and having Jesse treat him the same way he did you and your brothers made him feel like one of you.”

“Well, thankfully he didn’t treat him _exactly_ the same…” Alex paused. His back was to Jim but he could tell the young man was fighting back tears. Should he approach? Give him space? He didn’t know! Instinct told him to move closer, respect made him keep his distance.

Alex turned and looked at Jim.

“My dad used to line my brothers up against the wall, tell them not to move a muscle,” he said. “Then he’d lay into me, beat the crap out of me… with his hands, his feet, his words. If any of them moved or closed their eyes, he just kicked me harder.”

“Alex-”

“It was bad enough staring at my brothers, watching them watch me get beaten but I never would’ve wished that on Kyle.”

Jim felt sick to his stomach; he could very easily picture Jesse doing such a thing. He’d always suspected it wasn’t just Alex who’d been victimized by his father, all of the Manes boys had suffered in some way at his hand.

He finally moved closer, held a hand out to Alex. Once again, he hesitated briefly before meeting him halfway.

“If Kyle’d had even a glimpse of what you went through,” Jim began. “He would’ve told me and maybe I could’ve tried harder to stop him.”

“You were always there… after,” Alex whispered. “After the really bad ones.”

“I should’ve tried harder, Alex… Should’ve protected you.”

“It wasn’t your job to protect me.”

“No, it was _his_ and he failed as a father.”

Alex moved closer, reached up and wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck. He looked directly into his eyes.

“You’ve _always_ been there when I needed you, Jim.” Alex said to him. “You were there this morning and you’re here now. You’ve _never_ failed me and I love you so much for that; for everything you’ve ever done for me.”

Jim didn’t know what to do with his hands. Alex was so close, his arms around his neck. Was he supposed to touch him or not? Should he ask or just do?

“Oh Alex,” Jim slid his arms around Alex’s waist but didn’t pull him closer, just held him, touching him but not intimately.

“I would protect you with my life,” Jim whispered.

He meant it. If Seb or Jacob had been the one with the gun, Jim wouldn’t have hesitated to put himself between Alex and a bullet.

Alex’s hand shifted, came up to gently touch Jim’s cheek.

“That’s what I’m afraid of.” Alex replied.

“Alex, if you still don’t know how much you mean to me after all this time-”

“No, Jim, I know you love me and that you know I love you too.”

“But you wouldn’t take a bullet for me?”

“Suddenly this is a competition?”

Jim chuckled, reached up and took Alex’s hand in his. He gently kissed his palm.

“I should do a supply run.” He said.

“There’s condoms and lube in the small suitcase.” Alex replied.

“Not _those_ kinds of supplies.”

“Oh.”

Alex’s face fell but Jim didn’t know how to respond to that. He’d been joking, right? Surely the last thing on his mind right now was sex? After what had happened with Seb…

“I mean, coffee and milk and food.” He explained. “You know, basic necessities.”

“Right.”

“Not that you’ll need much, eh? You’ve basically been eating like a rabbit for months.”

“Hey!”

“Did you want to come to the store or would you rather stay here for a bit?”

“Think I’ll stay here; maybe have a shower…”

“Well, you know where everything is.”

“Is it okay if I… lock the door after you leave?”

“Alex, you’re free to do whatever you want here.”

“I just… would feel… better if it was locked.”

“I understand.” Jim pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Do you need anything specific? Toothpaste? Snacks?”

“Marshmallows?” Alex asked, hopeful.

“Of course.”

Alex followed him to the door and Jim stepped outside, closed it behind him. A moment later he heard the lock slide into place and sighed. No one knew they were here, there wasn’t a soul around for miles.

Alex was safe, he was certain of it.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex struggles with his recovery but it's mostly talking   
> **********************************************************

His hand was still on the lock but he hadn’t stepped away yet, waiting to hear Jim’s boots on the wooden porch as he walked away. The sound didn’t make him feel better but he knew the sooner Jim left then the sooner he’d be back… of course once he did come back it wasn’t like he could stay. He needed to get home, to his wife and his job. Jim had other commitments, ones that didn’t involve Alex.

Alex double checked the lock, ensuring the door was secure before he headed into the tiny bathroom. The cabin was quaint but he didn’t remember the bathroom being so small. There wasn’t much room between the shower and the toilet and the sink but he didn’t need a lot of space. He shimmied out of his clothes and climbed into the shower.

The water wasn’t overly warm but he’d almost gotten used to cold showers so he wasn’t bothered. He leaned back against the wall, closed his eyes and tried not to think about everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours.

He was meant to be on a plane right now, embarking on the next phase of his life but now he was in the shower, in Jim’s hunting cabin. He’d never dreamed of being back here yet here he was. Last night, he’d made love to Jim for the last time, believing today would be the last time he ever saw him but now he was in Jim’s cabin and he had no idea how much longer he’d be here for.

A part of him wanted to run away, another part wanted to stay forever. He could hold up here in this familiar cabin, play his guitar and write music all day with no distractions from the outside World. No Seb bashing on his door, no screaming hordes of men yelling for him to take his clothes off. It probably wouldn’t cost much money to stay but he wouldn’t be making any either. He couldn’t… _wouldn’t…_ expect Jim to support him.

He ducked his head under the stream from the shower head and began to laugh. If he stayed here, he couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. He’d essentially be trapped, safely tucked away where no one could find him but Jim would have to bring him supplies, like food… and Alex wouldn’t be able to pay for it so he’d thank him in other ways… with sex? 

He laughed even harder. In staying here, he _would_ be Jim’s kept whore. The one thing he’d sworn to never be.

Alex sank to the floor of the shower as his laughter turned to sobs and he cried, helplessly, for his uncertain future.

He wasn’t long out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist and another around his shoulders, sitting on the couch and staring at the dormant fireplace when the door began to rattle as someone tried to come in.

Panic instantly filled him and he turned to stare at the door. Wearing nothing but a towel, he was practically a walking ‘come fuck me’ advertisement! He looked around for a weapon.

“Alex?” Jim called out. “I left my key in there!”

Jim’s familiar voice calmed him and he got up, cautiously unlocked the door then opened it a fraction. He was standing on the porch, with three grocery bags in his arms. The sight of him filled Alex with relief and he stepped aside to welcome Jim inside.

He took one of the bags from him then locked the door before following him into the small kitchen. Alex wasn’t going to complain, it wasn’t much smaller than his last kitchen. He started rummaging through the bags to find the items that belong in the fridge. When he finished, he didn’t realize his towel was caught in the door so when he stepped away, it slipped off his body.

For a brief second, Jim saw everything and Alex suddenly felt nervous but Jim simply opened the fridge and collected up the towel. He moved towards Alex and wrapped it back around him. They were very close together now but Jim wasn’t touching him in a sexual way. Did Jim still want to? Did Alex want him to?

“Whoops,” Jim said as he tucked the towel into place. “You might feel more comfortable if you get dressed?”

Alex silently nodded.

“Go, and I’ll finish putting all this away.” 

His tone was friendly, he was the same old Jim but was it his imagination or was Jim looking at him differently now? What had happened in those moments when he’d gone to the store to change that?

Alex found his suitcase and rummaged inside for clothes, took them into the bedroom and dressed quickly. When he returned to the kitchen, Jim was onto the last bag and offered him coffee. He still wasn’t overly keen on the stuff but said yes anyway. Alex stood, mutely, in the doorway and watched Jim finish up.

Mug in each hand, Jim turned and approached Alex, handed one to him then suggested they go outside to drink them. Jim led him around to the back porch which had a bench for them to sit on. They sat, sipping their coffee and staring at the trees. The air was a little chilly and Alex wanted to move closer to Jim but wasn’t sure if he should. When had his mind started making him second guess Jim?

“I want you to feel safe here, Alex,” Jim said to him.

“What? I mean, I do… That is… I think I do.” He replied.

“You think you feel safe?”

“I’m sorry, I… I don’t know what I feel right now.” 

Alex looked down at his barely touched coffee.

“I feel like… Like I want you to kiss me,” he continued. “That I need to know you still love me but I… I’m afraid of what I’ll feel if you do touch me.”

“Oh Alex-”

“This is different from the Jacob thing… I… I feel like I had _some_ control after that… when I made the deal with him to… buy his silence… it was _my choice_ to… do what I did but… I don’t know… maybe because you stopped him sooner or something… this Seb thing feels different…”

“Because you slept with Seb before. He was someone you trusted; he lived downstairs, you talked to him all the time and he betrayed that trust.”

Jim shifted his mug to his other hand, held his empty hand out for Alex to take. He stared at it for a long time but Jim didn’t push, he just waited.

“I thought he was harmless,” Alex explained. “That he just had a sleazy way of flirting and I know it wasn’t smart to sleep with him when I did.”

“Smart or not, it _was_ your choice to fuck him then but what he tried to do this morning… Look, I never got a friendly vibe from him, ever, but I _never_ pegged him for a rapist either.”

Alex flinched at the ‘R’ word but reached for Jim’s hand, clinging tightly to it.

“He was going to, wasn’t he?” He whispered. “If you hadn’t come in the fire escape…”

“But I did and you’re safe from him now.”

“There’ll be more like him out there though… Guys like my dad, guys like Jacob, guys like Seb… They’re not all like you, Jim, my brave Knight, always sweeping in to save me.”

“Alex-”

“It’s almost fitting… that it was how we met, how this started; with you saving me at work… and now that we were preparing to say our last goodbyes, you had to save me again. I spent six months on my own, trying to be my own saviour because my dad taught me that no one was coming to save me… and in six months with you, you came to save me _every time_ I needed saving.”

“You’re stronger than you think, Alex.”

He wanted to believe him but he’d spoken the truth too. Jim _had_ been there whenever Alex had needed help; he’d never managed to protect himself but not for his own lack of trying. 

As a kid, Jim had told him there was no shame in asking for help but Jesse had insisted asking for anything was a weakness.

“Are we… over, Jim?” He whispered.

“What?” Jim frowned.

“We agreed and…”

“Alex-”

“That's why I was leaving, remember? Because we were ending this and I knew I couldn’t go back… Back to _not_ being special to you.”

“Oh Alex, you will _always_ be special to me, Corazón… And I’m not going anywhere tonight either. I’m staying with you, okay?”

“Jim-”

“Unless you’re saying you _want_ me to go?”

“What?”

“If my being here is… upsetting or too much for you, I can go but I’d rather stay so I know you’re okay… After Jacob, you had nightmares and I wasn’t there for you but I want to be now… If you’ll let me…”

Alex blinked back tears as he nodded his head, yes, he wanted Jim to stay. He felt safe when the older man was around but he hated himself for thinking Jim wouldn’t want to stay.

“You’re sure, Jim?” Alex asked. “You’re really sure you want to stay with me?”

“I want you to feel safe, protected, loved.”

“You make me feel all those and more.”

Jim brought Alex’s hand to his lips, gently kissed his palm. His heart skipped a beat. Jim loved him, even if he couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag. He still looked at him like he had last night and every other day they’d been together. Alex slid towards him, leaned his head on Jim’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

He was safe and loved, protected… But for how long?


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More of Alex's trauma  
> *************************

Jim cooked a simple dinner then they spent the evening playing cards by the fire. Alex went to bed early but his sleep was plagued by nightmares… Nightmares that went away when he was held securely in Jim’s arms. Not that he minded being tasked with holding Alex, kissing his forehead and whispering words of love until he drifted off again.

It proved to be a long night but all Jim cared about was making sure Alex felt protected. 

He was tired the next day but it was nothing a lot of coffee couldn’t fix. They ate breakfast in comfortable silence then Jim suggested they take a walk. It was chilly out but Alex wore Jim’s jacket that he still possessed and they took a long walk through the woods. When they passed the site where Alex and Kyle had tried to build a treehouse, Jim wrapped his arm around Alex and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Lunch was as quiet as breakfast but afterwards, Jim went outside to chop some firewood while Alex stayed inside, tinkering with his guitar.

About fifteen minutes in, Jim had a relatively small pile of firewood set aside when he looked up and saw Alex watching him. He waved and Alex shrank back, embarrassed at being caught staring.

“You know, you could help if you like?” Jim joked.

“Nah, I’m good,” Alex called back. “Just… enjoying the view.”

“Oh? You like what you see, huh?”

“Very much.”

Jim smirked to himself then, ignoring the chill in the air, he removed his shirt and picked up the axe again. 

“How about now?” Jim called out to him.

“Even better!” Alex giggled.

He resumed his wood chopping but was now even more aware of Alex’s eyes on him. He moved with great ease, flexing his muscles and putting on quite the display until he built up a sweat. Jim stuck the axe into the block of wood and turned around to find Alex gone.

He headed inside to shower, to wash the sweat and dirt from his body. Here he found Alex curled up on the floor, his legs tucked up against his chest, body trembling with quiet sobs.

“Alex?” Jim gasped.

He hurried towards him, dropped to the floor beside him and reached out to wrap his arm around him but Alex shrieked and pulled away from him, screaming for Jim not to touch him.

“Alex, amour, please calm down,” Jim whispered.

“Don’t touch me, please?” Alex cried.

He slid a respectable distance away.

“Alex, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked.

“I was watching you,” Alex admitted. “With your shirt off and the wood chopping and…”

“Alex, it’s okay.”

“I… got turned on and… I started… started touching myself and I got hard.”

“It’s a normal bodily reaction.”

“But it happened with Seb, okay?” Alex looked up, tears streaming down his cheeks. “When he was touching me… my body… it… _reacted…_ ”

“Because your body doesn’t know it’s under duress.” Jim explained. “It’s a natural reaction.”

“He called me a slut…” Alex added. “Said he could _feel_ that I wanted it.”

“Don’t think about him, Alex, he’s not worth your tears.”

“But I _did_ get off with him, once, does that make me a slut? Fucking him when I didn’t actually have feelings for him… misleading him…”

“You _didn’t_ mislead him, Alex. You didn’t do anything wrong and you can’t try to justify his thinking, his actions. He had no right to barge into your home and force himself on you.”

“If I hadn’t had drunk sex with him-”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

“I led him on, didn’t I?”

Jim sat back on his hunches, looking at the distraught Alex. He didn’t know what else to say; Alex didn’t even seem to be taking in the words he _was_ saying.

“Alex, listen to me, _you didn’t do anything wrong_!” He insisted. “You’re nineteen… If you want to slut it up all over town then you be a slut! That still doesn’t give _anyone_ the right to touch you without your permission.”

“Is this just how it’s going to be from now on?” Alex asked. “I can’t use toys without remembering what Jacob did, can’t touch myself without remembering what Seb did.”

“It’ll pass, Alex, in time, you’ll move past it.”

“But you looked so sexy, Jim,” Alex whispered.

“I’m sorry if I was too distracting for you.” He said. “It was just a joke, you know?”

Alex’s eyes scanned Jim’s broad, naked shoulders.

“I, uh, was heading for the shower…” Jim said. “Sorry, I, uh,...”

“It’s okay… I’m not… uh…” Alex trailed off.

He wasn’t turned on anymore. Jim didn’t know what to say to that.

“I’ll be quick,” Jim said before climbing to his feet. He left the room, paused in the doorway and saw Alex still hugging himself. He was out of his depth here and had no idea how to help him. 

*

After he showered and dressed, Jim gave Alex some space. He made himself a coffee and took it outside. He didn’t want to leave Alex alone especially since he had to drive back to Roswell in the morning and that meant leaving Alex at the cabin by himself for several days.

Alex eventually came outside and curled up on the seat beside Jim. Neither of them said a word as Jim wrapped his arm around him and held him close. They stayed there until long after sunset. 

Jim made pancakes for dinner; Alex strummed his guitar in front of the fire while Jim reorganized the kitchen. 

They went to bed at the same time, Alex cuddled into Jim’s side. He awoke twice during the night but otherwise his nightmares stayed away.

The next morning, Jim had to leave. Alex accompanied him to his car and Jim handed a key to the cabin over to him. 

“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” Jim assured him.

“It’s okay,” Alex replied.

“There’s a guy who looks after the place; I’ve already let him know you’re staying and I’ll text you his number in case you need anything but you can’t reach me… He has no reason to stop by at all so he won’t bother you.”

“I’ll be fine, Jim.”

“Alex, I don’t want you to feel like you’re trapped here. That you traded one prison for another.”

“At least this place doesn’t have a warden.”

“I mean it, Alex.”

“Jim, I was used to being alone for days on end… All I want to do is live in the moment and focus on my music. I wanted to run away to a big city and try my luck at song writing but I can write anywhere. Here I’m free of all distractions. Just me and my guitar; will be fine.”

“If you need _anything_ at all, call or text me, day or night and I’ll be there, okay?”

Alex took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck.

“I promise, I’ll be fine.” He said to him.

Jim nuzzled his nose against Alex’s.

“I love you, Corazón,”

He didn’t kiss him goodbye but Alex didn’t try for a kiss either. They slowly released each other and Jim climbed into his truck. He turned the key, backed down the drive, watching as Alex waved goodbye.

Tears welled in his eyes as the cabin and Alex vanished from his sight. Two days ago he’d thought he was losing Alex forever, now he was hiding him away at his personal cabin, like the paramour he’d once been.

No, Alex was more than that but Jim wasn’t sure how he felt about trading in one lie for another.


	67. Chapter 67

Alex was used to spending time alone but he wasn’t used to not seeing anyone ever. Each time he’d left his place through the front door, Seb had been there. He’d go to the grocery store or to work or just for a walk where he’d come into contact with someone.  
He tried not to bother Jim but there was no internet at the cabin so his laptop stayed in the suitcase as he preferred to play solitaire with Jim’s deck of playing cards.

He called Ty and told him the full story, breaking down in tears several times while talking. Ty offered to take a few days off and come visit but Alex said no, the timing wasn’t right. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to see Ty just yet but it did mean a lot to him that he wanted to come see him.  
They called each other every day. Ty sent him photos and told him stories from work. He attended one of his well-paying jobs and said a few patrons had asked after Alex.

He wasn’t exactly homesick for the life he’d left behind but it was strange knowing he’d never go back there. Would he never see Ty again?

Rather late one night, Alex was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep when he reached for his phone. Ty answered immediately and they stayed talking until Alex finally did fall asleep. The next day, Ty called him back and they talked over lunch.

It was a strange feeling for Alex, that he was closer to Ty now they were further apart. Maybe it was because he couldn’t see the worry or the pity or the concern in his eyes the way he saw in Jim’s. He felt like he could say anything and Ty wouldn’t judge him; not that Jim ever did but he could tell Ty that he wanted Jim to be there, holding him when he wasn’t.   
Alex knew if he told Jim that he needed him, he’d drop everything and come running but he didn’t want to pull him away from his life… Jim’s life was meant to have returned to normal but it hadn’t yet because Alex was still here and Jim kept coming back to him.

He didn’t begrudge Jim’s decision to bring him here. Alex was happy to be in a familiar location even if some of the memories he had of the cabin weren’t the best, it was still a comfort to be here. At night he’d curl up by the fire and write or read one of the very old, dust covered books. In the mornings he’d take a long walk through the brisk chilly wind. In the afternoons, he chopped wood. His first few attempts had been embarrassing but after a few weeks of it, he was getting good.

Jim came as often as he could, bringing necessary supplies like food and toiletries. Alex had made one successful trip to the store himself but it was a 7-mile trek so it wasn’t like he’d been able to buy milk or even anything heavy. At least he’d felt he’d accomplished something on his own.

It was Sunday morning when Jim showed up, Alex was napping on the couch after an intense series of nightmares had kept him awake most of the night. Jim always seemed to know when his nightmares became so bad, he couldn’t sleep because he would show up the next day. He started to wonder if he had a hidden camera tracking him in his absence.  
Jim took him into the bedroom and held him, listening patiently while Alex described his dreams in great detail. The entire time he lay there in Jim’s arms, the older man never once tried to kiss him or touch him intimately. He was afraid to ask why even though he knew the answer.

Despite the constant trips Jim made to the cabin and the hours Alex spent in the man's arms, nothing remotely sexual had happened between them. He wanted to believe it was because of Seb but maybe it was because they’d agreed to stop this after Halloween.   
They were now back to just being Alex Manes, Jesse’s kid, and Jim Valenti, town Sheriff. Jim had always helped him up when he fell, held his hand when he was scared, kissed his knee when he skinned it. He was just keeping with that tradition now. Alex was hurting, Jim was comforting him.

Alex had believed being around Jim but not being able to kiss him, touch him, tell him that he loved him would hurt too much and he was right.  
He couldn’t go back to what they were before this started. He didn’t want to pretend this had never happened.

As usual, Jim pressed a non-sexual but very caring kiss to Alex’s forehead before brushing his hair back from his face. It’s how Alex remembered his mother showing affection for him and his brothers.

“Alex?” Jim whispered. “I’ve been thinking…”  
This is it, Alex thought to himself.  
“You’ve been here, isolated for a few weeks now and maybe you could use a change of scenery.”  
Alex frowned. Was Jim about to kick him out?  
“I was wondering if you’d like to come to Roswell for Thanksgiving on Thursday?”

His entire body froze. No, he didn’t want to go back to Roswell especially not for Thanksgiving. He had nothing to be thankful for. Why would Jim even think of asking him that?

“You know I can’t,” Alex said as he pulled free of Jim’s arms. “It’s not safe there.”  
“But it will be.” Jim assured him. “I promise, Alex. Your father won’t even be in the State. He’s going to some presentation in California to watch one of your brother’s get a medal. I even saw the printed itinerary with his flight details. He leaves on Wednesday and doesn’t come back until Sunday.”  
“Will Kyle be there?”  
“No, he said he has too much studying to do and couldn’t afford to take the time off. So it’ll just be me and Michelle… I’m sure she’d be thrilled to have you there and wouldn’t you love a beautiful, home cooked meal with turkey and stuffing and pie?”  
“I really don’t think it’s a good idea.”  
“Please, Alex? Please just think about it, okay?”  
“Fine; I’ll think about it but don’t expect my answer to change.”

***

Even though he texted Jim several times, maintaining he wouldn’t be joining him for Thanksgiving, on Wednesday morning he found himself on a bus heading towards Roswell. He hadn’t planned on it until that morning’s phone call from Ty in which he lamented not being able to spend the holiday weekend with his love. Alex was relieved to learn Ty was still with his current daddy but he felt his pain at not spending thanksgiving with loved ones.   
There was no one he’d loved more growing up than Jim and Michelle so the idea of one last Thanksgiving with them finally won out. He had no idea where he’d be a year from now so he needed to make the most of today while he still could.

He changed buses four times and backtracked some of the route because of the weird way the bus routes worked in these parts. When he arrived at the depot, he wondered where he should go first but there really was only one place he wanted to be.

Alex walked all the way across town to the Valenti home. Standing on the front stoop with his overnight bag, he nervously raised his fist and knocked three times.  
The door finally opened and he wasn’t sure who was more surprised, himself or Kyle.

“What are you doing here?” They both asked at the same time.  
“I live here,” Kyle replied.  
“I was invited.” Alex said.

Kyle stepped aside as he shouted for his mother. Michelle came to see what all the commotion was and as soon as her eyes fell on Alex, she ran to him and pulled him into a hug.

“What a surprise!” She exclaimed. “Jim will be so thrilled you’re here! Let’s not bother him at work, we’ll surprise him when he gets home. Kyle, show Alex to the guest room.”  
“The couch is fine,” he tried to argue.  
“No, the guest room like last time.”

He didn’t need to be shown where it was but Kyle followed him anyway while he went to drop off his bag. His former friend turned bully stood in the doorway, watching him.

“You’re not me,” Kyle said, crossing his arms.  
“What?” Alex frowned.  
“I don’t know what weird friendship you and my dad have going on but you’re never going to be me or my replacement.”  
“Kyle-”  
“I get it; dad didn’t cope well with me going off to school and started using you as a surrogate son.”  
“You’re the one who told him to take me on your father-son camping trip.”  
“It was a week of watching him fishing… Do you know how boring fishing is?”  
“Your dad loves it; it makes him happy… nothing that makes him smile like that could be boring.”  
“Oh man, you’re really talking about my dad’s smile?” Kyle paused. “Oh God! Don’t tell me you have a fag crush on him?”

Alex’s eyes widened; he grabbed Kyle and pulled him into the room then slammed the door shut so Michelle couldn’t hear them.  
“What the hell?” Kyle yanked his arm away, looking at Alex like he’d just spawned a second head.  
“Kyle, please don’t say anything!” Alex begged. He needed to sell this and make it believable.   
“Fuck! You do? Is that why you’re here?”  
“Kyle, please? You can’t tell him. He’s been so supportive of me and a friend, a father, when I needed one. The last thing I want is to make things weird. Please? Please don’t tell him or your mother!”  
“Promise me you’re not staying longer than you should.”  
“I’m only here for Thanksgiving. I’ll be gone first thing Friday morning, I swear.”  
“Okay but if I see you even look at him in a weird way…”  
“I won’t; I promise.”

Kyle side eyed him before opening the door and walking away. Alex let out a breath and sank down on the bed. The bed Jim had… he didn’t want to think about that.  
All he had to do was spend the next twenty-four hours pretending he wasn’t in love with Jim Valenti. How hard could that possibly be?


	68. Chapter 68

Jim couldn’t believe Kyle had flown home to surprise him and Michelle for Thanksgiving. He hugged his son so tight that Kyle declared he couldn’t breathe. After releasing him from his hug, Michelle informed him they had another guest for the holiday and he turned around to find Alex standing in the doorway.

Everyone he loved was all in one room, under the same roof. He moved closer to hug Alex but he took a step back and offered his hand instead. It was oddly formal but Jim went with it. His thumb caressing Alex’s palm while they shook hands.

They sat down to dinner and Alex apologized for just showing up unannounced to which Kyle pressed that he’d claimed to have been invited. Jim spoke up, saying he’d given Alex a blanket invitation to _every_ Valenti Thanksgiving. Alex blushed and admitted to coming this year because he didn’t know if his future endeavours would ever allow him to return to Roswell.

Jim still hated the idea of Alex never coming back, never seeing him again but he was so grateful he’d turned up today.

After dinner, Kyle beat them all at a game of Monopoly and Jim took the time to dream of a life like this. A future in which they could all be happy and he could be with Alex… but it wasn’t meant to be.

They all retired for the evening except for Alex who stated he was excited to have access to a TV for once. Jim lay in bed with Michelle, eager ears listening for the sound of Alex turning in for the night. He didn’t hear him go to bed but around 3-am, he heard the nightmares start. Jim leapt from his bed and hurried to Alex’s side.

He didn’t notice Michelle was right behind him.

As he gently shook Alex awake, the younger man flew into his arms and sobbed while trying to explain that Jacob _and_ Seb had both been after him. Jim climbed on top of the bed, Alex still shaking beneath the covers, and he held him close until Alex finally fell back asleep.

He couldn’t stay with him though so once he knew Alex was fast asleep, he returned to his bed where Michelle was waiting up for him.

“You knew he was having nightmares?” Michelle asked. He couldn’t read her tone and it startled him. “How did you know if you haven’t seen or spoken to him in weeks?”

In that moment, Jim understood the one thing worse than telling a lie was being caught in one. She needed a truth and Jim only hoped she’d believe him.

“Because I _have_ seen him, spoken to him,” Jim whispered.

“Jim-” she started.

He couldn’t let her jump to conclusions or worse, guess the truth, so he hurried into bed and took her hand.

“I can explain,” he insisted. “It wasn’t part of the agreement; I _had_ every intention of taking him to the airport but when I got to his apartment…” he closed his eyes and could see it so vividly in his mind. “His landlord was attacking him.”

“Alex was being beaten?” She asked.

“He was trying to… to rape him.” He whispered.

“What?”

“I stopped it but Alex was in shock and I could just send him out on his own after that… not when it had happened before and-”

“His landlord had attacked him before?”

“No! I mean, maybe… I don’t know… Alex never said…”

“Did you arrest him? Report him?”

Jim paused. He really didn’t know how to explain the rest.

“Alex didn’t want to,” he said. “And I didn’t want to force him not after what he’d been through.”

“You say it’s happened before?”

“A few months ago, when he came fishing with me; another camper took a fancy to him but I managed to scare him off… He vanished before we could do anything but Alex was in a state after that with nightmares so it wasn’t hard to assume it would happen again.”

She was quiet for a long time and he realized how far apart they’d drifted; he didn’t know what she was thinking.

“I didn’t take him to the airport; I drove him to the cabin and he’s been staying there.” He confessed.

“So that’s why you’ve been going there so often? To see him?”

“To check on him, make sure he’s okay.”

“Did you tell him to come here today?”

“I _asked_ but he said no… He told me he wasn’t coming.”

“I’m sorry, Jim.” Michelle said. She sounded it too. “This is a lot to unpack… But I think you need to be careful.”

“Careful? Of _Alex_?”

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you and now it makes sense. He has a schoolboy crush on you.”

“Michelle!”

“It’s a hero crush; you’ve saved him twice from being hurt and now he’s developed a crush from the rush of you rescuing him.”

“That’s crazy.”

“It’s true; he’s got a crush on you and he’s uncomfortable around me because of it. When you passed a plate to him and your fingers touched, he panicked and looked at me.”

“Now you’re being paranoid.”

“I’m right about this, Jim. I know I am.”

He stared at her; should he just go with that? Alex was a young man, there was nothing wrong with having a crush.

“You need to stop spending time with him.” She said. “Crawling into bed with him when he has a nightmare? That’s just asking for trouble, Jim.”

“It’s _Alex_ , Michelle. He’s known me his entire life, he doesn’t have a crush on me.”

“Fine, bury your head in the sand but you’ll be sorry if Jesse Manes finds out.”

“How does this affect him?”

“You know damn well he’ll come after you for encouraging such perverted behaviour.”

“But I haven’t done anything!”

“You tell Jesse that.”

She reached over and turned the light off. Jim sat up in the bed until after she’d fallen back to sleep. There was no way Jesse Manes was going to find out about this… and she was _wrong_. Alex didn’t have a schoolboy crush on him; he was in love with him and Jim felt the same.

But what if she was right about his behaviour now? He and Alex had agreed to not being in a relationship anymore so was Jim misleading Alex by holding him and telling him it would be okay?

They hadn’t exactly redefined their feelings since Alex had relocated to the cabin. He’d asked if they were over but neither had given a clear answer. _Were_ they over? Would he never kiss Alex’s beautiful lips ever again?

He crawled under the covers and buried his face in his pillow. Alex was in the next room but he might as well have been in Alaska for Jim couldn’t go to him again now, not after everything Michelle had said.

When he heard Alex cry out, he forced himself to ignore him. Tears forming in his own eyes until long after he heard Alex’s footsteps in the hall. 

The next morning, he found Alex asleep on the couch and wanted nothing more than to hold him, tell him he loved him but Kyle was in the kitchen, too close for comfort. He grabbed his hat and jacket and headed off to work, hoping and praying that Michelle wouldn’t say anything to upset Alex in his absence.

*

He clocked out around 2-pm to be home in time for the meal. Michelle had gone all out this year, so it was a great feeling to have Kyle home and Alex visiting for the occasion. Though he noticed quite early into the meal that Alex was quiet and withdrawn, had Michelle said something to him?

They ate until they were stuffed but Jim was conscious of the fact Alex barely ate at all. Was something wrong with him? When Alex offered to clear the table, he did it without saying a word. Jim tried to help but Alex insisted he was fine.

He knew Alex wasn’t fine.

That night after everyone had turned in, Jim slipped out of bed and made his way to the guest room but Alex wasn’t there. He searched the entire house, no sign of him. He called his mobile, no answer. Jim looked in the guest room again and noticed his bag was gone. Alex was gone.

What had he done to scare him away?

*

In the morning, Michelle wasn’t surprised to hear Alex had vanished through the night… Neither was Kyle. Jim had to control himself, couldn’t show them how worried he was.

But he’d barely made it through breakfast when he couldn’t contain himself any longer and demanded to know which of them had said something to him.

He was equally surprised when they both confessed to speaking up. Jim was appalled at both of them. Alex was alone in the World and in the midst of coping with a traumatic experience.

When Kyle snapped, accusing him of being flattered at the idea of someone the same age as his son having a crush on him, Jim lost it.

Maybe their words were too close to the truth and that was why they cut him so deeply.

He stormed out of the house, climbed into his car but had no idea where to look. He didn’t know what time Alex had left or even which direction he would’ve gone… surely, he’d head back to the cabin for his things? There was no way Alex would just abandon his guitar.

Jim drove to the bus depot but it was closed. Alex was sitting on the curb outside. He pulled up and opened the door, yelled for Alex to get inside but he refused.

Jim got out of the car and marched over to him. Alex leapt to his feet, anger burning in his eyes.

“You _told_ her about Seb? About Jacob?” Alex cried. “Why would you do something like that?”

“She thought it was weird that I crawled into bed with you when you were having a nightmare,” Jim said. “In her defence, yeah it probably was a little weird but I needed her to know why I cared so much about you.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have come here; it was a mistake last time and it was a mistake now.”

“Alex, no!”

He grabbed his bag and started to walk away.

“Alex, wait, please?” Jim begged. “Where are you going?”

“There’s no buses today because of course there fucking isn’t.”

“Let me drive you-”

“No.”

“What are you going to do? Walk?”

“I can’t go back there… with Michelle and Kyle-”

“Then let me drive you back to the cabin.”

“That’ll take hours.”

“Well, honestly, I don’t really wanna be there with them either… Not now that I know that’s how they treated you.”

“They’re your family, they love you Jim.”

“But you’re family too and they know that.”

“I was never their family, Jim.”

“You’ve always been mine, Alex.”

  
  



	69. Chapter 69

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some time passes in this chapter so there's some daddy talk later  
> ******************************************************************

It took Jim some time to coax Alex into the car. They drove the first ten miles in silence before Jim relayed his entire conversation with his wife to Alex. After his spiel, Alex recounted his slip up with Kyle and his confessing to having a crush.

He didn’t tell Jim of his talk with Michelle.

She’d approached him innocently enough but shifted too quickly, urging him to press charges against Seb. Unfortunately, Kyle had overheard the entire conversation so as soon as he’d escaped Michelle, Kyle had rounded on him too.

It became too much and he’d had to leave but he couldn’t go without seeing Jim one last time. He’d known Jim would come after him in the morning but he’d planned to be long gone by then.

When they finally reached the cabin and went inside, everything was different now.

They both stood in the middle of the main room, just staring at each other, both waiting for the other to say something first.

“Please tell me you’re not leaving yet.” Jim said to him. 

“I should; I really should go.” Alex replied. “But do you know how much a plane ticket around Thanksgiving cost?”

“Yeah, I saw Kyle’s credit card bill.”

“Jim-”

“So… the _only_ reason you’re staying is because you can’t afford to leave?”

“What do you want me to say?” Alex asked.

“I… I want you to want to stay with me.” Jim confessed.

“Don’t you see that’s why I have to go?” Alex said. “Because I _still_ want to be with you, Jim! That was pretty damn clear these past few days… Your wife and son could see how inappropriate my feelings for you are! They didn’t just go away because we stopped sleeping together!”

“Alex-”

“I hate that you keep coming here and taking me in your arms, and making me feel safe and loved and then you just leave… You haven’t kissed me or touched me since we got here and I… I want you to touch me!”

“Alex, you went through something traumatic and you told me you couldn’t even touch yourself without remembering what that bastard tried to do to you. The last thing I want to do is make you think of _him_.”

“I want _you_ , Jim!”

Alex’s eyes teared up as he looked at Jim.

“I want you to take the bad memories away,” he said. “To kiss them away and… and reclaim my body as yours!”

“Alex, you _never_ said any of this.”

“Because I was scared… We agreed we wouldn’t do _that_ anymore but every time I look at you or you smile at me or you hold my hand, I just want to fall into your arms and _never_ leave them.”

“Alex, _every time_ I’m around you, I can’t stop staring at your lips and lamenting that I’ll never get to taste them again, feel them on my skin. It’s taken every bit of willpower not to throw you on the bed and make love to you all night long but that voice in my head is just screaming that I _can’t_ because you’re not ready and I _won’t_ hurt you again. I promised you and myself that I’d never do that to you.”

“I _am_ ready, Jim. I _want_ to be with you again. I want you to touch me and kiss me and love me.”

He fought hard to keep his voice even, to hold back his tears as Jim stared at him. He’d put everything on the line, spoken his truth and poured his heart out. The ball was in Jim’s court, what was he going to do? The sensible thing was for him to leave, go back to his family and forget this conversation had ever happened.

Jim’s phone began to ring. He pulled it from his pocket and Alex saw his hesitation as he answered the call. Jim’s eyes bore right into Alex’s.

“He’s gone, Michelle,” Jim said. “I’m at the cabin and all his stuff is gone. Congratulations, you officially scared him away from the last fragment of family he had left.”

Alex continued to blink back tears, staring at Jim in confusion.

“No, I’m not coming home tonight. I might not be home tomorrow night either.”

Jim ended the call, switched the phone off and tossed it onto the couch. Alex’s heart was racing as Jim moved towards him, swept him off his feet and kissed him.

“I love you, Alex,” Jim whispered.

“I love you too,” Alex replied.

Cradled protectively in Jim’s arms, the older man carried him into the bedroom and deposited him on the bed. He lay back as Jim slowly, carefully climbed atop of him and he wrapped his arms around his neck, pulled him into a slow, deep kiss. Alex _wanted_ this, he _needed_ this; Jim understood. He was so gentle and patient and careful as he slowly stripped Alex naked, mapping every inch of his skin with his lips and tongue; the gentle caress of his touch. 

When Alex felt something unfamiliar building, he’d say so and Jim would stop until the moment passed. They took their time to reacquaint themselves with each other’s bodies. Jim’s fingers making Alex feel safe, loved, cared for.

Alex pressed kisses to Jim’s neck, chest and nipples as he moved his hips in sync with the older man. 

Alex was nervous when Jim began to prep him but he knew he had nothing to be afraid of. He loved Jim and trusted him with his heart and his body. His fingers felt different, more cautious, maybe? Or it was his imagination. Either way, Jim did everything he could to treat Alex like the precious gift he was giving to him.

He reached up, placed his hand to Jim’s cheek to wipe the tears away. In turn, Jim pressed a kiss to the inside of his palm before leaning down and claiming Alex’s lips. It was slow, gentle, intimate, everything Alex craved and _more_.

Their bodies moved in perfect sync, Alex very vocal in his appreciation for everything Jim was making him feel. He never wanted it to end; praying they could freeze _this_ moment and stay locked, connected, completely absorbed in each other's arms, lips, touch.

They remained encompassed in each other’s embrace long after they’d both come; Jim pulled Alex to him and just held him, pressing gentle, tender kisses to his neck, shoulder, cheek, lips. Every part of him he could reach. 

Both regretted not getting cleaned up after they awoke from a nap. It took a long time to wipe away the traces of their lovemaking but neither bothered to get dressed. 

Alex wrapped a blanket around himself while Jim lit a fire once there was a warmth in the cabin, they finally went searching for food and gorged themselves on whatever they could get their hands on. They’d worked up quite the appetite and once they were done, they curled up in front of the fireplace. Their naked bodies aglow from the flames.

Jim eventually found the last bag of marshmallows and they slowly toasted them. The heat of the fire made the marshmallow soft and gooey. Alex plucked it from the poker and placed the gooey mess into Jim’s mouth, moaning as Jim sucked the stickiness from his digits.

He crawled into Jim's lap, straddling him, wrapped his arms around Jim’s neck and kissed him.

“Make love to me, Jim,” Alex whispered. “Please?”

“I don’t know if I can get it up again just yet.” Jim confessed. 

“Please, Jim?”

Alex closed his eyes, nuzzled his face against Jim’s neck, kissing his throat.

“I’m not as young and virile as I once was.” Jim added.

“Please, daddy?” Alex whispered. “Please?”

He wanted to feel Jim in and around him again. To prove to himself today hadn’t been a fluke and that he could do this whenever he wanted, without the ghosts in his head. The spectre of those who’d tried to use him, to hurt him, had faded away when he’d been with Jim.

He felt Jim pull him closer before lowering him onto his back before the fire. His naked body on display for Jim who proceeded to brush his hand up and down Alex’s chest. He immediately began to buck his hips, wanting Jim to touch his cock.

But Jim had other ideas and took his time to touch and caress and kiss him everywhere else.

His cock was already hard by the time Jim was parting his legs and he waited for the man’s fingers to breach him. 

Alex cried out when he felt Jim’s tongue rimming him. He grasped the rug beneath him and screamed with utter delight as Jim worked his magic on him. It wasn’t what he’d been expecting but damn it was so much _more_. Jim positioned him just right as his tongue drove him closer and closer to the edge. Just when he thought he couldn’t last another minute, Jim stopped and pulled away. Alex screamed.

“I’m sorry, amour, but I’m still not hard yet.” Jim took Alex’s hand and placed it on his cock to show him. “Did you want me to keep going until I _am_ hard or did you just want to come?”

“Jim!” Alex hissed. The older man still hadn’t touched his cock yet. “I was so close!”

“Okay, Corazón, I’ll keep going.” Jim’s breath teased his skin as he spoke but he didn’t resume his treatment of Alex’s spoilt hole.

Jim wrapped his large hand around Alex’s cock, easing it out of the way to have access to his full balls. Jim took them into his mouth and sucked on them while Alex writhed and moaned and begged to come. 

He was almost sobbing with need now as he pleaded with Jim who insisted he still couldn’t get it back up after their previous round of lovemaking.

“I don’t care _what_ you fuck me with!” Alex hissed as he bucked his hips.

He felt himself being pulled into Jim’s arms, his hard cock trapped between their bodies then Jim’s lubed fingers, where the fuck did the lube come from, were pressing into him, filling him.

Alex fucked himself on Jim’s fingers, moving faster and faster until he was so, so close to coming then Jim’s fingers disappeared.

“Jim!” Alex sobbed in frustration.

Jim’s lips were on his, kissing him desperately.

“This time, _bebé_ , this time you can come.” Jim whispered before he leaned down and took Alex’s hard, weeping cock into his mouth. The sudden warmth of Jim around him was all it took and Alex came. His seed filled Jim’s mouth while Alex screamed his name.

He collapsed in an exhausted heap in front of the fire and looked up at Jim, who was licking his lips. Alex couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move, couldn’t speak, but he grinned as Jim collected him in his arms again and held him close to his chest. He had no energy but Alex pressed a kiss to Jim’s shoulder, wrapped his arms around him while whisper-sobbing ‘thank you’ in his ear.

Alex had never felt so safe and loved as he did in that moment in Jim’s arms.

*

The illusion was shattered in the morning once Alex told Jim he needed to go home. He knew Jim didn’t want to leave him yet. As they lie in bed together, Alex pressing kisses to Jim’s chest, he looked into his lover’s eyes.

“You have to go, Jim.” Alex insisted.

“I’m trying to make a point,” Jim argued. “That both Michelle and Kyle mistreated you.”

“Maybe so but they’re your family and they were worried about you… Besides, isn’t Kyle flying back tomorrow?”

“So?”

Alex reached up, brushed his thumb across Jim’s lips.

“Don’t pout.” Alex whispered. “They love you, Jim, and Thanksgiving is a time to be with family so I think you should go and be with Kyle before he leaves again. A few years from now, he might not come home for holidays anymore.”

Jim grasped Alex’s hand, kissed his fingers.

“What about you?” He asked.

“I’ll still be here; I promise I’m not going anywhere. I _will_ be here when you come back.”

“I think I might need a little incentive here…”

“Oh?” Alex looked at him with a twinkle in his eye. “What kind of incentive?”

His hand still in Jim’s, his lover trailed them over the covers and Alex could feel his hardness tenting the bedspread.

“You want me to touch you there?” Alex teased. “Is that what you want? _Daddy_?”

“Oh, I _want_ you to touch me there,” Jim agreed. “But not with your fingers.”

Alex leaned over and pressed a kiss to Jim’s lips. He grasped the man’s wrist and adjusted the alarm on his watch.

“If you go off before the alarm does, you have to go home.” Alex challenged.

“Fine.” Jim agreed before Alex slowly disappeared under the covers.

  
  



	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't mean for there to be SO much daddytalk in this fic, *really* but each time I tried to write the intimate scenes, it just came out... Sorry if that's not your thing but if you've made it this far, thank you for your understanding!!!  
> ************************************************************************************

He never should’ve taken that bet with Alex especially since he _knew_ how skilled the younger man’s tongue was but Jim had been cocky. He'd thought he could make it but he’d been wrong because Alex had absolutely made him come long before the alarm buzzed. It had still been hard to walk away, to leave the comfort of the bed and the warmth of Alex's arms, the taste of his kisses, the feel of his hands.

Jim had very reluctantly left Alex despite acknowledging he was right and he _did_ need to spend time with Kyle before he left. It definitely helped knowing Alex had insisted he’d stay. He couldn’t stand the idea of coming here to find the place deserted and Alex gone. After he’d tried to do a runner in Roswell, Jim feared Alex would do the same again.

He did another supply run before going home, hating that he didn’t know exactly when he’d be back.

Arriving home on Saturday afternoon, Jim didn’t know how to talk to his own family. Michelle and Kyle had both spoken out of turn to Alex. He didn’t acknowledge it though and neither did they so the three of them just continued on like nothing had happened. Jim didn’t have to put on an act for missing Alex though. As far as his wife and son knew, Alex was in the wind and Jim was never going to see him again. All he wanted was to be with him right now and he wasn’t so his demeanour was fairly sour.

By Sunday afternoon, when Jim and Michelle drove Kyle to the airport, he didn’t want Kyle to go. Alex wasn’t a surrogate for Kyle, Kyle was his son and he hated that he’d moved so far away to go to college. Seeing him a few days here and there every few months was hard. Jim had failed to protect Rosa when they’d lived just a few miles from each other. Kyle was halfway across the country.

Jim ducked into the restroom to collect himself because he didn’t want Kyle to see him cry.

He was washing his face when the door opened and Kyle came in, saw his father trying to put on a brave face, and ran to hug him.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle said to him. “You’re right about Alex and I think I was just jealous that you started spending so much time with him after I left… Like you’d replaced me.”

“Kyle-”

“I’m sorry if the things I said scared him away… It wasn’t really any of my business. I mean, if _you_ were okay with him clearly having a crush on you then that’s your thing.”

“It’s the uniform; you just wait till you put that Doctor coat on and the ladies will be flocking after you.”

“Dad!”

“I'm just saying!” Jim chuckled to himself while Kyle blushed in embarrassment.

“Look, if, uh, if you do ever find him again… If Alex shows up or just if you see him, can you tell him I’m sorry?”

Jim had to blink back more tears. Kyle was definitely growing up. He reached for him, placed his hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes. 

The one occupied stall in the restroom opened and the person stepped out. Jim’s heart dropped into the pit of his stomach as Jesse Manes stared at both of them.

“Sir!” Kyle greeted him with a playful salute.

It was the only time Jim ever saw Jesse’s lip twitch into a smile.

“Kyle, Jim.” He greeted them both rather curtly. “You heading back to college?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“So, did I hear talk of Alex?” Jesse was looking at Jim but it was Kyle who answered.

“Yes, Sir. Alex spent Thanksgiving with us because you were out of town.”

“Oh?”

“It was a last-minute thing.” Jim was quick to add.

“He said you invited him?” Kyle looked at his dad but Jim was still staring at Jesse.

“I wasn’t aware the two of you were in regular contact?” Jesse continued.

“We’re not.” Jim said.

“But you were, weren’t you, dad?” Kyle asked.

“We should go, don’t want to miss your flight!” Jim tightened his grasp on Kyle’s shoulder and practically shoved him out the door, back over to the gate where there was still forty minutes until boarding would commence.

He was utterly terrified Kyle had let something slip, that Jesse would start asking questions. Jim's eyes kept scanning the airport, convinced Jesse was around, watching them but there was no sign of him. In the car home, he told Michelle about the conversation with Jesse but she was surprisingly blasé about it. Her reasoning being that Alex was gone now so Jim had nothing to hide. Even if that was true, Jim had never intended Jesse knowing Alex had come back to Roswell, had come to visit them _again_. Jesse had been furious last time Alex had come home...

And so, Michelle truly believed wherever Alex had run away to, he was better off. She really had no idea.

Jim sighed. He still had so much to lose.

***

Jim stayed away as long as he could, even had his friend who looked after the cabin drop some food and other supplies to Alex on the proviso that he left the things on the porch, not actually entering the cabin while Alex was there.

They texted as much as they could, Alex insisting he was okay with the social isolation. He longed to visit him but only managed to once by telling Michelle he’d been asked to consult on one final case in Texas.

Every year, between Christmas and New Year, Jim would go up to the cabin for two or three days to ‘clear his head’. Michelle was understanding; when Kyle was in middle school, Jesse would bring the boys up too and the kids would play in the snow, test their endurance while Jim and Jesse discussed Project Shepherd.

When Michelle asked if he planned to go this year, he pretended to think about it. She encouraged him though and suggested it would be good for him to clear his head and try to move on from the year he’d had.

With her misguided blessing, Jim took off to the cabin and spent two glorious days in Alex’s company. He made pancakes, they had a snowball fight, Jim beat Alex at a game of cards… though the game had been strip-poker so they both felt like they won there. Alex played one of the songs he’d written and Jim, overcome with emotion, kissed him until they were both breathless.

The day he was due to head home, Jim did another run to the grocery store. He found it odd Alex didn’t want to come with him, that Alex hadn’t left the vicinity of the cabin since Thanksgiving or as far as he knew anyway.

When he returned from the store, it was to find a naked Alex sprawled beautifully upon the sturdy coffee table. For a second, he prayed Alex hadn’t tried to move it, fearing how he’d explain the secret bunker down there, but Alex was looking up at him so sexily that he immediately forgot all about hidden bunkers. His body was illuminated by the glow of the light from the burning fireplace.

He ran into the kitchen and threw the entire bag of groceries into the fridge, there was no time to unpack them! When he returned to the living room, Alex was touching himself and moaning so loudly that Jim had to kiss him to silence him.

Alex was in charge here so Jim just followed his lead. He buried his hands in Alex’s hair as the younger man lifted Jim’s shirt and pressed kisses to his stomach. He let go long enough to yank his shirt clean off but immediately reached for Alex again.

He tilted his head right back for Jim to lean down and meet him halfway. Their lips crushing together in a deep, heated kiss. Alex’s hands reached for Jim’s belt but he kept his focus on kissing him, tasting him. He felt his pants and underwear being lowered then Alex’s fingers were teasing his cock.

When Alex pulled away, breaking their kiss, he resumed his treatment of Jim’s stomach and abs while he continued to twist his fingers in the younger man’s hair, tugging and pulling, making him moan.

“Does _daddy_ like pulling my hair?” Alex groaned, peered up at Jim from beneath his lashes.

Damn, Alex was so beautiful.

“Do _you_ like when daddy pulls your hair?” Jim asked. “When I hold you in my strong arms and just fuck you like there’s no tomorrow?”

“Yes!” Alex hissed.

Then Alex was shoving him back and Jim fell onto the couch, Alex immediately climbed into his lap, straddled his thighs and kissed him deeply.

“You know what else I like?” Alex whispered in his ear. His tone was so damn sexy.

“What?” Jim gasped, breathless from Alex’s kisses.

“What I _really_ like?”

“Tell me, Alex. Please?”

He could feel Alex’s warm breath on his skin as his teeth scraped his ear again. Alex took Jim’s lobe into his mouth, nipping playfully and making him moan. Jim ran his fingers down Alex's back, making him arch at his touch and press his body even closer.

“I love it when _I_ get to fuck _you_ , _daddy_.” Alex hissed in his ear. A shiver travelled down his spine as he groaned at the very thought.

Jim grasped Alex’s hair, yanked hard to pull him far enough away for them to look into each other’s lust filled eyes. 

“Then what are you waiting for, Cariño?” Jim whispered. “Give it to me; give it _all_ to me.”


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here... The FINAL chapter before the epilogue...   
> *  
> If you don't want to read 1200 words of Alex topping Jim, skip ahead to the first *** and read from there.  
> *  
> Thank you for coming on this journey and... Well... I hope you enjoyed what you read.  
> ******************************************************************************************

They continued to stare into each other’s eyes. Both wanted it; Alex had asked, Jim was more than happy to give. Alex swallowed back a reply and leaned forward for another kiss. Jim wrapped his arms around Alex and held his body close while they exchanged heated kisses; Alex grasped both their cocks, pumping them in sync while they kissed.

“Where do you want me?” Jim asked. “In here? In the bedroom? The kitchen?”

“Right here,” Alex replied. “In front of the fire.”

“Romantic.”

“Hot and sexy; like you.”

“Like _you_.”

Alex leaned even closer so his body was flush against Jim’s and he gyrated his hips, loving the feel of Jim’s cock hardening with his movements.

He pressed kisses to Jim’s neck and shoulders while Jim’s strong hands caressed Alex’s naked ass. He parted the cheeks, squeezed his pert buttocks, making Alex moan. 

He dared to slap his ass just once and kissed the cry from Alex’s mouth.

He slipped from Jim’s lap onto the couch beside him only to have Jim climb atop of him, covering his smaller body with his, rubbing their cocks together.

Jim brushed Alex’s hair from his face so he could see his eyes, his lips; he kissed the tip of his nose. Alex giggled, cupped Jim’s face with both hands and held him in place while he placed a gentle kiss to his lips.

“I love you, Alex,” Jim whispered. “I know I shouldn’t be glad you’re here but I am because I wasn’t ready to let you go.”

“I know,” Alex agreed. “I… I hate that Seb tried to… But he gave us all this extra time together; so many more tomorrows’ still to come.”

Jim grasped Alex’s hand and kissed the palm before taking two fingers into his mouth, sucking hard on them and making Alex moan. He pulled free of Jim’s fingers and kissed a trail down his chest, pushed Jim onto his back and continued lower and lower until he reached his goal.

Alex ran his tongue along the length of Jim’s hardness, making him swear and grab the back of the couch. He took Jim into his mouth, right down his throat.

“Oh fuck, Alex!” Jim hissed. “Fuck!”

“That’s it, talk fucking dirty to me,” Alex said with a smirk before talking Jim’s balls between his teeth.

“Damn, that’s fucking hot!” Jim cried as Alex took his cock into his mouth again.

“That’s it, baby, swallow my big hard cock.” He continued. “Feel me fill your sexy mouth.”

Alex grabbed Jim’s hand and guided it to his cock, urging him to touch him while he continued sucking on Jim’s hardness.

“Careful, baby, wanna come later, please?” Jim whispered.

He released Jim’s cock and looked up at him from beneath his lashes. Alex looked innocently beautiful and devilishly seductive at the same time.

“You wanna come while I’m fucking you?” He asked. “While I’m inside you and you’re riding my cock?” Jim could only nod his head, yes.

“Good,” Alex smiled. He climbed up to kiss Jim’s lips. “I want that too.”

Jim’s hand sneaked into his hair and he held Alex in place, smothering him in a series of kisses.

“Get up.” Alex commanded him.

Jim didn’t even hesitate and got to his feet while Alex lazily stayed on the couch, looking up at him like the seductive minx he was.

“Get naked, now.” Alex said.

He essentially was but his pants were still around his ankles, for some reason he was only wearing one shoe. Jim shed all of his clothing while Alex sat, licking his lips and giving his body a once over with his eyes.

“Get on your knees.” Alex ordered.

Jim immediately dropped to his knees in front of Alex who parted his legs and beckoned him forward. Lips crushing together in another series of kisses before Alex asked Jim to get him started.

Jim’s strong arms grasped Alex’s thighs, holding them in place while he leaned down and took Alex’s cock into his mouth, sucking feverishly. To his credit, Alex didn’t move a muscle aside from the occasional groan and words of encouragement that slipped from his mouth.

Alex looked down at Jim and their eyes locked; he slid his fingers into Jim’s short hair, guiding him up and down on his cock until he had to stop. He pushed him away far enough to free his cock then he urged Jim up as Alex leaned down and they shared another kiss.

“Where do you want me?” Jim asked him.

“In front of the fire,” Alex whispered.

They moved together and settled on the rug in front of the fireplace, once again exchanging sweet, tender kisses while their hands explored each other's bodies. Alex reached for the lube, while Jim turned around then he parted his cheeks and poured a generous amount onto Jim’s puckering hole. He pressed two fingers inside and Jim released a loud moan from deep in his throat.

“Does daddy like that?” Alex asked before placing a series of kisses to Jim’s broad back. 

“Daddy likes very much, baby,” Jim breathed. “I love feeling your fingers inside me.”

As a reward, Alex slipped a third finger inside to stretch him further. Jim groaned and bucked his hips, pressing back onto Alex’s digits. He reached down as Alex grasped his cock and they both worked his hardness.

“Don’t come yet,” Alex whispered as he kissed Jim’s neck.

“I won’t, amor,” Jim insisted.

“Turn around and lean on the coffee table, don’t worry, it’s sturdy.”

“Let’s stay by the fire, love.”

Both on their knees, Alex moved behind Jim and wrapped his arm around his waist. He kissed his neck and his shoulder as he grasped his cock.

Jim closed his eyes and leaned back into Alex’s embrace. He felt his lover’s cock breach him, filling him, completing him. They both cried out in pleasure and Jim turned his head to meet Alex in a desperate kiss.

When Alex started moving, thrusting into him, Jim began to spew words of love, filth and encouragement. Alex loved hearing every syllable that poured from Jim’s lips and he thrust harder and harder while Jim begged for more and more.

Their bodies were soon covered in a layer of sweat but it didn’t slow either of them down. They paused long enough to switch positions after Jim made a comment about having ‘old man knees’.

He lay on his back on the rug, staring up at Alex as the younger man slid back into him, claiming him. Jim wrapped his arms around Alex, pulled him close, kissing him deeply while Alex strongly thrust into him.

The friction of their bodies was too much and Jim buried his tongue in Alex’s mouth as he came all over both their chests. Alex continued to pound into him, again and again, while Jim struggled to catch his breath. They shared deep, lingering kisses until Alex buried himself inside Jim and came.

Alex collapsed on top of him and Jim gently kissed his lips, brushed his hair from his face and smiled at him.

“ _That_ was amazing,” Jim whispered.

“You were amazing.” Alex agreed.

They shared another kiss.

“I love you, amor,” Jim said. “I’m so proud of you.”

Alex blushed, buried his face in Jim’s neck and kissed him. He smiled shyly, he loved making Jim proud.

***

After they’d showered and dressed, Jim led Alex back to the fireplace and they curled up together in each other’s arms. They shared soft kisses as Alex curled in Jim’s lap.

“I really should be off soon,” Jim said. “Work tomorrow, you know…?”

“I know.” Alex replied.

“Should’ve gone an hour ago… Before…” he reached down and cupped Alex’s crotch. “That happened.”

Alex blushed.

“My plan to keep you here worked.” Alex teased.

“I wish you could stay here forever.” Jim whispered.

“I wish _we_ could stay together, forever.”

“Oh Alex, amor, you’d tire of a boring old man like me in no time.”

“That’s not true, Jim.”

“I love what we have but we both know it can’t be for much longer… You _can’t_ stay forever; you need to spread your wings and fly.”

“Sometimes I think about where I was two months ago and it’s impossible to imagine where I’ll be two months from now, two years from now.”

Jim reached up and cupped Alex’s face, looked into his eyes.

“No matter where you are, how far apart we are,” Jim whispered. “I will always be proud of you and I will always love you.”

Alex’s eyes welled with tears.

“I’ll always love you, Jim.” He replied.

Jim leaned down and kissed Alex. 

Click.

Alex was the first to react, he leapt to his feet and Jim followed suit as they found themselves face to face with a very livid Jesse Manes. He was holding his phone in one hand and a gun in the other.

Jim instinctively stepped in front Alex.

“This is very disappointing,” Jesse said to them both. “I knew you were keeping secrets from me, Jim, and I warned you.”

Alex immediately stepped in front of Jim and stared at the gun in his father’s hand.

“Don’t you _dare_ threaten him!” Alex hissed.

“Alex, don’t,” Jim placed his hand on Alex’s shoulder.

Jesse raised the gun, pointing it directly at Jim.

“You get your filthy, perverted hands off my son!” He demanded.

“Jim, he can’t shoot both of us as once,” Alex said.

His heart was racing, too reminiscent of the last time his father had caught him with someone he loved. He wasn’t going to let his dad hurt Jim the way he’d hurt Michael.

“But he _can_ shoot one of us and, honestly, he’s deranged enough for it to be either,” Jim once again stepped in front of Alex.

It was almost comical, how they fought to protect each other. With Jim in front of him, Alex was blocked from Jesse’s view so he grabbed whatever he could and threw it at his father. Jesse ducked out of the way but Jim tackled him, shoving him into the wall. Alex ran for the kitchen, since it had worked last time, he grabbed a pan and hurried back. He smashed the pan against Jesse’s head and the man collapsed.

Jim immediately grabbed Alex and asked if he was okay. He nodded and quickly kissed Jim.

“Get your things, we gotta go,” Jim insisted. “Now!”

Alex was too shaken to argue. Fortunately, all his belongings were still in his suitcases. He grabbed a few things then placed his guitar in its case. When he returned it was to find Jim had bound and gagged Jesse.

“What are…?” Alex asked.

“Don’t ask questions, just go.” Jim hissed.

They both ran to the car; Alex’s suitcases went in the trunk. Jim started the engine and away they went but when Alex asked where they were going, Jim didn’t say.

Alex was too worked up and too scared to really be paying attention until the car came to a stop and Jim told him to get out.

He looked out the window and his heart sank. They were at the airport.

“Jim, no!” Alex cried. “Not like this; not now and not like this.”

“You have to, Alex.”

“Come with me, please?”

“You know I can’t. I wish I could but I can’t.”

“Jim-”

“Go inside and get on the first available flight.”

“Jim-”

“It was always the plan, Alex.”

Tears were streaming down both their cheeks. Alex leaned over and hugged him.

“Jim, no, I don’t want to leave you. Not after-” Alex started.

“It’ll be okay,”

“You don’t know what my dad will do to you.”

“I promise, it’ll be okay but you _have_ to go.”

“Jim-”

Jim kissed him then brushed the tears from his face.

“Please, Alex?” Jim whispered. “You have to trust me on this and go, now.”

“No.”

He unclipped his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Jim opened the trunk and removed the suitcases while Alex grabbed his guitar from the backseat.

Tears were still swelling in both their eyes as they stared at each other.

“This isn’t how I wanted to say goodbye,” Alex sobbed.

“But it would’ve been, two months ago, just at a different airport.”

Alex threw his arms around Jim.

“Anywhere is safer than here,” Jim told him.

“I… I…” Alex mumbled.

“You’re going to go far and do great things. You’ll meet new friends, make more happy memories, find love.”

“I’ve had two amazing loves already. I’m not sure my heart can take another.”

“Love comes in many forms, Alex, and you deserve all of them.”

Jim tilted Alex’s head back then leaned down and kissed him. Alex melted into his kiss, clinging to him ever so tightly.

“I’ll find a way to let you know I’m okay.” Alex said. 

“No, it’s too risky,” Jim replied.

“Jim-”

“Trust me, Alex, you’ll be safer this way.”

“I love you, Jim. I will always love you.”

“You were the best thing to ever happen to me, Alex, and I don’t regret a second of the time we’ve had together.”

They shared another kiss before Jim stepped away, handed him his suitcase. Alex shouldered his guitar, grabbed his two cases and stared at Jim as he climbed back into his car.

They both stared at each other for a long time until Alex turned and disappeared into the terminal.

*

Jim reluctantly headed back to the cabin and climbed out of the car. He pushed the door open and found Jesse still on the floor.

He walked over and yanked the gag from his mouth.

“You think you’re so smart, don’t you Jim?” Jesse asked.

“I was fucking your son for almost a year and you had no idea.” Jim replied. “So, yeah, pretty smart.”

“Where did you take him?”

“Somewhere you’ll never be able to touch him again.”

“And neither will you.”

Jim picked up the gun Jesse had pointed at him and checked for bullets. There were three in the gun.

“Were you really going to shoot us?” Jim asked.

“Guess you’ll never know.” Jesse replied.

Jim put the gun on the coffee table.

“So… what happens now?” He asked Jesse.

“Untie me and we can talk.” Jesse said.

“I don’t think so.”

Jesse climbed to his feet and showed Jim his untied hands, the knife in his hand. Jim grabbed for the gun but Jesse pressed the knife into Jim’s neck.

“I’m not going to kill you, Jim.” Jesse said to him. “Legacy and all… Project Shepherd still needs you.”

“Jesse-”

“But I own you now.” His tone was stern and harsh. Jim knew he wasn’t joking. “I control your every move. Your job, your family, your wife… one wrong move and I can destroy all of it.”

“Jesse-”

“If you try to cross me, step one foot out of line and you’ll regret it.”

Jim stared at Jesse. His one bright spark was knowing he’d helped Alex escape Jesse’s wrath once and for all.

Jesse picked up his gun and tucked it into the holster before he stepped away from Jim. He sank to the ground in defeat.

“So… tell me, Jim,” Jesse said as he stared down at him. “Knowing all this, that I _own_ you for the rest of your life… Tell me Jim, was fucking my son _worth_ it?”

Jim slowly looked up at Jesse. His lips curled into a smirk.

“Yes,”


	72. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a time jump to basically make it in line with the end of season 2  
> *  
> I *feel* there should be a warning for... something... here but that would ruin the surprise. If it's triggering for any readers, please know I didn't intend it to be. This chapter is told from MICHAEL's POV and I want the readers to be as 'in the dark' about certain things as he is.  
> ************************************************************************

People had been trickling into town for the past few days, though very few were actually in mourning despite the reason for their sudden gathering being a funeral. 

Michael was sitting at a booth in the Crashdown, having just finished lunch with Isobel, his food barely touched, when the door opened and a lone figure stepped inside. In that moment, Michael’s entire body froze as time stood still. Everything around him ceased to exist save for himself and Alex Manes.

It had been ten years since he’d last seen him, that day he’d driven Alex to the bus depot. His last visual of the man being as he’d driven away, seen him staring out the window at him but he’d thought about him a lot, especially these past few days since Jesse Manes’s passing. All of Alex’s brother’s had returned to town, Michael hadn’t wanted to get his hopes up that Alex would follow suit; he was one of very few people who knew of the strained relationship between Alex and his father, the abuse and not to mention what Jesse had done to him that night in the tool-shed.

He looked down at the bandanna covering his healed hand. Last time Alex had seen it, his skin had been etched with scars but since Max had healed him, all traces had vanished. He pulled his sleeve down over his hand while his eyes now followed Alex across the diner where he took a seat at the counter. Alex picked up a menu and looked it over but then he stopped, sat up straighter. Could he feel Michael looking at him? Watching him?

Alex slowly turned in the seat and looked directly at Michael. Their eyes locked and Michael’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t even pretend to not be staring, just continued to hold Alex’s gaze. His heart was racing now as Alex got to his feet and moved towards him. He’d been dreaming of this moment for so long but now he had no idea what he wanted to say.

“Hey,” Alex greeted him.

“Hey,” Michael repeated. He groaned internally.

“I thought for sure you’d be long gone from this… town.”

“You thought wrong then.”

“Max and Isobel still here too?”

“Max is a deputy now and Isobel was married.”

“Was?”

“It didn’t work out.”

Michael had to hold himself, Alex had been in his presence for twenty seconds and the lies were already spilling out of him. He needed to change the subject and fast.

“I know the thing to say right now to you is ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ but…” Michael paused. He _was_ sorry Alex had lost his father but it wasn’t like the man had been anything to rave about or look up to. He hadn’t been a very good father or man or anything… But he had been Alex’s family. “I _am_ sorry if you _are_ hurting, Alex.”

“Thank you.” Alex whispered.

Michael waved his hand towards the vacant seat at the booth, indicating for Alex to join him but not actually saying the words. He was afraid if he asked, Alex might say no. He was relieved when he smiled and immediately slipped into the seat.

“How are your brothers handling it?” Michael asked.

“Flint’s in denial, Clay’s well Clay and Greg…” Alex paused. “I’m worried about Greg. He, uh, had a lot of anger and resentment and I think a part of him hates that he never got to have it out with dad.”

“When was the last time you saw him? Was it when you came to that party for Valenti?”

He watched as Alex balled his hands into fists, for a brief moment it looked like he was fighting back tears as he shook his head.

“The last time I saw my father, he was trying to order me back to Roswell.” Alex explained. “And he was threatening someone I really cared about.”

“Your mystery man? The one who told you he loved you? The one you loved but weren’t sure you were ‘in love’ with?”

Alex looked up in surprise.

“What? You remember that?” he asked.

“Of course I remember,” Michael whispered. “Knowing there was someone out there who loved you as much as I do… Did… I mean, back then… You know? It was… comforting to know you weren’t alone out there…”

He saw Alex’s lips curl into a small smile.

“So, what happened?” Michael pressed. “You didn’t come back.”

“I… Told my dad the next time I set foot in Roswell it would be to dance on his grave.”

Michael blinked, his eyes staring so intently, trying to read if Alex was trying to pull one over on him. They were burying Jesse Manes that very afternoon.

“Is that why you’re here?” Michael couldn’t resist asking

“I’m here for Greg; for family…”

“How long are you staying?”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Maybe we...”

He trailed off when the cafe door opened and Alex’s brother, Gregory, wandered in with a small girl hanging off him. She was maybe six years old, Michael wasn’t good at age guessing.

“I didn’t realize your brother was married.” Michael stated. He really hadn’t known but perhaps that was because all the Manes boys seem to have left town and never come back. None of them had had reason to stay.

“None of my brother’s are married,” Alex frowned and turned to follow Michael’s gaze.

The little girl broke away from Greg and came running over to Alex, throwing her small arms around him as she tried to climb into his lap.

“Daddy, Uncle Greg said I can have a milkshake!” She declared.

“Did he now?” Alex looked up as Greg approached the table.

Michael was too confused to be shocked.

“Are you behaving for Uncle Greg?” Alex asked her.

“Yes, Daddy,” she looked at him with wide, beautiful eyes.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were here,” Greg apologized, his eyes darting from Alex to Michael and back again.

“I wasn’t planning on staying…” Alex trailed off.

“Come on, Jas, give daddy some time with his friend.” Greg took her hand. She pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek and his face beamed with love as she was led over to the counter.

Michael watched as Greg picked her up and sat her on the tall stool. He could hear her laughter and it cut right through him. She had Alex’s eyes.

When he finally turned to look at Alex, he didn’t know what to say.

“Cute kid.” Michael said.

“She looks like her mother.” Alex admitted.

“Except her eyes… She has your eyes, Alex.”

“Are you gonna ask or just wait for me to tell?” Alex asked. “Because people have been asking all morning and… maybe it was a mistake to come back.”

He began to slide from the booth but Michael reached over and grasped his hand.

“Don’t go,” Michael whispered. “Stay, please?”

He stared into Alex’s eyes, silently begging him to stay. Michael didn’t let go until Alex had slid back into the booth.

“Are you mad?” Alex whispered.

“Why would I be mad?” Michael asked. “I mean, I’m kinda confused. You, uh, never struck me as the testing the waters type.”

“I’m not,” Alex agreed.

“Then how…?” He paused and gave a half shrug, shaking his head. “You know what? It doesn’t matter, it’s none of my business.”

“Guerin,”

God he’d missed hearing Alex say his name like that. Clearly a lot had changed over the years, they’d both grown up but had they grown apart? Just looking at Alex caused his heart to flutter, he could _feel_ the connection between them. It had lay dormant for so long but now, now that Alex was here again and he could see him, talk to him, touch him. A part of him immediately felt like a teenager all over again; a teenager in love.

Alex reached for Michael’s plate, pulled it towards him and picked at the leftover curly fries. He’d always done that; it was like the boy he’d fallen in love with hadn’t changed a bit yet he was older, even more beautiful than Michael remembered… and he had a daughter.

“The short version is I moved to Nashville and the first person I met became my best friend. She and I lived together, roommates, for four years… and we knew _everything_ about each other; she knew all about you and all about J… my dad and his abuse. She was just about as broken as I was but it helped and we were always there for each other. Then one night, I got word that someone I cared about had passed away and I didn’t get to say goodbye… So I go drunk, very drunk, and I make awful, horrible, bad mistakes when I’m drunk.”

Alex’s eyes drifted to the counter where Greg was sitting with his daughter and he smiled.

“She’s the _best_ mistake I’ve ever made.” Alex finished.

His eyes became misty and Michael wanted to ask more but he also wanted to hug him, hold him and tell him it was okay. Alex wiped his hands on a napkin and blinked his eyes.

“I, uh, I should go.” Alex said to him. “Lots to, uh, do before the… the funeral.”

He once again started to slip from the booth so Michael reached for his hand.

“Can we have dinner?” Michael asked him. Alex stopped and looked at him.

“Alex, please? Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night?”

“Guerin, I can’t.”

“Please, Alex?”

“I have a daughter, I can’t-”

“So, bring her along.”

“What?”

“Let me take you both to dinner; we can come here if you like? I just… I wanna see you again, please?”

“Guerin-”

“I’ll be here at six thirty tomorrow night. Make it early for the little one… So, I’ll be here and it’s up to you if you want to join me.”

He released his grasp and Alex moved away from him. Michael watched as Alex crossed the diner and joined his brother. The little girl, he had even asked her name, smiled up at him and Alex enveloped her in a hug. 

He was an idiot; Alex was home for his father’s funeral… and Michael had asked him on a date. Jesse Manes’s body wasn’t even in the ground and he was already trying to win Alex back. Could he be a bigger ass-hole?

Michael put his cowboy hat on and stood up. He was walking past the counter when he heard her little voice say ‘look daddy, a cowboy!’

He tipped his hat at her and she giggled with delight. Michael’s eyes met Alex’s and Alex smiled at him. He didn’t stop until he was outside and he drew a long breath. It was wrong to hope Alex would show tomorrow night… Hope wasn’t something Michael had but right now it was all he felt.

***

He went to the memorial; he wasn’t even sure why he went. It wasn’t like Jesse Manes was worthy of his time or his grief but _Alex_ was. Michael had felt a nervous twitch every time he was in close proximity to the soldier over the years, which wasn’t often but enough, and he didn’t owe the man shit… But he wanted to be there for Alex.

Michael sneaked into the back of the room; he could see Alex with his daughter and his brothers, even his mother was there. It was a much bigger turnout than Jesse Manes ever deserved. Alex’s mother did a reading, Flint gave a eulogy. Michael waiting, watching Alex from afar. Was he being creepy? Was he unintentionally stalking him? No, he was being a courteous friend, right? He looked around the crowded room, kinda hating how many people had shown up and he saw Liz with Maria, they’d both shown up for Alex too.

Maybe he shouldn’t be here then? He could leave and no one would need to know he’d been there. It was Jim Valenti’s funeral all over again, only he oddly felt less out of place at this one.

He very slowly moved towards the door and slipped outside. Michael took a deep breath to clear his mind and his nerves. He leaned against the wall, tucked out of sight, when a moment later the doors opened again and the Manes family began to trickle out of the church. Michael shrank back, none of them were looking at him; he was safe.

“Look daddy, it’s the cowboy again.”

He heard the little girl’s voice and looked over to see her smiling at him. His eyes darted up to Alex’s and they simply stared at each other. Was Alex mad? Hurt? Confused?

There was nothing left to do but walk forward, approach the family and offer his condolences. Strangely enough, he _was_ sorry for their loss. He was sorry for all the family had suffered over the years and he did hope they would all heal from this. Greg was the only one to extend a hand and Michael shook it. When he turned to Alex, the other man had scooped the girl into his arms so Michael didn’t try to shake his hand. He merely nodded at them both before turning and walking away.

He’d spent years dreaming about what it would be like to see Alex again but he’d never considered the circumstances. Maybe his wish still hadn’t come true, Alex was home but for how long? Alex had a family; he had a daughter and a life that wasn’t in Roswell. There was no room in his life for Michael anymore… Maybe there never had been.

*

Dressed in his least stained jeans and his nicest shirt, Michael sat waiting at his usual booth of the Crashdown. He hadn’t crossed paths with Alex since the funeral, choosing to stay out of sight from fear of overwhelming him but now he was where he’d said he would be, hoping the other man would show. He’d asked Arturo to set the table for three and had requested a children’s menu too.

If Arturo suspected who Michael was waiting for, he didn’t let on but he did bring him the items as requested. It was only six twenty five but he was nervous. He had no idea what he’d do if Alex didn’t show up but he wasn’t sure what to say to him if he _did_.

The clock on the wall was counting the seconds and Michael could feel his nerves building, growing. He never got nervous about anything so why now? Was it because he might have to explain why he’d gone to Jesse’s funeral? Was it because he couldn’t guarantee the first words out of his mouth wouldn’t be ‘I still love you’?

Six Thirty One.

Six Thirty Two.

Six Thirty Three.

The minutes ticked on by; Michael stared at the clock as it mocked him. Each tick of the clock was taunting him. Tick, tick, tick. He’s, not, coming. Tick, tick, tick. He’s, not, coming. 

Six Thirty Four.

Six Thirty Five.

Arturo came over to take his drink order but Michael shook his head. He returned a moment later with a lemonade. ‘On the house’ he said. At least it gave him something else to focus on. He played with the straw, he swirled the drink, he read the memorized menu.

At six forty two, he heard the door open but was too nervous to look at whoever had come into the diner.

“I’m sorry we’re late.”

At the sound of Alex’s voice, Michael slowly looked up from his drink and in that moment, he fell in love with Alex Manes all over again.

He looked _good_. In his leather jacket, with his earring and nice jeans. The little girl was in a dress and her hair was braided down her back. She was eyeing Michael almost nervously. He slipped from the booth and knelt in front of her, looked into her eyes and introduced himself.

“My name is Michael, I went to school with your daddy.” He said in a friendly voice.

“I know, Uncle Greg told me.” She replied, eyes darting up to Alex before she took Michael’s hand. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of her palm. She giggled. “I’m Jasmine.”

He held back his first reaction. That name was mentioned a lot around here, since the town believed Rosa had crashed her car and killed two other girls… Kate and Jasmine. As far as Michael knew, Alex hadn’t been friends with those girls, only Rosa.

He slowly stood up and looked at Alex. Should he shake his hand? Hug him?

Arturo chose that moment to come over and Michael was just a little grateful.

“Hello little Princess.” He greeted her. Jasmine giggled again.

“That’s what daddy calls me… His little Princess.” She said.

“And you are!” Alex beamed as he picked her up.

Alex slid into the booth with Jasmine and noticed the children’s menu laid out. Michael sat back down.

“You were prepared.” He said.

“I was… hopeful.” He admitted.

Arturo took their drink orders and walked away. Alex looked over the menu while Michael watched Jasmine examining the children’s menu. They were so alike, it was almost uncanny.

“You came to the service.” Alex said.

“I did.”

“Was it weird? I mean, it was weird for me.”

“Me being there was weird?”

“No, the service itself was… you being there was… I don’t know, sweet? Comforting?”

“I, uh, was only there for you but I panicked that maybe you didn’t want me to be so I tried to sneak away but you caught me.”

Alex’s lips curled into a small smile.

“It was… nice, that you were there.” He said.

“I’m not exactly the funeral type guy and it’s never been someone I’d want to grieve for either, you know?”

“Why go if you’re not grieving?”

Michael wasn’t sure how to answer that. He also didn’t like that after ten years of being apart, they were talking about funerals.

“The first funeral I ever went to was Jim Valenti’s.” He stated, watching Alex’s face very closely. It was brief but he saw the haunted look in his eyes. “Because I thought that… maybe you’d be there.”

“Me?” Alex coughed.

Arturo chose that moment to bring their drinks over so Alex made quite the show of thanking him and making sure Jasmine could reach hers. Michael ordered his usual while Alex and his daughter discussed their options. After Arturo left, Alex placed a colouring book and pencils on the table and Jasmine immediately began to amuse herself with a Disney Princess picture.

The diner door opened and Michael felt a minor wave of panic as Sheriff Valenti stepped inside. She moved right to the counter and collected a pick up order but on her way out she spotted them, came over to the table. She greeted him briefly but her attention shifted to Alex. Michael watched him very closely; silently observing the exchange and he noticed the way Alex only visibly relaxed once she’d left the diner.

He pulled a quarter from his pocket and handed it to Jasmine, suggested she pick a song from the jukebox. She looked to Alex who nodded his consent. Taking the coin, she thanked him and hurried over to the old jukebox. It was just far enough away for her to be out of earshot but Alex could still see her every movement.

“So, I’m just gonna come out and say this… ask this,” Michael said as he leaned closer, lowered his voice. “That little girl, her age and all… you said you got drunk after finding out someone you cared about had passed away, by my calculations, that _someone_ was Jim Valenti.”

Alex’s gaze hardened but he didn’t say a word, his eyes flicked to Michael before immediately shifting back to his daughter.

“The way you were just then with the Sheriff, the fact the _only_ time you came home in the past ten years was for a party honouring Jim,” Michael lowered his voice further. “Was he the married man?”

“Guerin-”

“Fine, you don’t have to tell me but if it _was_ him, he was a great man and I hope he was good to you.”

Michael watched Alex very closely. He hadn’t intended on prying, Alex’s personal life wasn’t any of his business but a part of him was curious to see if he’d managed to guess correctly.

“He was the best,” Alex whispered, still watching Jasmine twirling to the music. “I found out what had happened three days after his funeral so I didn’t get to come home but I was the bigger person and I called Kyle to offer my condolences. He told me it was a massive brain tumour… and just like that, everything in my life fell apart.” Tears began to form in his eyes. “I mean, it all made sense, why someone like him would fall in love with me… a brain tumour; I was devastated that our entire relationship had been nothing but a lie so I got drunk but nine months later, I had the greatest gift I could ever ask for.”

The song came to an end and Jasmine came running back to the table.

“Are you crying, daddy?” She asked.

“I’m fine, sweetheart.” Alex replied.

“Alex, I, uh, can’t say how I know this but that tumour,” Michael began. “It was a rapid growth… like six months tops… anything he said or did or felt _years ago_ was not because of that.”

Alex blinked back his tears as he looked at Michael, hopeful. 

“I mean it, I would never lie to you and especially not about something like that.” Michael said.

He felt an ache in his own heart. Alex had spent ten years thinking Jim loving him had been the result of a tumour affecting his brain chemistry… and because their relationship had been a secret, Alex had had no one to ask more questions to. Michael couldn’t imagine what he’d gone through; at least _he’d_ spent the past decade knowing Alex had loved him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” Michael whispered.

“No! I, uh, I’m… Well,” Alex picked up his drink and took a long swig. “At least now you know, huh?”

“I didn’t mean to pry.”

“Does this change the way you see me now?”

“Why would it?”

“Guerin-”

“You were a,” he silently mouthed the word ‘stripper’, “and were in love with a,” silently mouthed the words ‘married man’ “and you think _any_ of that would bother me?”

“Look, I’m not the same person I was when we used to… in your truck, when we were teenagers… You look at me like nothing’s changed when _everything_ has. We’re not kids anymore… I have a kid.”

Things were escalating but suddenly Arturo appeared with their meals. Jasmine squealed in delight and immediately began picking at her curly fries.

“You think she’s a deal breaker or something?” Michael asked. “I have a degree and a job and a roof over my head.”

“I have to think about her, her needs come before mine and they always will.”

“Where’s her mother in all this, huh?”

“Mommy’s in Heaven,” Jasmine said, chewing on a fry.

He hadn’t realized she’d been listening. 

“I… I’m sorry,” Michael whispered.

Alex reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder.

“Jas was barely a year old at the time,” Alex explained. “Her mother was my best friend and music collaborator. We wrote songs together and even played some shows together… and were the best at karaoke. She wasn’t picky when it came to dating, or sex. We commiserate after bad dates with too much wine and disney movies. Then it happened, I was grieving, we got drunk and then…” he nodded down at Jasmine. “My _one_ chance to be a father so I jumped at it but I thought she’d be by my side and she was until a drunk driver took her from us. We stayed on as long as we could but I wasn’t prepared to be a single father so we eventually ended up on the reservation with my mom until I could find my feet. Greg showed up after his enlistment was finished and he dotes on her.”

“And now?” Michael asked. “What are your plans now? I mean, what do you do for money?”

“I’m… a songwriter… I write music for other artists.”

“You always wanted to make music.”

“And I have all the inspiration I need right here.”

He smiled at his daughter; her face was covered in ketchup.

“If you’re a cowboy, do you own a pony?” Jas asked Michael. He chuckled.

“I don’t actually; but these real nice folks let me ride their horses whenever I want.”

“Really?”

“Maybe I can take you sometime.”

Her face lit up as she looked at Alex.

“Can I daddy?” She asked. “Please?”

“Maybe we can _all_ go, some time?” Michael looked at Alex who stared back at him.

“Yeah, maybe we can.” Alex agreed. “Some time.”

Michael’s heart skipped a beat as Alex smiled at him. He pulled his plate closer and began to eat while observing the way Alex was with the little girl. He’d always known Alex would be an amazing father and the proof was right in front of him… making it as a single father couldn’t be easy yet Alex was doing it because he loved his daughter with his entire heart.

Alex asked questions about Michael’s life and he answered as best he could. His time at UNM was easy to talk about but everything that had happened in recent years was much more complicated. Alex still had no idea the 1947 crash had been real, that Michael and Max and Isobel had been onboard. He didn’t know his father had been involved in some awful things, so had Jim Valenti. Kyle had taken that news badly, Michael didn’t want to taint Alex’s memories of Jim, of the man he’d loved.

He had to skim very close to the truth or the public truth anyway. Isobel’s husband having been killed by a bolt of lightning, Alex’s eyes widened at that tidbit. No doubt he was thinking of Jasmine’s mother dying in an accident too.

“Roswell always was a weird town to grow up in.” Alex stated.

“It’s not so bad now, I guess.” Michael whispered. “I mean, that is, if anyone was ever looking for a reason to stay…?”

Alex’s eyes darted up to meet Michael’s.

Oh man, he was lying through his teeth. How could he say Roswell was safe when he knew the truth about aliens and government conspiracies and cover ups? But Jesse Manes was dead, Project Shepherd was basically disbanded and as far as Michael knew there was no one else out there hunting aliens. He desperately wanted Alex to stay but would staying in Roswell, being with Michael, put his daughter’s life in danger? How would Alex feel if he ever learned the truth? That Michael was part of the reason his dad was dead…

He _needed_ to tell him but how?

The door of the diner opened and Greg appeared. Michael held his breath, his heart sinking lower. Was Greg here to rescue Alex from _this_? He walked right up to the table and Jasmine smiled up at him.

“Uncle Greg!” She greeted him.

“Oh!” Alex gasped in surprise then looked at his watch. “That time already?”

“Not interrupting, am I?” Greg asked.

Michael couldn’t speak. Yes,he _was_ interrupting! 

Alex wiped the ketchup from Jasmine’s face and hands then looked her in the eyes.

“Uncle Greg is going to take you home, sweetheart, it’s almost your bedtime. So you be a good girl for him, okay?” He said.

“Okay daddy.”

“Thank Mr Guerin for inviting us to dinner.”

“Thank you.”

Jasmine slid out of the booth, moved around the table and held her hand out to shake Michael’s. He took her tiny hand then leaned down and kissed her palm. She giggled then ran back to Greg. He swept her into his arms, eyes roaming from Alex to Michael and back again.

He leaned down, whispered something to Alex, making him blush, then he swept out with Jasmine.

“You thought Greg was here to save me from this date?” Alex knew exactly how Michael’s mind worked.

“This is a date?” Michael asked.

“Did you want it to be?”

“Did you?”

Michael extended his hand across the table, Alex reached for it and their eyes locked.

“I… I don’t know what I want.” Alex whispered.

“What did Greg say to you?” Michael asked. “To make you blush like that?”

“He… said not to do anything he wouldn’t do… and that he’d… see me in the morning.” 

Alex blushed again and it was beautiful. Michael’s heart skipped another beat.

“You wanna get out of here?” Michael asked, hopefully. “I think we have a lot to talk about and that it should be in private.”

“Guerin?”

“I, uh, I’d like to hear about… About Jim, if that’s something you’re comfortable talking about…”

Alex’s eyes filled with tears.

“No one’s ever been able to ask me about him.” Alex said. “I _would_ like to talk about him.”

Michael called for the bill, left a generous tip for Arturo then they left the diner together. 

“Greg took my car,” Alex said. “Car seat, you know?”

Michael pointed to his truck.

“You still have your truck?” Alex asked in surprise.

“Nothing but happy memories here,” Michael admitted. He reached into the flatbed and revealed a six pack of beer. “Fancy a trip to the desert?”

“I’d like that.”

They climbed into the truck, Michael smiled at Alex who shyly smiled back. Alex was home, Michael’s heart was whole again. 

Could this be the start of a new future for them?

He hoped so, he really hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've reached the end, all I can say is THANK YOU SO MUCH!
> 
> This fic took me over three months to write and I've loved every minute of it. I absolutely understand this is not your typical fic or pairing but I adore the Alex and Jim that I ship in my head and to every person who humours me and allows me to play in this sandbox, I thank you!!!
> 
> ******
> 
> I should maybe have warned for the plot twist of Alex having a biological daughter here but I wanted it to be a surprise for readers. I hinted in an early chapter that Alex wanted to be a dad... and this way, the hopeful Malex ending means that if/WHEN Alex and Michael end up together, Michael ends up adopting a beautiful little girl thats all Alex and he'll love her as much as he loves Alex.
> 
> *
> 
> Some headcanons I have that didn't get brought up or there wasn't room to slide in anywhere  
> \- Michael was the one who knocked Jesse out at Jim's party when he was choking Alex. Michael used his telekinesis to throw a rock at him  
> \- Alex and Jim stayed in touch after he moved to Nashville. He'd mail a letter to Ty then have him forward it to the Sheriff's station in Roswell  
> \- Jesse still killed Jim like in canon but only after he *finally* fought back. Jim continued to help at Caulfield, as Jesse's puppet since Jesse was blackmailing him.   
> \- Also Michael getting his shit together is something I believe could have happened in canon if he’d gotten some closure from Alex sooner... so that’s what happened here. 
> 
> Also, I didn't REALLY put a lot of thought into how the canon of seasons 1 and 2 would have varied had Alex not gotten involved. Kyle learnt about PS from Jesse and he had Jim's letters so for argument sake, maybe he ended up bringing Liz in and then Michael.  
> Jesse's cause of death isn't important here, all that matters is that the bastard is dead


	73. Moodboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made a moodboard/collage to represent this fic and shared it to tumblr but it was suggested I post it here too so more people can appreciate it :)

:  



End file.
